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nebularain
2003-May-15, 08:15 PM
Top 10 Things We Wouldn't Want To Hear Aliens Say After Landing:

10. Mom, can I keep one? Pleeeeease?

9. FANTASTIC! We'll have those ores mined in no time!

8. Hello, we're going planet to planet offering these lovely Gin-su knives. Take a look at the craftsmanship - .

7. Can you validate our parking?

6. Oooh-They didn't say it was going to be a buffet.

5. Well I'm not eating this Earth-food. There must be a McZebulort's somewhere -

4. Take us to your leader. We want to meet this "Regis" person.

3. Let the games begin!

2. Our ship broke, do you mind if we use your phone to call the Beta Centauri Galaxy? - Oh, and we forgot our calling card.

1. Thanks for taking good care of all of our spotted owl - HEY, WAIT A SECOND!


(This piece of humor brought to you courtesy of Standard Devients (http://www.cerebellum.com/pls/brain/cerebellum.show_subject?p_subject_id=35)

traztx
2003-May-15, 08:59 PM
Or how about:

"Ahhhh... home sweet home. Hey wait a minute... honey didn't I tell you 10 million years ago you were supposed to lock the monkey cage?!"

g99
2003-May-15, 09:07 PM
"i told you to make that left turn at Orion, now look at where we are....."

"Don't touch that! Its only got two arms and you know how dangerous they can be."

"Would you like to hear about our new model of Vacume cleaner?"

"So these are humans, you know they really are uglier in real life."

"Would you like to buy some Gogonscout cookies?"

"O.K. this place seems uninhaabited by intelegent life. Lets seee...O.K. the Casino will go here and put that toxix waste dump over there by that big concrete city."

pmcolt
2003-May-15, 09:21 PM
"Greetings. We have come to serve man. burp"

"Bet I can bounce this big blue-green marble off that little red marble and into that star over there..."

"We are the Knights who say...Ni!"

"Earthers, we have come from Zeta Reticuli to warn you of a giant planet coming to destroy your own..."

SollyLama
2003-May-15, 09:31 PM
You forgot:

"We'd like to offer you a free copy of The Watchtower"
"We're here to take your daughter out"
"Would you consider yourself to be light or dark meat?"
"Why did you cancel ALF? He's our ambassador"
"Have you seen our emmissary around here, he answers to the name Saddam Hussein?"
"Resistance is futile, you will be assimilated" <--- A little too easy

Bill Thmpson
2003-May-15, 09:42 PM
How about:

"We have come to give a special award to John Edwards and Bart Sibrel"

(alright, you would have had to seen South Park)

SKY
2003-May-15, 09:46 PM
“We’re tired of Elvis…here, have him back.”

“Would you please stop sending us video signals of American Idol.”

“May the Schwartz be with you”

g99
2003-May-15, 09:48 PM
"we have come to kick your leaders butt"

"Anyone want to be a zoo specimen?"

[alien comes up with a crying kid] "Little Billy has something to say to you earthlings. Go say it billy, come on or no Gogonscout cookies for you!"

Little billy: "I'm sorry i tricked you folks. Me and a freind wanted to have some fun so we made you think that a planet was coming to get your planet. I'm sorry."

fingolfen
2003-May-15, 10:32 PM
"Avon calling"

girlgeek
2003-May-15, 10:42 PM
hahaha

how about "would you like to save money on your long-distance bills?"

girlgeek

dgruss23
2003-May-15, 11:46 PM
"Yo duuudes, can you take me to Pauly Shores? He's - like - the main man planning our new world order. "

Chuck
2003-May-16, 12:13 AM
"Our empire has more stars than we can keep track of and we heard there's a company here that will name them for us."

dgruss23
2003-May-16, 12:45 AM
"Ahh Thorgon. This is the perfect planet to film our new galactic reality series Munching on the Natives."

"I bet these two legged creatures taste like chicken!"

"This planet is a little too dry, but we can fix that."

"Yes honey, this one has a lot of potential. We'll need to scrape it down to the mantle, but it'll fix up real nice like."

"No, no, no! This is all wrong. In fact, we'd better disinfect so nothing on it spreads."

aporetic_r
2003-May-16, 03:47 AM
"Do you want to make more money? Sure, we all do! You can begin training for a new career today! Call now to learn more about our programs in Nanowidget Repair, Interstellar Cartography, or Antimatter Containment Technologist's Assistant. Or you can get your degree. You can major in Business Management, or in Accounting."

"We happily bestow upon you this Betamax copy of our compiled answers to the mysteries of the universe."

Aporetic
www.polisci.wisc.edu/~rdparrish

freddo
2003-May-16, 04:55 AM
"We are from the church of Latter Day Interstellar Saints....."

Peter B
2003-May-16, 04:57 AM
"Well, you wouldn't believe it...talking meat!"

"We've been doing a bit of comparing, and if you think your TV programs are terrible, you should see ours."

"There's a sequel to 'Matrix'? Cool!"

"What can you give us to prove to the folks back home that we were really here?"

"Do you have any spare tickets so we can go see Jerry?"

"So the Chicago Bulls beat Manchester United by 65 runs?"

"What is this thing called 'love'?" (Beautiful/handsome green-skinned humanoid aliens only...!)

Botiemaster
2003-May-16, 05:51 AM
"All your base are belong to us!"

:o

freddo
2003-May-16, 05:53 AM
"All your base are belong to us!"

I can't for the life of me recall what this is from??? Educate the dunce please :wink:

C.

Nightfall
2003-May-16, 06:26 AM
"All your base are belong to us!"

I can't for the life of me recall what this is from??? Educate the dunce please :wink:

C.

Are you sure you want to know? If you are, here is the link (http://www.planettribes.com/allyourbase/index.shtml), but you have been warned. And you thought that the conspiracy behind the moon landings was large. :wink: :roll:

Wingnut Ninja
2003-May-16, 06:27 AM
The fad to end all fads (http://www.allyourbase.net/). It gets irritating after the first hundred or so references, to the point where many online forums have made its use a bannable offense. :)

Edit: beaten. Pooh.

Anyway, to take a page from Contact: "Take me to your Führer."

freddo
2003-May-16, 07:14 AM
ahhh... Scary. Right. [slowly edges towards door]

Glom
2003-May-16, 10:46 AM
"I have an appointment with Richard Hoagland and Stephen Spielberg. It's about the set we're being for them on... Cydonia. Can you tell them we've... arrived. Five minutes is all we need for this... encounter. We're in such a rush these days. All our time seems to be... abducted."

dgruss23
2003-May-16, 10:54 AM
"Can you hear me now?"

kucharek
2003-May-16, 11:00 AM
"Do you have some change?"
"Where is the restroom!? Where is the restroom!?"
"That's one small step for a Zeta, one giant leap for aliens."

logicboy
2003-May-16, 12:01 PM
"WHAT!!!!! STAR TREK IS FAKE!!!"

Soupdragon
2003-May-16, 01:08 PM
How about

"We have come to liberate you from repressive regimes, and return ownership of all Earth assets to their rightful owners - the masses.

"We will try to minimise any cholateral damage, but some loss of innocent life is to be expected.

"The United Galaxies is reviewing bids from all Galaxial corporations regarding the management of all earth resources for the benefit of its peoples."

Er, sound familiar!? :wink:

SKY
2003-May-16, 02:03 PM
"Can you hear me now?"


:lol:

cable
2003-May-16, 02:16 PM
AND .............

