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Thread: When you just *have* to make a joke

  1. #31
    Quote Originally Posted by Solfe View Post
    I think the Impending Forum Name Change thread is humorless for a reason, but several posts have been regarding the response to critics of NASA now that the forum will be linked to actual science. The answer is obvious to me, we need a standard moderator response form letter.

    "Dear <insert name here>,

    After reading your post,
    Chuck Norris
    Nyan Cat
    The Moderation Team
    BigDon
    Gillianren
    other:_____________________
    (circle one)

    has concerns about your
    attitude
    tone
    style
    logic
    educational level
    grammar
    over/under (circle one) use of capitals/punctuation/apostrophes (circle one)
    dental hygiene
    other:_____________________
    (circle one)

    The concerned party will be visiting you in person to correct these issues. If you have any questions about this FREE courtesy visit, please refer to our FAQ.

    Thank you in advance,
    The Moderation Team"
    Scary thing is that most combinations of those could apply to me.
    From the wilderness to the cosmos.
    You can not be afraid of the wind, Enterprise: Broken Bow.
    https://davidsuniverse.wordpress.com/

  2. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tobin Dax View Post
    You need a crank as one of the people listed, Solfe.
    How about a visit by a cranky BD?
    __________________________________________________
    Reductionist and proud of it.

    Being ignorant is not so much a shame, as being unwilling to learn. Benjamin Franklin
    Chase after the truth like all hell and you'll free yourself, even though you never touch its coat tails. Clarence Darrow
    A person who won't read has no advantage over one who can't read. Mark Twain

  3. #33
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    I am winning and I don't know why no one else saw this coming?
    Solfe

  4. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by Solfe View Post
    I am winning and I don't know why no one else saw this coming?
    I just checked and you're not winning at all. Go on and check yourself, you'll see.


  5. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by DonM435 View Post
    In the index, right below this topic, I read:

    When and Where is the Milky Way

    Now, I don't really want to say, "How the heck can you lose something that big????", but it seems unavoidable. Thanks for this outlet.
    You're welcome! Exactly what I envisioned this thread might become.

  6. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by Solfe View Post
    I am winning and I don't know why no one else saw this coming?
    So Solfe is really Charlie Sheen?
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

  7. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sticks View Post
    Issues concerning Flash Drives / Memory Sticks
    You're not getting any younger, Sticks, no wonder you're getting issues with memory ....
    ____________
    "Dumb all over, a little ugly on the side." -- Frank Zappa
    "Your right to hold an opinion is not being contested. Your expectation that it be taken seriously is." -- Jason Thompson
    "This is really very simple, but unfortunately it's very complicated." -- publius

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  8. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by slang View Post
    You're not getting any younger, Sticks, no wonder you're getting issues with memory ....
    Perfect, a perfectly ridiculous post! :)

  9. #39
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    As long as he does his flash driving hands-free...

  10. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by Swift View Post
    The whole Moderation Team is cranky, so that's covered.
    Probably need to be burped, changed, and put down for a nap.

    Information about American English usage here and here. Floating point issues? Please read this before posting.

    How do things fly? This explains it all.

    Actually they can't: "Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible." - Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.



  11. #41
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    This isn't about anyone on CQ, but I just read an article online which made me say:

    "We have rules, man. Like paragraphs and punctuation."

    I'd point you there but it was both political and painfully stupid; a dense wall of text with a line for each sentence and too little punctuation.
    Solfe

  12. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by swampyankee View Post
    Probably need to be burped, changed, and put down for a nap.
    I guess that's an improvement. I thought we were going to be put down like Old Yeller.
    At night the stars put on a show for free (Carole King)

    All moderation in purple - The rules

  13. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by Swift View Post
    I guess that's an improvement. I thought we were going to be put down like Old Yeller.
    You do, I hope, have your Dr Denton's?

    Information about American English usage here and here. Floating point issues? Please read this before posting.

    How do things fly? This explains it all.

    Actually they can't: "Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible." - Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.



