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Thread: Marriage on the rocks?

  1. #1
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    Marriage on the rocks?

    My husband and I have been married for almost eight years. Any time I bring up something that I think needs attention or if I share that I am unhappy about something, my husband shuts down and gives me the silent treatment for days. I donít know what to do. I donít want to make things worst because thatís not healthy, but I feel as though itís not worth it to try to have mature conversations about our relationship. Any advice?

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orionspear View Post
    My husband and I have been married for almost eight years. Any time I bring up something that I think needs attention or if I share that I am unhappy about something, my husband shuts down and gives me the silent treatment for days. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to make things worst because that’s not healthy, but I feel as though it’s not worth it to try to have mature conversations about our relationship. Any advice?
    Seek some professional help. My wife and I went through a bad stretch and saw a professional marriage counselor, who helped us work through some issues. We've now been married 28 years.
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  3. #3
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    Any time I bring up something that I think needs attention or if I share that I am unhappy about something, my husband shuts down and gives me the silent treatment for days.
    Most all husbands like to keep their wives happy, but sometimes when a wife expresses unhappiness about something the husband takes it as being unhappy with them. Then the husband clams up thinking the wife is ungrateful about all the good things they do for them. Husbands sometimes take things too personal and I'm no exception even after 30 years together and getting married at a later mature age. My wife has me pegged now and waits to see when I'm in a good mood before reminding me about a repair or project that needs doing, and she tosses in a "sweetie", "honey", and while smiling proceed to say "I'd really love it if you could ..." Husbands have buttons, you need to know which ones to gently touch but not push or press. That's my 2 cents worth, now deposit 5 cents ;-). I hope it works out a-ok for you both.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Swift View Post
    Seek some professional help.
    Seconded.
    And while I know folk share their lives on-line a lot these days, I wonder how your husband would feel if he knew that his behaviour was being discussed on an internet forum, albeit anonymously. I don't say that as a criticism (I don't know anything about your relationship), but I offer it as something to consider. My response to your OP was to flinch and think I really shouldn't be reading this.

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  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Swift View Post
    Seek some professional help.
    Thirded.

    I'll also add that I would consider myself most unwise to give more specific advice...one, because I'm no expert on marriage counseling and two, lacking the SO's participation, we can only get one side of the story here.
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  6. #6
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    and fourthed: I know husbands who refuse to go to counselling so that is already tricky as a subject to bring up. Sometimes it takes the really low point to get what is usually good advice. You could try writing an old fashioned letter, and asking for one back. sometimes writing can get past the problem in talking and get the talking started. But write the letter to him, not to us!.
    sicut vis videre esto
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  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Swift View Post
    Originally Posted by Orionspear
    My husband and I have been married for almost eight years. Any time I bring up something that I think needs attention or if I share that I am unhappy about something, my husband shuts down and gives me the silent treatment for days. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to make things worst because that’s not healthy, but I feel as though it’s not worth it to try to have mature conversations about our relationship. Any advice?
    Seek some professional help. My wife and I went through a bad stretch and saw a professional marriage counselor, who helped us work through some issues. We've now been married 28 years.
    I'm going to add one other thing.

    I don't know if this is "a guy thing" (I think it is) or just me, but I tend to be very solution oriented when dealing with problems. And one of my preconceptions before doing counseling, was that it was not solution oriented, but more like a talk-fest, and therefore I wasn't very interested in it, thinking it would just be a waste of time. We deliberately sought out a counselor who was solution oriented; we actually had tasks we had to do and "homework problems". A lot of our issues were communication problems, and we were given specific communication tools to use (one example below). Maybe taking that solution oriented approach will make your husband more willing to participate in this.

    One of the tools we were given was the "I / You" (positive / negative) way of expressing concerns about your partner.
    Bad: You never put the dirty laundry in the hamper.
    Good: I would like it if you put your dirty laundry in the hamper.

    I have no clue if this is your problem, nor am I suggesting it as a solution for you. But this is the kind of thing a counselor can help you discover and suggest ways of addressing.
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  8. #8
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    You may even want to plan to see more than one counselor before selecting one since not all are the same. You must both be comfortable with your choice else one may feel disadvantaged.
    We know time flies, we just can't see its wings.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by George View Post
    You may even want to plan to see more than one counselor before selecting one since not all are the same. You must both be comfortable with your choice else one may feel disadvantaged.
    yes, I will keep this in mind. thank you

  10. #10
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    Finally, he agreed to go counseling, we had a heart to heart talk and we checked out a site that our friend recommended ([link redacted]) that offers online counseling
    Last edited by PetersCreek; 2018-Jul-12 at 09:11 PM. Reason: Spam redacted

  11. #11
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    OP banned for spamming the forum. Thread closed. Please report this post if a reason can be given for reopening.
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