PDA

View Full Version : I just chased a unicorn out of my garden!



Trebuchet
2010-Sep-02, 01:40 AM
Ok, it was a buck deer with only one antler. How does a buck lose an antler while it's still growing and covered in velvet? Sounds like it might be painful.

Atraveller
2010-Sep-02, 02:25 AM
Ok, it was a buck deer with only one antler. How does a buck lose an antler while it's still growing and covered in velvet? Sounds like it might be painful.

The legend says a virgin maid can call a unicorn...

You just need to find one of those and you can have a pet unicorn...

kleindoofy
2010-Sep-02, 09:55 PM
Why do people always chase away free food?

They travel hundreds of miles to go fishing or hunting, but when it walks into their back yard ...

We used to catch the rabbits. I think my sister was the only 10 year old girl in her class with a *real* rabbit's foot, and one she cut off herself.

Swift
2010-Sep-02, 10:22 PM
The legend says a virgin maid can call a unicorn...

You just need to find one of those and you can have a pet unicorn...
I think modern maidens text the unicorn.

Moose
2010-Sep-02, 10:43 PM
Was it pink and invisible? Otherwise, I'll need proof of your assertion.

Atraveller
2010-Sep-03, 04:28 AM
I think modern maidens text the unicorn.

Do Unicorns come with bluetooth these days? Everything else does...


Everything is better with bluetooth

ABR.
2010-Sep-03, 04:56 AM
Home Unicorn Pest Test

To see what kind of risk your home is facing, simply answer a few quick questions below and click "submit." You'll be given a custom pest unicorn risk score along with some helpful tips.

When was the last time you saw a unicorn near your home?
In the past week?
In the past two weeks?
In the past year?
In a bygone age?

Where did you see it?
In the garden?
In the moonlit glade where the wee people cavort?
In your daughter's bedroom?

What kind of unicorn was it? (more than one answer may apply)
Stuffed kid's toy?
Possessed stuffed kid's toy?
Pink?
Goat with fused horns?
Invisible and pink?
Other. Please explain.

How old is your home?
Less than a year?
Less than a year but constructed by enchantments?
1-10 years?
11-100 years?
Eons?

Now submit your home unicorn pest test and our customer service department will evaluate your test score and help you select the unicorn pest management that's right for you.




<<SUBMIT>>

We are an equal opportunity employer. Taxes may apply in your state. No guarantee is promised or implied. Dealing with invisible pink unicorn infestations will incur many additional costs.

MAPNUT
2010-Sep-03, 01:33 PM
[QUOTE=ABR.;1786275]Home Unicorn Pest Test

OK ABR, I'll take you up on that.

When was the last time you saw a unicorn near your home?

In the past week, but it felt like a bygone age.

Where did you see it?

In the moonlit glade where the wee people cavort.

What kind of unicorn was it? (more than one answer may apply)

Other. Please explain: It was pink, but perfectly visible.

How old is your home?

Less than a year but constructed by enchantments.

"Now submit your home unicorn pest test and our customer service department will evaluate your test score and help you select the unicorn pest management that's right for you."

Please hurry.

Trebuchet
2010-Sep-03, 02:40 PM
OK, I'll bite. Truthful answers!


Home Unicorn Pest Test

To see what kind of risk your home is facing, simply answer a few quick questions below and click "submit." You'll be given a custom pest unicorn risk score along with some helpful tips.

When was the last time you saw a unicorn near your home?
In the past week



Where did you see it?
In the garden.



What kind of unicorn was it? (more than one answer may apply)

Other. Please explain.
Brown. With a branching horn covered in fuzz.


How old is your home?

11-100 years.






<<SUBMIT>>

MAPNUT
2010-Sep-03, 03:00 PM
Please do me first. I don't think Trebuchet is that worried.

Swift
2010-Sep-03, 03:28 PM
<<SUBMIT>>

NO! We shall never submit!!! We shall fight the unicorns in the glades! We shall fight the unicorns in the kids' bedrooms! And if we are overcome, at least we never submitted to the tyranny of unicorns! :mad:

Or did you mean something else? :doh:

ABR.
2010-Sep-03, 07:36 PM
Due to the high volume of entries on our Home Unicorn Pest Test, our evaluators are currently swamped. Your business is important to us, so please be patient while we work through the backlog of evaluations. Your evaluation will be performed in the order that most interests us.

Thank you,
Polesotechnic Pest, Inc.

MAPNUT
2010-Sep-03, 07:42 PM
AAAAAAAAAAAGH! It's still out there!

Trebuchet
2010-Sep-03, 11:06 PM
I promise I will work on the fence repairs "soon". But not until after pumpkin hurling season! In the meantime, the unicorn, bicorns, and no-corns can help themselves to the apples.

It's almost humorous watching them eat an apple. They really like them, but their teeth don't seem to be very suitable.

Salty
2010-Sep-05, 10:46 PM
One time I saw a goat with one horn coming out the center of its head.

But, I didn't think it was an unicorn. Those are mythical creatures. Either that, or they all died out during the Little Ice Age.

Atraveller
2010-Sep-05, 11:17 PM
One time I saw a goat with one horn coming out the center of its head.

But, I didn't think it was an unicorn. Those are mythical creatures. Either that, or they all died out during the Little Ice Age.

According to the song, they wouldn't get on the arc when Noah called them...

The Unicorn - Irish Rovers (http://www.songlyrics.com/irish-rovers/the-unicorn-lyrics/)

:lol:

Van Rijn
2010-Sep-06, 07:47 AM
Home Unicorn Pest Test

To see what kind of risk your home is facing, simply answer a few quick questions below and click "submit." You'll be given a custom pest unicorn risk score along with some helpful tips.

When was the last time you saw a unicorn near your home?
In the past week?
In the past two weeks?
In the past year?
In a bygone age?


I haven't seen one.



Where did you see it?
In the garden?
In the moonlit glade where the wee people cavort?
In your daughter's bedroom?

See above.




What kind of unicorn was it? (more than one answer may apply)
Stuffed kid's toy?
Possessed stuffed kid's toy?
Pink?
Goat with fused horns?
Invisible and pink?
Other. Please explain.


Well, it's not actually a unicorn. At least, I don't think so, but it is invisible. I think it's an elf, though I suppose it could have a horn, as it is a bit hard to tell. You handle invisible elf infestations too, right?

Also, given that it is invisible, determining surface coloration is somewhat problematic, but I think it is plaid. An invisible plaid elf.



How old is your home?
Less than a year?
Less than a year but constructed by enchantments?
1-10 years?
11-100 years?
Eons?


11-100 years. But there is an old graveyard a few blocks away. And, there used to be indian tribes in this area, so there probably are some Indian burial grounds around here somewhere.





Now submit your home unicorn pest test and our customer service department will evaluate your test score and help you select the unicorn pest management that's right for you.




<<SUBMIT>>


HEY! I clicked on the "submit" button and nothing happened! What's your technical support number?

ABR.
2010-Sep-06, 02:57 PM
Well, it's not actually a unicorn. At least, I don't think so, but it is invisible. I think it's an elf, though I suppose it could have a horn, as it is a bit hard to tell. You handle invisible elf infestations too, right?

We'd like to help with your pest eradication needs, but first we need to see the evidence of your invisible elf infestation. We've been burned before in these situations. We're sure you'll understand.


HEY! I clicked on the "submit" button and nothing happened! What's your technical support number?

1-800-ELF-HELP

Polesotechnic Pest, Inc.

Swift
2010-Sep-06, 03:09 PM
1-800-ELF-HELP

Polesotechnic Pest, Inc.
But I keep getting this (http://www.payphone-directory.org/sounds/wav/bell/heavy.wav)

mike alexander
2010-Sep-06, 03:17 PM
Polesotechnic Pest, Inc. is a subsidiary of Anderson Future Windows, the Slow Glass People.

ABR.
2010-Sep-06, 04:14 PM
Polesotechnic Pest, Inc. is a subsidiary of Anderson Future Windows, the Slow Glass People.

P'Shaw!

novaderrik
2010-Sep-06, 11:12 PM
i don't think it's actually that uncommon for deer to only grow one single antler. it's probably a passive genetic mutation that gets passed on and only shows up from time to time.
it's probably where the legend of the unicorn comes from.

Trebuchet
2010-Sep-07, 12:23 AM
i don't think it's actually that uncommon for deer to only grow one single antler. it's probably a passive genetic mutation that gets passed on and only shows up from time to time.
it's probably where the legend of the unicorn comes from.

I don't think that's the case with this one. When I mentioned it to a neighbor, she said "Oh good, it dropped off". Indicating some traumatic loss. The base where the other one was is still clearly visible.

We had a fawn (I initially typed "faun"!) a few years ago that lost a foot. We called him "Tripod". He was getting around pretty well with his mother but when the next summer came and she booted him out he got hit by a car. That happens to quite a lot of yearlings, whether they have all their legs or not.

The deer infestation in our neighborhood must result in some unusual breeding patterns. The does and youngsters hang around among the houses but the mature bucks do not. That probably results in a lot of younger bucks getting to breed when they normally wouldn't have the chance.

Torsten
2010-Sep-07, 08:15 AM
The does and youngsters hang around among the houses . . .

I think a few properly delivered pumpkins could fix that problem. I have the same issues here.

Atraveller
2010-Sep-10, 05:17 AM
A unicorn you might not want to chase out of your garden:

Unicorn (http://poorlydressed.files.wordpress.com/2010/06/78af08d6-e97d-43b3-8071-247d05753fac.jpg)

And one you definately want to chase out:

Bad Unicorn (http://poorlydressed.files.wordpress.com/2010/05/129177182782829250.jpg)

Salty
2010-Sep-11, 01:24 AM
According to the song, they wouldn't get on the arc when Noah called them...

The Unicorn - Irish Rovers (http://www.songlyrics.com/irish-rovers/the-unicorn-lyrics/)

:lol:

Then, how could a medieval virgin call one? Or, was that a myth, too?

HenrikOlsen
2010-Sep-11, 12:43 PM
Then, how could a medieval virgin call one? Or, was that a myth, too?
Yes, by medieval times virgins were only a myth.

You knew that would be the comment, right?