View Full Version : So I Lost My Mother Earlier This Year.

2011-Sep-06, 07:49 PM
And I wouldn't have brought it up but all kinds of friends and family who I haven't seen in decades came out of the wood work and made for some fascinating stories.

There was an enormous amount of "what ever happened to". And I got closure on a lot of issues from the past.

But there was also a couple of things that kind of put me off.

I Know I Have A Rep As A Hard Case, But Please...

So I had company over for a long scheduled LAN warfare party. (Sins of A Solar Empire)Most of the players hook up to the LAN in my livingroom with my brother and I use my machine in my bedroom. So after a couple of hours we take a break in the game and I come out of my room and join my friends in the kitchen.

And two of my younger friends, barely in their thirties, say to me:

"Don, what's wrong with your face? You're all sweaty from the eyes down!"

"Yeah! Are you alright? How do you even do that?"

"Um, my mother passed away last night. That's been known to make people's eyes moist."

It didn't occur to them that I may have been weeping while kicking their backsides out of my star system. And one of them didn't even have the excuse of not knowing about it. That's what kind of threw me I guess.

They both had the decency to blush though.

C'mon people! So I have a body my artist daughter compares to that of the great cave troll from LOTR (she says she would sketch us both the same way initially) and a face that can scare pitbulls into yelping just by glaring at them! It doesn't mean I'm a stone inside!

And I Had To Stay Away For A while Because:

When I was in the service I saw the wider spectrum of grieving modes at the loss of a parent. When my father passed away, for about three weeks I was uncharacteristically "forward" towards members of the opposite sex. Uncharacteristic for me, that is. Nothing rude or offensive, but enough to be commented on by the object of my attentions.

That was something I had seen before. Don't have a good explanation other than some sort of mortality hysteria or something.

But when my mother passed I became seriously intemperate. I was afraid of that too. Excessive alcohol consumption and epilepsy go together like by-pass surgery and marathons. When my wife left me I didn't have a drop to drink for a full year, as a preemptive to this happening.

Took two weeks for the first seizures to hit and start trashing my CPU for permenant damage. Now I have issues that aren't going to better by themselves. I've officially had "too many" seizures and my face is broken now. Unless I'm paying strict attention and try to relax it goes wandering off by itself. Music fans would recognize it as "guitar face". (When a muscian is concentrating so hard on playing his music he loses track of what his facial muscles are doing.) Except that it happens when I concentrate on anything hard enough. People don't like to watch me type anymore, for instance. They say it looks too weird. Same with playing computer games that require any sort of focus.

and I have to deal with people concerned about me becoming a recluse. No kidding. It's like they don't get it. (I passed on all of this seasons camping trips. Something I've never done before)

And that's that.

2011-Sep-06, 08:14 PM
I'm sorry to hear that, Don. I wish there was something comforting I could say.

2011-Sep-06, 09:20 PM
Yeah. Don, I'm sympathizing. For what it's worth, you have a stiff share of my good thoughts and a friendly ear for as long as you need/want it.

Donnie B.
2011-Sep-06, 11:28 PM
Hi, BD,

I can only offer my condolences and my empathy. My mom died back in January, too -- I probably mentioned it in a post or two back then. My "wet face syndrome" was confined to the funeral and graveside service, mostly. But in my case, Mom's death came at the end of a long decline and wasn't unexpected. Maybe that made it easier to handle.

I'm sorry to hear that your loss was compounded by health complications. That seems like an unfair extra burden. I hope you can find ways to cope.

2011-Sep-06, 11:33 PM
My mom is still around. Your reminisences inspire me to make the most of our remaining conversations, and I thank you for that.

Donnie B.
2011-Sep-06, 11:51 PM
DonM, that's a fine idea. I still have some twinges of regret about the very last time I saw my mother alive, but it's not something I want to go into detail about. Just remember that there will be a last time, and you probably won't forget it.

Nick Theodorakis
2011-Sep-07, 02:23 AM
My condolences Don. Been there, so I know how you feel. Even after several years, I still sometimes find myself thinking, "I'll have to call mom..."


2011-Sep-07, 04:40 AM
Don, your candor is touching. It brought a wave of sadness over me for the recent passing of my brother, leaving me the last surviving member of my immediate family. I can see that it has touched others similarly as well. I think we all share in the hope and confidence that you will focus on the positives in your life and use the tough times to help you grow ever stronger. I wish the best for you.


2011-Sep-07, 05:39 AM
Sincere condolences to you big feller. Reading your post helps me in a number of ways. I know I come across trite, so I'll shtum up.

2011-Sep-07, 10:31 AM
My sincere condolences, Don.

2011-Sep-07, 12:42 PM
I'm sorry for your pain Don. I lost my mother in 1979, when I was 21 years old. Obviously I don't feel it as sharply as I did 30 years ago, but it still hurts once in a while.

2011-Sep-08, 03:32 AM
Sorry to hear it Don. I lost both my parents in the past couple of years so I have some idea how you're feeling. Hope you don't have to settle the estate. I just finished up after a year and a half. What a pain.

2011-Sep-08, 05:53 AM
Sorry to hear that Don, I ... gotta go call some folks.

2011-Sep-08, 02:56 PM
Sorry to hear that Don, I ... gotta go call some folks.

Yes. Take every opportunity while you can.

2011-Sep-08, 05:42 PM
Our condolences to you, Don.

Last month we prematurely lost our golden retriever, Ele. The only reason I can think of why it has hit me so hard to lose this animal is because she was so able to communicate her unconditional love to me. It's the love we miss so much.

2011-Sep-08, 06:24 PM
I, too am sorry to hear that Don. No matter what your relationship with your folks, it's always a sad day. Take care. pete

2011-Sep-09, 01:06 AM
Sorry to hear that, Big D. When my own mother passed away last year, I couldn't afford the trip back to the US for the services, what with the financial crisis and all. Last time I was able to make it for Christmas was 1983, me being such a busy business traveler and dopey what-not over the decades (though I did visit every few years, of course). So over time I got used to my parents sort of being ephemeral; there when the odd phone call came in, otherwise in another universe.

When the news came in, people around me were a lot more affected than I seemed to be, crying over the fact I couldn't make it over there. Me, I still keep thinking the phone is going to ring. That, and I am scared Languageless about the next time I do ever make it over (if ever), and reality forces my hand.

At any rate, mr. cave troll with a guitar face, I feel inside the way you say you look outside.