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Lianachan
2005-Jul-29, 01:43 PM
The following is offered as a list of genuine titles of country & western songs.

Being assidiously disinterested in that kind of, for want of a better word, music I'm not sure how many (if, indeed, any at all) are genuine.

Has anybody heard of any of them?

• - Do You Love As Good As You Look?
• - Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye
• - Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
• - Here's A Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares
• - How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
• - I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life
• - I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
• - I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me
• - I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
• - I Wanna Whip Your Cow
• - I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck!
• - I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win
• - I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal lobotomy
• - I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life
• - I've Got The Hungries For Your Love And I'm Waiting In Your Welfare Line
• - If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
• - If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low
• - If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You
• - If The Phone Don't Ring, Baby, You'll Know It's Me
• - If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will
• - If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?
• - Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)
• - May The Bird Of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose
• - My Every Day Silver Is Plastic
• - My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart
• - My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him
• - Oh, I've Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are slipping Down, But Baby I Can See through You
• - Pardon Me, I've Got Someone To Kill
• - Please Daddy, Don’t Get Drunk Its Christmas.
• - She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft; She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger
• - She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart
• - She's Got Freckles On Her, But She's Pretty
• - Thank God And Greyhound She's Gone
• - They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can't Stop My Face From Breakin' Out
• - Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart
• - When You Leave Walk Out Backwards, So I'll Think You're Walking In
• - You Can't Have Your Kate And Edith Too
• - You Can't Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd
• - You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat
• - You Were Only A Splinter In My *** As I Slid Down The Banister Of Life
• - You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

Maksutov
2005-Jul-29, 01:55 PM
One that should have been in there:

GRANDMA GOT RUN OVER BY A REINDEER (http://www.always-safe.com/grandma.html)

And the ultimate (complete with chord changes, used to sing this with my redneck girlfriend at the oyster bar in Augusta):

You Don't Even Call Me By My Name (http://sniff.numachi.com/~rickheit/dtrad/pages/tiDARLDARL.html)

So down home...girl...

Swift
2005-Jul-29, 02:05 PM
Which reminds me of an old joke...
What happens when you play a Country and Western song backwards?
Your girl comes back, your house un-burns, you get your job back, the creek un-floods, the dog comes home...
:lol:

Grey
2005-Jul-29, 02:15 PM
• - Please Daddy, Don’t Get Drunk Its Christmas.

It's "Please Daddy, Don't Get Drunk This Christmas", but I've actually heard this one. Other than that, I can't vouch for any of them, though I am also not particularly a fan of country & western music, so I wouldn't have had much opportunity to hear them.

2005-Jul-29, 02:25 PM
My favorite is/was "I got tears in my ears from lying on my back in my bed while I cried over you".

Parrothead
2005-Jul-29, 02:49 PM
• - Here's A Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares

It's a song by Travis Tritt



• - If The Phone Don't Ring, Baby, You'll Know It's Me

Jimmy Buffett has a song "If The Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me"

Jim
2005-Jul-29, 04:17 PM
Has anybody heard of any of them?


To add to those mentioned above:
• May The Bird Of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose
• Thank God And Greyhound She's Gone
• You Can't Have Your Kate And Edith Too
• You Can't Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd

Although these were not strictly C&W but "novelty" songs, designed to be funny.

farmerjumperdon
2005-Jul-29, 04:38 PM
My country preferences are for the "old" country of Johny Cash, Jimmy Dean, Charlie Daniels, The Outlaws, Nitty Gritty, Roger Miller, etc. Some of it is crossover, but you get the idea. I love most modern rock, but really can't handle the newer style of country. It seems to me that when Country met Hollywood and got formula-ized, it really lost it's appeal.

It occurs to me that it took a disco type approach in it's growth, with all the popular artists seeming to be doing the exact same thing. Whereas rock took a blues approach, with so many sub-genres and lots of individual expression. Rock got modern without losing it's identity. Country got lost along the way.

Just a personal opinion, and since it's an art form - all opinions are of course valid, but for crying out loud, is there any genre of music that so heavily features crying in your beer?.

bearcub
2005-Jul-29, 05:13 PM
• - She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft; She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger
This was actually a hit song several^2 years ago. Written and performed by Jerry Reed.

The only other song I recognized was the Travis Tritt one.

I did find some of the other songs on the list here (http://www.asseenontvmusic.com/tv62.html).

farmerjumperdon wrote:

My country preferences are for the "old" country of Johny Cash, Jimmy Dean, Charlie Daniels, The Outlaws, Nitty Gritty, Roger Miller, etc. Some of it is crossover, but you get the idea. <snip>

I agree with your preferences, but would add Oakridge Boys, Statler Brothers & Alabama as others I enjoyed listening to in addition to those. I listened to country regularly in the 80's, but "came to my senses" and switched back to rock/blues.

