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Occam's Shaving Cream
2007-Jun-10, 03:32 PM
The evidence is all here! Our 'mammalian' 'friends', these 'gentle' giants come from the stars! We have more water than land, and there is free food! That's why they came, and now they are taking over the media! And dolphins too!
What's next? I'm betting it's NASA.

I urge you, if you see a cetacean, kill it! Just to be sure, kill seals too. They might be in on it too...


I shall present my evidence for peer reviewing that whales should not be trusted and preferebly hunted into extinction because they're planning something. Something big, no doubt, because they're whales.. I've just returned from Japan, where I successfully convinced the President of these facts. Now on to the evidence:

* The movie Star Trek 4: The Voyage Home tells the shocking tale of an alien probe that came to Earth and wanted to talk to.....WHALES!!! (Humpback whales to be precise). Humankind would be wiped out if they couldn't present a whale representative! Kirk had to risk the fabric of time and space to secure some whales from the past!

* Isaac Asimov wrote an SF story about creatures that lived in the atmosphere of Jupiter that looked and acted very much like whales. You tried to warn us Isaac, but it might very well be too late.

* In the fictional 'nature documentary' Alien Worlds (eps. Blue Moon). Whale-like creatures floated through the sky of the low-gravity moon, scooping up 'plankton' clouds. One died, which was satisfying.

* The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: The imbrobability-drive causes a sperm-whale to appear somewhere high up in the atmosphere of a planet. Which then crashes to it's death as it ponders existence. One down, only a couple of thousand more to go
* Also in this film/book: Dolphins are smarter than humans and manage to leave Earth before the Vogons destroy it. Dolphins are not whales, but they should too not be trusted.

* In Futurama the crew visits the moon (in the year 3000). Old records of the original moonlanding are lost, so there is a themepark which tells the tale of whalers who came to the moon to hunt whales. WHALES REWRITING THE HISTORY OF THE MOON LANDING?! I think Futurama gives us a frightingly realistic vision of the Future here.

* Killer Whale (they're in on it too!) in Space in South Park. A brainwashed reviewer said: " Easily the most ridiculous moment on television this year. The short explanation: Fooled by technicians at a Sea World-type park, the boys are convinced that one of the trained Orca whales is an alien who needs to be sent to its home planet. The boys steal the whale from the park, take it to Mexico, where Mexico's shoddy space program agrees to send the whale into space for a couple hundred bucks. And then they do."
I don't find the idea of murdering every last one of these sly *******s ridiculous at all. They can't be trusted!

* The Australian series Ocean Girl featured an alien (who looked like a human) that could communicate with a humpback whale (Charley). Communicate with the power of BRAINWASH! Their sonic waves can plant thoughts RIGHT INTO YOUR HEAD!

In literature: Science fiction writer, Hugo and Nebula Award winner David Brin wrote The Uplift Saga. Dolphins (and chimps) have been 'uplifted'. They've been stimulated to become more intelligent and Earth is now the cradle of not 1 but 3 intelligent species. These dolphins (which can communicate with humans) share the same space ship with their masters the humans, which is mostly filled with water. I bet you didn't see that one coming, NASA! More evidence that whales are planning for something big, and it's going to involve space flight... Mark my words.


* Also in literature: Science fiction (and horror) writer Dan Simmons described the planet Maui Covenant in the Hyperion Saga. A colonised planet with indigenous life. Dolphins were imported to this planet to pull floating, living islands. A bright future where we have liberated ourselves from their evil oppression and made them our slaves :dance:
* Also in the Hyperion Saga: A large (whale-like) creature that lived in the atmosphere of a giant (oxygen rich) gas giant (planet). Raul Endymion encounters it as he falls through a portal. Completely contrasting his previous subtle message about ethics towards sea-mammals, the space whale SAVES Raul from certain death, thereby making it a hero. :doh:

Every spacey New Age cd ever made will have at least one of these:
a) Dolphin(s) and/or whales on the cover
b) At least one song will feature whale sounds
c) Optional: A song will actually be called 'Space whales'
They've got their own music genre too now, where no-talent whales just wistle a bit and it sells!!! WHAT IS THAT ALL ABOUT!