  14. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buttercup View Post
    My sister taking anti-meat eating stances...when she's not a vegetarian.
    How does one stand to eat anti-meat? What is it? How does it relate to anti-pasta?
    ____________
    "Dumb all over, a little ugly on the side." -- Frank Zappa
    "Your right to hold an opinion is not being contested. Your expectation that it be taken seriously is." -- Jason Thompson
    "This is really very simple, but unfortunately it's very complicated." -- publius

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  15. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by slang View Post
    How does one stand to eat anti-meat? What is it? How does it relate to anti-pasta?
    Well, if it's as messy as a Philly cheese steak sandwich, there is a certain posture one can assume while standing to spare the clothing.
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    Man is a tool-using animal. Nowhere do you find him without tools; without tools he is nothing, with tools he is all. ó Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)

  16. #46
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    Maybe she's got the " Meat Sweats "

  17. #47
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    Don't add meat to anti-meat. You'll never live to taste it.

  18. #48
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    Dose anyone think it's possible that before the big bang, there was all matter in one sphere. In the begining that there was no gravity only mutual magnetic attraction. This mutual attraction over time created pressure that melted and condensed the core, and after more time the pressure started spinning the inner core within the outter molten core, producing gravity and electromagnetic or electromagnetic quantum gravity field for the first time. The gravity caused more presure and the flow of gravitons. Gravitons were trapped withing the smaller magnetic fields in matter between the atoms ect. when the core was melted it released these gravitons that are diamagnetc to start being repelled from the outter core. Some of these graviton were captured by the magnetic lines of force and they orbited up and around the magnetic lines of force creating gravities pull down, and others were just ejected between the electromagnetic quantum gravity fields or loops or free will gravitons that push rather than pull and end up as dark matter. The graviton is diamagnetic and has mass. these ejected or free will gravitons lose there charge and end up as entropy in the electrical system as Dark Matter and they being diamagnetic produce a field proportional to the strength of the magnetc field they are introduced too. As the dark matter entropy added up held by gravity and being repelled by the magnetic field. The original mass got smaller while the dark matter cloud got larger, kinda like a junk yard or trash heap. As the dm cloud got larger it put more force and also reflected back heat, heating and squeezing causing the core to spin faster and increasing gravity, untill there was a critical point with expansion then contraction. The spinning and the dark matter halo around the mother of all black holes caused the material to form in a flat disk. Dark matter was here before the big bang. the material ejected would be ejected into the dark matter cloud which would arange and condense the material, fast expansion took place because the mass that created the gravity was partially destroyed and magnetic field interupted allowed the material to be ejected not being affected by the gravity that caused it or the original gravity condition. The core that was left still would have played a role in slowing the matter as well as the dark matter cloud and the mutual attraction between the matter being ejected. Dark matter acted as a cosmic womb, again aranging and condensing matter allowing and helping form the galaxies we see, that were created by the smaller black holes that were created. The mother of all black holes ejected material many times as well as the black holes it spawned into a cosmic womb of dark matter that is diamagnetc. The new material surrounded by dark matter which is free will gravitons that have lost there charge. These free will gravitons help to build the new power lines from the parent like an ubilical cord. As they orbit around the magnetic lines of force they induce a field that insulates the magnetic lines of force and the gravitons from losing there energy to space and the surrounding dark matter and other possible em sinks. What do you think possible?

    By Lowell D. Williams VanVorhis
    But Mr. Creek, you can't suspend him!

    This is the break through we needed to explain how a solid iron Sun in orbit around the Earth keeps us from detecting Niboru! The free will gravitons deflect the photon bearing ether so that older, tired photons passed through more easily than fresh new ones!

    It's so simple! Really!


    (All kidding aside I'm half surprised there isn't a Cthulu fhtagn! worked in there somewhere.)
    Time wasted having fun is not time wasted - Lennon
    (John, not the other one.)

  19. #49
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    How did Einstein connect mass and the speed of light?