"Yoda, Jar Jar Binks et al .... are not TRUE aliens .... "
"we travelled at superliminal speed .... "
"where is .... the Bad Astronomer ??? "
"what is the web address of ... badastronomy.com ?? "

8) 8)

gethen
2003-May-16, 02:46 PM
"O.K. Everybody remember, we're parked in lot D."

traztx
2003-May-16, 03:19 PM
"KLATU BARADA NIKTO"

"Arthur Dent? You're a jerk! A complete kneebiter."

Glom
2003-May-16, 03:34 PM
"KLATU BARADA NIKTO"

That sounds familiar. Was that from Honey, I Shrunk the Kids the TV show?

Matherly
2003-May-16, 03:39 PM
It's from The Day the Earth Stood Still

Although it was also used to good effect in Evil Dead 3: Army of Darkness

It's also been used in various places because of it's classic connotation (an in-joke if you will amoung sci-fi geeks)

Glom
2003-May-16, 03:54 PM
What does it mean?

SollyLama
2003-May-16, 04:44 PM
"can you please validate my parking"
"we've decided to make Brittany Spears Earth-Leader for life"
"I see the egg-pods that have been implanted in your women's chests are ready to hatch" (kinda goes with that Brittany Spears bit)
"there's no stars in your moon photos- what's up with that?"
"I'm not a crook!!!"

g99
2003-May-16, 05:33 PM
"O.K. Everybody remember, we're parked in lot D."

Nonononono...It is :

"O.K. everybody remember, we're parked in the Itchy lot!" :-)



"Can you hear me now?"

Does anybody else think that this guy in the commercials is just looking for a good signal?

informant
2003-May-16, 06:44 PM
"Hi, were're your neighbours from Zeta Reticuli. We came to take you all to a safe place before that nasty big Planet X wipes out life on this planet. You've no doubt been thoroughly debriefed about it by our assistant Nancy Leider..."

gethen
2003-May-16, 07:04 PM
What does it mean?

I was just thinking of using this one!!! I believe it means "We come in peace." it's what the alien (Michael Rennie) first says when he first steps out of the flying saucer in The Day the Earth Stood Still.

gethen
2003-May-16, 07:06 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

gethen wrote:
"O.K. Everybody remember, we're parked in lot D."


Nonononono...It is :

"O.K. everybody remember, we're parked in the Itchy lot!"


O.K. Should have thought of that. :lol:

darkhunter
2003-May-16, 08:28 PM
"What do you mean, you haven't studied for the test?!"

carolyn
2003-May-16, 09:17 PM
"Can you hear me now?"

Pardon?

Avatar28
2003-May-16, 09:34 PM
"What is this thing called 'love'?" (Beautiful/handsome green-skinned humanoid aliens only...!)

No no no. It's things you DON'T want to hear...

I don't care if they ARE an alien race. If they're beautiful, humanoid, and intelligent then I would have no problems with it. :-)

Glom
2003-May-16, 09:36 PM
"Excuse, have you seen an Earthling carrying an Illudium Q36 Explosive Space Modulator?"

dgruss23
2003-May-16, 09:45 PM
"What do you mean you locked the keys in the ship!!!!! You know what's going to happen here next week. We're supposed to grab the dolphins and run."

g99
2003-May-16, 09:49 PM
"KLATU BARADA NIKTO"

Wasn't that in Galaxy Quest too?

----------------------

" O.K. well we don't need this planet, The Highway will go here..."

"damn, i steped on something...get it off get it off!"

"Give us the galaxy"

"Galactus is coming!"

"Hey man are wee to late to see the Great Planet X debate?"

ToSeek
2003-May-16, 09:55 PM
"What is this thing called 'love'?" (Beautiful/handsome green-skinned humanoid aliens only...!)

No no no. It's things you DON'T want to hear...



"What is this thing called 'love'? I demand a demonstration or I will destroy your planet!" (Said by reptilian creature covered with warts and green slime and smelling of limburger and methane.)

skeptED56
2003-May-17, 01:39 AM
"I'm sorry to inform you that Earth has been cancelled...." (south park) :D

"The Sun will look very pretty right before we blow it up."

dgruss23
2003-May-17, 01:50 AM
"Somebody ordered a billion Hannibal Lechter clones. We're here with the delivery. Any you may want to be careful with those things. We've found the clones are a little less stable than the original."

SKY
2003-May-17, 02:48 AM
"Hi...Someone on our planet named Ycnan has been channeling an Earthling who says the Earth is on a 3,600 year orbit with our star. We hear Earth is going to stop our rotation and shift our poles? Ever hear of a wacky idea like that?"

"O.K., we have traveled 4 billion light years to answer a question that the world has never answered...How many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop."

Botiemaster
2003-May-17, 03:00 AM
"We've come to take your pron away"


NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

dgruss23
2003-May-17, 03:01 AM
"O.K., we have traveled 4 billion light years to answer a question that the world has never answered...How many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop."

:D Do they drool? That could affect the count!

g99
2003-May-17, 03:02 AM
Pron? :P


"Take me to your Leader! We hear he likes interns...Oh wait that was the last leader? Dang light speed barrier!"

Avatar28
2003-May-17, 03:03 AM
"What is this thing called 'love'?" (Beautiful/handsome green-skinned humanoid aliens only...!)

No no no. It's things you DON'T want to hear...



"What is this thing called 'love'? I demand a demonstration or I will destroy your planet!" (Said by reptilian creature covered with warts and green slime and smelling of limburger and methane.)

*shudder* Okay, THAT'S something I wouldn't want to hear.

How about these
(handing you a small, furry creature in the shape of a ball) "We were wondering if you would hang on to our pet for a few days."

"We are the Annunaki. We demand a sacrifice of one dodo bird or we will activate a gene we placed in your genetic code that will cause your bodies to lose all cellular adhesion and melt into a puddle of goo."

Avatar28
2003-May-17, 03:05 AM
Pron? :P


"Take me to your Leader! We hear he likes interns...Oh wait that was the last leader? Dang light speed barrier!"

No, not "Pron," it's "Pr0n."

It's the 1337 HaX0rz spelling.

dgruss23
2003-May-17, 03:07 AM
Avatar28 wrote: "We are the Annunaki. We demand a sacrifice of one dodo bird or we will activate a gene we placed in your genetic code that will cause your bodies to lose all cellular adhesion and melt into a puddle of goo."

That is so ironic. Earlier tonight I was thinking of something about like this:

"Excuse me, about a while back we lost our dodo birds on this planet. Have you seen them lately?"

SKY
2003-May-17, 04:40 AM
"O.K., we have traveled 4 billion light years to answer a question that the world has never answered...How many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop."

:D Do they drool? That could affect the count!

Only when they see Cindy Crawford. :D

g99
2003-May-17, 04:56 AM
Pron? :P


"Take me to your Leader! We hear he likes interns...Oh wait that was the last leader? Dang light speed barrier!"

No, not "Pron," it's "Pr0n."

It's the 1337 HaX0rz spelling.

Doh!

Yah i never got the attraction of using that. I play on games that people use it all the time because they think it is cool. But then all of the old players laught at them because it has basically turned into a newby thing. Only newbies (noobz :-)) use it and the older players just use acronyms. RTCW is a good example (Return to Castle Wolfenstein). Me and my roomates still play this all the time and we just laught when someone tries to use this.

By the way i never could figure out the meaning if 1337. What does it mean?

carolyn
2003-May-17, 06:26 AM
' OH MY ***!, I'm sure I left the place clean before we left! go to the store and get some spray will you, their every where!.'

'Right! who keeps making the nusence calls then!' getting zap gun out.

g99
2003-May-17, 06:36 AM
"we come in peace" ZAP! "We come in peace" ZAP!