Gramma loreto
2005-Jul-29, 05:33 PM
Farmerjumperdon—Funny you should mention "formula-ized" country music. That's pretty much why I set it aside for a long time, starting in the 80s. It all just started sounding the same to me. I'm back to listening again and it's a mixed bag...stuff I really like...stuff I really don't. Lately, I've been enjoying Montgomery Gentry. Even went to a concert a while back. If they hadn't been playing country music, I'd have thought it was a rock show. Very high energy. I do enjoy classic country, though.

Back to topic...

Yes, I can vouch for many of those titles being genuine. Others, I have doubts about but I wouldn't be greatly surprised if they were all true song titles.

You needn't "want of a better word." Music, it is...your disinterest (or perhaps, dislike) notwithstanding. Perhaps you'll be less incredulous of the titles if you consider a few things. First, every genre of music has it's "crap", that is, music that's popularly considered to be of dubious artistic quality. Some of those are bound to have dubious titles, as well.

Second, country music has a sense of humor, too...and song titles, like several on your list, are bound to reflect that by being unusual or outlandish. Thank God and Greyhound She's Gone by Roy Clark and She Got the Goldmine by Jerry Reed, were both light-hearted, comedic songs, never intended to be taken seriously. Another, not on your list, is My Cellmate Thinks I'm Sexy by Cletus T. Judd. This was a parody of another song which also might qualify for your list, Kenny Chesney's She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy. Which brings me to my third point: context.

Without knowing the lyrics, without having heard the song performed, and being from someplace like the Highlands of Scotland can make it difficult to fairly judge the titles of songs from a genre that is uniquely American. Idioms, expressions, cultures, and histories with which you might not be that familiar don't make it any easier. I imagine I'd have similar difficulty with some (or a great deal) of your music.

So, give us poor rubes a break, eh?

Celestial Mechanic
2005-Jul-30, 03:54 AM
• You Can't Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd
Roger Miller ::sn*ff::
:cry: Agreed. But remember: "You can be happy if you've a mind to." :)

Celestial Mechanic
2005-Jul-30, 03:57 AM
I'm not sure if this one is for real, but it's a great title:

"If Today Was a Fish, I'd Throw it Back".

George
2005-Jul-30, 04:45 AM
• You Can't Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd
Roger Miller ::sn*ff::
:cry: Agreed. But remember: "You can be happy if you've a mind to." :)
Thanks, Thanks, I might just do it, do it, do it. [echos tonite #-o ]

Enzp
2005-Jul-30, 06:54 AM
This from someone from where the men wear skirts and the sheep are nervous.

Just kidding, I am of Scottish descent.

Country does have a sense of humor - about life and about itself. ANd most of those titles are indeed supposed to be humorous. For example Cletus T. Judd is really the Weird Al Yankovic of Country. All his songs are parodies of recent popular mainstream country tunes. I even write such parodies, such as "Drive" a spoof or Faith Hill's "Dream" except mine was about being behind someone in traffic not moving to my satisfaction. Same deal.

Can't have your Kate and Edith Too is a fine old Flatt and Skruggs ditty. A pun on you can't have your cake and eat it too.


My country preferences are for the "old" country of Johny Cash, Jimmy Dean, Charlie Daniels, The Outlaws, Nitty Gritty, Roger Miller, etc

So those are old? To me old country is Loretta Lynn, Ernest Tubb, Little Jimmie Dickens, Patsy CLine (check her out if you are not familiar - she could sing), and all you favorite Grand Ole Opry stars.

Krevel
2005-Jul-30, 12:42 PM
• - Please Daddy, Don’t Get Drunk Its Christmas.

It's "Please Daddy, Don't Get Drunk This Christmas", but I've actually heard this one. Other than that, I can't vouch for any of them, though I am also not particularly a fan of country & western music, so I wouldn't have had much opportunity to hear them.

Last Xmas season, the CBC show "As it Happens" had a sort of contest to pick the worst ever Xmas song, and that song (by John Denver, I believe) "won".

I remember a few years ago, while bicycling cross-country, that I kept hearing a song called "Let's Chase Each Other 'round the Room Tonight".

Once, while riding with my sister, who listens to C&W music, there was a song on the radio called "She Only Smokes When She Drinks." Everytime the the title was sung during the chorus, I would respond with, "But she's drinkin' all the time." We both had a good laugh out of that!

Personally, I never considered any particular type of music to be morally superior to another. I listen to a lot of stuff, and while I don't really like C&W, I do like Bluegrass and love novelty songs. I also like women who drive pick-up trucks!