In Star Trek:
(Besides the fourth film, we have: )

* Captain Picard (The Next Generation) encounters a 'space whale' that mistakes the Enterprise for it's mother, and starts draining energy from the engines. I hope NASA is preparing for that.

* In Star Trek: Voyager episode 'Think Tank' the crew meet a small group of 'problem solvers'. One member lives in an aquarium and look/sounds like a whale. Sure, amongst the smartest creatures in that quadrant, one just happens to be a whale.

* In Star Trek: Enterprise (or 'Enterprise') Captain Archer meets a race called the Xindi. One 'subspecies' of Xindi (the Aquatics) look like whales with limbs. They travel in space ships filled with water. I remember a time when star trek was all about putting prosthetics on humans to make aliens NOT WHALES! It saddens me to see that whales are getting more and more attention from the media.


If you too have seen space whale propaganda , please post it so I can add it to the list.

FIGHT THE WHALES

djellison
2007-Jun-10, 03:44 PM
OK - someone read WAYYY to much into this piece I wrote a year ago :)

http://www.planetary.org/blog/article/00000716/

Doug

Occam's Shaving Cream
2007-Jun-10, 04:39 PM
"Beluga whale and your guest blogger discuss the price of fish in L'Oceanografic at the Ciudad de las Artes y las Ciencias"

You're one of them!

/Runs off to read Moby Dick

jrkeller
2007-Jun-10, 06:06 PM
Sorry, but you're wrong.

The real story is elephants,

ALIENS ENGINEERED ELEPHANTS (http://www.weeklyuniverse.com/skies/skies12.htm)

01101001
2007-Jun-10, 06:24 PM
What, like there aren't enough real conspiracies to discuss?

OK. Move for Conspiracy Theory forum to be closed.

iron4
2007-Jun-10, 07:18 PM
And dolphins too!



Don't forget Flipper, who seems more intelligent than any of the human protagonists of the series.

hplasm
2007-Jun-10, 08:36 PM
What, like there aren't enough real conspiracies to discuss?

OK. Move for Conspiracy Theory forum to be closed.

Reason:Too close to the truth. They got to you, too... :shifty:

BertL
2007-Jun-10, 09:16 PM
What, like there aren't enough real conspiracies to discuss?

OK. Move for Conspiracy Theory forum to be closed.
My God, he's one of them...

Occam's Shaving Cream
2007-Jun-11, 10:16 AM
Don't forget Flipper, who seems more intelligent than any of the human protagonists of the series.

Ah yes, Flipper. If we were to translate what Flipper is actually saying when he makes those ridiculous sounds, it'll be something along the lines of: "Come my aquatic brethren, the time is ripe to conquer the ocean-planet Earth. They have fish!"

Paul Beardsley
2007-Jun-11, 10:35 AM
Whales from space? Pah. I am more concerned about zebras. They are clearly horses with barcodes. Sinister.

Maksutov
2007-Jun-11, 11:15 AM
Mice.

Beware of the mice!


(first, the Moon, then http://www.cosgan.de/images/smilie/tiere/o025.gif )

Occam's Shaving Cream
2007-Jun-11, 11:20 AM
More whale conspiracy:

* Patrick Stewart was Captain Picard on Star Trek, and dealt with space whales. In the film Star Trek: First Contact (!) he quotes from Moby Dick.

* Patrick Stewart was Captain Ahab in the film Moby Dick and hunted the dreaded white whale

* Star Trek: First Contact has lines from the book 'Moby Dick' in it, but does Moby Dick contain Star Trek lines? YES*:
"The straight warp of necessity, not to be swerved from its ultimate course- [...] free to ply her shuttle between given threads**" Chapter 47, pg. 181"

Is Patrick Stewart really a whale?! Or is he just one of their brainwashed minions...



*All quotes conveniently pulled out of context.
** Probably 'sub-space threads'.

Maksutov
2007-Jun-11, 12:24 PM
The clincher is that Mira (the "miraculous star") is in the constellation Cetus.

'nuff said.