"You might have boards with big nails in them, but one day you will make a board with a nail in it so big that it will destroy you all!!!"

"Ummm..Yes this is Michael 1, and this is Michael 2. We have come to take Michael 35 back to our home planet. He is known locally as 'Michael Jackson'."

"Oh my oh my! we really need to redecorate here. This will not do! First of all that ugly mountain has to go. And that big green statue, can we say outdated? And that sky! how blue and contaminated with Oxygen! We will have to replace that. And of course we will have to get rid of those two legged things!"

cable
2003-May-17, 07:09 AM
.......................................

" we've heard the Illushyn is the SAFEST plane on earth. we want to try it !!!! "
" sorry, you've got it wrong. no Big Bang. no Dark Matter !!!! "
" we have new viruses. do u like to try them ??? .... "

.....................

informant
2003-May-17, 01:10 PM
"What do you mean you locked the keys in the ship!!!!! You know what's going to happen here next week. We're supposed to grab the dolphins and run."

There's a story by John Varley where aliens invade the solar system, and make contact with the three local intelligent species: the Jovians in Jupiter, dolphins and whales on Earth. :D

Avatar28
2003-May-17, 02:29 PM
Pron? :P


"Take me to your Leader! We hear he likes interns...Oh wait that was the last leader? Dang light speed barrier!"

No, not "Pron," it's "Pr0n."

It's the 1337 HaX0rz spelling.

Doh!

Yah i never got the attraction of using that. I play on games that people use it all the time because they think it is cool. But then all of the old players laught at them because it has basically turned into a newby thing. Only newbies (noobz :-)) use it and the older players just use acronyms. RTCW is a good example (Return to Castle Wolfenstein). Me and my roomates still play this all the time and we just laught when someone tries to use this.

By the way i never could figure out the meaning if 1337. What does it mean?

You mean n00bz right? :-)

1337 5p34k = leet (elite) speak.

Here's a short tutorial. (http://pub11.ezboard.com/fthecafe80250randomdiscussion.showMessage?topicID= 97.topic)

snowcelt
2003-May-17, 03:04 PM
"Take us to your Nancy---or Bart will do."

Chuck
2003-May-17, 03:29 PM
"We've come 30,000 light years to enlighten your people. We'll start with you. What's your sign?"

dgruss23
2003-May-18, 02:42 AM
"What do you mean you locked the keys in the ship!!!!! You know what's going to happen here next week. We're supposed to grab the dolphins and run."

There's a story by John Varley where aliens invade the solar system, and make contact with the three local intelligent species: the Jovians in Jupiter, dolphins and whales on Earth. :D

Hmmm ... maybe John Varley has Alien connections.

beskeptical
2003-May-18, 10:24 AM
What does it mean?

I was just thinking of using this one!!! I believe it means "We come in peace." it's what the alien (Michael Rennie) first says when he first steps out of the flying saucer in The Day the Earth Stood Still.

Boy, do you have false memories developing here.

"KLATU BARADA NIKTO" is what the alien guy tells the pretty girl to say to the deadly robot so the robot will bring the alien guy back to life instead of attacking or whatever the robot was going to do if the pretty girl didn't say it.

That is, unless I'm developing false memories.


Another thing you don't want to hear:

Interesting little animals. No sign of intelligent life though. They don't have true language and they build stuff but it isn't really technology.

dgruss23
2003-May-18, 04:05 PM
"Ok our first rule is - No Pizza! Ever!"

"Rule number 2 - No more automobiles. From now on if you want to go anywhere you must ride on one of our spikebacked electrolizards."

"Rule number 3 - Anybody that violates rules 1 or 2 will spend a sleepless lunar cycle watching movies that star Madonna."

Melanie
2003-May-18, 05:23 PM
This will only hurt for a few years....

We are from Aliens For Earthling Rights. The conditions you have been living under have been appalling, but don't fear, we're going to take you to our pound.

Do you honestly believe that if we wanted DNA we would take it from Earthlings *laughs*

*Looks around* well you haven't been very busy have you?

I'm hear to warn you that our leader has just crashed into some of your unregistered space junk and he's really p*ssed off.

OscartheGrouch
2003-May-19, 01:20 AM
"So this is planet Hooston."

"Hey, I'm just back to retrieve the plutonium sample I left in your refrigerator last week."

"Why...yes...thank...you...I...would...like...a...k nuckle...sandwich."

"Yosemite Saaaam, Of Outer [kaboom] -- space?"

"Oooooo! I knew I shouldn't have sent ZX13; he's the stupidest robot I've got!"

"And don't even think of planting a bug in the Mac OS of our mothership's computers. We saw Independence Day and switched to Linux."

"Well, let's put it this way: The Force is definitely NOT with you losers."

"Please excuse, only us want 0.778 and Capitan Janeway. We go back to Delta Quadrant then."

"Thus saith the Lord: Pro wrestling is real."

"My client was seriously injured when one of the Saturn V third stages you negligently left in solar orbit hit his spacecraft. Here is my card and please have your insurance adjuster contact me immediately."

"Are all your astronomers very, very, very tiny or do they only look that way from our side of the telescope?"

"By, your, command." [zhroom, zhroom]

"We are here because we understand prescription drugs are much cheaper on your planet."

"Greetings, Starfighter! Prepare to take on Xur and the Ko-Dan Armada!"

"Hi, I'm with the Dominion and I'm here to help you."

"Harcourt Fenton Mudd! You dirty lowdown ..."

Wingnut Ninja
2003-May-19, 01:34 AM
"Hmm... yes, this would be ther perfect place for a new Earthbucks franchise."

Hypatia
2003-May-19, 07:09 AM
"KLATU BARADA NIKTO" is what the alien guy tells the pretty girl to say to the deadly robot so the robot will bring the alien guy back to life instead of attacking or whatever the robot was going to do if the pretty girl didn't say it.

That is, unless I'm developing false memories.


Nope, you remember good. "KLATU" was the deadly robots name - "BARADA NIKTO" seemed to iclude, "don't kill, pick up the pretty girl (Patricia O'Neal, if I remember correctly) & put her in my saucer, I'm dead in a prison cell, come get me, bring me back to life, etc., etc., etc.")
Michael Rennie could say a lot with only 2 words!

beskeptical
2003-May-19, 07:47 AM
"KLATU BARADA NIKTO" is what the alien guy tells the pretty girl to say to the deadly robot so the robot will bring the alien guy back to life instead of attacking or whatever the robot was going to do if the pretty girl didn't say it.

That is, unless I'm developing false memories.



Nope, you remember good. "KLATU" was the deadly robots name - "BARADA NIKTO" seemed to iclude, "don't kill, pick up the pretty girl (Patricia O'Neal, if I remember correctly) & put her in my saucer, I'm dead in a prison cell, come get me, bring me back to life, etc., etc., etc.")
Michael Rennie could say a lot with only 2 words!

"pick up the pretty girl, don't worry, she'll faint and be out until you get me and bring me back to life, then she'll conveniently wake up" :wink:

SeanF
2003-May-19, 01:36 PM
"KLATU" was the deadly robots name - "BARADA NIKTO" seemed to iclude, "don't kill, pick up the pretty girl (Patricia O'Neal, if I remember correctly) & put her in my saucer, I'm dead in a prison cell, come get me, bring me back to life, etc., etc., etc.")
Michael Rennie could say a lot with only 2 words!

Close. Gort was the robot's name. Klaatu was the alien guy's name. So the message was either something about Klaatu, or something along the lines of "Klaatu says such-and-such."

gethen
2003-May-19, 02:36 PM
beskeptical wrote:



Boy, do you have false memories developing here.

