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Thread: Breakups

  1. #1
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    Breakups

    I'm going through one right now. My girlfriend of a year and a half said her heart wasn't in it.


    Does anyone have any "good" breakup stories they want to share? Something humorous, or worthy advice.
    My travel blog Mostly about riding a motorcycle across the US and Europe. Also has cool things that happen in between.

  2. #2
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    I'm sorry for your disappointment.

    Being married a number of years now, with only one breakup prior (I was quite fond of him), my "advice" is be grateful that she was honest and upfront - like the guy who broke off with me. His upfront honesty was appreciated and helped ease the hurt.

    And I went on to find someone much more suited to me.
    Dip me in ink and toss me to the Poets.

  3. #3
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    When I read the thread title, my first thought was to our Spring thaw, which we call "break up"...and it's not here yet. The only humor I can offer is a joke, lame as it may be:
    I once dated a girl named "Epiphany"...until she suddenly realized I wasn't the guy for her.

    I'm not a break up expert. I'm not good at them, really. It sounds like this break up might be reasonably amicable and I do hope that it is. My last marriage/divorce wasn't. Toxic is a better word for it. The lesson I learned from that was to take responsibility for my buttons. Much easier said than done of course but not letting her push them relieved a lot of anger and pain on my part and took a lot of wind out of her sails. I also began to understand that I had more than a little say in where and how I landed after coming out the other side of it—that I didn't have to wallow in a bitter, resentful place. Been there, done that.
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  4. #4
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    File under funny, as it wasn't my breakup. I've told this one, ad nauseum, but it is really kind of funny in a warped way.

    I had a neighbor that I found very attractive. She was rather hot and cold towards me. Sometimes she was very friendly and would stop by my house when she saw me grilling. Other times she would simply ignore me or worse, turn down an invitation for beer and burnt stuff. One evening she stayed late, hanging out with me and several of our mutual friends on the porch. While cleaning up afterwards, I noticed she left her glasses on the railing near the rose bushes. The two items clicked and I had one of the worst ideas of my life. I cut some roses, gathered up the glasses and set my alarm for 5:30 am. The next morning, I walked next door carrying breakfast, a pair of glasses and fast talked her roommate into letting me in to her bedroom. I returned her glasses, served her breakfast in bed and gave her a kiss on the forehead.

    I figured if this went wrong, I could simply move back home with my parents. It did go wrong, but not here.

    About six months later, my new next door neighbor girlfriend was back to running hot and cold again. Some days she'd stop by my house after work and other days she would glance over and ignore me. Frustrated, I decided if a bad idea worked once, it should work twice. I made breakfast again. Except this time I enough for both of us. And this time I had my own key to let myself into her apartment.

    On my way up the stairs, I heard yelling. I thought it was her roommate and her boyfriend. It wasn't. I was treated to the words: "If you want to get married, you need to start following up on these plans..." as I opened the door.

    Ah, yes. My new girlfriend of six months had a boyfriend. A boyfriend that bought her a ring, which made him more than just a boyfriend. Obviously, the engagement was not going to anyone's liking, myself included. I didn't like this situation at all. I could have closed the door and simply walked away. But, hey! I have the best worst ideas.

    I sat them down on the couch and served them breakfast. They were perplexed to say the least. I left them to consider the eggs and pancakes while I started the coffee brewing. My girlfriend desisted coffee and her fiancé said so. I politely failed to mention that I liked coffee and was the owner of the coffee pot in her kitchen. I couldn't help but notice the roommate and her boyfriend, who was actually not her boyfriend, but a completely random guy that she picked up the bar the night before, which everyone politely tried to ignore because it happened so often, exited down the back stairway. I should mention that they were debating entering the living room to retrieve their car keys, but nixed it as foolish.

    The coffee took forever to brew and I served them both a cup. My girlfriend started to protest that she didn't like coffee, which made me raise an eyebrow. There was a lot not to like about the situation, coffee wasn't high on my agenda. But I relented and took the coffee cup myself. I tucked the tray under my arm and let myself out.

    Now this is the part where things go wrong. I am pretty good at physical humor and deadpan, but not so great at verbalizing things. I made the mistake of looking back. The fiancé said something to the effect of, "Who was that?" I answered "The guy who will be here tonight."

    If you want a really special way of being beaten up, try standing on the edge of a flight of stair with serving tray and hot cup of coffee in your hands. I promise you, I didn't touch a single stair all the way down.

    There was an incredible ruckus at the bottom of the stairs as I got myself out this painful and violent situation. It doesn't bear reliving, but you need to know that I knocked the guy down inside the stairway and let the door close.

    Let's go back to my girlfriend. She exited the same way her roommate did. Down the back stairs. Except she managed it carrying a china plate of pancakes and eggs in her nightgown. I was out of bacon. We nearly collided as she ran down the driveway. We ran up my driveway, into my apartment and to the window to watch her fiancé prowl around looking for us. He was completely befuddled as to how we could have disappeared so quickly. It appears that he even stopped to ask the roommate and her boyfriend where we went, as they sat in his car with no car keys. Then the police arrived and asked them all to leave.

    That was the strangest breakfast and relationship I have ever had.

    The followup: Our relationship, which stumbled on for a better part of a year, was not helped by her friends referring to me as "OH MY GAWD! BREAKFAST BOY?". Yes, they said it all caps with that exact punctuation.
    Last edited by Solfe; 2017-Mar-14 at 11:20 PM.
    Solfe, Dominus Maris Pavos.

  5. #5
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    Nothing "good" will be found in what was.

    That was page 26 of the adventure that is your life.
    What happens on page 27?

  6. #6
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    Solfe, I am shocked you were out of bacon.
    ...I'm still free, you can't take the sky from me.
    You cannot run away from the truth, the world is not big enough. DI Jack Frost
    Don't Panic THGTTG
    Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. Einstein
    http://davidsuniverse.wordpress.com/

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by astrotimer View Post
    Solfe, I am shocked you were out of bacon.
    Things might have gone better with bacon.
    Solfe, Dominus Maris Pavos.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by DaveC426913 View Post
    Nothing "good" will be found in what was.

    That was page 26 of the adventure that is your life.
    What happens on page 27?
    Page 27. How I met my wife.

    She was in nursing school and working in a copy center. It was my job to train her. She went of to break and I tried to grab a stack of copies off the machine. I wasn't paying attention and the stapler got me. Except it wasn't staple, it was a wire that the machine cut in the shape of a staple. The boss said "Jen a nurse! I'll go get her!" She came out and gave me a look like "I'm not a real nurse, I started school last week. I so do not want this... garbage." and went back to lunch.

    I still have the scar and the wife.
    Solfe, Dominus Maris Pavos.

  9. #9
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    When I was in grade 9 a person a grew up with decided to take a girl in the woods for a wienee roast without any hot dogs. After they get comfortable he decides to get the wiener out of the package. She was so upset she got up and snap a bunch of saplings on the way out. I was watching Doctor Who at the time and just edned and I heard a knock on the window. Him and a couple of friends go to show me the damage. My families land surround his families land on two sides and he had the fire just on our side of the property line. We were there at night with flashlights in the woods.

    I don't have any breakup stories to to tell Crosscountry but hopefully you will find someone else.
    ...I'm still free, you can't take the sky from me.
    You cannot run away from the truth, the world is not big enough. DI Jack Frost
    Don't Panic THGTTG
    Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. Einstein
    http://davidsuniverse.wordpress.com/

  10. #10
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    Have you heard NFB by Anthrax? Always cheers me up.
    Et tu BAUT? Quantum mutatus ab illo.

  11. #11
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    No cheating, no kids and a clear reason given? It's still a break up and it will never feel good, but that is as good as it gets. I can't help you with the sadness and such, but as for the rest of the situation: see it as an opportunity. An opportunity to live (the good part of) the single life. Or, to find someone else who is a better match.

    My break up was nasty. No kids, but do tick all the other boxes and then some. 10 years down the road, I'm much better off than if that break up had never happened.

  12. #12
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    I had a woman breakup with me because I cheated on her. Years later, I ran into the same woman in a bar. After a few drinks she asked: "Was her name really Karma?" When I said yes, she flipped me off.

    Never did that again.
    Solfe, Dominus Maris Pavos.

  13. #13
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    Oh, I am full of funny today.

    My psych teacher taught her class across the room from her ex husband who was also a psych teacher. One day, the ex was lecturing with the door open while we were taking a test on the very same material.
    My teacher stormed into the hall and shouted: "No only are you wrong, you are three days behind my class because you are small! And slow!"
    I giggled which didn't make things better.

    Do not get caught between two angry dev psych teachers.
    Solfe, Dominus Maris Pavos.

  14. #14
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    I don't have any advice or funny break-up stories but I am sorry. That has to hurt but she did the right thing. If her heart is not in it, she can't possibly give you what you deserve. I've read your stories, you lead an interesting life, you're smart and funny. We now know you do laundry, so that's a plus. I'm already on record as saying you are a good looking guy. When your are ready to get back into it, I am sure you will have no problem, at all. Just hang in there and <hugs>.

  15. #15
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    Thanks for the encouragement and stories everyone. I know that things will get better, and it's good hearing what you have to say.
    My travel blog Mostly about riding a motorcycle across the US and Europe. Also has cool things that happen in between.

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