Maksutov
2007-Jun-11, 12:43 PM
And the director of the original Frankenstein movie was James Whale.

This could be expanded to satisfy the paranoid among us. I have incontestable proof that many of the people I've tried to work with over the years were, in fact, not human.

If not human, what is the alternative?

Alien!

The tie-in is that some of them displayed a blubber component that was amazingly whale-like.

http://img503.imageshack.us/img503/5457/whaleya3.gif (http://imageshack.us)

Occam's Shaving Cream
2007-Jun-11, 01:29 PM
The clincher is that Mira (the "miraculous star") is in the constellation Cetus.

'nuff said.

'nuff said indeed!

Ever wondered how Jonah could survive inside a whale for 3 days? Could it be that whales are spaceships? Or did the whales abduct him in ships of their own....?


The tie-in is that some of them displayed a blubber component that was amazingly whale-like.



I too have noticed the world population is growing fatter. This can mean only one thing: Whales are injecting our fast-food with alien whale-DNA to create a race of hybrid man-whales!!!

A.DIM
2007-Jun-11, 01:55 PM
But of course!

After all, aren't whales alleged to use both hemispheres of their brains simultaneously or some other?

Intelligent aliens indeed!

Occam's Shaving Cream
2007-Jun-11, 02:22 PM
Those bi-hemispherical *******s!

They're speaking in code, I tell you!
Here, listen:
http://www.lawrencehallofscience.org/whale/

hplasm
2007-Jun-11, 10:56 PM
There is certainly a most alien language being used in Wales, isn't it.

/coat again

Noclevername
2007-Jun-12, 02:31 AM
I've found photgraphic proof!

Here! (http://www.bautforum.com/showpost.php?p=1005368&postcount=51)

And here! (http://www.bautforum.com/showpost.php?p=1005901&postcount=57)

And they called me mad! But I'll show them all! MUAHAHAHA!

SAMU
2007-Jun-12, 08:22 AM
I agree. The squeaks and clicks those cetacians make sound an awful lot like computer modems to me. But I suspect the whales are just data storage material. It's the dolphins who really are the aliens.

Consider it; Easy food, easy living. If you were an alien crossing vast space to live on a water planet wouldn't you want to be a dolphin?

Of course some humans are controlled by them. Some are moderators right here at BAUT so they will probably ban me for this. They don't like the truth. That's how you know they are evil.

Maksutov
2007-Jun-12, 09:07 AM
[edit]Of course some humans are controlled by them. Some are moderators right here at BAUT so they will probably ban me for this. They don't like the truth. That's how you know they are evil.You can't leave it alone, can you?

However, it will good to see how you will be baleen out of this current one.

http://img137.imageshack.us/img137/566/iconwink6tn.gif

Noclevername
2007-Jun-12, 08:04 PM
However, it will good to see how you will be baleen out of this current one.

Don't say that, you'll make him start blubbering.

Personally, I think the whole thing's a fluke, I bet I could blow holes in the theory if I tried.

Occam's Shaving Cream
2007-Jun-12, 10:03 PM
If you want to complain, I'll direct you toward the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem. (Or should I say Whaling Wall?!!?!)

Noclevername
2007-Jun-12, 10:11 PM
We're going at this problem from the wrong angle, let's flipper over and try again. If whales are aliens, what is their porpoise here? Will humans be kept in some kind of pod, or will they krill us all? Moby not, but Dick Tracy couldn't solve this mystery.

Occam's Shaving Cream
2007-Jun-12, 11:03 PM
You talk as a whale! Arrest that man! (or man-whale)

In other news: Aliens crashed into a hump,back in 1947 when they tried to contact their whale friends. This was probably related to the Berlin WAL, RUSsians and the cold war.


And the award for most awful pun goes to...^

Noclevername
2007-Jun-12, 11:08 PM
In other news: Aliens crashed into a hump,back in 1947 when they tried to contact their whale friends. This was probably related to the Berlin WAL, RUSsians and the cold war.


How did you find out? Those files were sealed!

Oh, well, I see lyin' won't help.