Maksutov
2005-Jul-30, 08:21 PM
• You Can't Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd
Roger Miller ::sn*ff::
:cry: Agreed. But remember: "You can be happy if you've a mind to." :)
Thanks, Thanks, I might just do it, do it, do it. [echos tonite #-o ]

concentrate... concentrate... I've got to concentrate... concentrate... concentrate... Hello?... hello?... hello?... Echo... echo... echo... Pinch hitting for Pedro Borbon... Manny Mota... Mota... Mota...

Maksutov
2005-Jul-30, 08:32 PM
Given the time of the year, it's obviously time for White Trash Christmas (http://www.bobrivers.com/audiovault/downloads/whitetrash.asp) in July!

WARNING: SOME ADULT CONTENT!

CAUTION: TOTALLY TASTELESS TOO! :D

Chip
2005-Jul-30, 09:54 PM
My favorite country album (which isn't played on "Country Radio") is:

"13 Hillybilly Giants"

Its a great collection of incredible songs by top song writiers, sung by Robbie Fulks.

One that always cracks me up is "I Want To Be MaMa'd". You can hear a sound clip of it by scrolling down on this link (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00005R8EG/qid%5F1/102-7671479-8436158). :wink:

farmerjumperdon
2005-Aug-01, 12:38 PM
I think the style of dance that goes with it says a lot about any music. When line-dancing became all the rage, you knew country had gone completely disco. The box score on that little blemish, I mean trend:

Robotic syncopation - 26
Freedom of expression - 0

I was in New Orleans a couple times during the peak of the line dance craze. There was a place that was actually called a Country Disco just off Bourbon Street.

Eoanthropus Dawsoni
2005-Aug-01, 01:14 PM
Jim Stafford also did some humorous Country songs back during the 1970s. Wildwood Weed and I ain't Sharin' Sharon were amusing, My Girl Bill was hysterical.

George
2005-Aug-01, 02:01 PM
Sometimes the sense of humor is so strong you don't even need lyrics (e.g. Roy Clark). :)

SeanF
2005-Aug-01, 02:08 PM
Jim Stafford also did some humorous Country songs back during the 1970s. Wildwood Weed and I ain't Sharin' Sharon were amusing, My Girl Bill was hysterical.

"She rode into town to find the man who killed her daddy.
Yippie-aye-yay, Cow Patty..."

Stardate
2005-Aug-01, 02:12 PM
Where's the Pride? 8-[

George
2005-Aug-01, 02:51 PM
Where's the Pride? 8-[
:) Poor old Kalijah (sp?). :wink:

Stardate
2005-Aug-01, 02:57 PM
Where's the Pride? 8-[
:) Poor old Kalijah (sp?). :wink:
I had to google this (http://www.cowboylyrics.com/forum/read.php?f=1&i=5922&t=5922).
Poor guy never got a kiss.

Typical Country Song. :(

Eoanthropus Dawsoni
2005-Aug-01, 04:08 PM
"She rode into town to find the man who killed her daddy.
Yippie-aye-yay, Cow Patty..."

Oh Yeah! I almost forgot about that classic.

Enzp
2005-Aug-02, 06:13 AM
Where's the pride? WHy CHarlie is alive and well. In fact you can join him on a Carribean cruise with other Opry stars this coming January.

www.charleypride.com

Maksutov
2005-Aug-02, 06:30 AM
Speaking of January, can you imagine Running Bear (http://www.lyricskeeper.com/johnny_preston-lyrics/178152-running_bear-lyrics.htm) in the dead of winter?

enginelessjohn
2005-Aug-02, 09:37 AM
I would like to add "Bubba shot the jukebox last night" (http://www.lyricsfreak.com/m/mark-chesnutt/89158.html) to our humble list. I assume that it was marked "not for export" on the CDs...... :D

To add to the list of "good" country, I did rather get into the Alt-Country thing a few years back, and I do have a very soft spot for the Jayhawks and Wilco.

Cheers
John

Stardate
2005-Aug-02, 11:27 AM
Where's the pride? WHy CHarlie is alive and well. In fact you can join him on a Carribean cruise with other Opry stars this coming January.

www.charleypride.com
I was wondering when someone would get that. :D

George
2005-Aug-02, 11:48 AM
Where's the Pride? 8-[
:) Poor old Kalijah (sp?). :wink:
I had to google this (http://www.cowboylyrics.com/forum/read.php?f=1&i=5922&t=5922).
Poor guy never got a kiss.

Typical Country Song. :(
I had forgotten H.W. wrote it. That's my favorite Charlie Pride song.

