View Full Version : Stalin's idea for an invinceable army-ape/humans

2005-Dec-22, 11:30 AM

Heid the Ba'
2005-Dec-22, 12:12 PM
Stalin ended up with an invincable army anyway.

The source for this story is "The Sun", one of our poorer tabloids; I doubt there is any truth in it.

2005-Dec-22, 01:21 PM
Breaking news: Stalin was a nutcase.

Film at 11.

Which is to say, that it's a very silly idea indeed, but I wouldn't have put it inconceivably more insane than some of the things that really did happen, so I can't discount it out of hand.

2005-Dec-22, 03:55 PM
One of my Russian professors has a Russian-language book about this. I was pretty skeptical when he told me about it- it reminds me of the stories about Imperial Japan building atomic bombs, for instance. What he had told me about the book didn't sound quite like this article- my knowledge of Soviet history makes the dates here seem rather fishy. In the book, the Soviets hoped to create ape-human hybrids to work on construction projects in the far north. A lot of bogus stories come with the tagline "validated by secret Russian archives!", and I'm pretty confident this falls into that category. On the other hand, some Stalinist biological experiments were truely grotesque and bizarre (my professor, who grew up in the USSR, seemed to think the story was plausible- but Russians have a cultural predisposition to love conspiracy theories), so I wouldn't rule out the possibility that Soviet scientists were performing weird experiments on apes. (I have a picture in one of my books of a 1940 Soviet experiment to keep a severed dog's head alive using a primitive heart-lung machine that was basically a beaker of blood with an aquarium bubbler in it.)

Heid the Ba'
2005-Dec-22, 04:33 PM
Breaking news: Stalin was a nutcase.

Film at 11.

Which is to say, that it's a very silly idea indeed, but I wouldn't have put it inconceivably more insane than some of the things that really did happen, so I can't discount it out of hand.

Fair point, that was more what I meant than my knee jerk reaction to The Sun.

Picture the scene, a snowy dacha on the outskirts of Moscow, Stalin and Beria have been drinking heavily.

Stalin: What we need are stupid tough soldiers.
Beria: Ukranians?
S: No, stupider and tougher
B: Poles?
S: No, no, no! Some animal human hybrid.
B: Squirrel/Latvians? Donkey/Cossacks? Badger/Siberians?
S: Ape-men you idiot! Send a memo to the army right now!

The following morning,
General 1: Comrade Stalin wants us to do WHAT?
General 2: And it is in Beria's handwriting, so I'm not querying it.
General 1: Nor me, find me a scientist....

Some months pass; in Beria's office
Minion: Comrade Beria, we have traced the expediture on Project Monkeyboy, they say Comrade Stalin approved it.
Beria: The fools, beat the truth out of them.
Minion: The had this memo signed by you. Er......obviously .....um....er.... a forgery.....
Beria (crumpling paper): Have them shot.

(No donkey/Cossacks were harmed in the making of the above parody).

2005-Dec-22, 07:56 PM
Well, I, for one, would like to welcome our new ape-human overlords . . . .

Dragon Star
2005-Dec-22, 08:00 PM
Well, I, for one, would like to welcome our new ape-human overlords . . . .

:roll: You crack me up Gillianren.:D

2005-Dec-22, 08:56 PM
B: Squirrel/Latvians? Donkey/Cossacks? Badger/Siberians?

Not the terrible Squirrel-Latvians!!!! They're nuts!
(runs away in terror)

2005-Dec-23, 12:45 AM
Maybe he read “The Island of Doctor Moreau,” 1896, by HG Wells.


“Then I took a gorilla I had; and upon that, working with infinite care and mastering difficulty after difficulty, I made my first man. All the week, night and day, I moulded him. With him it was chiefly the brain that needed moulding; much had to be added, much changed.”


2005-Dec-23, 01:46 AM
About the only thing that could give credit to this piece of "News" was the fact that Stalin's crony Trofim Denisovich Lysenko (http://skepdic.com/lysenko.html) was head of the Academy of Agricultural Sciences of the former USSR and managed to send Soviet Biology back to the 18th century with his doctrine Lysenkoism......

2005-Dec-23, 02:22 AM
all your banana are belong to us! Oook!

2005-Dec-23, 08:13 PM
:roll: You crack me up Gillianren.:D

I'm just pleased at being the first one to say it. (Oh, and Lurch, I laughed out loud at yours.)

2005-Dec-25, 08:45 AM
ah, my life is a success.

That bit of translation is one of my faves - it's always good for a smile

2005-Dec-25, 02:08 PM
This hardly surprises me coming from a country which pioneered the concept of the anti-tank dog.

Dogs were employed by the Soviet Union during World War II, to be used against German tanks. Strapped with explosives the animals were expected to run under German tanks where the armour plate was weakest and give their meager mongrel lives for the survival of the State. Unfortunately, the Soviets trained the dogs by placing food under their own tanks while the engines were running; consequently, in battle the dogs were more likely to run beneath a friendly tank with it's more familar noises and smells as they were to attack the enemy. Also, the dogs were reluctant to run towards an active tank, and as such became a menace to everyone on the battlefield. In 1942, after dogs forced an entire Soviet tank division into retreat, dog mines were withdrawn from use.

The German army learned of the use of Hundeminen as anti-tank weapons, and on the Eastern Front dogs were shot on sight, under the pretence that they were likely to be rabid. Dogs became scarce as a result, making the use of dogs as a surprise weapon even more improbable.

2005-Dec-25, 05:03 PM
yeah cos they work for peanuts?:p sorry wrong species

2005-Dec-25, 05:14 PM
they probably looked like much like Orc's if any eventuated I would guess - great story, thnx :)

2005-Dec-25, 06:06 PM
Well, I, for one, would like to welcome our new ape-human overlords . . . .

why are there no Bush jokes yet?

2005-Dec-25, 06:21 PM
why are there no Bush jokes yet?

Because that would be against the rules?

2005-Dec-25, 08:59 PM
... and it's not gorillas but chimpanzees.

Laminal Cockroach
2005-Dec-25, 09:15 PM
He had also apparently asked his scientists to make sure they had "immense strength but an underdeveloped brain", reports The Sun.
Though the information can be highly unreliable being from the sun, it is really interesting, because would an underdeveloped brain always make these follow all rules blindly and also carry them out properly.... their underdeveloped braind might cause them to be violence phobic..

Gullible Jones
2005-Dec-25, 09:39 PM
Well, chimps are definitely more than willing to use violence to solve problems. They're also very clever buggers, and would probably make absolutely terrible soldiers.

2005-Dec-25, 11:00 PM
OK so maybe and probably it is a myth.

But I wonder if it could have been successful if it was ever tried.

I have heard of possible "humanzee" that turned out to be false. But the writer of this article
http://www.rotten.com/library/cryptozoology/humanzee/ seems to think it is possible