Paul Beardsley
2007-Jun-12, 11:13 PM
Is this going to turn into another pun thread, like the recent geology one (only this time to do with fish)?

If so, don't expect me to take part. Grow up, for cod's sake!

Noclevername
2007-Jun-12, 11:16 PM
Is this going to turn into another pun thread, like the recent geology one (only this time to do with fish)?

If so, don't expect me to take part. Grow up, for cod's sake!

They're MAMMALS!

Fish puns just aren't on the same scale. Every gill and boy must avoid fish puns before they get hooked!

(See? Nothing.)

Occam's Shaving Cream
2007-Jun-12, 11:21 PM
Here's a (pun free) thought which might disturb you:

Are sea-lions and sea-elephants actually experimental hybrids that were created by the whales ?!

Are we next? Is man-whale the future?!



FIGHT THE WHALES

Paul Beardsley
2007-Jun-12, 11:22 PM
They're MAMMALS!

Fish puns just aren't on the same scale. Every gill and boy must avoid fish puns before they get hooked!

(See? Nothing.)

Have you quite FINished?

I'm dropping a line to a moderator - eel close this thread, and put an end to all that carp.

Paul Beardsley
2007-Jun-12, 11:24 PM
Are sea-lions and sea-elephants actually experimental hybrids that were created by the whales ?!

No. Sea-lions and sea-elephants are the normal animal.

It's the land-lions and land-elephants who are the experimental hybrids, created by zebras.

See this scientific paper (www.badgerbadgerbadger.com).

Noclevername
2007-Jun-12, 11:28 PM
Have you quite FINished?

I'm dropping a line to a moderator - eel close this thread, and put an end to all that carp.

If you do that just for the halibut, it would come as a shark to me! I'd be left floundering.

The Backroad Astronomer
2007-Jun-13, 04:48 AM
To get rid of all the punning around, you would have to cast a fairly wide net.

SAMU
2007-Jun-13, 07:27 AM
You can't leave it alone, can you?

However, it will good to see how you will be baleen out of this current one.

http://img137.imageshack.us/img137/566/iconwink6tn.gif


I baleen out of this by saying "So long and thanks for all the fish".

Noclevername
2007-Jun-13, 08:45 AM
I baleen out of this by saying "So long and thanks for all the fish".

Eel be back.

Hey, in this forum you have to sink or swim. There's a shipload of punsters here, so just set your Jaws, and get ready to hear a lot of lines, 'cause there's Gorton be a lot of them. I started out as the new squid in town, but after I stopped shrimping away from it, I learned to dive right in and crab life with boat hands!

Ronald Brak
2007-Jun-13, 08:50 AM
When you think about it, Picard's lack of hair would make him vunerable to hypersonic brain manipulation.

Noclevername
2007-Jun-13, 08:56 AM
When you think about it, Picard's lack of hair would make him vunerable to hypersonic brain manipulation.


He's already proven vulnerable to mind control and brainwashing. The Borg, the Ferengi, the Cardassians, Sarek-- everyone's had a turn in his brain-- whales are the next logical step!

Ronald Brak
2007-Jun-13, 09:51 AM
He's already proven vulnerable to mind control and brainwashing! The Borg, the Ferengi, the Cardassians, Sarek-- everyone's had a turn in his brain-- whales are the next logical step!

If you are going to bring logic into it I have no choice but to agree with you.

But I never could decide who has the least mental resistance of the original Star Trek. Is it Sulu or Chekov? Personally I'm going for Checkov. I bet I could take over his mind with a flashlight and a piece of cellophane.

Noclevername
2007-Jun-13, 09:55 AM
Personally I'm going for Checkov. I bet I could take over his mind with a flashlight and a piece of cellophane.

And steal his nuclear wessel!

If a worm in the ear could do it, I have no doubt that would work.

Paul Beardsley
2007-Jun-13, 12:01 PM
Eel be back.

Hey, in this forum you have to sink or swim. There's a shipload of punsters here, so just set your Jaws, and get ready to hear a lot of lines, 'cause there's Gorton be a lot of them. I started out as the new squid in town, but after I stopped shrimping away from it, I learned to dive right in and crab life with boat hands!

