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Buttercup
2012-Apr-21, 04:14 PM
Okay, we all do it to some extent. A human thing. Mostly unconscious.

But some folks more than others, and last evening my husband told me that Mrs. B (an older lady with whom I lunch once monthly with her 2 daughters, both of whom are my age) mentioned "Buttercup is very opinionated."

:o

I am?? :(

Most of the time spent in their company (whether holiday dinners hosted in her home or lunching with she and daughters) is spent with me quietly listening and enjoying the meal, and HER mostly talking. And she is quite opinionated -- and there is little "gray zone" in her views. :(

I seldom express my opinions to anyone. Figure most people don't care anyway. *shrugs*

She's otherwise been a nice lady. But I was surprised at that comment and chalk it up to projection. :rolleyes:

Trakar
2012-Apr-21, 05:23 PM
Okay, we all do it to some extent. A human thing. Mostly unconscious.

But some folks more than others, and last evening my husband told me that Mrs. B (an older lady with whom I lunch once monthly with her 2 daughters, both of whom are my age) mentioned "Buttercup is very opinionated."

:o

I am?? :(

Most of the time spent in their company (whether holiday dinners hosted in her home or lunching with she and daughters) is spent with me quietly listening and enjoying the meal, and HER mostly talking. And she is quite opinionated -- and there is little "gray zone" in her views. :(

I seldom express my opinions to anyone. Figure most people don't care anyway. *shrugs*

She's otherwise been a nice lady. But I was surprised at that comment and chalk it up to projection. :rolleyes:

I think the issue is that we all have very subjective self-images and filters to support those images, these are rarely accurate reflections of other's perceptions of us. Ultimately there is probably some support for why you each feel about each other the way you do. Your support may be stronger and more objectively compelling, but this is unlikely to sway her considerations. She may be reacting to perceptions of your rejections of her (by her own standards) considerations and understandings rather than any opinions you are actually expressing. Even when we are at our most diplomatic, it is usually not to difficult to pick-up on people who are "biting their tongues."

Strange
2012-Apr-21, 05:30 PM
Most of the time spent in their company (whether holiday dinners hosted in her home or lunching with she and daughters) is spent with me quietly listening and enjoying the meal, and HER mostly talking.

Maybe you once ventured a quiet, "well, maybe not" and she put you down as argumentative and opinionated for that.

Buttercup
2012-Apr-21, 05:35 PM
Maybe you once ventured a quiet, "well, maybe not" and she put you down as argumentative and opinionated for that.

Frankly I don't even do that. I simply let her talk. I sometimes express an opinion, yes; but rarely. And I don't recall opposing her even indirectly. Figure she's entitled to her opinion, etc.

I've also noticed this woman often sees others as being difficult, exacting, and etc. Things she is. ;)

Hate to say much about it as she is otherwise generous and good-hearted. But she definitely thinks others are very much like she is. Even when they're not. :(

publiusr
2012-Apr-21, 05:49 PM
Everyone has failings. Heaven knows I have mine. I think there was a quote where Samuel Johnson got on to a friend--then regretted it--and simply let him talk--rather like Ricky Gervais does with Karl...

Trakar
2012-Apr-21, 07:27 PM
Frankly I don't even do that. I simply let her talk. I sometimes express an opinion, yes; but rarely. And I don't recall opposing her even indirectly. Figure she's entitled to her opinion, etc.

I've also noticed this woman often sees others as being difficult, exacting, and etc. Things she is. ;)

Hate to say much about it as she is otherwise generous and good-hearted. But she definitely thinks others are very much like she is. Even when they're not. :(

And this is certainly a common problem, it seems very easy for many people to slip into a "most people are just like me" frame of thinking. That is one of the reasons I generally become somewhat wary of those whose first reaction to misplaced items is that "someone stole it," or who always think that others are deliberately lying to gain some advantage, etc.,.

Luckmeister
2012-Apr-21, 09:24 PM
Wow, according to my dictionary, you could take her observation as a strong insult:


opinionated -- obstinate or conceited with regards to one's opinions. --Syn. predjudiced, biased; bigoted; stubborn.

I didn't think that word had such a harsh definition. I had looked at it more as just having strong conviction in one's opinions without the inflamatory synonyms. I'll have to be careful before calling someone that. :think: