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Redrum
2007-Mar-04, 07:26 PM
Two biscuits cross the road one of them gets run over the other one said crumbs!!!":clap:

Clive Tester
2007-Mar-04, 09:37 PM
I went to the doctor today. He examined me, and asked me to say arr.
Why? I asked.
Because my dog just died, replied the doctor.

clop
2007-Mar-04, 10:09 PM
Two peanuts cross the road and one of them is assaulted.

Redrum
2007-Mar-06, 04:25 PM
I went to the doctor today. He examined me, and asked me to say arr.
Why? I asked.
Because my dog just died, replied the doctor.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side!!:dance:

Jack Roach
2007-Mar-06, 04:33 PM
:dance: WOW that is so funny. I will tell you one.

Knock Knock
Whos There?
Doctor.
Doctor Who?
You guessed it DOCTOR WHO:dance:

Jack Roach
2007-Mar-06, 04:49 PM
I am really confused because i forgot how to put a avatar as your picture?

Please help me.

Jack Roach Former name Jackie

Paul Beardsley
2007-Mar-06, 05:16 PM
Okay, you're on a beach and you're hungry. What do you do?

You eat the sand which is* there!

Ooh my sides!

A man walks into a bar, and he says, "Oof!" You see, it was an iron bar!

Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill? Because it ran out of juice!

What's black and white and red** all over? A newspaper!

What goes black, white, black, white, blue, black, blue, black, blue? A penguin falling down the stairs!

*Sand which is = Sandwiches
**Red = Read

Paul Beardsley
2007-Mar-06, 05:27 PM
Knock Knock
Whos There?
Doctor.
Doctor Who?
You guessed it DOCTOR WHO:dance:
My grandfather hated Knock Knock jokes, so he would never play along with this one. So we got:

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Doctor
Which doctor?
Argh!

hhEb09'1
2007-Mar-06, 05:28 PM
What did Darth [/url][url=K9] (AKC)Vet say to the puppy that was playing with the cats? "Look, come over to the dog side."

VPCCD
2007-Mar-06, 06:50 PM
A woman puts two biscuts in to the oven to cook, and one biscut turns to the other and says "Man, its getting hot in here" and the other biscut says....
"AAAAGGGGHHHHHHHHH talking biscut!!!"

Clive Tester
2007-Mar-06, 08:36 PM
A man spends his life savings to buy a gold mine, only to find fools gold- that’s very ironic.
:think:

Occam
2007-Mar-06, 09:29 PM
How come all of these jokes are old, then.....

A got a compliment on my driving the other. There was a note on my windscreen that said "Parking Fine", so that's nice.

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Daisy the interrupting cow
Daisy th.......
MOO!

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
'My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? '
'Well,' says the vet, 'let's have a look at him' So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says 'I'm going to have to put him down.'
'What? Because he's cross-eyed? '
'No, because he's really heavy'

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'Aaaaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

Hydro
2007-Mar-07, 01:15 AM
Two hydrogen atoms bumped into each other recently.

One said: "Why do you look so sad?"

The other responded: "I lost an electron."

Concerned, One asked "Are you sure?"

The other replied "I'm positive."

Hydro
2007-Mar-07, 01:20 AM
A neutron walks into a bar, sits down and asks for a drink. Finishing, the neutron asks "How much?"

The bartender says, "For you, no charge."

Jack Roach
2007-Mar-07, 06:28 AM
A neutron walks into a bar, sits down and asks for a drink. Finishing, the neutron asks "How much?"

The bartender says, "For you, no charge."

haha good one!
Did you know that i am on a SEEfood diet haha :lol: :lol:

Paul Beardsley
2007-Mar-07, 11:08 PM
First shepherd: "So why did you even become a shepherd if it was a desk job that you wanted?"

Second shepherd: "I guess I didn't do my research very well."

Jack Roach
2007-Mar-08, 07:03 AM
Good Morning.

Guys does any1 know how you make a new thread plz.:question: :question: :question: :question: :question:

Roy Batty
2007-Mar-08, 03:42 PM
Good Morning.

Guys does any1 know how you make a new thread plz.
I posted an answer to you here (http://www.bautforum.com/showthread.php?p=942145#post942145) & you acknowledged it over 12 hours ago!

Please take the time to get familiar with the board & it's FAQ's (hint, this wasn't the thread to ask the question in, again :))

SockMonkey
2007-Mar-09, 07:05 AM
I went to the doctor today. He examined me, and asked me to say arr.
Why? I asked.
Because my dog just died, replied the doctor.