This conversation can serve no useful porpoise.

Anne Elk
2007-Jun-13, 07:49 PM
All this talk is giving me a haddock

Occam's Shaving Cream
2007-Jun-13, 08:58 PM
No. Sea-lions and sea-elephants are the normal animal.

It's the land-lions and land-elephants who are the experimental hybrids, created by zebras.

See this scientific paper (www.badgerbadgerbadger.com).

It's not the zebras that are the bar-coded animalsl; it's TIGERS!

Together with the land-sealions they will rule Kenya.

It's all in this scientific paper (http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/kenya/)

The Backroad Astronomer
2007-Jun-13, 10:17 PM
ah calm up or I will bring in some mussel.

Occam's Shaving Cream
2007-Jun-14, 10:40 PM
"Yea, foolish mortals, Noah's flood is not yet subsided; two thirds of the fair world it yet covers."

~Moby Dick

PhantomWolf
2007-Jun-14, 11:52 PM
What no one has pointed out the Simpsons blowing the lid off of the Dolphins (or should we call them "Greys") plans to take over the world?

Noclevername
2007-Jun-14, 11:59 PM
*Join us!*

*Follow the deep masters as we do!*

*They will feed you the plankton of enlightenment!*

*The sea calls to us...*

Occam's Shaving Cream
2007-Jun-15, 02:58 PM
What no one has pointed out the Simpsons blowing the lid off of the Dolphins (or should we call them "Greys") plans to take over the world?

*Googles*

You're right! "In one of the episodes of Treehouse of Horror in the Simpsons, Dolphins reveal to humans that they could talk and that they once lived on land, but were driven into the sea by humans. They later successfully drive the humans (the townsfolk of Springfield) into the sea while they took over dry land."

Hmmm... the creator of the Simpsons also made Futurama. Here is the last bit of the episode 'The problem with Popplers':

Bender: Who wants dolphin?
Leela: Dolphin? But dolphins are intelligent.
Bender: Not this one. He blew all his money on instant lottery tickets.
Fry: OK.
Leela: Oh, OK.
Amy: That's different.
Farnsworth: Good, good.
Leela: Pass the blowhole.
Amy: Can I have a fluke?
Hermes: Hey, quit hogging the bottle-nose.
Farnsworth: Toss me the speech centre of the brain!

Swift
2007-Jun-15, 03:13 PM
All this talk is giving me a haddock

Baravelli: 'At's a-funny, I got a "haddock" too.
Wagstaff: What do you take for a "haddock"?
Baravelli: Sometimes I take an aspirin, sometimes I take a calomel.
Wagstaff: I'd walk a mile for a calomel.
Baravelli: You mean chocolate calomel? I like-a that too but you no get in.

:lol:

Gillianren
2007-Jun-15, 07:43 PM
Hmmm... the creator of the Simpsons also made Futurama.

Matt Groening, alumnus of The Evergreen State College. Heck of a funny guy; he gave the graduation speech to the class ahead of mine. (Because we're just awful proud of having an alumnus that people've heard of.)

Occam's Shaving Cream
2007-Jun-15, 10:22 PM
Matt Groening, alumnus of The Evergreen State College. Heck of a funny guy; he gave the graduation speech to the class ahead of mine. (Because we're just awful proud of having an alumnus that people've heard of.)


Evergreen as in Evergreen Terrace (where the Simpsons live?!)?

Has he been exposed to sea mammals during his study?

Gillianren
2007-Jun-15, 11:10 PM
That's the one. There's also a character waving an Evergreen diploma (printed in the correct shade of green!) on a Futurama episode. There are a lot of in-jokes in both shows.

As to sea mammals, almost certainly. Evergreen is here in Olympia, on the Puget Sound. I believe we've even had a lost whale once, though smaller mammals are much more common.

PhantomWolf
2007-Jun-17, 10:04 PM
I believe we've even had a lost whale once

Ahhhh, but was it lost, or was it hunting down a whistleblower?

Gillianren
2007-Jun-18, 05:55 AM
Ahhhh, but was it lost, or was it hunting down a whistleblower?

I can't say; I didn't live here then.

aurora
2007-Jun-18, 11:27 PM
So long, and thanks for all the fish.

Occam's Shaving Cream
2007-Jun-21, 11:10 AM
Oh no! More bad news. There is a Doctor Who episode called "Song of the Space Whale"!

Quote from wikipedia:
"The Song of the Space Whale

The story which was originally to introduce new companion Vislor Turlough in the third episode of series twenty, The Song of the Space Whale, was to concern a group of people living in the belly of a giant whale in space"

There is also a book called Jonathan and the Space Whale

http://fuzii.hp.infoseek.co.jp/covers/RFY/jonathan.jpg

If you want to buy psechedelic music, you can go to http://www.spacewhale.net/.

What is this world coming to?!

JustAFriend
2007-Jun-22, 02:03 AM
No, the whales are not aliens. They were here when we got here.

Now the armadillos on the other hand.....

;-)

PhantomWolf
2007-Jun-22, 03:07 AM
Well could add in Farscape in which tey travel ina living ship called a Leviathan. In the Bible the Leviathan was the whale (and no it wasn't a whale the was supposed to have swallowed Jonah, it was a large fish.)

Also Daglas Adams references whales in space when one of the two missiles turns into a whale. Of course he might have been trying to tell us that petunia's are also aliens.....

Noclevername
2007-Jun-22, 03:13 AM
(and no it wasn't a whale the was supposed to have swallowed Jonah, it was a large fish.)

To the ancient Hebrews, a bat was a type of bird, and a whale was a type of fish. The classification system which distingushes Mammalia from Pisces had not been invented yet.

PhantomWolf
2007-Jun-22, 05:17 AM
To the ancient Hebrews, a bat was a type of bird, and a whale was a type of fish. The classification system which distingushes Mammalia from Pisces had not been invented yet.

Not true at all. The naming of "Bat" in the KJV was a case of the translators not knowing the word and guessing at something. The actual creature the word refers to is still unknown and so the word, incorrectly, persists. This isn't the only case in the KJV where an animal is named that they didn't know what it was. Others were given far more mythical names such as unicorns. Today a lot have been cleared up. Leviathan was the word used to translate the Hebrew for Whale. It is quite distintive and totally different to their name for fish, and what was given to the creature in the Jonah tale. This creature was identified as a fish, not a Leviathan (the whale) and so they are not the same. No more than the Fruit of knowledge of Good and Evil was an apple, or that Noah gather the animals and only took two each onto the Ark.

Gillianren
2007-Jun-22, 07:57 AM
"Daglas" Adams?

Occam's Shaving Cream
2007-Jun-23, 12:43 AM
Well could add in Farscape in which tey travel ina living ship called a Leviathan.

You're right. How could I have overlooked Moya, the Leviathan!
Even more disturbing: They bond in some sort of symbiosis with their "Pilot" - a crustacean!

Quote from wikipedia about "Pilot": Pilots are large crustacean-like creatures that have 4 arms on their upper half and a lower half adapted to bond with a Leviathan spacecraft. They have a very rich and complex language that is too advanced for translator microbes to interpret unless spoken in very simple form. One sentence in this language can communicate the same amount of information as dozens of sentences in other languages.

That sure sounds alien to me.

Occam's Shaving Cream
2007-Jun-23, 04:09 AM
"Daglas" Adams?

Heresy! Arrest him!

;)

Donnie B.
2007-Jun-23, 02:15 PM
Heresy! Arrest him!

;)Hearsay! Release him! :doh:

Disinfo Agent
2007-Jun-23, 03:12 PM
Tsk, tesk. How can you have missed The Ophiuci Hotline (http://www.amazon.com/Ophiuchi-Hotline-Sf-Collectors/dp/0575072830/ref=sr_1_15/104-7631862-9065520?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1182611438&sr=1-15)? :think:

Occam's Shaving Cream
2007-Jun-23, 04:15 PM
I looked at the site you linked Disinfo Agent, but couldn't find any whale references...

