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Vermonter
2003-May-05, 09:39 PM
Hey folks, I just got my college English Comp. final back..."Through the Looking Glass". If anyone wants to read it (http://www.geocities.com/tenchimod/Through_the_Looking_Glass.doc), please do so, and feel free to post comments.

Be sure to Right-click and "Save As..." Otherwise it's come up with "file currently unavailible" as Gethen found.

It's a MS .doc file and virus-free. I'll try and make it into a .PDF file when I get the chance.

Thanks!

P.S. I registered for the Intro to Astronomy course at my local college ^_^ so pretty soon I'll actually know what I'm talking about (I hope @_@).

~Josh :D

gethen
2003-May-06, 12:12 AM
Tried to read the paper but it came up as not available at this time :(

Chuck
2003-May-06, 05:11 AM
I'm not a literary genius but here are some comments on style anyway:

Page 2, end of second paragraph: "...much more inexpensively." might be better as "...much less expensively."

Page 2, last paragraph: "Early telescopes were essentially a reading glass lens held..." switches of plural to singular. Maybe "An early telescope was essentially a reading glass lens held..." would be better.

Page 4, second line: "...stand further and further away from the main lens...". I think "farther" works better than "further".

Page 4, end of first full paragraph: "If a single, 2 diameter eyeglass lens has a cost of $50 dollars, a larger size lens would cost even more." This seems incomplete and leaves the reader hanging. How much more? Does lens cost increase with the square of its diameter?

Page 6, end of third paragraph: "...into the eyepiece, and at the same time, it flips the image so it is right-side up." I think the comma comes after the "and". "...into the eyepiece and, at the same time, it flips the image so it is right-side up."

Page 7, second line: "...is put on the telescope before the main eyepiece is." The ending "is" sounds wrong. I don't remember why. Maybe adding the word "installed" or "attached" would be better.

Page 7, second paragraph: "...there was a major difference in our night vision after observing." switches from plural "our" to singular "vision" unless you're sharing a common vision.

Vermonter
2003-May-06, 02:42 PM
Thanks for the input. I went through and looked at the suggestions and found that they worked pretty well!

For the last comment


Page 7, second paragraph: "...there was a major difference in our night vision after observing." switches from plural "our" to singular "vision" unless you're sharing a common vision.

I added "When a group of friends and I observed the moon a few nights ago, the glare was so intense (sounded better) that there was a major difference in each viewer's night vision after observing."

How's that sound?

Chuck
2003-May-06, 02:48 PM
Perfect. Or would be if I were grading it. Good luck.

Vermonter
2003-May-06, 03:10 PM
My English Professor gave it an "A" and stated that it was publishable in current form. She also thought it was good enough to use as a teaching tool in her English Composition courses she teaches. I was quite proud of my work.

The BA gets mentioned in it, too!

I found out the cost for my Astronomy texbook...$85.00 for "Discovering the Universe". Good thing for helpful parents!