"KLATU BARADA NIKTO" is what the alien guy tells the pretty girl to say to the deadly robot so the robot will bring the alien guy back to life instead of attacking or whatever the robot was going to do if the pretty girl didn't say it.

That is, unless I'm developing false memories.

O.K., O.K, it was a long time ago that I last saw the movie and I'm sure you're right. Time to see the movie again. Old age does that to you. :)

Reacher
2003-May-20, 05:20 PM
"By, your, command." [zhroom, zhroom]

Not getting this. Sounds like something from some game with a name that I have forgotten.

informant
2003-May-20, 06:22 PM
"By your command" - the ritual reply of the Cylons (http://battlestarfanclub.com/battlestar/photos/bgpic18.jpg), from Battlestar Galactica (http://battlestarfanclub.com/battlestar/photos/bgpic81.jpg). It was a TV series, not a game.

nebularain
2003-May-20, 07:37 PM
Can't believe no one has mentioned this yet...

"Oh freddled gruntbuggly / Thy micturations are to me / As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee...."

pmcolt
2003-May-20, 08:02 PM
Can't believe no one has mentioned this yet...

"Oh freddled gruntbuggly / Thy micturations are to me / As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee...."

Arrrgh! I mean... it was very...good. I liked it...

g99
2003-May-20, 08:40 PM
Can't believe no one has mentioned this yet...

"Oh freddled gruntbuggly / Thy micturations are to me / As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee...."

Whats it from? :-?

Avatar28
2003-May-20, 09:56 PM
Can't believe no one has mentioned this yet...

"Oh freddled gruntbuggly / Thy micturations are to me / As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee...."

Aiieeee NOOOOO! Not that! Anything but that! Please, God, not Vogon poetry*!!!


*Vogon poetry is, of course, the third worst in the Universe. The second worst is that of the Azgoths of Kria. During a recitation by their Poet Master Grunthos the Flatulent of his poem "Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty I Found in my Armpit One Midsummer Morning", four of his audience died of internal haemorrhaging, and the President of the Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council survived by gnawing one of his own legs off.

Grunthos is reported to have been 'disappointed' by the poem's reception, and was about to embark on a reading of his twelve-book epic entitled "My Favourite Bathtime Gurgles" when his own major intestine, in a desperate bid to save life and civilization, leapt straight up through his neck and throttled his brain.

The very worst poetry of all perished along with its creator, Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings of Redbridge, Essex, England, in the destruction of the planet Earth.
-Douglas Adams
Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy

Peter B
2003-May-21, 12:12 AM
"I've lost my phone number. Can I have yours?"

"We just wanted to tell the Alaskan Assassin that 70% of this galaxy has now heard about him, along with 15% of the Andromeda galaxy. And his pick-up lines are still considered the most lame ever heard." *


* I sure hope someone else on the BABB has heard about the Alaskan Assassin! :o

OscartheGrouch
2003-May-21, 12:25 AM
OscartheGrouch wrote:

"By, your, command." [zhroom, zhroom]


Not getting this. Sounds like something from some game with a name that I have forgotten.

Sorry 'bout that. I forget that not all of our "high-quality" TV reruns like Battlestar Galactica have made it to Oz yet. Thank you informant. "zhroom" is the only onomatopoeia I can think of for the sound you hear as their one little LED eyeball sweeps back and forth.

Of all aliens in the vast sci-fi pantheon, you do not want Cylons dropping in on you, since they are machines with the sole mission of exterminating all humans, which they very nearly do, but a few escape and go in search of Earth. Most critics loathed BG, but us preteens couldn't get enough of it. BG was a Don Bellisario series (others: JAG, The A-Team, Black Sheep Squadron, Magnum PI) and though I try not to read too much into TV shows designed primarily to sell toys, it is on some level a kind of counterrevolutionary retort to the 1970s post-Vietnam atmosphere. The F-16, officially nicknamed Fighting Falcon, is better known in the real USAF community as the Viper in homage to the carrier-based fighter spacecraft of BG, since they both debuted at about the same time. The Sci-Fi Channel is going to air a remake 4-hour miniseries later this year but the buzz among the hardcore BG fans is already not good. And yes, there will be a video game!

g99
2003-May-21, 02:15 AM
"We just wanted to tell the Alaskan Assassin that 70% of this galaxy has now heard about him, along with 15% of the Andromeda galaxy. And his pick-up lines are still considered the most lame ever heard." *


* I sure hope someone else on the BABB has heard about the Alaskan Assassin! :o


Colt! we becon for your knolege!! We need you! :-)

Reacher
2003-May-21, 01:45 PM
I had a Clyon toy. I just didn't know what it was.

I know JAG, and magnum PI sounds familiar, but I don't know the "A-Team" or "Black Sheep Squadron."

Nightfall
2003-May-21, 02:08 PM
"Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn."

"The stars are right for them to live again."

Peter B
2003-May-21, 11:37 PM
I had a Clyon toy. I just didn't know what it was.

I know JAG, and magnum PI sounds familiar, but I don't know the "A-Team" or "Black Sheep Squadron."

*Sigh* How young they are today, that don't remember the glories of 80s TV! :)

The "A Team" was about a bunch of Vietnam veterans, wrongly accused of some crime, who spent their time travelling around, doing good deeds in a very violent way. Starred George Peppard in a role somewhat less...well...a lesser role than he played in "Breakfast at Tiffany's".

"Black Sheep Squadron" was about a real fighter squadron (Marines?) in the Pacific in World War Two.

dgruss23
2003-May-21, 11:40 PM
Peter B wrote: The "A Team" was about a bunch of Vietnam veterans, wrongly accused of some crime, who spent their time travelling around, doing good deeds in a very violent way. Starred George Peppard in a role somewhat less...well...a lesser role than he played in "Breakfast at Tiffany's".

And who can forget Mr. T's character BA - "I pity the fool ..."

g99
2003-May-22, 02:23 AM
I loved the "Black Sheep Squadron". The history channel used to show all of the episodes, but i haven't been able to find them lately.

And yes they were marines. They flew Corsairs [sp?].

dgruss23
2003-May-22, 02:40 AM
"Whew ... I knew we could find it. The center of the universe!"

g99
2003-May-22, 02:52 AM
"Whew ... I knew we could find it. The center of the universe!"

Thank you! someone finally recognized me! :-)

dgruss23
2003-May-22, 03:23 AM
"Whew ... I knew we could find it. The center of the universe!"

Thank you! someone finally recognized me! :-)

And you keep such a low profile for being the center of it all! :D

nebularain
2003-May-22, 04:44 PM
Ah!!! So we really have an egocentric universe!? :)

Digital Apprentice
2003-May-22, 05:21 PM
They always end up saying the same thing: "Turn your head and cough."

g99
2003-May-22, 06:15 PM
Thank you everyone. While i have been the center of the universe since i was born, i have been very humble about it.

Charitable donations can be made out to "G99 is the center of the universe foundation. 555 Milky way lane. Andromeda Galaxy 32608^45." . Please no Checks. :-) :wink:

--------------------------------------------



"We are from the Zorgoins for Gelphor. We would like you to read our book? Remeber you only have once chance to be saved from the eternal milk pits of Gelkor. Believe in the sacrifice of Gelphor and you will be saved! "

"[unintelegent babble]"..."[angry unintelegent babble]"...The earth is blown up

Nightfall
2003-May-23, 05:26 AM
"I just flew in from Rigel, and boy, are my arms tired."
"Two humans walked into a bar. . . ."
"How far can a rabbit run into the woods?"
"How do you stop humans from charging?"

irony
2003-May-23, 01:46 PM
"Greetings, Earthling. I am Kenny A, and this is Kenny M and Kenny Z. We are here to find our operative... our plot to put the inhabitants of Earth into a coma is not progressing as we'd hoped."

