PDA

View Full Version : What do I do with this guy????



randb
2006-Jan-20, 02:30 PM
help a person change his life!!!


Ok so this is about my roomate..... He goes to school with me...He pays out-of-state tuition ($8000 per semester) and is an engineering major. For the past 3 semesters, all he has been doing is playing Warcraft (computer game) and working (15 hrs/wk). He enrolled for classes, but he never attended any of them. So he got kicked out of school this semester. I talked my advisor into recommending his name to the board that deals with this kinda stuff... So they reinstated him. His parents pay for school, and their business is in losses right now. So they are taking loans to pay for him. (he doesn't qualify for federal aid or student loans). He promised me that he would go to all of his classes and maintain a B+ average.
But now it got worse....He now quit his job (cuz he feels that he doesn't get enough time to study) and plays that stupid game all the time.... I generally leave for classes and work at 7 am and only get back at like 6 pm. He lied to me that he's attending all his classes. He doesn't do any of the household chores, and he smokes in the apartment!!!! I'm moving out in May....and I wanna do something to motivate him... Any suggestions???

Nicolas
2006-Jan-20, 02:33 PM
Suggest the thief as his roommate?

randb
2006-Jan-20, 02:35 PM
Suggest the thief as his roommate?

lol!! seriously.....he needs help!!!!

paulie jay
2006-Jan-20, 02:38 PM
I dunno, if he can't learn responsibility for himself now, when will he ever? Just remember, it's his life and not your responsibility. You can try to help, but short of giving his parents some financial support the best thing you can do is take his game away from him.

randb
2006-Jan-20, 02:40 PM
I dunno, if he can't learn responsibility for himself now, when will he ever? Just remember, it's his life and not your responsibility. You can try to help, but short of giving his parents some financial support the best thing you can do is take his game away from him.

I feel bad for his parents....They're hoping that he'll get done with college, get a job and help them out...

Lianachan
2006-Jan-20, 02:41 PM
You should jot all this down and write a soap opera / sit com at some stage.

Moose
2006-Jan-20, 02:56 PM
One of the most important things college is supposed to teach you is to take responsibility for your choices. Without getting rapped smartly by the consequences of his actions, he won't learn this lesson.

It sounds harsh, but you've done everything you can do in this matter, (and perhaps more than you should have, in all honesty.)

It's time for him to either sink or swim.

The cost to his parents is deeply regrettable, but they have their own choices to make.

Swift
2006-Jan-20, 04:51 PM
One of the most important things college is supposed to teach you is to take responsibility for your choices. Without getting rapped smartly by the consequences of his actions, he won't learn this lesson.

It sounds harsh, but you've done everything you can do in this matter, (and perhaps more than you should have, in all honesty.)

It's time for him to either sink or swim.

The cost to his parents is deeply regrettable, but they have their own choices to make.
I agree with Moose, with one other thought. He may need some sort of counseling, to overcome his "addiction". You might want to suggest it to him. You might also talk to Health Services (or the equivalent) about such counseling. In some schools, a dean might get involved. But ultimately, it is his life and you can't run it for him.

Carnifex
2006-Jan-20, 10:00 PM
Blow up the PC, d'uh... You can't play Warcraft without a PC you know...

Nicolas
2006-Jan-20, 10:01 PM
The matter will be solved within days, when the PC will be stolen ;).

Moose
2006-Jan-20, 10:25 PM
Nicolas: :lol:

Doodler
2006-Jan-20, 10:29 PM
The matter will be solved within days, when the PC will be stolen ;).

Stealing a PC is like shooting a dog for a fanatic MMORPG player. Cross that line and you've got major problems. If he doesn't pay his rent, you can sue to have him evicted.

Nicolas
2006-Jan-20, 10:49 PM
Doodler: I was referring to the other thread :)

Doodler
2006-Jan-20, 10:50 PM
Doodler: I was referring to the other thread :)

:doh: :dance:

JohnW
2006-Jan-20, 11:32 PM
I think you and your room-mate would be better off if you played with the lite beer and drank the computer.

trinitree88
2006-Jan-20, 11:56 PM
In his book "Interactions", Sheldon Glashow of Harvard University and two Nobels...fame, described how the upperclassmen were harassing the freshmen....so they got into their room, unstitched their pillows, put little uncooked meatballs in them, and restitched them up. When the hamburger fermented, they all moved...took a few days.:clap: imagination is more important than knowledge...Albert Einstein

Jeff Root
2006-Jan-21, 03:44 AM
If you really want to help him, I suggest that he, you, his
parents, and (for at least few minutes) a representative of the
school (councelor or one of his instructors who knows him), and
possibly also his girlfriend if he has one, get together and
talk for a couple of hours. Let him know that the problem isn't
going to go away or improve with time. It is going to get worse
and worse and worse over the decades unless he does something
decisive now. (It could get worse nomatter what anyone does,
but you don't need to go into that.)