I still don't get that one.:eh:
It does remind me of a joke I made up though.

What goes "arr eh"?

A canadian pirate.

Redrum
2007-Mar-09, 10:18 AM
A man walked into a bar.
ouch!!!:wall:

Jack Roach
2007-Mar-09, 05:02 PM
Why did the turkey cross the road?

Because it was the chiken's day off!:lol:

Clive Tester
2007-Mar-09, 07:26 PM
I still don't get that one

Hi Sock, it’s probably due to differences in the vernacular between continents. Here in the UK the term arr (pronounced are) is a term of sympathy. For example: arr – you poor thing. This joke combines the colloquial arr term with the archetypal doctor scene that you might find in comedy shows like the Carry On series, or on baldy seaside post cards. Picture a doctor examining a patient by looking into his mouth. The patient is asked to say arr, presumably so that the doctor can see down the larynx.

Clive Tester
2007-Mar-09, 07:31 PM
A man walked into a bar.
ouch!!!:wall:.
I like that one, Redrum.:clap:

Hey, don't go to a party on the moon - no atmosphere.

Paul Beardsley
2007-Mar-09, 07:38 PM
A man walked into a bar.
ouch!!!:wall:
Oy! I did that one several posts back!

Boo hoo, nobody reads my posts, I'm so lonely and misunderstood, I think I'll lock myself in my room and paint the walls black and play Joy Division at full volume... See what you've done to me? I hope you're satisfied.

Oh what the hey, it's only a joke thread. Mind you, I might listen to some Joy Division anyway.

SockMonkey
2007-Mar-09, 08:23 PM
Hi Sock, its probably due to differences in the vernacular between continents. Here in the UK the term arr (pronounced are) is a term of sympathy. For example: arr you poor thing. This joke combines the colloquial arr term with the archetypal doctor scene that you might find in comedy shows like the Carry On series, or on baldy seaside post cards. Picture a doctor examining a patient by looking into his mouth. The patient is asked to say arr, presumably so that the doctor can see down the larynx.

Ahh, gotcha.
Yep I'm a Yank.
Did you guys get the canadian pirate one? Even over here half the people I know don't get it the first time.

Clive Tester
2007-Mar-10, 08:58 PM
I'm so lonely and misunderstood, I think I'll lock myself in my room and paint the walls black and play Joy Division at full volume... See what you've done to me? I hope you're satisfied.

As this is a space flight/astronomy forum, I’d recommend Hawkwind Paul!
Particularly Space Ritual. :dance:

Clive Tester
2007-Mar-10, 09:09 PM
I'm a Yank.

I’d say Friend.

Jack Roach
2007-Mar-11, 07:19 AM
Oy! I did that one several posts back!

Boo hoo, nobody reads my posts, I'm so lonely and misunderstood, I think I'll lock myself in my room and paint the walls black and play Joy Division at full volume... See what you've done to me? I hope you're satisfied.

Oh what the hey, it's only a joke thread. Mind you, I might listen to some Joy Division anyway.


Haha anyway if it wasn't a joke thread i would still care about u.:dance: :dance: :dance: :dance: :dance:

Roy Batty
2007-Mar-11, 12:47 PM
Paul, Love of Joy Division will just tear you apart, again :shifty::p

Redrum
2007-Mar-11, 01:17 PM
[QUOTE=Paul Beardsley;943968]Oy! I did that one several posts back!

Boo hoo, nobody reads my posts, I'm so lonely and misunderstood, I think I'll lock myself in my room and paint the walls black and play Joy Division at full volume... See what you've done to me? I hope you're satisfied.

Sorry Mate, I was just doing a joke.:shifty:

Redrum
2007-Mar-13, 05:47 PM
Mr.Piggy got a job at the gas factory as a night gaurd.
On his first night he hesrd a noise coming from the room which was marked: LAUFING GAS ROOM.
So he walked in,....... To be continued!!!!!???:shifty:

Peter Wilson
2007-Mar-13, 09:49 PM
Mr.Piggy got a job at the gas factory as a night gaurd.
On his first night he hesrd a noise coming from the room which was marked: LAUFING GAS ROOM.
So he walked in...

I guess you had to be there...

Paul Beardsley
2007-Mar-13, 11:09 PM
Paul, Love of Joy Division will just tear you apart, again :shifty::p
Thanks Roy.