Avatar28
2003-May-23, 03:43 PM
"Greetings, Earthling. I am Kenny A, and this is Kenny M and Kenny Z. We are here to find our operative... "

"...and OH MY GOD! THEY KILLED KENNY!" "YOU BA*****S!"



And who can forget Mr. T's character BA - "I pity the fool ..."


Ack! Get it right. It's "I pity the foo'." :-)

girlgeek
2003-May-23, 05:37 PM
:lol: :lol: :lol:

Good ones, Nightfall

girlgeek

irony
2003-May-24, 06:24 AM
"Greetings, Earthling. I am Kenny A, and this is Kenny M and Kenny Z. We are here to find our operative... "

"...and OH MY GOD! THEY KILLED KENNY!" "YOU BA*****S!"



And who can forget Mr. T's character BA - "I pity the fool ..."


Ack! Get it right. It's "I pity the foo'." :-)

I was trying to make a Kenny G joke, but yours works too. :D

Reacher
2003-May-24, 06:13 PM
I cannot beleive that I'm the first to say this:

"Take us to your Leider."

aporetic_r
2003-May-24, 07:02 PM
[quote=Reacher]The "A Team" was about a bunch of Vietnam veterans, wrongly accused of some crime, who spent their time travelling around, doing good deeds in a very violent way.

They were also famous for constructing exotic contraptions to help them defeat the bad guy of the week. Strangely, the following week's bad guy would inevitably capture the A Team and imprison them in a tool shed.

Aporetic
www.polisci.wisc.edu/~rdparrish

dgruss23
2003-May-25, 12:06 AM
You know - there are enough funny ones on this thread to put together a Top Ten list for Letterman.

Eta C
2003-May-25, 02:58 AM
One could add a variant of the Third Great Lie.

"Hi, we're here to help you" :D


(the other two, for those who care)

The First Great Lie: "The check is in the mail"

The Second Great Lie: "Of course I'll respect you in the morning" Or some more risque variant thereof. 8)

g99
2003-May-25, 03:22 AM
You know - there are enough funny ones on this thread to put together a Top Ten list for Letterman.

Do you want to do the honors then?

pi is exactly 3
2003-May-25, 11:58 AM
"We have finished creating our army of human clone. We now have 1 billion replicas of" reads page Michael Jackson."

"Use the force Lu...... Hey! You're not Luke."

"If all went according to plan, this planet should be populated with super intelligent passenger pigeons. what Ahhhh its the end of the world as we know it."

"Take us to your leader, Clay Aiken and, what.... Ruben won.... ahhhhhhh. I'll Kill all of you. everylast one of you."

Reacher
2003-May-25, 12:04 PM
They were also famous for constructing exotic contraptions to help them defeat the bad guy of the week. Strangely, the following week's bad guy would inevitably capture the A Team and imprison them in a tool shed.



Kinda like Mcgyver? :) Ok, I spelt that wrong.

Glom
2003-May-25, 12:19 PM
At the foot of the London Eye.
"An Interstitial Time Delay Helix, Galaxy Grade. Clearly the work of Sontaran Tubeffect worms. Those slave support relay rods are the largest I've ever seen. If I'm right, they'll be tapping into volcanic fission at the heart of Planet Earth. With that kind of power, those pods could be jettisoned into outer space at superlusent velocities. I must save them."

dgruss23
2003-May-25, 12:48 PM
You know - there are enough funny ones on this thread to put together a Top Ten list for Letterman.

Do you want to do the honors then?

I'm thinking we should nominate Neb for this one. She started the thread and would make a good objective person to compile the list.

Argos
2003-May-25, 06:53 PM
"We are here to liberate you from the claws of the murderer tyrants who subjugate you. We don´t have no claims on your wealth. We know this beautiful planet should be governed by you Earthlings, and we´ll hand the planet over to you as soon as possible".

nebularain
2003-May-26, 01:54 AM
:o Me - a judge? Thanks for the honor, but, golly, I wouldn't know where to begin! :o

g99
2003-May-27, 06:25 PM
:o Me - a judge? Thanks for the honor, but, golly, I wouldn't know where to begin! :o

Sure you can. We trust you. :-)
Bring a freind over, go over them and pick the best ten. It does not have to be a perfect order (10th best, 9th best, etc.), just the best ten and then we vote for the best one overall out of those ten. What do you think of that?.

Tom
2003-May-27, 09:29 PM
"I am the Supreme Comander of the Planetcrusher Battalion currently in orbit around your planet. What have you done with Jesus?"

:o

Nightfall
2003-May-27, 10:46 PM
Nebularian, perhaps create several lists, and then we vote on which one we like the best.

aurorae
2003-May-27, 11:06 PM
"Greetings. We need your help. Our client has a large sum of money in an intergalactic bank on Tau Nigeria Prime. However, he is unable to access his funds. If you wire us 200 cubic centimeters of Gold (AU), we will return you ten times that much."

OscartheGrouch
2003-May-28, 12:59 AM
"Greetings. We need your help. Our client has a large sum of money in an intergalactic bank on Tau Nigeria Prime. However, he is unable to access his funds. If you wire us 200 cubic centimeters of Gold (AU), we will return you ten times that much."

GOOD ONE!

Verily, I am in the presence of greatness.

dgruss23
2003-May-28, 01:57 AM
Ok, I'm feeling a little guilty here. I mentioned the Letterman idea and then nominated Neb after g99 nominated me. How about this idea ... everybody who is interested pick their top three favorites from the thread and PM them to someone to compile the list and then post it on the thread for suggestions. I can be the someone if nobody else wants to do it. This way the final list is kind of anonymous rather than a list compiled by one person alone.

How's that sound? Neb, you can still compile the list if you want. Sorry about putting you on the spot earlier! :D

g99
2003-May-28, 02:04 AM
can we nominate our own or is that not allowed?

dgruss23
2003-May-28, 02:09 AM
can we nominate our own or is that not allowed?

I don't see why not. That was actually why I nominated Neb to compile the list. I came up with quite a few and thought perhaps someone who didn't write a whole bunch should compile the list, but if we're doing it this way, then that shouldn't be an issue. Send them my way. Lets say I post the list on Thursday.

nebularain
2003-May-28, 03:10 AM
I can go for that!

Hey, since we have a mix of original quotes and borrowed quotes (things you don't want to hear from aliens which are things we've heard/read in other sci-fi stories), I was wondering if we should have them as separate lists? Or would it be best to keep them all together? I mean, there are some "borrowed quotes" I found funny, but I don't know how that would work with the Letterman list of things.

dgruss23
2003-May-28, 12:28 PM
Hey, since we have a mix of original quotes and borrowed quotes (things you don't want to hear from aliens which are things we've heard/read in other sci-fi stories), I was wondering if we should have them as separate lists? Or would it be best to keep them all together? I mean, there are some "borrowed quotes" I found funny, but I don't know how that would work with the Letterman list of things.

Good question. Lets see what's nominated. Anybody have thoughts on that? Three people have nominated quotes so far.

Rue
2003-May-28, 02:08 PM
There is a short story by Arthur Clarke that features a radio transmission to earth. In this transmission it is revealed that earth is a long lost colony of a much larger intersteller community. At the end of the transmission we are told:

"We have found a cure for the plague...if any of you are still white."