    Quote Originally Posted by Frog march View Post
    Is there a laymans explanation, that could vaguely answer that?
    Multiplication, but I suppose that's not vague enough.
    ____________
    "Dumb all over, a little ugly on the side." -- Frank Zappa
    "Your right to hold an opinion is not being contested. Your expectation that it be taken seriously is." -- Jason Thompson
    "This is really very simple, but unfortunately it's very complicated." -- publius

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  20. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by Swift View Post
    I think I'll continue to put appropriate jokes in their appropriate threads, without trying to derail the thread in question. Context is key to most jokes and this is entirely too complicated. If my fellow mods have a problem with that, they can infract me.
    Unless it's about otters.

  21. #51
    This evening talking to my niece over facebook
    me. "What show are you watching"
    her, " the Vampire diaries."
    me "That show sounds like it sucks."
    Her "No it is actually good."
    I don't know if the joke went over her head or she just ignored it.
    From the wilderness to the cosmos.
    You can not be afraid of the wind, Enterprise: Broken Bow.
    https://davidsuniverse.wordpress.com/

  22. #52
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    Quote Originally Posted by DaveC426913 View Post
    Unless it's about otters.
    Humph. Otter nonsense.

  23. #53
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    Could 1 man and 1 woman repopulate the world?

    I keep thinking of:

    When a man loves a woman
    Can't keep his mind on nothin' else
    He'd trade the world
    For a good thing he's found
    If she is bad, he can't see it
    She can do no wrong
    Turn his back on his best friend
    If he puts her down

    When a man loves a woman
    He can repopulate the world
    Even if they represent a lack of genetic diversity
    If she is too closely related, there may be inbreeding
    And an accumulation of recessives
    Turn his back on hemophilia
    If it puts the kids down.


    At night the stars put on a show for free (Carole King)

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  24. #54
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    Quote Originally Posted by Swift View Post
    Ah, yes, the little known fourth verse.
    Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by ignorance or stupidity.
    Isaac Asimov

    You know, the very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in common. They donít alter their views to fit the facts. They alter the facts to fit their views.
    Doctor Who

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  25. #55
    From an old monster talk episode:
    with the increase population density increases in Europe all the trolls have to live on the internet.
    From the wilderness to the cosmos.
    You can not be afraid of the wind, Enterprise: Broken Bow.
    https://davidsuniverse.wordpress.com/

  26. #56
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    I always wondered about that.
    Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by ignorance or stupidity.
    Isaac Asimov

    You know, the very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in common. They donít alter their views to fit the facts. They alter the facts to fit their views.
    Doctor Who

    Moderation will be in purple.
    Rules for Posting to This Board

  27. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by grapes View Post
    If you just have to make a joke, but fear that it would be disruptive to the original thread, you can post it here.
    I have to. I really have to.

    Something just occurred to me.

    The Space Launch System--SLS looks to fly in the Trump administration.

    Great--now there's two loud orange things everyone hates.

    I'm sorry....

    try the baked fish--and everybody remember to tip your waiter.

  28. #58
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    Quote Originally Posted by publiusr View Post
    I have to. I really have to.

    Something just occurred to me.

    The Space Launch System--SLS looks to fly in the Trump administration.

    Great--now there's two loud orange things everyone hates.

    I'm sorry....

    try the baked fish--and everybody remember to tip your waiter.
    Do not go there, even as a joke.
    At night the stars put on a show for free (Carole King)

    All moderation in purple - The rules

  29. #59
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    If we're allowed to post jokes we wanted to make on other sites:

    Click image for larger version. 

Name:	IMG_2351.PNG 
Views:	66 
Size:	685.2 KB 
ID:	22131

    Guard: "Alright, THIS time I've got my eye on you, Mister, so you'd better not try anything!"

  30. #60
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tom Mazanec View Post
    Could the Native American Thunderbird be a folklore of the teratorn?
    No, Thunderbirds are not teratorn, Thunderbirds are go! Everyone knows that!
    ____________
    "Dumb all over, a little ugly on the side." -- Frank Zappa
    "Your right to hold an opinion is not being contested. Your expectation that it be taken seriously is." -- Jason Thompson
    "This is really very simple, but unfortunately it's very complicated." -- publius

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