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View Full Version : Courteous rich friends pretending to be poor.



Buttercup
2012-Jun-05, 03:43 PM
Bless their hearts.

We're friends with an older couple and their daughters (my age) who are financially quite well off.

They realize we aren't as financially well off, and take every opportunity to "pretend poor" for our sakes. :o :)

My trip to France has been postponed (indefinitely); so I'm hearing (deliberately) that the two daughters (my age) are also "unable" to go to Switzerland (again) for 2 weeks. They don't have the money.

Sure.

Their parents could easily pay their way to Switzerland for a month! :)

Yesterday, during lunch, I heard from Margaret (my age) that she needs a raise (works part-time, is mildly disabled). Trying to assuage my feelings, apparently, regarding a recent cut in pay.

Or it's comments like "When we were in Scotland when the girls were little, it was an economy trip. We economized!" They've been to Scotland at least 5 times since.

They're very nice and gracious people.

I appreciate their being low-key and humble. It's amusing too. ;)

Ara Pacis
2012-Jun-05, 04:14 PM
Is one of them running for office?

I've noticed that people tend to conflate having money and having class these days. Used to be a time that one could have money but not class (nuveau-riche). These days it also seems that people think that those with less money have less class, which might explain why they were trying to hide their expenditures from you.

Buttercup
2012-Jun-05, 04:58 PM
Is one of them running for office?

No. They're just nice people.

redshifter
2012-Jun-05, 06:38 PM
Well, if they're nice people, they're probably not running for office...

publiusr
2012-Jun-09, 06:03 PM
My boss pretends to be poor every time I need a raise.

My old employer thought min. wage was too high back when it was $3.35
Once when riding in a car driven by his caretaker, we saw an even older and more feeble man with a cane walking away from a broken down car on the side of a deserted road. When my lady friend suggested we stop to help, he offered the sunburst "he's got thumbs."

Later after depositing the wretch at his house, she and her mom went back to help the man leaving me to stay with him. Once he asked what he was going to do with his money. My lady friends mom suggested that he give some of it to his grown children. He looked at her and asked "Why?"

And he was one of my better bosses.

Never work for a man who survived the depression.

Gillianren
2012-Jun-09, 06:16 PM
Yeah, am I the only person who finds this more obnoxious than sweet? To me, it would come across as "I don't understand your problems, because I think I'm poor as well." I had a friend years ago who really believed that. Her parents' house was paid off completely. They owned three cars. Her parents regularly took vacations to Mexico. And they had convinced her that they were poor, to the exasperation of her friends who actually were.

Buttercup
2012-Jun-09, 06:45 PM
My boss pretends to be poor every time I need a raise.

Last year I took a 15% cut in pay, so I feel your pain. I tried (in May) to negotiate for a flat rate of pay (which would ease the cut)...no deal.

In a way it is annoying/obnoxious of them, but I think it's their self-defense against resentment (they earned their $$$ by hard work and application; don't begrudge them). They don't over-do it, and I do think it's to spare the other person's feelings. It's not like they're carrying on about it.

There are times when I do feel like saying "Oh puh-leeze"...especially when Margaret (my age) said she NEEDS a raise. :lol: :rolleyes:

The one annoying issue is the mother (who is otherwise nice) tends to be grumpy and complains a lot. She's used to her standard of living/life, but often I'm tempted to ask if she'd like to trade houses and bank accounts.

I'm sure that'd "stop the music" pronto. :hand: :p

publiusr
2012-Jun-09, 08:02 PM
What was that phrase about folks being born on third base but really thinking they've hit a triple. The miracle of talk radio.

Gillianren
2012-Jun-09, 08:25 PM
In a way it is annoying/obnoxious of them, but I think it's their self-defense against resentment (they earned their $$$ by hard work and application; don't begrudge them).

If that's the case, they're doing things wrong.

Jim
2012-Jun-09, 08:44 PM
Yeah, am I the only person who finds this more obnoxious than sweet? ...

Nope, though it comes across as condescending to me. "Oh, you poor thing! Of course I know how you feel. Look at my problems. They're just like yours."

No, they're not. My problem is I don't have enough money to pay for the trip. Yours is you can't afford to fly first class. This time.

If they really feel they earned their position, they have nothing to defend. Just don't flaunt what they have. And pretending to have problems similar to someone less affluent is flaunting what they have.

Romanus
2012-Jun-09, 09:29 PM
So, if they're matter-of-fact about being able to afford whatever leisure they want, they're arrogant or insensitive. If they're low-key about it, it's false modesty.

Seems you can't win for losing.

Gillianren
2012-Jun-09, 11:21 PM
I have no problem with being matter-of-fact about being able to afford things, actually, so long as you're aware that not everyone else is. So long as you have an understanding of how lucky you are (yes, even with your own hard work) to be in that position. "Woe is me" doesn't cut it.

HenrikOlsen
2012-Jun-09, 11:56 PM
Just fly coach, don't brag that it was a choice.
Else you might as well fly first class.

StratMaster
2012-Jun-09, 11:59 PM
Yeah, am I the only person who finds this more obnoxious than sweet? To me, it would come across as "I don't understand your problems, because I think I'm poor as well." I had a friend years ago who really believed that. Her parents' house was paid off completely. They owned three cars. Her parents regularly took vacations to Mexico. And they had convinced her that they were poor, to the exasperation of her friends who actually were.

Were the friends actually poor? Or had they just convinced themselves that they were, to the exasperation of the more than one billion people in the world who survive on less than a buck and a quarter a day?

Ara Pacis
2012-Jun-10, 12:02 AM
Just fly coach, don't brag that it was a choice.
Else you might as well fly first class."Have you seen the sort of people they let into 'coach'? For Muffy and me first class definitely not a choice." Is something I've never said.

Jim
2012-Jun-10, 12:38 AM
So, if they're matter-of-fact about being able to afford whatever leisure they want, they're arrogant or insensitive. If they're low-key about it, it's false modesty.

Seems you can't win for losing.

No, that's not it. They can be matter-of-fact. They can be low-key. They just shouldn't be condescending. And they shouldn't flaunt it.

StratMaster
2012-Jun-10, 08:13 AM
So, if they're matter-of-fact about being able to afford whatever leisure they want, they're arrogant or insensitive. If they're low-key about it, it's false modesty.

Seems you can't win for losing.

Just avoid judgemental people and you'll be fine.

Gillianren
2012-Jun-10, 06:36 PM
So, people, then.

Heid the Ba'
2012-Jun-11, 03:57 PM
Were the friends actually poor? Or had they just convinced themselves that they were, to the exasperation of the more than one billion people in the world who survive on less than a buck and a quarter a day?
Ah but those people don't have to decide whether they want to go to India, China, Africa or South America on holiday. Chances are they already live there . . .
:)

Buttercup
2012-Jun-11, 05:37 PM
I really do feel like it's Bizarroland lately. Different friends of ours just returned from south of France (neolithic? caves). Meanwhile a long-time online acquaintance got fired from a part-time job he desperately needed (something about paperwork mistake)...now he's so destitute the electric company shut off service. :( He's only occasionally posting from public library (job hunting).

I'm only online today to work overtime; grateful for stable/steady employment with frequent surplus of work.

It's strange, however, being "in between" folks either doing really well or not. I am definitely seeing, first-hand, the increasing wealth vs. poverty disparity in the US.

Just hope I can STAY IN the middle.

Ongoing economic woes scare me. Big time.

redshifter
2012-Jun-11, 07:00 PM
It's strange, however, being "in between" folks either doing really well or not. I am definitely seeing, first-hand, the increasing wealth vs. poverty disparity in the US.

Just hope I can STAY IN the middle.



And hope there's a middle to stay in...