SKY
2003-May-28, 11:38 PM
"We have chosen a universal language for earth...it is known as 'HUbbish'!" :o :D

dgruss23
2003-May-30, 12:05 AM
Ok here is the list of nominations. There were four people that selected quotes including myself. Since there are a total of 22 quotes on the list you can see that some of us did not stick to 3 selections, but that's ok. Here's the list (in no particular order) and maybe we should send the whole thing to Letterman:

"WHAT!!!!! STAR TREK IS FAKE!!!" logicboy

"Well, you wouldn't believe it...talking meat!" Donnie B.

"What do you mean you locked the keys in the ship!!!!! You know what's going to happen here next week. We're supposed to grab the dolphins and run." Dgruss23

" O.K. well we don't need this planet, The Highway will go here..." g99

"The Sun will look very pretty right before we blow it up." Skepted56

" we have new viruses. do u like to try them ??? .... " cable

"My client was seriously injured when one of the Saturn V third stages you negligently left in solar orbit hit his spacecraft. Here is my card and please have your insurance adjuster contact me immediately." Oscarthegrouch

"We'd like to offer you a free copy of the Watchtower." SollyLama

"We're tired of Elvis...here, have him back." Sky

"Would you please stop sending us video signals of American Idol." Sky



[alien comes up with a crying kid] "Little Billy has something to say to you earthlings. Go say it billy, come on or no Gogonscout cookies for you!"

Little billy: "I'm sorry i tricked you folks. Me and a freind wanted to have some fun so we made you think that a planet was coming to get your planet. I'm sorry." G99



"Do you honestly believe that if we wanted DNA we would take it from Earthlings. *laughs*" Melanie

"Can you hear me now?" dgruss23

"By your command!" OscartheGrouch

"I've lost my phone number. Can I have yours?" Donnie B.

“OH MY ***!, I'm sure I left the place clean before we left! go to the store and get some spray will you, their every where!." carolyn

"Greetings. We need your help. Our client has a large sum of money in an intergalactic bank on Tau Nigeria Prime. However, he is unable to access his funds. If you wire us 200 cubic centimeters of Gold (AU), we will return you ten times that much." aurorae

” Yes honey, this one has a lot of potential. We'll need to scrape it down to the mantle, but it'll fix up real nice like." dgruss23

"Excuse, have you seen an Earthling carrying an Illudium Q36 Explosive Space Modulator?" Glom

"So this is planet Hooston." OscartheGrouch

"Two humans walked into a bar. . . ." Nightfall

g99
2003-May-30, 01:46 AM
:-) haha lol. Love it. Can you submit to letterman? or How about Jay Leno?

nebularain
2003-May-30, 02:07 AM
Yeah, I don't think I could widdle this list down! Too good, too good!

Of course, if we do submit this list, a few of them need *wincing* spelling and/or grammatical corrections.

Nightfall
2003-May-30, 02:26 AM
Yeah, I don't think I could widdle this list down! Too good, too good!

Of course, if we do submit this list, a few of them need *wincing* spelling and/or grammatical corrections.

Agreed. Dgruss23, could you edit my quote to read "Two humans walk in to a bar . . . "

dgruss23
2003-May-30, 02:34 AM
Yeah, I don't think I could widdle this list down! Too good, too good!

Of course, if we do submit this list, a few of them need *wincing* spelling and/or grammatical corrections.

Agreed. Dgruss23, could you edit my quote to read "Two humans walk in to a bar . . . "

I'll take care of it. I've got the whole list saved on MSword.

kilopi
2003-May-30, 02:34 AM
"If someone calls, don't tell them I'm here."

dgruss23
2003-May-30, 02:35 AM
:-) haha lol. Love it. Can you submit to letterman? or How about Jay Leno?

I'll have to see if there is a way to send this kind of list to Letterman or Leno. If anybody knows, it would be greatly appreciated.

dgruss23
2003-May-30, 11:39 PM
How about this as a play on the standard "Take me to your leader":

"Our leader demands to be taken to Monica Lewinski."

BigJim
2003-May-31, 12:44 AM
We are here to retrieve our interstellar ambassador, (says unpronouncable name). He is known to you as.... let's see...... Michael Jackson.

Greetings. Have you seen Planet X yet? It's almost here.

Ah, is this the planet Houston?

YIKES! A race of talking gorillas! (shudders)

Earthlings, we have come to listen to Michael Savage's radio program with better reception.

Is this the planet of Louis Armstrong?

You IDIOTS! You left all this junk on your Moon and put seismometers there! Aren't you aware of Intergalactic Law 312094532567456437502394579208374690372903745? You will be eliminated now...... unless you buy our video.

Where is the eminent philosopher known as........ Hoagland?

Take us to this..... Bad Astronomer.

You're still using E=MC ^2? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

I think we can vaporize this planet to get the iron we need for the new toxic dump.

Looks around, whispers to alien companion; "Psst.... Hey, Zebopula - they still haven't figured out that radiation is good for them!" (Chuckles)

Ha ha ha ha! We haven't stopped laughing since we came here at 17c to debunk this site known as "Bad Astronomy!"

Why isn't there a blast crater underneath the LM.

Hey, Ork - those monkeys seem to have taken over the planet. Put them in cages. No, even better - we'll have monkey brain tonight.

Greetings- we are the Yorligs. We assume you have read our crop circles.

The movie Signs...... is an historical event.....

Hello, we are the Alphans. Where are the nearest crop circles?

We find this "Survivor" - fascinating.

We have come to rescue Gilligan and his poor friends.

Hello. I am Sarek. I have come to visit Spock.

How did you film the Death Star explosion from your planet?

Yuck - primates.

Glom
2003-May-31, 12:45 AM
Alternatively,

"I voted out Jon."

g99
2003-May-31, 03:57 AM
"Where are the pyramids? we left a few things there when we built the things."

"Has anyone seen this place called Atlantis? I just bought a timeshare there."

"What is the code to your planetary shield? We have come for your air!"

"Do you guys take Zorgon Express cards?"

Glom
2003-May-31, 12:33 PM
"Damn! Marvin said he was going to blow up this place."

BigJim
2003-May-31, 10:58 PM
Congratulations. You have been selected in an interstellar lottery to be a testing ground for new drugs.

You will be assimilated.... unless you buy our video.

We are the Spaceballs.


Alien: We have come to teach you a card game. The name of the game is Fizzbin. Each player gets 6 cards, except for the player on the dealer's right, who gets 7.

Earthling: On the right.

Alien: Yeah. The second card is turned up, except on Tuesdays.

Earthling: Tuesday.

Alien: Ohh! Look what you've got- 2 jacks. You got a half-fizzbin already.

Earthling: I need another jack?

Alien: No. If you got another jack, why, you'd have a shralk.

Earthling: A shralk?

Alien: Yes, you'd be disqualified. No, what you need now is either a king and a deuce, except at night, of course, when you'd need a queen and a four.

Earthling: Except at night.

Alien: Right. Oh, look at that, you've got another jack! How lucky you are! How wonderful for you! Now if you didn't get another jack, if you had gotten a king, why then you'd get another card except when it's dark , when you'd have to give it back.

Earthling: If it were dark on Tuesday.

Alien: Yes, but what you're after is a royal fizzbin, but the odds of getting a royal fizzbin are astron - Spock, what are the odds on getting a royal fizzbin?

Spock: I have never computed them, Captain.

Alien: Well, they're astronomical, believe me. Now, for the last card, we'll call it a kronk. You got that?

Earthling: What?



Bonus points to the person who can identify where that's from!

Glom
2003-May-31, 11:20 PM
'A Piece of the Action' [TOS] Good episode.

ToSeek
2003-Jun-01, 02:09 AM
Bonus points to the person who can identify where that's from!

On this board? You must be joking!

BigJim
2003-Jun-01, 03:11 PM
On this board? You must be joking!

You'd be surprised. I was at an orientation for my high school about a month ago. We were having an icebreaker session for the incoming freshmen. About half of the kids were already in the school and the other half will be freshmen in the fall. Anyway, we were playing a game in which there was a circle of chairs with one less chair than the number of people. One person would stand up and say, for example, "I like people who like eggs." Everyone who likes eggs would stand up, and then have to switch seats with someone else who stood up. The last person standing would be the next one to speak. So I went up once, and after thinking a while, I came up with something. Since the name of the school is High Technology High School, I figured that I would have a reasonably safe bet by saying, "I like people who watch Star Trek." I looked around, and no one stood up. Everyone was laughing at my question. :-? Where have all the Trekkies gone?

Glom
2003-Jun-01, 03:38 PM
Where have all the Trekkies gone?

They've become Gaters. 8)

Glom
2003-Jun-01, 05:11 PM
"What's that weird thing you've put in orbit? You said you'd have Skylab ready to receive our delegation when we arrived."

Someone need to be fired. :evil:

g99
2003-Jun-01, 06:48 PM
They've become Gaters. 8)

You've mispelled Gators (http://www.gatorzone.com/). :-)

j/k

Pi Man
2003-Jun-07, 01:08 AM
"How quaint."

"My ship is cooler than your convertable!"

"I'll bet you 100 nanookes (Currency) that these drips will never break warp speed."

"Let me show you how a ray gun works."

Sigma_Orionis
2003-Jun-07, 07:57 PM
You guys forgot this one:

"Beam me up Scotty, there is no intelligent life on this planet!"

TriangleMan
2003-Jun-07, 08:59 PM
"Spare some change?"

Pi Man
2003-Jun-07, 09:35 PM
"The red liquid surging through their bodies has many medicinal properties... in large quantities."

"Hey!!! Where's the cream filling?"

"I think the best blace to drop the antimatter bomb would be just over there."

"Your atmosphere is toxic to us, so we'll replace it at no cost to you."

"Could you point me to the central lost and found office? We accidentally dropped some genetic material in a bubbling puddle on this planet several billion years ago."

"Uuuuggghhhhhh! It's hideous!"

"Arrrgggghhh matey! We've come for your bootie!"

"This place looks like a good fixer-upper."

"Please stop jamming our communications! I believe you call the jamming station 'The Sci Fi channel'"

"Where are the humans you call 'Mulder' and 'Scully'"

"We're lost. Could you point us to Planet X?"

"Who ordered the truck load of cockroach eggs?"

SpaceTrekkie
2003-Jun-08, 02:36 AM
You guys forgot this one:

"Beam me up Scotty, there is no intelligent life on this planet!"
Did you make this one up? it sounds vagualy farmiliar... anyway it is really good!
_______________
Ha Ha Ha! Very funny Scottie!
Now beam down my clothes!

wedgebert
2003-Jun-08, 02:38 AM
I don't know about the rest of y'all. But the last place I'd want to be beamed, is "up Scotty"

Sigma_Orionis
2003-Jun-08, 10:00 PM
You guys forgot this one:

"Beam me up Scotty, there is no intelligent life on this planet!"
Did you make this one up? it sounds vagualy farmiliar... anyway it is really good!
_______________
Ha Ha Ha! Very funny Scottie!
Now beam down my clothes!

No, it's no mine, it's too good a joke for me to have made it up :oops:

I saw it in a T-shirt somewhere about 10 years ago

wedgebert: definetly "up scotty" is not a nice place to be beamed to :)

Kizarvexis
2003-Jun-08, 10:31 PM
"I am the Herald for Galactus. I have come to survey your planet."

Kizarvexis

g99
2003-Jun-09, 02:41 AM
"I am the Herald for Galactus. I have come to survey your planet."

Kizarvexis

Easy just grab his board and give him a good bashing. :-)

Kizarvexis
2003-Jun-09, 03:09 AM
"I am the Herald for Galactus. I have come to survey your planet."

Kizarvexis

Easy just grab his board and give him a good bashing. :-)

You'll have fun until Galactus shows up for his dinner. :o

BTW, the Silver Surfer has went free lance and the Big Guy has been cycling through the heralds.

Marvel direcory: Galactus (http://www.marveldirectory.com/individuals/g/galactus.htm)

Well, I take that back, read the end to see what happens to the Big Guy and the Silver Surfer's part in it. Spoilers abound.

Kizarvexis

TimH
2003-Jun-16, 04:26 AM
You have been recruited by the Star League to defend the Frontier against Xur and the Ko-Dan Armada... (campy 1980's sci-fi reference)

That or...

Your right Gleek... this place is the trailor park of the universe.

skeptED56
2003-Jun-17, 10:21 PM
"Wait, wait, exactly how many planets are in your system? We demand a unanimous answer now or your planet will be destroyed" :D

BigJim
2003-Jun-18, 01:59 AM
"Hey, how did you get to the Moon without using antigravs?"

(LC joke)

What the......... what the.............. why............. oh, my God, they're based on CARBON!

What happened to that monkey that we forgot to lock the cage of?

Very well. You have refused to listen to our interstellar ambassador of truth, wisdom, justice, and peace. We will take Mr. Kaysing back with us until you reconsider.


Alien: Greetings. We have come to your planet to release an organism that will thrive on your planet but is hindered on ours.

Environmentalist: That's great! We love protecting life in all its forms! We'll take all the organisms you want!

Alien: Wonderful. (Opens lid of huge container, prepares to leave)

Alien: Oh, by the way, there already are a few of these organisms living on your planet.

Environmentalist: What do we call it?

Alien: Uh, let's see................. Ebola.


Alien 1: If we vaporize that planet, we'll have enough mass to build a Dyson sphere here.

Alien 2: The red one?

Alien 1: No, the green and blue one.


Alien: Hello, Earthlings! I am from the Intergalactic Poor Humor Society!


This...... Larry King..... is....... mesmerizing.


Alien 1: YUCK! What's THAT?
Alien 2: It appears to be some disgusting form of extremely evolved monkey.
Alien 1: Time to get the anti-matter bombs......


What the ....... I thought I told you to clean up after your picnic!


E equals what? MC squared? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Alien 1:Yuck - disgusting.
Alien 2: What? Do the primate-type lifeforms disgust you?
Alien 1: No, but look at that?
Alien 2: What is it?
Alien 1: I think it's.....
Alien 2: NO!
Alien 1: What else could it be?
Alien 2: WE MUST LEAVE NOW!
Alien 1: Patience, my friend. Shall we take it off their hands?
Alien 2: We can't- there goes another one!
Alien 1: And I thought that these were simply human-type life forms!
Alien 2: Well, perhaps we could ask one of these gentlemen what to do.
Alien 1: An Earthling?
Alien 2: Yes.
Alien 1: Very well.
Alien 2: Excuse me, sir, but have you noticed those disgusting things that are on the streets?
Man: What things?
Alien: Things like.... THAT! (Frightened expression)
Man: You mean that girl over there?

Chuck
2003-Jun-18, 02:10 AM
"I think we were on this planet four billion years ago. I told dad to steer clear of it, but he just had to stop and take a leak in the ocean."

BCstargazerr
2003-Jun-18, 05:26 AM
the silence and feeling an inner voice saying you won't remeber a thing

g99
2003-Jun-18, 05:37 AM
"Ooohhh! Ouir zoo doesn't have one of these!"