I feel sympathy for the guy. I don't want you to give him a
hard time. I don't want you to put pressure on him. But I
think you should make clear to him that nomatter how much his
parents love him, and how much you all want things to go right
for him, there is only so much you can do.

He needs to decide what he is going to do differently, and how
he is going to do it. He doesn't need to decide during your
meeting, but you should arrange a schedule for him to get back
to you with his decision. He should know that if he doesn't
fulfill that first responsibility, you can and will do nothing
more for him. His parents shouldn't say that, but they can
agree with you when you say it. :-)

What you can offer to do is help him stick to his plans. You
need to work out between you how you can help. Be realistic.
Don't offer to do more than you can comfortably handle. Maybe
go over the content of his coursework each day. Not, "Did you
do your work today?" but, "The next problem looks intereseting.
What do you have to do to find the values of these variables
so you can use them to calculate dynamic load?"

Or, if you aren't into his subjects... Get him to work with
someone else taking the same courses. If he's a real bright
guy, get him to help someone less bright. If he isn't that
bright himself, get him to team up with someone who is. Have
him tell his instructor(s) that he needs someone to work with
who can help him stay on task. Then check to see that they
are indeed working together better than they did separately.
If they aren't, they shouldn't work together, but maybe someone
else will be the right coursework partner.

Talk; agree on what he needs to decide; and give him enough
time to make the decision himself. REQUIRE him to decide and
report his decision on time without making him feel pressured.
Give him any support you can in his decisionmaking. Make the
decision as easy for him as possible.

He may have to decide to totally stop playing computer games.
You may have to ensure that he has deleted them from his hard
drive, and take away his CD-ROMS. Or it may be enough to
limit games to one day a week. Whatever is easiest for him,
and for you.

Also... Lemme get this straight: You are a nonsmoker? And he
apparently indicated that he would not smoke in the apartment?
But he does, and you haven't killed him yet???

Please let me know how it goes.

-- Jeff, in Minneapolis

Gillianren
2006-Jan-21, 05:48 AM
Nothing you can do--and I speak as someone who flaked their way out of a college once. I understand your concern, but you tried to help, and he kept playing. Let it go; it's beyond your control.

randb
2006-Jan-21, 06:20 AM
If you really want to help him, I suggest that he, you, his
parents, and (for at least few minutes) a representative of the
school (councelor or one of his instructors who knows him), and
possibly also his girlfriend if he has one, get together and
talk for a couple of hours. Let him know that the problem isn't
going to go away or improve with time. It is going to get worse
and worse and worse over the decades unless he does something
decisive now. (It could get worse nomatter what anyone does,
but you don't need to go into that.)

I feel sympathy for the guy. I don't want you to give him a
hard time. I don't want you to put pressure on him. But I
think you should make clear to him that nomatter how much his
parents love him, and how much you all want things to go right
for him, there is only so much you can do.

He needs to decide what he is going to do differently, and how
he is going to do it. He doesn't need to decide during your
meeting, but you should arrange a schedule for him to get back
to you with his decision. He should know that if he doesn't
fulfill that first responsibility, you can and will do nothing
more for him. His parents shouldn't say that, but they can
agree with you when you say it. :-)

What you can offer to do is help him stick to his plans. You
need to work out between you how you can help. Be realistic.
Don't offer to do more than you can comfortably handle. Maybe
go over the content of his coursework each day. Not, "Did you
do your work today?" but, "The next problem looks intereseting.
What do you have to do to find the values of these variables
so you can use them to calculate dynamic load?"

Or, if you aren't into his subjects... Get him to work with
someone else taking the same courses. If he's a real bright
guy, get him to help someone less bright. If he isn't that
bright himself, get him to team up with someone who is. Have
him tell his instructor(s) that he needs someone to work with
who can help him stay on task. Then check to see that they
are indeed working together better than they did separately.
If they aren't, they shouldn't work together, but maybe someone
else will be the right coursework partner.

Talk; agree on what he needs to decide; and give him enough
time to make the decision himself. REQUIRE him to decide and
report his decision on time without making him feel pressured.
Give him any support you can in his decisionmaking. Make the
decision as easy for him as possible.

He may have to decide to totally stop playing computer games.
You may have to ensure that he has deleted them from his hard
drive, and take away his CD-ROMS. Or it may be enough to
limit games to one day a week. Whatever is easiest for him,
and for you.

Also... Lemme get this straight: You are a nonsmoker? And he
apparently indicated that he would not smoke in the apartment?
But he does, and you haven't killed him yet???

Please let me know how it goes.

-- Jeff, in Minneapolis


Apparently....his parents pamper him a lot. They never ever yell at him...or try to correct all the wrong things he had done....His parents aren't in the US...and he doesn't have a girlfriend...So I'll have to do all the talking....

Philip A
2006-Jan-21, 06:37 AM
I agree with Carnifex.

Jeff Root
2006-Jan-21, 09:19 AM
Apparently....his parents pamper him a lot. They never ever
yell at him...or try to correct all the wrong things he had done....
His parents aren't in the US...and he doesn't have a girlfriend...
So I'll have to do all the talking....
Now I'm wondering about your legal arrangement for the apartment.
If he thinks his parents will support him, although you indicated
they may not be able to even if they want to, then your best bet
may be to tell him immediately that he has to get out at the end
of the next month, not wait until you leave in May. If he wants
to stay, he has to sign a new contract with you promising to do
his schoolwork, or forfeit something he values and can't replace.

Since it is only until May, anyway, you could suggest no computer
games until the end of the school year. Only four months. Not
that long. Take away all his games until May.

And charge him $100 for each cigarette butt you find inside the
apartment-- nomatter where you find it. Payable on discovery.

Does he phone his parents? Do they phone him? Do they speak
English which you can understand? You can't have the discussion
I suggested over the phone, but you can tell them the situation,
and he can know that you are discussing it with them. Don't try
to make any decisions or solve anything over the phone, just let
his parents know that you are concerned, and what you are trying
to do, and why.

-- Jeff, in Minneapolis

randb
2006-Jan-22, 01:54 AM
His parents aren't able to pay....but they still pay...He told me that they sold some property they own + took some loans.... I've tried all of that...nothing worked!!! The next time....I'm home alone..I'm gonna fry his laptop motherboard.
Thanks for all the advice.


Now I'm wondering about your legal arrangement for the apartment.
If he thinks his parents will support him, although you indicated
they may not be able to even if they want to, then your best bet
may be to tell him immediately that he has to get out at the end
of the next month, not wait until you leave in May. If he wants
to stay, he has to sign a new contract with you promising to do
his schoolwork, or forfeit something he values and can't replace.

Since it is only until May, anyway, you could suggest no computer
games until the end of the school year. Only four months. Not
that long. Take away all his games until May.

And charge him $100 for each cigarette butt you find inside the
apartment-- nomatter where you find it. Payable on discovery.

Does he phone his parents? Do they phone him? Do they speak
English which you can understand? You can't have the discussion
I suggested over the phone, but you can tell them the situation,
and he can know that you are discussing it with them. Don't try
to make any decisions or solve anything over the phone, just let
his parents know that you are concerned, and what you are trying
to do, and why.

-- Jeff, in Minneapolis

LurchGS
2006-Jan-22, 02:44 AM
randb,

Speaking as one who is currently addicted to a game, I suggest you get a large baseball bat and have at it.

Seriously - you've done more than you are obligated to. His schoolwork is his problem. When his parents pass, he's going to be left with nothing, working for you in the mail room.

As for the apartment... that's harder, really, to deal with, since it's an interpersonal issue. I tend to take the offending mess and leave it in the messer's room. Preferably on the keyboard, or in the middle of the most annoying spot available. If he didn't carry through on his promises in the past, what makes anybody think he will in the future?
If he's not paying his share of the rent, check with the landlord and the local legal agencies (I don't doubt the school has a legal staff). If it's legally possible, dump his stuff on the curb.
You have enough to worry about with your own schooling - this kind of abuse is not helping you at all.