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Thread: When you just *have* to make a joke

  1. #151
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    Can moons have moons?

    The real question is "Should moons have moons?" and I think any decent person would agree that the answer is "no". There is just something unseemly about it. I mean really! The whole galaxy is just going to heck.

    At night the stars put on a show for free (Carole King)

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  2. #152
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    Not much of a joke, but more of a funny aside.

    In reading Clever's Sea Stories in Space thread, Clever and another poster mentioned their lack of nautical experience.

    I have little nautical experience myself, but I was on a 40 passenger boat when the engine died. This was on a Cub Scout trip, it was carrying 20 scouts, 10 adults and 10 crew. We drifted around for a bit as everyone check everyone else for life vests. All of the sudden the engine fired right back up. It was pretty clear that the crew had no idea what the heck happened, so we went right back to the dock and disembarked. I sort of had the impression that none of the crew were doing anything that might cause the engine to start when it did. Two crew members stayed on the boat looking things over for a few minutes and then got right off with the sourest looks on their faces.

    As me and my boys walked away, a gaggle of 8 year old's muttered several comments about never getting back on that boat, ever again. Smart kids.

    The very next year, they had a whole new engine. My son is now staff at one of the camps and I hear they don't use that boat at all. Apparently something's so wrong a new engine wouldn't fix it.
    Solfe

  3. #153
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    I once spent the better part of 12 hours trying to save my sister's sinking boat. Ended up bailing it out with buckets alongside Sis and 2 total Good Samaritan strangers, and towing it to the ramp (engine was awash). Now my sister already had a very stressful life before her boat suddenly sank. At that point she said "No more" to boating or boat ownership; not that she can afford to replace it anyway, she got it in the divorce.

    ADDED: I forgot this was a joke thread. Take my wife please, wakka wakka!
    Last edited by Noclevername; 2018-Oct-13 at 02:48 AM.
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

  4. #154
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    In the DNA privacy thread there's a post about people selling their DNA to corporations. (Nothing worrisome there.)

    I tried to sell my genes once. They asked for a refund.
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

  5. #155
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    I remember stores wanting to buy your jeans. They were shipping them to the USSR (!) where they cost much more than new ones.
    Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt.

  6. #156
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    Speaking of jeans, when I was doing my field school in Athens a few years ago, there was a very good tailor in our neighborhood we would take ours to if they ever got torn. He was very well-educated about Classical archaeology and the ancient Athenian democracy. All you had to do was walk in holding your torn jeans, and he would look up from the counter and say...

    "Euripides?"

    To which we would say, "Nai (yes), Eumenides?"

    And the response would be, "Nai, 15 Euro."
    The greatest journey of all time, for all to see
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  7. #157
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    Quote Originally Posted by KaiYeves View Post
    Speaking of jeans, when I was doing my field school in Athens a few years ago, there was a very good tailor in our neighborhood we would take ours to if they ever got torn. He was very well-educated about Classical archaeology and the ancient Athenian democracy. All you had to do was walk in holding your torn jeans, and he would look up from the counter and say...

    "Euripides?"

    To which we would say, "Nai (yes), Eumenides?"

    And the response would be, "Nai, 15 Euro."
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

  8. #158
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    Do earthquake lights appear right before a major strike?

    Didn't Karen Carpenter have a song about this?

    Don't lights, suddenly appear,
    Every time, you strike fear?
    Just like me, they long to be
    Shaken by you.
    At night the stars put on a show for free (Carole King)

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  9. #159
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    Why does puke suddenly appear
    Every time I drink beer?
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

  10. #160
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    How do you make more astronomers?

    Okay, um, well, you see, when two astronomers love each other very much...
    Conserve energy. Commute with the Hamiltonian.

  11. #161
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    Quote Originally Posted by Grey View Post
    How do you make more astronomers?

    Okay, um, well, you see, when two astronomers love each other very much...
    At night the stars put on a show for free (Carole King)

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  12. #162
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    Quote Originally Posted by Grey View Post
    How do you make more astronomers?

    Okay, um, well, you see, when two astronomers love each other very much...
    Or have had a lot of beer.
    There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
    — Mark Twain, Life on the Mississippi (1883)

  13. #163
    And to make astrobiologists you cross an astronomer with a biologists.
    From the wilderness to the cosmos.
    You can not be afraid of the wind, Enterprise: Broken Bow.
    https://davidsuniverse.wordpress.com/

  14. #164
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Backroad Astronomer View Post
    And to make astrobiologists you cross an astronomer with a biologists.
    Just don't mix an astrologist with a biologist, or you get a micro-evolutionist.
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

  15. #165
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    “The Big Bang Theory Violates the Law of Gravity”. I know it’s not a popular show, but I’d never heard any critic go that far before.
    The greatest journey of all time, for all to see
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  16. #166
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    Well, it is light hearted.....

  17. #167
    Quote Originally Posted by KaiYeves View Post
    “The Big Bang Theory Violates the Law of Gravity”. I know it’s not a popular show, but I’d never heard any critic go that far before.
    I heard the salaries have inflated over the years.
    From the wilderness to the cosmos.
    You can not be afraid of the wind, Enterprise: Broken Bow.
    https://davidsuniverse.wordpress.com/

  18. #168
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Backroad Astronomer View Post
    I heard the salaries have inflated over the years.
    Can you expand on that statement? Or does that bring too much dark energy to the conversation?
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

  19. #169
    Quote Originally Posted by Noclevername View Post
    Can you expand on that statement? Or does that bring too much dark energy to the conversation?
    The hole thing is a dark matter. Let us just say some get paid quantum levels more than others.
    From the wilderness to the cosmos.
    You can not be afraid of the wind, Enterprise: Broken Bow.
    https://davidsuniverse.wordpress.com/

  20. #170
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Backroad Astronomer View Post
    The hole thing is a dark matter. Let us just say some get paid quantum levels more than others.
    I'm sure the bulk of that money goes to the supergiant stars while the rest get by on a shoe string; Theory is a mass of ideas in fusion, but do the writers attract any credit? The actors get rich and date models while the poor script writers wallow in their singularity.
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

  21. #171
    You do not want go into the black hole that is the writers room.
    From the wilderness to the cosmos.
    You can not be afraid of the wind, Enterprise: Broken Bow.
    https://davidsuniverse.wordpress.com/

  22. #172
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    Quote Originally Posted by KaiYeves View Post
    “The Big Bang Theory Violates the Law of Gravity”. I know it’s not a popular show, but I’d never heard any critic go that far before.
    I'm not sure; this bit seems to imply some violations of the law of gravity.
    At night the stars put on a show for free (Carole King)

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  23. #173
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    Quote Originally Posted by Swift View Post
    I'm not sure; this bit seems to imply some violations of the law of gravity.
    That's how they won the Golden Globes.
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

  24. #174
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    Quote Originally Posted by Noclevername View Post
    That's how they won the Golden Globes.
    At night the stars put on a show for free (Carole King)

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  25. #175
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    I'll be here all week folks, don't forget to tip those waiters.
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

  26. #176
    Tip to the waiters, get another job.
    From the wilderness to the cosmos.
    You can not be afraid of the wind, Enterprise: Broken Bow.
    https://davidsuniverse.wordpress.com/

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