"We have come to see your Alien representatives and ask them about their cultures and how living with humans is: Mork, Coneheads, those people from 3rd rock from the sun, the little green guy in the Flinstones, Marvin the Martian, Michael Jackson, Your 4th grade teacher, and everyone named Bob. "

"please send your planets best heroes to fight in gladitorial like games for the future of your planet. Remeber to send them with correct postage."

rst
2003-Jun-18, 08:12 AM
now kids, remember what happenes when you mix you amino acids....
thats right, we get urthlings...

SkyEyeGuy
2003-Jun-18, 05:00 PM
10) 'Holy snack-time, Zqwychzy! Fire up the grill!"

9) 'You bipeds can breathe chlorine and methane, right?'

8) 'Actually, we're just here to save the dolphins.'

7) 'Our rental contract is clear -- we have sole owndership of Earth until next Qrllwy 78. You'll all need to leave. Dear, throw them out the airlock, won't you?'

6) 'But surely your species knows how to prevent the explosion of your sun.'

5) 'Oops. There are sentients on this planet. Too bad about the nova bombs.'

4) 'We're here about your VISA card bill.'

3) 'Look, it's nothing personal, but your hides are all the rage in *BlonksqealCLICK* this year.'

2) 'We're sick to death of all the Bowflex commercials.'

And, the #1 thing you don't want to hear when taken aboard that shiny UFO:

1) 'Put him in the room with Nancy.'

CthulhuBob
2003-Jun-18, 05:41 PM
"Ooohhh! Ouir zoo doesn't have one of these!"

"We have come to see your Alien representatives and ask them about their cultures and how living with humans is: Mork, Coneheads, those people from 3rd rock from the sun, the little green guy in the Flinstones, Marvin the Martian, Michael Jackson, Your 4th grade teacher, and everyone named Bob. "

DARN! I've been found out! :D

SAMU
2003-Jun-20, 12:17 AM
Hi, My name is God. I'm looking for my son. Nice guy, long hair, beard and mustache, named Jesus. Have you found Jesus?

Get your FREE 50 pounds of solid gold just for taking our short half millenium time share presentation of our beautiful Andromeda Galaxy resort.

RUN!!! They're right behind us!!!


You humans are stupid! stupid! STUPID!!! Aa ha ha ha haaaa!!!

Activate GORT!!! Genocidal Operations Response Terminal.

g99
2003-Jun-20, 01:40 AM
[a space ship looking device apears. A human dressed in snazzy clothing comes out. ] "greetings! I am from 200 years into your future. We are the decendants of your families. I wan't to tell you as the first crononaut that life in the future will be amazing and spectacular! All disease will be eradicated and the entire galaxy will be populated. The secret to eternal life will be found in ten years and all evil will be pacified....."[he steps on a bug] "Oh SH*T" [suddenly the man dissaperes from existance....]

Colt
2003-Jun-20, 02:26 AM
Heh. Oh yeah, -Colt

Chuck
2003-Jun-20, 03:52 AM
"We've found it at last! The shining planet known as Earth!"

Doodler
2003-Jul-03, 10:15 PM
*alien holds up gold plate from Voyager depicting two nude humans* HOW CAN YOU SPREAD THIS FILTH ABOUT THE GALAXY! :evil:

mike alexander
2003-Jul-18, 11:16 PM
Where's John Edwards?

May I speak to President Hoover?

Megadittoes!!!!

BigJim
2003-Jul-19, 01:15 AM
*alien holds up gold plate from Voyager depicting two nude humans* HOW CAN YOU SPREAD THIS FILTH ABOUT THE GALAXY!

That would be the plaque from Pioneer. The Voyagers carried records.

nebularain
2003-Jul-20, 07:32 PM
They're made of meat? (http://www.badastronomy.com/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=6915)

Glom
2003-Jul-20, 07:38 PM
Glebsmalmak, I thought you said the radioactive isotopes we put into the accretion disk would have killed them all by now.

BigJim
2003-Jul-20, 07:51 PM
No! Do not launch radioisotopes in your space probes! They will kill you all.


They're made of meat?

They're made of the other other other white meat.

mike alexander
2003-Jul-21, 04:23 PM
Well, to me they taste like chicken.


We understand you have TWO planets with major ring systems, Saturn and Collar.

We have monitored your broadcasts. Is there a second meaning to 'Uranus' that we do not understand?

As we were braking into your system we passed a large, white bipedal figure waving a flaming implement in all directions. Can you explain this?

mike alexander
2003-Jul-21, 05:01 PM
Sorry, I forgot this one:

"Karellen, if you want to really impress the yokels you'll stop whining and put on the Devil Suit."

darkhunter
2003-Jul-21, 06:56 PM
Sorry, I forgot this one:

"Karellen, if you want to really impress the yokels you'll stop whining and put on the Devil Suit."

"But don't let anyone see you until they've alread accepted us as their Masters."

nebularain
2003-Jul-21, 07:42 PM
Oh - how could the Babylon 5 fans have forgotten this one?


"What do you want?"

Ducky
2003-Jul-21, 10:26 PM
Oh - how could the Babylon 5 fans have forgotten this one?


"What do you want?"

Or even, "Who are you?"

pmcolt
2003-Jul-21, 10:32 PM
Or even, "Who are you?"

Or even, "GREEN!"

Or:
"Can you hear me now? Good." *takes one step forward* "Can you hear me now? Good."...

"We have decided to provide you with a free source of nearly limitless power. Of course, it will involve halting the rotation of your planet's core..."

"There's only one way to determine if they're truly intelligent; dissect their brains..."

aurorae
2003-Jul-22, 10:33 PM
Arthur Dent, hiding and being shot at: "Why is no one ever happy to see us?"

tracer
2003-Jul-23, 12:08 AM
I'll take care of it. I've got the whole list saved on MSword.
Now that's something I definitely don't want to hear the aliens saying!! :o

Doodler
2003-Jul-23, 04:18 PM
Or even, "Who are you?"

Or even, "GREEN!"

PURPLE!!!

BigJim
2003-Jul-23, 10:28 PM
All your base are belong to us.

BigJim
2003-Jul-23, 10:29 PM
http://www.classicgaming.com/whazzat/graphics/zerowingintro.gif

wedgebert
2003-Jul-23, 10:51 PM
Oh I got a good one.

How about: "Mr arriba was right, BOLs ARE the cause of crop circles"

man on the moon
2003-Jul-23, 11:38 PM
first to set the scene: you walk in from vacation to find a swarm of ants in your kitchen. you yell out the door: "honey! i told you to put the (fill in the blank) away before we left!"

now: a ship lands...an alien walks out. he opens his communicator thing and screams at his wife "honey....i thought i told you to put that soup in the fridge..."

i don't really think we came from soup, but it would be a humorous opening scene in a movie. :D

freddo
2003-Jul-25, 12:22 AM
Oh I got a good one.

How about: "Mr arriba was right, BOLs ARE the cause of crop circles"

I actually came here to post something just like that:

"Take us to mr arriba, your undisputed leader."

Chuck
2003-Jul-25, 03:13 PM
first to set the scene: you walk in from vacation to find a swarm of ants in your kitchen. you yell out the door: "honey! i told you to put the (fill in the blank) away before we left!"

now: a ship lands...an alien walks out. he opens his communicator thing and screams at his wife "honey....i thought i told you to put that soup in the fridge..."

i don't really think we came from soup, but it would be a humorous opening scene in a movie. :DThat's better than my theory that some ancient astronaut stopped by to urinate in the ocean.