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Thread: Dumb criminals

  1. #1
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    Dumb criminals

    For some reason, this one cracked me up
    A mother and son accused of stealing a snake from a pet store were arrested the next day when they returned to the store and asked for books on how to care for the animal, police said.

    Store clerks recognized the suspects from surveillance video taken during the theft and stalled them until police arrived.
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  2. #2
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    When you are feeling down, kicking yourself for some foolish act, this kind of story will make you feel better.

    ...wow, I'm not that stupid...

    I like to go to the Obscure Store on occassion to catch more stories like this one. I can never get over what some people decide to do in their spare time.

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    That's a coin toss to me. Its either stupidity or absolute arrogance.

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    Here's one, from just before Christmas ('06), here in Albuquerque.

    (Repeat of what I heard on the TV news to the best of my recollection: )

    Two undercover Albuquerque vice cops watching for drug deals were totally suprised when a drug dealer boldly opened the back door of their unmarked police car, sat down, and offered to sell them crack cocaine. The man was quickly handcuffed and booked.

    When I heard that on the news, I laughed for a good long minute.

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    Quote Originally Posted by tlbs101 View Post
    Here's one, from just before Christmas ('06), here in Albuquerque.

    (Repeat of what I heard on the TV news to the best of my recollection: )

    Two undercover Albuquerque vice cops watching for drug deals were totally suprised when a drug dealer boldly opened the back door of their unmarked police car, sat down, and offered to sell them crack cocaine. The man was quickly handcuffed and booked.

    When I heard that on the news, I laughed for a good long minute.
    Your honor, my client is clearly not mentally competent to understand the nature of his crimes. After all, would a person of normal intelligence jump right into a parked police car and offer the officers therein illegal drugs if they had half a brain between their ears?


  6. #6
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    Uh oh Swifty, you don't know what you got yourself into when you created this topic! I'll practice self-restraint to the best of my abilities, but this is one of my favorite subjects. Like guys that rob a place, only to set thier weapons down on the counter while they fill the sack/pockets/whatever with loot. Or the people that go to the police station to report that someone sold them fake crack/pot/whatever. Or the ones that get stuck in ventalation systems trying to break into some place...or sucessfully break in only to get stuck in said building and have to wait for someone to come let them out.

    Okay, my favorite? Hard to say but probably the guy who got in a police chase on a motorcycle, only to crash his bike and break quite a few bones. He was still in full-leg casts (both legs, mind you) when released, and he promptly stole a motorcycle and tried to take off. Of course he ended up back in the hospital then behind bars after wrecking said stolen motorcycle.

    (okay one LAST last one). One of my instructors in the academy once was lucky enough to participate in a "police chase" in which the criminal was attempting to flee via riding lawnmower. Sadly, this is not a unique story.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Fazor
    Uh oh Swifty, you don't know what you got yourself into when you created this topic! I'll practice self-restraint to the best of my abilities...
    Had a newsworthy "dumb criminal" act not just taken place, in my city, I wouldn't have posted, but it did, and the thread was started, so....

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    I find Ananova a good source for plenty of such stories,
    such as
    A would-be kidnapper shot his own testicle after tucking his gun into the waistband of his trousers.
    http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm...s.quirkygaffes
    &
    Three thugs who tried to mug a pensioner got a shock - when he turned out to be an ex-Army boxing champ.
    http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm...s.heartwarmers

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    Quote Originally Posted by Fazor View Post
    (okay one LAST last one). One of my instructors in the academy once was lucky enough to participate in a "police chase" in which the criminal was attempting to flee via riding lawnmower. Sadly, this is not a unique story.
    I came upon a crash scene in Aurora Co 25 years ago. There were helicopters, a wrecked auto surrounded by cop cars, and the local radio was reporting a hostage situation.

    A couple of yahoos robbed a grocery store, they rushed in just as the place opened and started tying up the cashiers. They forgot to lock the doors, so they grabbed the customers as they came in, and tied them up too. While they were busy, an asst. manager in the 2nd floor overlook called police. The thieves heard the sirens and ran out. One sped off in the car without his accomplice, who walked over to the bus stop, and waited for a bus--he was recognized, and apprehended. The other was stuck in rush hour traffic--the police pulled up beside him at about ten/twenty miles per hour, and started an arrest. He put his hands up in the air, and his car slowly careened into the privacy fence along the roadway.

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    Suffolk Police spokeswoman Lisa Miller said: "We would never encourage the public to retaliate in these circumstances in case they get hurt.
    I hate this attitude in cops. "In the event of an emergency, please pull down your pants and cooperate with your assailant." As shown, a willingness to make a scene, whether actually damaging to said assailant or not, will likely dissuade them from pursuing the attack because of the potential attention drawn to them. He hit one of them, the rest bailed.

    Will it work every time? Probably not, but in the end, I'd rather die trying than survive on my knees. At least I'll go down feeling like something other than a sheep. Prissy, wimpish, risk aversive nonsense. One of the cornerstones of my absolute disgust with average people, and one of the main reasons when police do investigate these animals, three dozen witnesses will stand there mute after a violent crime. They get the difficult investigations they deserve for helping cultivate this attitude of quiet compliance for the sake of survival at all costs.

    /rantoff

  11. #11
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    The funniest one was in The Age (a Melbourne newspaper a few years ago). It went something like this:

    Two men recently attempted to rob an ATM by chaining it to their bumper bar and reversing. Their bumper bar fell off, and the two med fled leaving their number plate at the scene of the crime. Police had no trouble tracking them down.

    -----------------

    My other favourite is:

    An armed men recently robbed a bank, demanding that a teller deposit a large sum of money into the account details he provided. Police had no trouble locating him.

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Doodler View Post
    I hate this attitude in cops. "In the event of an emergency, please pull down your pants and cooperate with your assailant." As shown, a willingness to make a scene, whether actually damaging to said assailant or not, will likely dissuade them from pursuing the attack because of the potential attention drawn to them. He hit one of them, the rest bailed.

    Will it work every time? Probably not, but in the end, I'd rather die trying than survive on my knees. At least I'll go down feeling like something other than a sheep. Prissy, wimpish, risk aversive nonsense. One of the cornerstones of my absolute disgust with average people, and one of the main reasons when police do investigate these animals, three dozen witnesses will stand there mute after a violent crime. They get the difficult investigations they deserve for helping cultivate this attitude of quiet compliance for the sake of survival at all costs.

    /rantoff
    Maybe the police figure that, once people get in the habit of standing up to criminals, they might do the same to the cops too.

    Or, on another axis, they might not need the cops anymore.

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    Man, this type of story never gets old.

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    I'm with Doodler on this one. (post #10) Though the thing that REALLY frosts my giblets is when that hoophead sheriff from Oregon or Washinton on COPS, who became a regular, uses the word "civilian" to refer to non-police. What a self-agrandising prig. Any job where you can say," Aww screw this! I quit!" means you're a "civilian".
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigDon View Post
    I'm with Doodler on this one. (post #10) Though the thing that REALLY frosts my giblets is when that hoophead sheriff from Oregon or Washinton on COPS, who became a regular, uses the word "civilian" to refer to non-police. What a self-agrandising prig. Any job where you can say," Aww screw this! I quit!" means you're a "civilian".
    Many of my dad's friends are cops. A few of them worked with that guy before he became a TV "icon". They've all said that he is every bit as charming and fun to be around in real life as he seems on TV.

    One of those cop friends was working undercover narcotics one time when he busted a high up public official. During the arrest, they were sitting in the official's car and the car phone rang. The cop answered and the guy on the other end asked him where to bring the other bag of cocaine. It was a good night.

    A different time, he had to sell a pound of mushrooms to a guy, so he went to the store and bought some to bake up at home. When he was done he had less than a pound, so he went back to the store and got another ounce or so of raw mushrooms and told the guy they were a different type, and to let him know how they worked out for him.

    In my time at the grocery store I was involved in a lot of shoplifter arrests. I even carried my own cuffs for a few years. One night we had a guy that bought hamburger buns, ketchup, mayo, mustard, pickles, and napkins, all while wearing a jacket with big puffy sagging sleeves. The checker asked him if he wanted to get some hamburger and the guy bolted. Turns out it was in his sleeves.

    Another time we had a guy steal cigarettes. Somehow he made it out to the truck and then came back in where he was stopped for stealing something else. When the guy he was with found out he was stealing, he went to the truck and found the smokes, came back in and punched they guy right in the face then fired him. The lesson: don't shoplift when you run to the store with the boss.

    One of our store directors lived for catching people. He caught a guy one day and told him that the two backs of cigs needed to stay in the store, or he needed to buy them, either way there wasn't time for the paperwork. They claimed to not know what he was talking about. The boss told him, "Look, the checker saw you take them, I saw you take them, the baggers saw you take them. That guy over there AND his seeing eye dog saw you take them, you're not a good thief. Give them back or pay for them." The guy said he didn't have to take that kind of accusation and started to walk away. The boss reached out and grabbed his throat, saying, "Your adam's apple is staying, would you like to stay with it?"

    Another line used often was, "I know you stole (whatever) and have it hidden (location). Give it back and I won't call the cops." He then arrests them and called the cops with the explanation, "You're a thief, I'm a liar, but I'm okay with that."

    One day I came into work and there was an aluminum baseball bat in the customer service booth. I asked where it came from and all I was told was that a shoplifter dropped it. In his time with the company he caught at least two people that the police were actively looking for for murder.
    I'm Not Evil.
    An evil person would do the things that pop into my head.

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    Quote Originally Posted by tlbs101 View Post
    Here's one, from just before Christmas ('06), here in Albuquerque.

    (Repeat of what I heard on the TV news to the best of my recollection: )

    Two undercover Albuquerque vice cops watching for drug deals were totally suprised when a drug dealer boldly opened the back door of their unmarked police car, sat down, and offered to sell them crack cocaine. The man was quickly handcuffed and booked.

    When I heard that on the news, I laughed for a good long minute.
    Perhaps the perp thought he was selling to another, less honorable pair of officers...