I should warn you that I have engaged in many Joy Division pun battles in recent decades. I put heart and soul into them; after twenty four hours there is quite an atmosphere. These days there is no love lost as I take each candidate in isolation; they walked in line to take me on but these dead souls left in disorder, into the wilderness. I remember nothing of them after that.

speedfreek
2007-Mar-14, 12:31 AM
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.

What's big and white and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
A refridgerator.

What's big, white and stripey and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
A refridgerator wearing a sports jacket.

What's big, green, has 6 legs and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
A snooker table.

Why do elephants paint their nuts red?
So they can hide in cherry trees.

What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
Giraffe eating cherries.

How do you know if there is an elephant in your bed?
He'll have a large letter 'E' embroidered on his pyjamas.

Peter Wilson
2007-Mar-16, 07:52 PM
A man called his lawyer's office, and asked the receptionist to speak to his attorney.

"I'm sorry, Sir, he died last week."

"Oh, I see," said the man, and hung up.

The next day, he called again, and again asked to speak to his attorney. "Sir," said the receptionist, "I told you yesterday he died last week. He has not been brought back to life."

"Oh...yeah, that's right." said the man, and hung up.

The next day, he called again, and again asked to speak to his attorney. By this time the receptionist is quite annoyed: "Sir, I told you yesterday and the day before that he died last week. What's the matter with you? Why do you keep calling?"

"I just like to hear it."

Roy Batty
2007-Mar-16, 08:33 PM
Thanks Roy.

I should warn you that I have engaged in many Joy Division pun battles in recent decades. I put heart and soul into them; after twenty four hours there is quite an atmosphere. These days there is no love lost as I take each candidate in isolation; they walked in line to take me on but these dead souls left in disorder, into the wilderness. I remember nothing of them after that.
:clap:

Jack Roach
2007-Mar-31, 02:25 PM
Where do aliens go on holiday?

Austalien


haha

Redrum
2007-Apr-08, 09:08 PM
Two eggs cross the road,
one is hit by a car and goes mad.
the other one said " He has cracked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"



:D :whistle: :sad: :dance: :liar: :shifty :boohoo: :naughty:

Redrum
2007-Apr-08, 09:12 PM
coming soon:new fread!!!

ghost story frea

please
2007-Apr-13, 03:06 PM
The guy comes to the doctor and says:
- doctor, I have a problem, everybody ignores me :(
- Nnnnext, please!

mugaliens
2007-Apr-13, 05:38 PM
A blonde walked into a bar and said, "I feel really foolish."

"Oh, yeah?," asked the barkeep. "Why's that?"

"Well I've been searching for a parking spot for fifteen minutes, and when I finally found one, I took it, but in my eagerness I bumped the car in front of me."

"Any damage?" asked the barkeep.

"Yeah, some," replied the blonde, "but that's not the issue."

"Oh," said the barkeep, ponderously. "What's the issue?"

"Well, I can't find the license plate on the other car."

"Ok, things are slow here, so let's go take a look," said the barkeep, and they walked outside.

Turns out the blonde had parked in a junkyard down the street.

epitide
2007-Apr-19, 10:57 AM
A man walked into a bar.
ouch!!!:wall:


Two Blondes walk into a shopping mall.

You'd think one of them would have seen it. :wall:

please
2007-Apr-19, 02:23 PM
how new is this one (http://www.mightywombat.com/toons/numbers.gif)

Swift
2007-Apr-19, 02:48 PM
A man walks into a bar and there is a horse behind the bar serving drinks. He stands there for a few minutes, just staring at the horse. Finally, the horse says, "What! You've never seen a horse serving drinks"? And the man say, "No, I just can't believe the cow sold the place".

A priest, a duck, and a blond walk into a bar. The bartender says, "You think this a joke"?

please
2007-Apr-19, 03:27 PM
oh yeah, horses in bars.

so, the horse comes into that bar and asks for a drink. bartender is a bit surprized about talking horse, but serves the drink. after that, he calls his friend, a circus owner, and tells the story. so his friend calls a taxi and in 5 minutes he's there, saying to the horse "would you like to work in my circus? I will pay you $1234 per show blah blah blah". the horse is thinking, and then replies, "okay I will work for you. but I just dont get it. why do you need an astronomer in the circus ?"

Jack Roach
2007-Apr-24, 06:14 PM
martha jones meets
Rose Tyler and says "Have you seen the doctor yet"

as in like hospital doctor

:neutral: