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Thread: Being the One

  1. #1
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    Being the One

    Life is not easy when you have been declared the One. Whether you are Neo, the Kwisatz Haderach or LeeLoo, everyone expects you to be the One that makes everything shiny. Never do they think that being the One isn't all that great. A quiet dinner out with friends, forget it, all eyes turn to you when that ultimate evil is lurking outside the restaurant. After fighting the ultimate evil never did anyone think save your food and box it up for you? Who has time to shop for new costumes? It's no fun being the One.
    Just because you're a genius doesn't make you a smart guy

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    Ask any religious figure who's been tortured, sacrificed, burned at the stake, lost an eye, or been nailed to anything.
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

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    Centuries of cutting off immortals heads until I'm the last one and all I get is some lame mind reading ability...and I lose my immortality. How is that fair?
    "Back off man, I'm a Scientist!"- Peter Venkman, PhD in Psychology and Parapsychology

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by starcanuck64 View Post
    Centuries of cutting off immortals heads until I'm the last one and all I get is some lame mind reading ability...and I lose my immortality. How is that fair?
    And get a horrible, horrible sequel to boot.
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

  5. #5
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    "There can be only be pun!"


    There once was a Scot immortal
    who's French accent everyone did chortle
    With a rare Japanese katana
    which he swings like a banana
    and takes credit when heads do roll.
    Just because you're a genius doesn't make you a smart guy

  6. #6
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    Being the Dragon Reborn ain't all that either... They find out you're a man that can channel, and before you know it you find yourself digging in the Panama canal.
    ____________
    "Dumb all over, a little ugly on the side." -- Frank Zappa
    "Your right to hold an opinion is not being contested. Your expectation that it be taken seriously is." -- Jason Thompson
    "This is really very simple, but unfortunately it's very complicated." -- publius

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    Well, i guess always being called "Number Two" followed by muffled giggling ain't that great either after a while.....
    "Downwards is the only way forwards" Cobb

    Noting in science is proven actual

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    Just ask Brian about how wonderful the world treats you when revealed to be the Messiah. From his mother: "He's not the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy." From his devoted followers: "but I just said "Jehovah". ...crowd throws rocks...."No one is to throw till I blow this whistle even if I say "Jehovah"......crowd throws rocks.
    Just because you're a genius doesn't make you a smart guy

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    There can be only one---Ray-O-Vac!
    All hail his incandescent majesty.

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    We are all the One, except conjoined twins, who are the Two.
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

  11. #11
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    LookingSkyward is offline Honored Member
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    Mr. Rubble, holding the head of a purple dinosaur...

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    Poor Valentine Michael Smith, everyone wants to grok. No talking and straight to grokking for Valentine.
    Just because you're a genius doesn't make you a smart guy

  13. #13
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    Is that The One they call the Seventh Son?
    Dip me in ink and toss me to the Poets.

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    Dying by falling into a vat of molten lead. Only to be revived as a half-alien clone.

    And get a horrible sequel to boot.

    Mastering The Matrix. Only to discover that it's all a setup-by the AIs to keep humans busy while retaining the same system.

    And get horrible sequels to boot.

    Making it rain on Dune, but then getting locked into a single future path by prescience.

    And get horr... Well, damn. Again?
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

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    River is the One but she can be hard to live with onboard a small Firefly.
    Just because you're a genius doesn't make you a smart guy

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    It occurs to me that it can be pretty inconvenient to be The One in a funk band.
    ____________
    "Dumb all over, a little ugly on the side." -- Frank Zappa
    "Your right to hold an opinion is not being contested. Your expectation that it be taken seriously is." -- Jason Thompson
    "This is really very simple, but unfortunately it's very complicated." -- publius

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  17. #17
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    Then there are those embarrassing social scenes where some bubbling fan calls you the One in front of your friends. And you have to say loudly for the crowd, "no no I am just the King not the One. The One has shorter hair."
    Just because you're a genius doesn't make you a smart guy

  18. #18
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    When SKYNET becomes self-aware it will be known as The WAN.
    ____________
    "Dumb all over, a little ugly on the side." -- Frank Zappa
    "Your right to hold an opinion is not being contested. Your expectation that it be taken seriously is." -- Jason Thompson
    "This is really very simple, but unfortunately it's very complicated." -- publius

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  19. #19
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    I just knew SKYNET was Chinese software and they probably copied the WOPR and corrupted it with their Cantonese chips.
    Just because you're a genius doesn't make you a smart guy

  20. #20
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    Mmmm, Cantonese chips. They're great with duck sauce!
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

  21. #21
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    I was chosen as The One in a past life, but it was Thanksgiving Day and I was a turkey.

  22. #22
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    Then of course you have to live with all that resentment from the twos, who lets face it are a pretty miserable lot.
    "Back off man, I'm a Scientist!"- Peter Venkman, PhD in Psychology and Parapsychology

  23. #23
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    If you are, do you have to constantly endure being told to "make it so"?
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

  24. #24
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    It didn't really hurt the little girl shepherd Ann, who was always up before dawn, and was nicknamed Dew Ann.
    Last edited by slang; 2016-Jun-18 at 07:47 PM. Reason: hurt! not heard! wow. and it's still a bad joke.
    ____________
    "Dumb all over, a little ugly on the side." -- Frank Zappa
    "Your right to hold an opinion is not being contested. Your expectation that it be taken seriously is." -- Jason Thompson
    "This is really very simple, but unfortunately it's very complicated." -- publius

    Moderator comments in this color | Get moderator attention using the lower left icon:
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  25. #25
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    Then you have those dogs who think they're the One. The dogs who claim the toy and then you have to politely point out to them that being the One doesn't mean they keep the toy.
    Just because you're a genius doesn't make you a smart guy

  26. #26
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    How many 'The Ones' does it take to have a 'The Real One' spawn?
    "Downwards is the only way forwards" Cobb

    Noting in science is proven actual

  27. #27
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    Waiting in line is never a problem, being the One.
    Just because you're a genius doesn't make you a smart guy

  28. #28
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    What did The One say to the waiter while ordering His soup?

    "There Is No Spoon."
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

  29. #29
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    The other problem with being The One is that One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do.

    Plus, whole numbers are so last year. I've decided to be the 1.572981607.
    At night the stars put on a show for free (Carole King)

    All moderation in purple - The rules

  30. #30
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    People still ask me to have one, causing me to pause, stare them in the eyes and say "I have that covered, thank you."
    Just because you're a genius doesn't make you a smart guy

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