View Full Version : Guys, I need your help. Please. This is urgent...

2005-Mar-05, 05:43 AM
Recently, one of my best friends broke up with his girlfriend. Whoop-de-do, right? Well, he is really on the verge of suicide at the moment. In fact, it really sounds like he's going to hurt himself tonight. ALL of his friends have come to his side, trying to help him through this. But it's to no avail. Tomorrow we have a drama practice that he said he would attend, and I am at a loss of what to do. We have ALL attempted to reason with him, attempted to help him in all ways possible, but he's too ****ing ignorant. So, as a last-ditch effort, I'm considering flat-out yelling at him, as forcefully as I can. Believe it or not, I can yell. And be very scary while doing so. I really do not want to do this. I've told everyone that I can that, if I do, to PLEASE not be afraid of me, as it would not really be me doing the yelling tomorrow. I'm not the kind of person to yell. I know they'll all understand, but I really do not want to do this. I'm not sure what else can be done, however. Call 911? That seems possible...

The really sad part is that he's gone through this before. He broke up with a girlfriend of about two years last year, and attempted suicide. It was a horrific situation. He told us that he wouldn't allow himself to get like that again this time, but obviously he has no intentions on maintaining that promise.


Guys, if you have any advice, please give it. I need it.

The Bad Astronomer
2005-Mar-05, 05:46 AM
Call a suicide hotline. Now.

Here is a link to a couple in Pennsylvania (http://www.sprc.org/suicideprevention/statecontacts.asp#p).


2005-Mar-05, 06:46 AM
BA is right. Contact a suicide help line.

...and don't let him be alone. I went through this years ago with a friend of mine and having someone to talk and to watch over eased the worry on both sides.

2005-Mar-05, 07:30 AM
Also, don't give him any time alone. Make sure someone is with him at all times until you're sure that he's stable.

2005-Mar-05, 11:09 AM
on behalf of the board's mentally ill contingent (how's it going, Lurker?), why on Earth isn't this person in therapy already?

2005-Mar-05, 12:32 PM
Hopefully the crisis is past now but your friend does need professional help. The BA has given very sound advice.

Also remember that ultimately it is his resposibility, not yours. You cannot watch him 24/7 and if he does go ahead then no blame attaches to you.

2005-Mar-05, 12:54 PM
Seeking professional help is very important, do not hesitate, but are his parents or guardians aware of the situation? He may hate it if you say something to them, but his life is at risk. Between his family and friends, you might be able to reasonably keep an eye on him most of the time. Do everything you can for him but I would refrain from the yelling, this is not the time.

Captain Kidd
2005-Mar-05, 01:02 PM
Yes call.

Back in High School I called up a friend who had just put a gun to his head, I got him calmed a bit, hung up, panicked myself, and called somebody else. They got me to call the police who sent an officer out. While he was on the way, they had me call my friend back up and talk (verbal lifeline) until the police came (without mentioning they were coming).

One of the scariest half hours of my life. One word of caution, I guess that’s the right word. He found out I was the caller to the police. For weeks he despised me, mainly due to not being allowed to leave the hospital. Not too long afterwards, once the treatments started taking effect, it was patched up and he thanked me for making the call to the police. So if he gets mad at you, don’t worry, it will pass.

2005-Mar-05, 02:20 PM
Thank you guys. I actually ended up calling 911, but regardless of whom I called, the end result is the same: he will be receiving professional help very soon. Thanks y'all.

I wonder how my closest friends will take this when I inform them of what occurred...

2005-Mar-05, 08:31 PM
Thank you guys. I actually ended up calling 911, but regardless of whom I called, the end result is the same: he will be receiving professional help very soon. Thanks y'all.

I wonder how my closest friends will take this when I inform them of what occurred...Regardless of any immediate reaction, good or bad, he will be very appreciative in the long run.

Whoops, re-read it. Your friends should be glad you acted and if it ever happens to them they will use your example and do the same for any other friend.

2005-Mar-05, 10:43 PM
A Public Service Announcement from Gillianren:

talking is not the only symptom of suicidal tendencies. in fact, those who talk probably haven't made up their minds to do it. (this should not be used as an excuse not to take necessary precautions for those who do talk about it.) be aware of major personality changes. if a normally garrulous friend suddenly stops talking--won't even leave their room, be aware of it. it may not be suicide--they may just be having a bad day--but I know that when I, personally, am feeling suicidal (diagnosed manic depression), I get very quiet, because talking takes so much energy.

and no, I'm not going to kill myself, and yes, I'm working on getting help. (once again, does anyone know a disability lawyer in Olympia, WA?)

2005-Mar-06, 01:10 AM
The befrienders.org Web site (http://www.befrienders.org) has more information about warning signs of suicide.

These two articles:

http://www.nytimes.com/2003/02/17/opinion/17GOOD.html?tntemail0 (registration required)

about a young lawyer who fell into such a black depression that his friends found it advisable to remove the sharp instruments from his room and organize a close watch on him until the crisis passed are worth reading. If you want to get an idea of how suicide could affect people who aren't even acquainted with the person involved, try to imagine what history would be if Abraham Lincoln had taken his own life in 1840.

2005-Mar-06, 09:33 PM
A good point was made above: often, when someone threatens suicide, they're undecided. Either they're not going to, and it's just a plea for attention, or they're seriously considering it but want help deep down inside.

People who make a full decision to commit suicide usually do so without outside signals. They withdraw, break their routines, and do it in private.

I'm glad that, so far, no one I've known has legitimately gone through with it. I have known someone who faked it... taking pills and calling me to tell me she was dying, when she knew she couldn't keep the pills on her stomach. #-o

I hope your friend gets help. Don't be surprised if he's resentful for a while but, hopefully, he'll realize how much you helped him in the years to come.

2005-Mar-06, 09:40 PM
For the person himself, a dangerous part of the process is when he isn't actively thinking about suicide anymore, but hasn't become fully in control of the situation (his emotions) yet. A sudden drawback could lead him into suicide "by surprise" (to himself).

I hope you understand what I am trying to explain.

A bit like not thinking that much about your problems anymore, and then you happen to be standing on a ridge, suddely the depression pops up and you do something really stupid. This example is cliché, but I hope this makes clear what kind of situation I mean.

That's why he needs to get his problems completely solved, also when the first dangers of suicide have been stopped. That person clearly isn't mentally stable, and this situation needs to be solved.

2005-Mar-07, 01:57 AM
on behalf of the board's mentally ill contingent (how's it going, Lurker?), why on Earth isn't this person in therapy already?

Hi Gillian.

I agree with Gillianren here. This person should already be to in therapy and should probably be on some sort of medication. This pattern sounds like my high school and early college years. Someone who suffers from depression will have normal days that are low compared to others. When the tough times come, they end up dragging the mud at the bottom of the channel. I am no expert, but this pattern can be very classic of someone who suffers chronic depression. They hold it together somehow through normal times but the bad times tear them apart. That's because the normal times are like bad weather while the bad times are like hurricanes to them.