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Thread: Yet another joke thread

  1. #1
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    Yet another joke thread

    Doctor: Tell me about your bowels.

    Patient: A, E, I, O, U ...

    Doctor: Do you ever take anything seriously?

    Patient: Sometimes ... why?
    Last edited by DaveC426913; 2017-Feb-14 at 03:02 AM.

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    What if someone wants to say something serious, but is concerned it might disrupt this thread. Should we have a thread for that?
    Text messaging is a frivolous vanity feature, not something serious like vBulletin.

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    Quote Originally Posted by spare part View Post
    What if someone wants to say something serious, but is concerned it might disrupt this thread. Should we have a thread for that?
    Start one. Call it "When you don't want to tell a joke."
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

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    No call it 'when you have to say something but don't want disrupt the joke thread'
    Formerly Frog march.

    Newscaster: ... But I've just had a report that a representative of Disaster Area met with the environmentalists this morning and had them all shot, so now nothing stands in the way of the concert going ahead this afternoon on this beautiful sunny day.

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    Quote Originally Posted by spare part View Post
    What if someone wants to say something serious, but is concerned it might disrupt this thread. Should we have a thread for that?
    Or just start a thread about the side topic. I'm not sure we need an entire thread containing all possible side topics, as sometimes the side topic gets longer than the original thread.

    (as opposed to jokes, which usually die out after a post or three)
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    What do you call some bad astronomy that 15 years old?

    Cosmoquest.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Glom View Post
    What do you call some bad astronomy that 15 years old?

    Cosmoquest.
    Well, I get the compound adjective, but what's "tronomy"?

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    I just Tweeted my phone # to Clive Barker.

    I doubt he'll call but who knows??
    Dip me in ink and toss me to the Poets.

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    Quote Originally Posted by DonM435 View Post
    Well, I get the compound adjective, but what's "tronomy"?
    The science of slide trombones.
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

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    The difference between men and women in a nutshell.

    A man is driving up a hill on a very narrow country road.
    At the crest, he encounters a woman, driving up the hill from the opposite direction.
    As they are about to pass, she rolls down her window, and yells: "Pig!"
    So he rolls down his window and yells "Cow!"
    On the way down the far side of the hill, he crashes into a pig.
    Last edited by Jim; 2017-Feb-15 at 12:29 PM. Reason: language

  11. #11
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    Does the woman crash into a dog?

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    Where do the binary people go, to be corrected?


    Room 5
    Formerly Frog march.

    Newscaster: ... But I've just had a report that a representative of Disaster Area met with the environmentalists this morning and had them all shot, so now nothing stands in the way of the concert going ahead this afternoon on this beautiful sunny day.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Glom View Post
    Does the woman crash into a dog?
    Wow. The CQ software (or someone) edited my post to say "cow". It was, indeed, originally a female dog in heat.

    No, the point of the joke is kind of lost with the change.

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    Quote Originally Posted by DaveC426913 View Post
    Wow. The CQ software (or someone) edited my post to say "cow". It was, indeed, originally a female dog in heat.

    No, the point of the joke is kind of lost with the change.
    Not entirely. "Cow" is not an uncommon insult to be directed towards a woman.

    BTW, unless you're referring to a different word than the one I'm thinking of, it's just a female dog. Not specifically one that's in heat. Unless you modified it with an intensifying adjective, in which case you're lucky somebody changed it.
    Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn

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    Quote Originally Posted by SeanF View Post
    Not entirely. "Cow" is not an uncommon insult to be directed towards a woman.
    In fact, that's the way I first heard the joke. Except a police car pulled out a mile down the road and stopped the guy for speeding.
    What can I say? It was the 1970s.

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    Quote Originally Posted by SeanF View Post
    Not entirely. "Cow" is not an uncommon insult to be directed towards a woman.
    Yeah, but IMO, the escalation of insult punctuates the man's over-the-top animosity.


    “Explaining humor is a lot like dissecting a frog, you learn a lot in the process, but in the end you kill it.”
    ― Mark Twain

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    Off-topic posts moved from this thread.
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    Quote Originally Posted by grant hutchison View Post
    In fact, that's the way I first heard the joke. Except a police car pulled out a mile down the road and stopped the guy for speeding.
    What can I say? It was the 1970s.

    Grant Hutchison
    Dr. Grant, did I tell you about the time I encountered to rather large British women on my morning walk? I asked;

    "Excuse me, are you two ladies from Scotland?"

    "Wales you idiot!"

    "Oh, excuse me! Are you two whales from Scotland?"

    And that's when I woke up in the hospital.
    Time wasted having fun is not time wasted - Lennon
    (John, not the other one.)

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    Quote Originally Posted by BigDon View Post
    Dr. Grant, did I tell you about the time I encountered to rather large British women on my morning walk? I asked;

    "Excuse me, are you two ladies from Scotland?"

    "Wales you idiot!"

    "Oh, excuse me! Are you two whales from Scotland?"

    And that's when I woke up in the hospital.
    At night the stars put on a show for free (Carole King)

    All moderation in purple - The rules

  20. #20
    Can a Vampire own a Kia?
    No because it has no soul.
    From the wilderness to the cosmos.
    You can not be afraid of the wind, Enterprise: Broken Bow.
    https://davidsuniverse.wordpress.com/

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    An oldie
    C, EB, and G walk into a bar. The Bartender says "Sorry no minors."

  22. #22
    Quote Originally Posted by astrotimer View Post
    Can a Vampire own a Kia?
    No because it has no soul.
    I am so going to the warm place if exist because when the new car arrived I had to test my mother, I see you got a soul.
    From the wilderness to the cosmos.
    You can not be afraid of the wind, Enterprise: Broken Bow.
    https://davidsuniverse.wordpress.com/

  23. #23
    Why are quantum physicists bad lovers?
    because when they when they know momentum they don't know the position and when they know the position they don't know momentum.
    From the wilderness to the cosmos.
    You can not be afraid of the wind, Enterprise: Broken Bow.
    https://davidsuniverse.wordpress.com/

  24. #24
    I got a tier and a bit to re pile.
    or a tier a bit.
    From the wilderness to the cosmos.
    You can not be afraid of the wind, Enterprise: Broken Bow.
    https://davidsuniverse.wordpress.com/

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    Quote Originally Posted by astrotimer View Post
    I got a tier and a bit to re pile.
    or a tier a bit.
    That's tierrible.
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

  26. #26
    You me the tierror of comedy.
    From the wilderness to the cosmos.
    You can not be afraid of the wind, Enterprise: Broken Bow.
    https://davidsuniverse.wordpress.com/

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    Why do mail order stores hire astronomers to supervise their shipping departments?

    Because they have experience observing craters.

  28. #28
    You know that diarrhea is hereditary.
    You know it runs in your genes.
    From the wilderness to the cosmos.
    You can not be afraid of the wind, Enterprise: Broken Bow.
    https://davidsuniverse.wordpress.com/

  29. #29
    What do you call a ghost chicken?
    A poultrygeist.
    From the wilderness to the cosmos.
    You can not be afraid of the wind, Enterprise: Broken Bow.
    https://davidsuniverse.wordpress.com/

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    Quote Originally Posted by astrotimer View Post
    What do you call a ghost chicken?
    A poultrygeist.
    Why did the poultrygeist cross the road?

    To get to The Other Side.
    Dip me in ink and toss me to the Poets.

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