    Has anyone followed any possible leads along this line?

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by mugaliens View Post
    Perhaps the perp thought he was selling to another, less honorable pair of officers...

    Has anyone followed any possible leads along this line?
    It was an unmarked car, and the officers were undercover. Surely, there's no standard issue unmarked car, is there?

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    Quote Originally Posted by hhEb09'1 View Post
    It was an unmarked car, and the officers were undercover. Surely, there's no standard issue unmarked car, is there?
    Around here, they tend to ues cars seized in drug busts for undercover work. THe highway patrol has many unmarked cars, bought new for use as Highway Partol cars. These are all US makes, and can be Ford Tempos, to Ford Rangers, to Chevy Suburban (or whatever the next size down is), to a bright yellow Dodge Charger (new one) with black stripes on the hood. Those ar just the ones I've spotted.
    I'm Not Evil.
    An evil person would do the things that pop into my head.

  19. #19
    there was a show americas dumbest criminals, most of the bank/store robbers goe in to case the place by applying for a job (using their real name and address), then goe back to robbank/store.
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    Quote Originally Posted by hhEb09'1 View Post
    It was an unmarked car, and the officers were undercover. Surely, there's no standard issue unmarked car, is there?
    You'd hope... but then...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tog_ View Post
    Around here, they tend to ues cars seized in drug busts for undercover work. THe highway patrol has many unmarked cars, bought new for use as Highway Partol cars. These are all US makes, and can be Ford Tempos, to Ford Rangers, to Chevy Suburban (or whatever the next size down is), to a bright yellow Dodge Charger (new one) with black stripes on the hood. Those ar just the ones I've spotted.
    In the DC area, they're Chevy Caprices. All with the same paintjobs that make them utterly distinguishable. Dark green, dark blue and maroon.

    Chevy Suburbans are now in play, with the same "GIMME YER DONUTS!" paintjobs.

    I have seen a new Ford Mustang they use to camp a stretch of new road near my place. Double lane divided road with privacy sound walls for the residential areas. Drag races were utterly inevitable.

  22. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Doodler View Post
    I hate this attitude in cops. "In the event of an emergency, please pull down your pants and cooperate with your assailant." As shown, a willingness to make a scene, whether actually damaging to said assailant or not, will likely dissuade them from pursuing the attack because of the potential attention drawn to them. He hit one of them, the rest bailed.
    ...

    Probably liability reasons. They tell people to fight their assailants, then if someone gets killed, the police get sued for telling them to fight back.

  23. #23
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    Anyone ever hear this one; a guy walks into a bank and handed the teller a note that read, "I have a bomb. Give me all the money in your drawer." She cooperates, he leaves, then she turns over the note and it was his paystub.

    My favorite was;
    A guy walked into a grocery store and to keep things real looking, he acts like he is buying a pack of gum. He hands the cashier a twenty and when the drawer opens, he pulls out the gun and proceeds to rob the cashier and run. The problem was the store just opened, he left his twenty in the cashier's hand, and there was only $15.00 in the drawer. Can he actually be charged with anything other than overpaying for a pack of gum?

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    The best one I saw was a guy who was caught trying to rob a convenience store by throwing a cinderblock through the glass...

    Except, it wasn't glass...it was plexiglass.

    BOINNG!! Bounced off the glass and knocked him out cold. I'd never have believed this story had I not seen the camera footage for myself. Almost blacked out from airloss laughing at that one.

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    Quote Originally Posted by EricDerKonig View Post
    Probably liability reasons. They tell people to fight their assailants, then if someone gets killed, the police get sued for telling them to fight back.
    Exactly. Just because of thier position, they HAVE to tell you to do the "least risky" thing, because if they say to do anything else, then all of a sudden they are liable for you getting yourself hurt/killed (People, at least here in the states, absolutely refuse to take responsability for thier own actions).

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    There was a good one in the news last week. I didn't see it anywhere in this thread, so...

    A mother and son stole a boa constrictor from a pet store. They were caught the very next day. Why? Because they went back to the same pet store and asked for a book on the care and feeding of boa constrictors.

    This one made it to NPR's "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me" quiz. They added an embellishment that may not be true, in which the thieves asked the slaesman at the pet store, "Would this book be good for taking care of a snake like the one you used to have in that cage over there?"

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    Quote Originally Posted by hhEb09'1 View Post
    It was an unmarked car, and the officers were undercover. Surely, there's no standard issue unmarked car, is there?
    Ghost cars are usually quite obvious if you're paying attention. The unmarked car is the one with more than one antenna, and the big one mounted in back isn't for getting their local rock station.
    "Words that make questions may not be questions at all."
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    Quote Originally Posted by Donnie B. View Post
    There was a good one in the news last week. I didn't see it anywhere in this thread, so...
    Huh? what? Excuse me? You may want to read the thread again, it was the original post.

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    Quote Originally Posted by NEOWatcher View Post
    Huh? what? Excuse me? You may want to read the thread again, it was the original post.
    Arrgh... I hate when that happens.

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    Nobody reads OPs anymore

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