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sidmel
2005-Jan-27, 02:30 PM
Another holiday is approaching here in the US. Valentine's Days, you either hate it or love it, and most certainly should make jokes about it.

I'll go first.

Chaos Theory

An electron is out a courting an atom and keeps flying around the atom to get it's attention. Exasperated from all the attention, the atom asks, "Why do you persist in running these circles around me?" In reply the electron replies, "I'm strangely attracted to you."


Ouch, that one hurt. Next?

Swift
2005-Jan-27, 02:59 PM
I bet you got a charge out of telling that joke. It certainly made me excited. #-o

Bawheid
2005-Jan-27, 03:00 PM
Are you positive?

I'll get me coat.........

CTM VT 2K
2005-Jan-27, 03:04 PM
I don't want to put a spin on this thread, but I always enjoy a good pun.

Meteora
2005-Jan-27, 03:05 PM
Atom 1: I lost an electron!
Atom 2: Are you sure?
Atom 1: I'm positive!

Eta C
2005-Jan-27, 03:40 PM
From a top 10 list of physics Valentine's Day lines.

"I'd like to diagonalize your inertia tensor."

Fram
2005-Jan-27, 03:48 PM
Roses reflect a light frequency at one end of the visible
electromagnetic spectrum,

Violets reflect a light frequency at the other end of the visible
electromagnetic spectrum,

Sugar is C12H22O11,

And you release the endorphins in my brain.

Many many more can be found at Science jokes (http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/dat0214.html). Some of them are even good 8)

Swift
2005-Jan-27, 03:51 PM
A male polar bear and a female brown bear are sitting at a bar.
Polar Bear: Sorry babe, I just don't think the chemistry is right.

A small piece of sodium which lived in a test tube fell in love with the
Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame. I melt whenever I see you . . .", the sodium pined. "It's just a phase you're going through", replied the Bunsen burner.

There once was a girl named Irene
Who lived on distilled kerosene
But she started absorbin'
A new hydrocarbon
And since then has never benzene

W.F. Tomba
2005-Jan-27, 04:30 PM
What kind of orbit does a kiss have?

Elliptical!

(Sorry, sorry . . .)

sidmel
2005-Jan-27, 04:45 PM
Physics

Be my Valentine, even if it's only Faraday My theorem is : you'd be great as my Valentine I'm attracted, don't repel me.

Andromeda321
2005-Jan-27, 06:28 PM
An Engineer's Valentine
by Matthew Dalton
I was alone and all was dark
Beneath me and above
My life was full of volts and amps
But not the spark of love

But now that you are here with me
My heart is overjoyed
You've turned the square of my heart
Into a sinusoid

You load things from my memory
Onto my system bus
My life was once assembly code
It's now like C++

I love the way you solder things
My circuits you can fix
The voltage 'cross your diode is
much more than just point six

With your op-amps and resistors
You have built my integrator
I cannot survive without you
You're my function generator

You've changed my world, increased my gain
And made my math discreet
So now I'll end my poem here
Control, Alt, and Delete

jfribrg
2005-Jan-27, 06:31 PM
Lets assume these electrons get romantically involved. If we follow the ups and downs of the relationship (I dare not mention top and bottom in this context [-X ), we will find that they are not a very charming couple. In fact, after a while, some rather strange things start happening.

Eta C
2005-Jan-27, 06:48 PM
Lets assume these electrons get romantically involved. If we follow the ups and downs of the relationship (I dare not mention top and bottom in this context [-X ), we will find that they are not a very charming couple. In fact, after a while, some rather strange things start happening.

Just in passing, only in particle physics (and maybe in art history) could "naked charm" and "bare bottom" be topics of serious scientific discussion.

Nicolas
2005-Jan-27, 06:51 PM
[will smith voice]

"Girl, if you're into reactions, why don't you let me be your CATALYSATOR! You know what I mean! com'here you!"

"It's not like I need a pH meter to see you're SWEET!"

"Girl, you just defined my boiling point! HOT"

"Oh I see you've got aaaaall the basic elements! Now why don't you let me discover them. I'm a Mendeljev you know, a MENDELJEV!"

[/will smith voice]

:oops: 8-[

sidmel
2005-Jan-27, 07:54 PM
Not a joke, but something that just popped into my head. Give me a day and I'll get 'em all in there.

A Periodic Love

Liquid argon froze my heart
Leaving nothing but a lump of cold dark carbon
Upon a leaden block

Rekindle my fire oh breath of oxygen
That it may dispose silver and gold
Intertwined in copper tinted hair

Now to soar, hydrogen and helium my companions
I write in bright neon your name
To those on the siliconate ground

Then whispered on the mercurial wind
A name ironed in my heart
I blaze in manganese splendor for you

** Edited for basic english

Swift
2005-Jan-27, 08:21 PM
Lets assume these electrons get romantically involved. If we follow the ups and downs of the relationship (I dare not mention top and bottom in this context [-X ), we will find that they are not a very charming couple. In fact, after a while, some rather strange things start happening.

Just in passing, only in particle physics (and maybe in art history) could "naked charm" and "bare bottom" be topics of serious scientific discussion.
Isn't that strange? But heck, I'm down with that.