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View Full Version : A Home is a Home is a Home?



Hypmotoad
2017-Jul-20, 10:23 AM
When my father fell out of bed that one fateful morning and it took three XGHDX's to get him on a gurney, and it changed the way I think about things forever.

Number one: Hospitals are not to be trusted just because they are hospitals.
Do I really need to explain?

Miami Dolphins will never win a superbowl... ok that one was completely random.

Don't color code your scrubs because it means [nothing] to people who are worried.

I could go on but I figger that with this crowd, you guys know what I'm raving about.

The doctor informed me that amongst other things, he was not thriving where he was and needed to be in a home for a while at least. Subtext read: forever

He lasted three days before I got the call.

Have any of you had to go through a process of putting a parent away?

Because now I have to go through it all again with my older brother. I have to get back to work which will require me to do a bit of traveling. I can't leave him alone though, he loves to cook and hates to turn off the range. This time though it ain't just him that could get hurt.

If I try to chat it out with a professional, the only thing he can't say is if my brother will hate me forever if I make him go into one of those death factories. How will I live with myself?

Noisy Rhysling
2017-Jul-20, 10:48 AM
They're not all alike. Living near a large metro area gave me plenty of options for Mom. Shopping around consisted of visiting the residences without prior notification so I could see them as they normally operated. If I could walk in and browse around without being challenged it went off my list immediately. I read reviews with a grain of salt, people use them as revenge all too often. Mom was in Lalaland by the time we made arrangements for her, and she had five years of a safe environment with people who had been trained to deal.

YMMV

Hypmotoad
2017-Jul-20, 11:07 AM
Thanks for responding NR, it's always the first time with a parent, somehow I got to be the family death dealer. When it came to pets that had to be put down, guess who had to take the poor thing to the vet?

So, not comparing my parents to pets, then I have to ask my smarter self, "WTF? Why me?"

I know it was a joke when I was a kid that I was unfeeling but that was because I learned early not to show too much emotion. But how does that equal being the go to guy when you need to dispose of evidence of your own inhumanity?

Why would anybody make a kid do that?

Edit for Clarity: There is no such thing as a bad dog.

publiusr
2017-Jul-21, 09:13 PM
I said something that took me aback. "I'll be glad when I get out of this traffic and get home."

I was going to work.

Hypmotoad
2017-Jul-25, 01:22 AM
Then there is the larger issue of 'retirement homes' in general. In most circumstances that I'm aware of, the retiree (geezer to you blokes) gives up

basically everything to live there. I don't know how it is outside the US, but of my father, had he lived beyond the 3rd day, would certainly had enough

left over to get snacks or drinks from a vending machine if he rationed the money very wisely.

cosmocrazy
2017-Jul-25, 09:55 AM
Here in the UK "retirement homes/nursing homes" are notorious money making machines. My late mother in law worked until 75 years old, With plans to to pay off the mortgage on her house, keep a little bit of savings for her children & grandchildren and maybe save just enough to go abroad one more time with her family. She pretty much lived a hard working sacrificial life style. At 78 she was diagnosed with vascular dementia, by 80 she was in a nursing home (for her own safety) by 84 she was penniless, homeless and suffering really bad with this awful disease. Shortly after her 85th birthday she passed away with barely enough insurance to cover the costs of her funeral.

The nursing home owner drives round in a 100k car and jets off around the world to his "villas" year in year out. Hmmm... certainly makes you think.

profloater
2017-Jul-25, 10:22 AM
let's say - some - not all - retirement homes etc I know this is a generalisation and it's not fair to the good ones

cosmocrazy
2017-Jul-25, 11:43 AM
let's say - some - not all - retirement homes etc I know this is a generalisation and it's not fair to the good ones

Very true!

The care she received was very good and the staff working there were all nice caring people. They were hard working and had to put up with a lot for minimum wage. I take my hat off to them, I don't thing I could do the job for any amount of money.

Heid the Ba'
2017-Jul-26, 12:40 PM
Here in the UK "retirement homes/nursing homes" are notorious money making machines. My late mother in law worked until 75 years old, With plans to to pay off the mortgage on her house, keep a little bit of savings for her children & grandchildren and maybe save just enough to go abroad one more time with her family. She pretty much lived a hard working sacrificial life style. At 78 she was diagnosed with vascular dementia, by 80 she was in a nursing home (for her own safety) by 84 she was penniless, homeless and suffering really bad with this awful disease. Shortly after her 85th birthday she passed away with barely enough insurance to cover the costs of her funeral.

How recently was this? The legislation has a minimum amount (currently about 14k) where the resident stops paying fees and the local authority takes over. If they didn't then get in touch and claim it back from them.

cosmocrazy
2017-Jul-27, 06:00 AM
How recently was this? The legislation has a minimum amount (currently about 14k) where the resident stops paying fees and the local authority takes over. If they didn't then get in touch and claim it back from them.

Around 12 years ago, I wasn't aware of this legislation, Its about time something was done about it.

swampyankee
2017-Jul-27, 09:43 AM
A very large percentage of Medicaid spending in the US is nursing home care. Most are for-profit, hideously understaffed, and equally under-inspected. It's also getting increasingly difficult to get a nursing home bed as many are moving from long-term care to short-term rehab.

Some are much worse than others. We're pretty convinced the environment in the last one my father was in completely destroyed his will to live. My mother-in-law had much better care.

Heid the Ba'
2017-Jul-27, 10:39 AM
Around 12 years ago, I wasn't aware of this legislation,
I can't remember offhand what the limit was then but I think it was c10k, it doesn't go up much annually.

[financial advice from some random bloke on the internet]
Prepay the resident's funeral when they go into care, so that if the money runs out you don't have to worry about it.
Some types of bond are ignored for care fees (probably UK only).
[/financial advice from some random bloke on the internet]