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Thread: Text of Novel: The Burning Dark

  1. #31
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    AIEEE! I reached the end!! DAVE!! AAHH!!

    CJSF
    "I found my mind on the ground below. I was looking down, it was looking back.
    I was in the sky, all dressed in black.
    See the constellation ride across the sky. No cigar, no lady on his arm.
    Just a guy made of dots and lines."
    -They Might Be Giants, "See The Constellation"

    lonelybirder.org

  2. #32
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    Double check for simple spelling/grammar errors, too, BTW. I don't have the page numbers handy, but in the last chapter or two, I noted one spelling of Crew (the man) and crew, and one instance of you calling Jashie "Kashie" instead. I also saw a Cassidy in there... was that the given name of one of the characters called something else? I know Carly is Carlito, and Nate is Natasha... but I couldn't recall a Cassidy? Again, I don't have the text handy, so I can't look back to check.

    CJSF
    "I found my mind on the ground below. I was looking down, it was looking back.
    I was in the sky, all dressed in black.
    See the constellation ride across the sky. No cigar, no lady on his arm.
    Just a guy made of dots and lines."
    -They Might Be Giants, "See The Constellation"

    lonelybirder.org

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by CJSF View Post
    Double check for simple spelling/grammar errors, too, BTW. I don't have the page numbers handy, but in the last chapter or two, I noted one spelling of Crew (the man) and crew, and one instance of you calling Jashie "Kashie" instead. I also saw a Cassidy in there... was that the given name of one of the characters called something else? I know Carly is Carlito, and Nate is Natasha... but I couldn't recall a Cassidy? Again, I don't have the text handy, so I can't look back to check.

    CJSF
    Yes; as I mentioned above one of the characters' names was changed; Ctl-F missed a couple of variations. Also, Elias is referred to by his full name a few times - Elias Cassidy. If it was forgotten, I'd better add a 'Mr.' in there once in a while.

    One other thing:
    Quote Originally Posted by CJSF View Post
    You have a tendency to slip into referring to Renee as "the blonde" intermittently. It's a bit distracting and seems ... anachronistic? .. somehow. In fact, a lot of your cultural references seem more retro than futuristic. I get your attempts to "normalize" homosexual relationships, but it doesn't seem to jibe with the rest of the crews' - and Wilson's - speech, attitudes, and points of view, somehow. As I briefly touched upon earlier, I'm not sure if it's me trying to project my vision of the future onto your story or not. It might totally be. But I couldn't not mention it to you.

    CJSF
    This is a serious issue - I'm not trying to 'normalize' anything; homosexuality is normal, in this time to say nothing of the future. Lawrence and Carlito aren't a 'gay couple', they're just a couple. That does not, of course, change the fact that people are people and people have their own opinions; be that their fellow characters or the reader. If you see examples of spots where the rest of the crew - and as you say especially Wilson - do not 'jibe' with this, please point them out, it needs to be looked at. There is one homophobe on the crew and... (spoiler)
    Spoiler: (Highlight this box to see the hidden message.)
    the extent of his prejudice is a serious consideration in the mystery.


    Quote Originally Posted by CJSF View Post
    AIEEE! I reached the end!! DAVE!! AAHH!!

    CJSF
    Excellent - I'm very pleased. If you want to take a crack at solving the mystery I'd be thrilled - just spoiler out your suppositions.
    Last edited by NorthernDevo; 2017-Apr-07 at 04:15 PM.
    "The difference between theory and practice is that in theory, there's no difference."

    "Aikido: the art of hitting people with planets."

  4. #34
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    I didn't mean homosexuality wasn't normal. Normalizing is still yet to happen for a large segment of the population, especially in the US. That is, it's still seen as an outlier and "other". I apologize for a poor choice of words, as I meant to disrespect, just trying to sort out the way you've envisioned the future.

    I somehow missed Cassidy was Eli's last name, but yeah, maybe make sure your reference to it makes sense.

    As far as characters "jibing" with things. I guess I always just take it for granted that a certain change in tolerance for what's recently been considered "abnormal" or "wrong" - like homosexuality or levels of nudity - would come in a certain packaged deal in the future. So some of the sexist (even in jest) comments and verbal sparring to me seems out of place. That's why I have been saying that it may be my vision of the future. I may assume things a different way than you.