Stardate
2005-Aug-02, 12:02 PM
I had forgotten H.W. wrote it. That's my favorite Charlie Pride song.
Oh. Sorry, George. I grew up listening to Charlie Pride, but I can't remember any of his songs. I do remember my mother turning on this huge TV/radio/record console we had, and hearing Charlie Pride all day long. My mom just loved him. She loved Dolly Pardon, too. Remember when Hee Haw was popular? :)

George
2005-Aug-02, 12:24 PM
Remember when Hee Haw was popular? :)
Yes. I think of it every time I hear Roy Clark a-pickin' (and a-grinnin'). :)

I also go back further and listen to the old western songs. Sons of the Pioneers & Gene Autry are examples. Marty Robins did many ballads I like. I memorized his theme to John Wayne's movie - The Alamo. It is one I am partial to, naturally.

When I visited the old Grand Ole Opry, I had a chance to meet an elderly lady there who had worked there many years. I asked her who was the best. She said Marty.

Maksutov
2005-Aug-02, 12:41 PM
Remember when Hee Haw was popular? :)
Yes. I think of it every time I hear Roy Clark a-pickin' (and a-grinnin'). :)

I also go back further and listen to the old western songs. Sons of the Pioneers & Gene Autry are examples. Marty Robins did many ballads I like. I memorized his theme to John Wayne's movie - The Alamo. It is one I am partial to, naturally.

When I visited the old Grand Ole Opry, I had a chance to meet an elderly lady there who had worked there many years. I asked her who was the best. She said Marty.
Careful next time you're in El Paso!

:D

George
2005-Aug-02, 12:50 PM
Remember when Hee Haw was popular? :)
Yes. I think of it every time I hear Roy Clark a-pickin' (and a-grinnin'). :)

I also go back further and listen to the old western songs. Sons of the Pioneers & Gene Autry are examples. Marty Robins did many ballads I like. I memorized his theme to John Wayne's movie - The Alamo. It is one I am partial to, naturally.

When I visited the old Grand Ole Opry, I had a chance to meet an elderly lady there who had worked there many years. I asked her who was the best. She said Marty.
Careful next time you're in El Paso!

:D
I know 'bout dem "Falinas" so I always wear a "Big Iron" on my hip.

Wazzie
2006-Mar-23, 04:43 PM
"I Wanna Whip Your Cow" was not a real song. It was created by TM Century, a BIG jingle company in Dallas. It was part of a promotional piece that pondered aloud about the future of radio. One of the possible new formats in this fantasy piece was called "Punk Country" and featured the short song. (Lyrics went "I Wanna Whip Your Cow, Show Me How, Show Me How, I Wanna Hear Her Moo, So Do You..."

The promotional samples were sent out to radio stations around the country in the late 70s/early 80s and it was certainly grabbed my attention. In the 25 years since that was released, I've purchased several jingle packages from TM for stations I've programmed.

Gruesome
2006-Mar-23, 05:01 PM
Jimmy Buffett has a song "If The Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me"

Jimmy's got alot of clever song titles. Two that come to mind.

The Weather is Here, Wish You Were Beautiful

My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink and I Don't Love Jesus

Big Brother Dunk
2006-Mar-23, 06:08 PM
Another one that could be added to the list:

Drop Kick Me Jesus Through the Goalposts of Life.

Speakers on:
http://bertc.com/18Track18r.mp3

farmerjumperdon
2006-Mar-23, 06:20 PM
The last one on the list (You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly) has got to be a joke.

pmcolt
2006-Mar-23, 08:56 PM
Heard of a few of them. (Ok, actually I'm only posting to get rid of that "you haven't posted in awhile..." message I keep seeing.)

"Do You Love As Good As You Look?"
The Bellamy Brothers

"Here's A Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares"
Travis Tritt, as said before.

"I've Got The Hungries For Your Love And I'm Waiting In Your Welfare Line"
Older singer, can't remember who. But "hungries" was pronounced "haaaaaaaauuuuungries".

"She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft"
Jerry Reed, in typical Jerry Reed style.

"Thank God And Greyhound She's Gone"
Roy Clark

"You Can't Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd"
Roger Miller (But you can be happy if you've a mind to.)

You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly
Conway Twitty & Loretta Lynn (It's actually "You're the Reason Our Kids Are Ugly")

Bob
2006-Mar-23, 10:08 PM
"I Got Roped and Tied by Jesus at the Holy Ghost Corral"

Roy Batty
2006-Mar-24, 01:23 AM
Oh what was that Kenny Rogers classic?

'You picked a fine time to leave me loose wheel,
with 400 children and a Croc in the field...'

What? What?!! :D;)

Celestial Mechanic
2006-Mar-24, 05:08 AM
Lianachan mentioned this in the original post (not quite the same as the title I remember), but I can't help sharing a bit of the lyrics:

You done stomped on my heart,
And you mashed that sucker flat.
You just sorta,
Stepped on my aorta,
I believe John Denver also recorded this on a very early album of his.