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ToSeek
2006-Jul-25, 12:27 AM
Report: 47% Of Satellites Currently Monitoring Celebrity Parenting (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/50877)


Just days after the launch of SURI-II, whose state-of-the-art instruments are expected to provide the first-ever infrared images of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' infant daughter, a report published by NASA revealed that nearly half of all communications and reconnaissance satellites currently in orbit are engaged in collecting and transmitting data relating to the child-rearing practices of Hollywood stars.

According to Monday's report, the SURI-II is one of 73 celebrity-surveying satellites currently deployed by the U.S. and assigned a variety of tasks including analyzing the rising levels of hostility between new mother Britney Spears and husband Kevin Federline, calculating the long-term effects of Julia Roberts' decision to bottle-feed her twins, and tracking the ever-changing whereabouts of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt.

sarongsong
2006-Jul-25, 01:11 AM
July 17, 2006
...Last week, Genesis I beamed back the first low-resolution images from its dozen cameras... North County Times (http://nctimes.com/articles/2006/07/18/news/state/18_58_247_17_06.txt)http://www.bautforum.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

Roy Batty
2006-Jul-25, 01:22 AM
Snip "and tracking the ever-changing whereabouts of Angelina Jolie" Snip.

Need. More. Funds. Now! ;)

Gillianren
2006-Jul-25, 04:11 AM
Bleh. I just don't like that woman. (I don't think she's particularly attractive, either.)

AGN Fuel
2006-Jul-25, 07:27 AM
:clap:

I love TheOnion.


Outfitted with sensitive spectrometers that measure pregnant Academy Award-winners' mean glow-radiance (MGR) and equipped with advanced imaging and optoelectronic devices capable of detecting possible "baby bumps" from 13,000 miles above the earth's surface

:lol:

Swift
2006-Jul-25, 01:29 PM
If only it were true. 1% of the money spent on The National Enquirer and People could probably double the NASA budget. :(

Doodler
2006-Jul-25, 03:56 PM
Bleh. I just don't like that woman. (I don't think she's particularly attractive, either.)

She gets huge bonus points for effective use of celebrity. She's got her pet cause, and she does appear to have a knack for aiming her starpower in the right places. Having her last baby in Namibia could be considered something of a masterstroke for manipulating the spotlight trying to manipulate her.

Physically, she's not an archetypical beauty. Her face is an aquired taste, but as a head to toe package, she's definitely breast of show...eh...head and shoulders above the breast...gah...you know what I mean.


:razz:

Bob
2006-Jul-25, 07:03 PM
What ever happened to Brad Pitt?

sarongsong
2006-Jul-25, 09:15 PM
Total invisibility:
..."he is playing the father role"...granny Russell added. Hindustan Times (http://www.hindustantimes.com/news/7242_1752617,00180016.htm)