    The only other small issue I have is that you take a closer (I know, you've probably been doing this relentlessly) look at Wilson's character presentation. There may be things about her that you know, but we don't. Without some sort of bridging, her behavior does seem to be immature at times, and even flighty, but then she's all swagger and cyborg and "grown up". I know people can do this in "real life", but for a character of her caliber, it could seem a bit out of place or uneven. I am not suggesting you change her all that much, or at all if you're happy with how she's presented. I'm picking nits and just bringing up points that I think you could look a little closer at, even if you don't think anything needs to change.

    I like the story a lot! After some of that trimming and clean-up you mentioned you already know you have to do, I think you really have something here.

    But... WHODUNNIT?!?!??!?!?!!

    CJSF
    "I found my mind on the ground below. I was looking down, it was looking back.
    I was in the sky, all dressed in black.
    See the constellation ride across the sky. No cigar, no lady on his arm.
    Just a guy made of dots and lines."
    -They Might Be Giants, "See The Constellation"

    lonelybirder.org

  5. #35
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    Spoiler: (Highlight this box to see the hidden message.)

    I think it's a collaboration between Jashie and Chuck. I don't know how she managed (maybe she's a functional user - she is amazingly strong and enduring for her size), but I think she got Chuck back on Fine. Either she used him to get the demolition equipment, or he found out and she shut him up. He's also a better driver than her, of the buses, which would have been required. I know that sort of makes no sense, given that Wilson drove out there with minimal training, but that's the best I can come up with for now. Oh, plus Dixon was swearing at a woman. I don't think he would have lapsed into the "opposite gender" banter under those circumstances. So I think Jashie is part of it no matter what else. And she did admit to being out at the Upline with Dixon last. That's just too suspicious.


    CJSF
    "I found my mind on the ground below. I was looking down, it was looking back.
    I was in the sky, all dressed in black.
    See the constellation ride across the sky. No cigar, no lady on his arm.
    Just a guy made of dots and lines."
    -They Might Be Giants, "See The Constellation"

    lonelybirder.org

  6. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by CJSF View Post
    as I meant to disrespect
    Whoops! T substituted for N. Changes things a bit.
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

  7. #37
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    D'oh!!! Yes, I meant NO disrespect!!

    CJSF

    Sent from my LGLS755 using Tapatalk
    "I found my mind on the ground below. I was looking down, it was looking back.
    I was in the sky, all dressed in black.
    See the constellation ride across the sky. No cigar, no lady on his arm.
    Just a guy made of dots and lines."
    -They Might Be Giants, "See The Constellation"

    lonelybirder.org

  8. #38
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    Lol to quote a famous N'Yawker, is that your...final answer?

    Sent from my SM-G903W using Tapatalk
    "The difference between theory and practice is that in theory, there's no difference."

    "Aikido: the art of hitting people with planets."

  9. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by NorthernDevo View Post
    Lol to quote a famous N'Yawker, is that your...final answer?

    Sent from my SM-G903W using Tapatalk
    Yes!
    ?

    CJSF
    "I found my mind on the ground below. I was looking down, it was looking back.
    I was in the sky, all dressed in black.
    See the constellation ride across the sky. No cigar, no lady on his arm.
    Just a guy made of dots and lines."
    -They Might Be Giants, "See The Constellation"

    lonelybirder.org

  10. #40
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    Chuckle - well; that's the last I'll try Tapatalk until I'm more familiar with it, it's kind of cumbersome.
    I'm not putting the reveal (the rest of the book) up for a couple of weeks yet; I'm hoping other people reading it will chime in with their thoughts. Part of the reason I've put this up here is the hope that people will discuss the mystery and see if they can solve it - that's an important part of the novel.

    I will give a hint though...I can say that while I will be delighted if and when the mystery is solved, I'm quite thrilled when people wander off on one or two of the numerous side-paths I've laid down.
    "The difference between theory and practice is that in theory, there's no difference."

    "Aikido: the art of hitting people with planets."

  11. #41
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    I think the ... bookkeeping issue ... is tangential to the murders, at least as I see it. I suppose that's part of the "fun" for Wilson - cutting through the ancillary and unrelated things, whether deliberately or accidentally obfuscating the heart of the matter.

    CJSF
    "I found my mind on the ground below. I was looking down, it was looking back.
    I was in the sky, all dressed in black.
    See the constellation ride across the sky. No cigar, no lady on his arm.
    Just a guy made of dots and lines."
    -They Might Be Giants, "See The Constellation"

    lonelybirder.org

  12. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by CJSF View Post
    I think the ... bookkeeping issue ... is tangential to the murders, at least as I see it. I suppose that's part of the "fun" for Wilson - cutting through the ancillary and unrelated things, whether deliberately or accidentally obfuscating the heart of the matter.

    CJSF
    Chuckle - I suppose the serious question is what - as a first-time author - I made a mistake on, what is unnecessary and what is crucial to the mystery? While I cannot speak to my writing skill - that is for others to determine - I can say I was very, very specific on the clues, evidence and interviews recorded by the investigating officer.
    "The difference between theory and practice is that in theory, there's no difference."

    "Aikido: the art of hitting people with planets."

  13. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by CJSF View Post
    I suggest having at least a couple of women read this and give you feedback (not necessarily on the forum), too. With such a strong leading woman, it might be good to know how Wilson and her interaction with the other characters "reads" to women.

    I'll say this so far. Your Venus scares the living criminies out of me. Knowing it's not significantly different than the "real" Venus scares me even more.

    CJSF
    This is a few days old but my conscience is pressing me to respond - I've gotten to the point where I can't stay silent without exploding. You are 'suggesting' I have women look at it? Should that dismiss my GF, two artists, one gymnast/bodybuilder, several writers and a number of physical-science researchers who happen to be female and have been involved in the project for close to seven years?
    Women have been involved in the project from day One - and not for their gender. I take the advice of the smart, the experienced and the artistic. In this project, those skills have been filled by women; women who are brilliant, creative, subtle and joyful; they have helped me create a leading lady who is fun, exciting and thrilling. I am the writer of this adventure, but the help I receive from my advisors makes this a much better story.
    Last edited by NorthernDevo; 2017-Apr-08 at 06:19 AM.
    "The difference between theory and practice is that in theory, there's no difference."

    "Aikido: the art of hitting people with planets."

  14. #44
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    To paraphrase: "You've blown a transaxle! Ease down, Ripley! Ease down!"

    CJSF

    Sent from my LGLS755 using Tapatalk
    "I found my mind on the ground below. I was looking down, it was looking back.
    I was in the sky, all dressed in black.
    See the constellation ride across the sky. No cigar, no lady on his arm.
    Just a guy made of dots and lines."
    -They Might Be Giants, "See The Constellation"

    lonelybirder.org

  15. #45
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    <inevitable> The butler did it. </inevitable>
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

  16. #46
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    I'm going back through the interviews and such again, but I think I'm sticking with my main resolution, above at least for now. If anyone else gets to the end and wants to spoiler-tag a discussion, I'm ready.

    Dave - I'm sorry for getting your hackles raised a bit. This is a good story, just a few edits away from being excellent, I think. I'm looking forward to more of Wilson's stories, too.

    CJSF
    "I found my mind on the ground below. I was looking down, it was looking back.
    I was in the sky, all dressed in black.
    See the constellation ride across the sky. No cigar, no lady on his arm.
    Just a guy made of dots and lines."
    -They Might Be Giants, "See The Constellation"

    lonelybirder.org

  17. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by NorthernDevo View Post
    Lawrence and Carlito aren't a 'gay couple', they're just a couple.
    Silent Bob had a great phrase for Jay.
    He would introduce him as "my heterosexual life partner."



    Heck, you could even have some fun making the film reference in-story.

    "He's my heterosexual life partner."
    She couldn't resist a wry smile, "Like Jay and Silent Bob?"
    "What?"
    "I like old filmies."

  18. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by NorthernDevo View Post
    It hurts though because Crew is a wonderful character IMO - one of my best and I like talking about him. Still, it'll be much more effective if readers make their own opinion about him - and that opinion matches mine. I think I know where to add it in.
    Right, but that's the primary advantage of a novel over a short story. A novel gives you the room to develop nuanced characters at leisure i.e. over the course of the story.

    Quote Originally Posted by NorthernDevo View Post
    In a word, yes. I would hesitate to use the word 'immature'; I would instead say 'scared stiff'
    Scared stiff certainly jives better with her character than pouting, IMO.

    Quote Originally Posted by NorthernDevo View Post
    I get where you're coming from but in this case I'm less certain, because that's exactly what she's doing. The line is a stock one taken straight out of the standard police handbook; any cop will use it or similar a dozen times a day. It's a riposte designed to put the opponent on the defensive and it's very effective.

    The point of the entire confrontation - aside from the explanations which I'll have to find another place for - is to show that while it starts out as a confrontation, she's able to turn it almost instantly to her own advantage. Kylie's MO, as we see throughout, is the same in either physical or verbal conflict: Aikido. Take the opponent's energy, turn it to her advantage, make their attack benefit her, not them. Encourage cooperation by making attack hurt more.
    Yep. I get that fully. It just sort of flies in the face of her earlier stated desire to get them comfortable with her, and become part of their ecosphere.

    What if you inserted a quick line showing the shift in her tactics?
    "She would have liked to earn their trust more, but she fdid have a job to do, and it wasn't a pleasant one."

  19. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by NorthernDevo View Post
    - it's basically nothing more than a foot of a much, much larger machine: Refinery 117; a massive structure whose main body rides just above the cloud base 25kms. up. My intent - which clearly failed - was to have Midway (the colloquial name) as a brooding, unseen presence somewhere above, just out of view in the darkness; the thought that for all they're doing, the characters are little more than ants scurrying around the feet of this thing. And then that 117 itself (All refineries are called 'Midway' by their crews) is nothing more than one small cog in a huge logistical machine covering the planet - there's 240 of these things with more being built; with all the massive infrastructure and logistics needed to run the entire operation.

    The question is how to pass on that information without unnecessary exposition - that's a poser.
    A rule of thumb is: if it's relevant to the plot, it needs to play out in a scene.

    If the information about the larger context is important to the story then the best way to impart it is by making it into a scene - one where the industry context is played out through character interaction.

    It doesn't have to be big, what about a face-to-face communique with some bigwig? Say he's calling Priority One to hand down some fiat/threat or something - something that drives the plot forward:
    - setting a deadline,
    - declaration that we're sending a corporate ship to kick some butt,
    - we're thinking of docking your bonuses for this delay*** after all, you're just one cog in a giant machine you know.

    Whatever the scene is, it needs to accomplish at least two things (bonus points if you accomplish three):
    1] to drive the plot forward somehow - to be relevant.
    2] to provide a viewport (literally as well as figuratively) into the giant machinations behind the industry. Stuff happening the background, a Panorama behind the bigwig of giant, busy shipyards, etc.3]

    3]*** actually, this is a good one - it ties in another plot point - the fear of the loss of bonus. You could even have the Priority call be the trigger/introduction that initiates the entire discussion the crew had about bonuses. (Their 'criminal record' conversation is interrupted by the call, shifting the focus to bonuses).

    The more plot points you can hit in a given scene full of action, the faster pace you can set for the plot.
    Last edited by DaveC426913; 2017-Apr-09 at 05:54 AM.

  20. 2017-Apr-09, 06:04 AM
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    Not appropriate

  21. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by CJSF View Post
    I'm going back through the interviews and such again, but I think I'm sticking with my main resolution, above at least for now. If anyone else gets to the end and wants to spoiler-tag a discussion, I'm ready.

    Dave - I'm sorry for getting your hackles raised a bit. This is a good story, just a few edits away from being excellent, I think. I'm looking forward to more of Wilson's stories, too.

    CJSF
    Thank you for being a good reader and a good critic - you've done Yeoman's work judging the novel strictly on your own reading - you are the first to do so and I'm pleased and proud. Once I get rich and famous, I'll mention your name. LOL
    I'm sorry I lashed out in my last post; it was a psychological issue I am currently dealing with. You have given many great thoughts and ideas; I am pleased that I can sense your enthusiasm and delight through your words - you sound like this is a story worth reading to the end.

    I cannot post the reveal yet - I'm sorry - I am going to hold firm on my hope that other members chime in with their thoughts. The whole point of posting this to Cosmoquest was the wide-ranged, different and educated opinions people would share - which is the nice way to say 'pages of arguments'.
    Hey - we spent 6 pages arguing if NCC-1701-D was canon to the Star Trek universe; I'm sure we can spend a few pages about a detective on Venus.
    LOL - that was my thinking anyway and so far this thread is everything I could have hoped and imagined.
    Cheers!
    "The difference between theory and practice is that in theory, there's no difference."

    "Aikido: the art of hitting people with planets."

  22. #51
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    The one thing that stands out for me is the that the writing is nearly invisible. That's the mark of a writer with great potential.

    Other authors I've read I can't not see the thought behind each tortured word or clumsy phrase. Like something written in pencil and then erased a dozen times, it wears out the paper and pulls you out of the story.

    But your writing reads smoothly, so that I am reading the story, not the words.

    I think it was Stephen King that said "writing is the next best thing to telepathy."

  23. #52
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    I've been reading and listening about Venus (and all things planetary) since I was a kid, and nothing has hit home as far as Venus' surface until reading your story. And I know you said you "tweaked" it for the novel, but really, it got me to re-reading pop-science articles and some scientific things again, and it reads frighteningly accurate! It's TERRIFYING.

    CJSF
    "I found my mind on the ground below. I was looking down, it was looking back.
    I was in the sky, all dressed in black.
    See the constellation ride across the sky. No cigar, no lady on his arm.
    Just a guy made of dots and lines."
    -They Might Be Giants, "See The Constellation"

    lonelybirder.org

  24. #53
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    Writing is a hobby of mine, nothing grand, just some interactive writing for fun, so I was quite fascinated when I met this upcoming author - writing a novel and a series at that! You have created a world I would like to revisit and characters I would love to see in more stories. I don't have the vaguest clue as to 'who did it' and look forward to the reveal. Sure a few things surprised me and felt out of place, but I wonder if it's because I can be a bit prudish or I think people of certain statures should behave in certain ways. Regardless, they are 'your' characters Dave; you know them better than anyone.

    Wishing you much success.

  25. #54
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    Quote Originally Posted by CJSF View Post
    I've been reading and listening about Venus (and all things planetary) since I was a kid, and nothing has hit home as far as Venus' surface until reading your story. And I know you said you "tweaked" it for the novel, but really, it got me to re-reading pop-science articles and some scientific things again, and it reads frighteningly accurate! It's TERRIFYING.

    CJSF
    Thank you - that means a lot to me. I'm glad I was able to balance fact with fiction well enough to create exactly the kind of persistent, low-level terror surface crews must feel and hits readers hard.

    Quote Originally Posted by DaveC426913 View Post
    The one thing that stands out for me is the that the writing is nearly invisible. That's the mark of a writer with great potential.
    That's the highest possible compliment I can imagine - I'm humbled you think so and I really do have a lump in my throat right now. If nothing else, I know now that this book is worth finishing; that I really can write it; I'm not just fooling myself here.

    Quote Originally Posted by DaveC426913 View Post
    Scared stiff certainly jives better with her character than pouting, IMO.
    OK - I don't fully agree but I'm not the reader; I have to remember that. I know Kylie far too well now; I forget other people haven't met her yet. It'll be a simple change - I love it when Kylie acts like a 9-year-old; she does from time to time when she doesn't have her game face on. Remembering that this is an introduction, I'll tell her to act her age - this once.

    Thanks for the help - this has been a pretty awful weekend but your help and compliments have encouraged me a lot.

    Edit: OK; somehow half my post disappeared, I'll have to re-enter it.

    Ahem:
    Quote Originally Posted by DaveC426913 View Post
    If the information about the larger context is important to the story then the best way to impart it is by making it into a scene - one where the industry context is played out through character interaction.

    It doesn't have to be big, what about a face-to-face communique with some bigwig? Say he's calling Priority One to hand down some fiat/threat or something - something that drives the plot forward:
    - setting a deadline,
    - declaration that we're sending a corporate ship to kick some butt,
    - we're thinking of docking your bonuses for this delay*** after all, you're just one cog in a giant machine you know.
    It's possible, the problem is that doing it that way would require making a few changes to the plot that I'm not willing to make yet. BUT in thinking about it I've come up with an idea I think will work; I think I can replace the entire backstory as Kylie is descending, Crew's exposition, the crew report, everything -with one brief description and a short passage of dialogue. As a benefit it would also provide CJSF with more Venus - a bit more - and make her just a little bit scarier.
    Last edited by NorthernDevo; 2017-Apr-10 at 02:06 AM. Reason: Where'd my text go?
    "The difference between theory and practice is that in theory, there's no difference."

    "Aikido: the art of hitting people with planets."

  26. #55
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    I have spent almost my entire adult life with a fear of water, especially deep or with the bottom obscured. I managed to conquer it (for the most part) a few years ago. The surface conditions of Venus in this novel, especially at night, brought all that fear back with the force of a blindfolded supercoaster ride at an abandoned amusement park. Terrifying, but oddly thrilling. The statment that their surface pressure was the equivalent of 3300 meters underWATER really hit home.

    It also made me think about what connections there might be between "terrestrial" and "gas/ice giant" planets.

    CJSF
    "I found my mind on the ground below. I was looking down, it was looking back.
    I was in the sky, all dressed in black.
    See the constellation ride across the sky. No cigar, no lady on his arm.
    Just a guy made of dots and lines."
    -They Might Be Giants, "See The Constellation"

    lonelybirder.org

  27. #56
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    I can see hints of what you were trying to say about Kylie. She's got that edge, right along psychosis, but tempered with a fierce sense of justice. I like that about her, and if you can bring it out more clearly for those of us who don't know her yet, it will definitely be a huge plus for this story.

    CJSF
    "I found my mind on the ground below. I was looking down, it was looking back.
    I was in the sky, all dressed in black.
    See the constellation ride across the sky. No cigar, no lady on his arm.
    Just a guy made of dots and lines."
    -They Might Be Giants, "See The Constellation"

    lonelybirder.org

  28. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by CJSF View Post
    I can see hints of what you were trying to say about Kylie. She's got that edge, right along psychosis, but tempered with a fierce sense of justice. I like that about her, and if you can bring it out more clearly for those of us who don't know her yet, it will definitely be a huge plus for this story.

    CJSF
    Thanks again - all I can say is hang on a bit; we've only just reached the reveal, to say nothing of the climax or resolution. There's bucketfulls of Kylie doing her worst coming up.
    One thing, and I hope folks don't mind. Going back years on this forum we've argued about the technology used in this novel - the Buses, the refineries, the Powersuits - until I was able to come up with a series of designs that, I hope, are reasonable, logical and enjoyable for the reader.

    Obviously on the reality front the Field is the 400 pound gorilla in the room; it's a completely fake technology right up there with transporters, warp drives and good food from McDonalds - a nice fantasy, but never going to happen. With that in mind, if anyone would like to talk about how the technology is represented and give their thoughts I'd love that. You know - hot-dog-shaped dirigible busses and the like.
    Last edited by NorthernDevo; 2017-Apr-11 at 12:20 AM. Reason: Speling mistyks
    "The difference between theory and practice is that in theory, there's no difference."

    "Aikido: the art of hitting people with planets."

  29. #58
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    Aug 2006
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    2,526
    Quote Originally Posted by NorthernDevo View Post
    Obviously on the reality front the Field is the 400 pound gorilla in the room; it's a completely fake technology right up there with transporters, warp drives and good food from McDonalds - a nice fantasy, but never going to happen. With that in mind, if anyone would like to talk about how the technology is represented and give their thoughts I'd love that. You know - hot-dog-shaped dirigible busses and the like.
    Turn that weakness into a strength.

    Larry Niven had some advice on what he called 'lies'. A lie is an authoring term he uses for fabricated physics like yours: hyperdrive, stasis field, teleportation etc.

    His advice is: There is nothing wrong with a lie as long as you're forthright about it. If you must tell a lie, tell it soon in the story. The bigger the lie, the sooner you should get to it.

    You've actually done this already in the opening scene. You could, if you were of a mind, make it even more explicit - a primary premise of the story.


    Perhaps a single-page intro (like the one you've got) add in an anecdote that briefly - and colourfully - introduces the invention of the field. Make it bizarre (cause it is), interesting and a little humorous.

    "In the last years of the [X]th century, a rogue criminal scientist, fleeing from [Y] crash landed on the frontier of a virgin Venus with a stolen fusion reactor and a Gigawatt laser and a failing life support habit. ... yadda yadda yadda ... He died, but his giant gadget was recovered. Ten years later, the Crompton-Felgarcarb Field Generator facilitated the first permanent settlement. Twenty years later, its offspring were small enough to be fitted on a suit. The age of Venusian mining had begun."
    Last edited by DaveC426913; 2017-Apr-11 at 01:48 AM.

  30. #59
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    Keep it discreet. The more technical details and specifics you give, the more chances of messing it up, developing inconsistencies, or just sharp-eyed nerds spotting a problem you didn't.

    Also, if this is going to be a series, extrapolate (to yourself) what other applications this one-shot plot device could have all over the Solar System. You don't want this turning into another Holodeck or Transporter, with lots of unforeseen consequences that ruin stories!
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

  31. #60
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    Perhaps with fictional technology, it is best that even the fictional scientists don't really understand how it works, just that it does; like it was for penicillin (sp?).
    Formerly Frog march..............

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