You are not some sort of whale agent, send to confuse us with your disinformation, are you? :shifty:


EDIT: Wait, you're right. "Here, the premise is that humanity has been kicked off Earth by the super-powerful Invaders, who apparently get along real well with dolphins and whatever lives inside Jupiter."

PhantomWolf
2007-Jun-25, 02:18 AM
There's the Alien-Dolphin relationship in Cocoon too (and Cocoon II too)

(and yeah I meant Douglas, my typing seemed to go to pack in that post :()

Count Zero
2007-Jun-25, 02:29 AM
"Daglas" Adams?

He types with an accent. What, are you being culturally insensitive?!

Gillianren
2007-Jun-25, 05:45 AM
Clearly, I am. I hang my head in shame.

Occam's Shaving Cream
2007-Jun-25, 09:31 AM
I read a lot of books for this report, but all of them were wrong, so I will just tell you the truth. A lot of people think dolphins are aliens, or angels, or something, because they are so smart. But it's not dolphins that are aliens, it's sharks!

[...]

Anyway, so some people think that dolphins are angels, or can heal people, or something. I found this researching on the internet. These people are silly. Dolphins cannot heal, because they are all about killing! The closest they get to healing things is that they are like the white blood cells of the planet, stalking the virus sharks.

[...]

People have a lot of wrong ideas about dolphins. There were some ideas even wronger than the glowy angel healing alien dolphins, but my parents wouldn't let me read about them.

[...]

Sharks are evil alien overlords of the deep. Dolphins were developed by the Earth to combat their menace. Sharks are a plague on this planet, and dolphins are the cure!

Read the complete theory (http://www.faerye.net/content.php?id=424)
(Actually, it's a 4th grader's report that explains the difference between dolphins and sharks. A fun read nonetheless :D)

JonClarke
2007-Jun-25, 10:38 AM
Every body talks about the people that dolphins save from downing by pushing to shore. The truth is, the 50% they push out to sea are never heard from again.....

CJSF
2007-Jun-25, 05:06 PM
Read the complete theory
(Actually, it's a 4th grader's report that explains the difference between dolphins and sharks. A fun read nonetheless )

Oh my goodness - that's almost exactly like something *I* would have written at that age! SPECTACULAR!

CJSF

P.S.
Except I had a soft spot for sharks even back then. They are not evil people-eating machines. At least not mostly.

Gillianren
2007-Jun-25, 06:54 PM
Except I had a soft spot for sharks even back then. They are not evil people-eating machines. At least not mostly.

I'd argue not even mostly; to be evil, one must belong to a species that has a concept of right and wrong. Sharks pretty much have a concept of food.

Fazor
2007-Jun-25, 08:09 PM
I'd argue not even mostly; to be evil, one must belong to a species that has a concept of right and wrong. Sharks pretty much have a concept of food.

Clearly you've never seen Jaws. Pure evil, I tell's ya.

Personally I'm a shark fence-sitter. I think they are amazing, awe-inspiring, gracefull, facinating things. But they scare the living bejeezuz out of me, to the point where I doubt I'll ever willingly find myself swimming in the ocean (and yes, my logical side knows how rare attacks actually are, but just the thought of seeing one swim past gives me the willies).

But, on the reverse side, I love to fish and I'd love to go shark fishing. They don't scare me if they're up on a boat (except as in the final scene of Jaws), or on land. Go figure.

Noclevername
2007-Jun-25, 08:11 PM
Except I had a soft spot for sharks even back then. They are not evil people-eating machines. At least not mostly.


Except for loan sharks, of course.

Maksutov
2007-Jun-29, 07:19 AM
Except for loan sharks, of course.I wonder where that puts lone wolves?

Occam's Shaving Cream
2007-Jun-29, 03:10 PM
But, on the reverse side, I love to fish and I'd love to go shark fishing. They don't scare me if they're up on a boat (except as in the final scene of Jaws), or on land . Go figure.

Haha, this reminded me of something I photoshopped a while ago: A LANDWAHLE!! (Landwhale is not actually painted, just drawn on the computer)

http://www.b3tards.com/u/85960046aeb5a68ec67d/landwhale.jpg

I made this long before I started to suspect that whales are aliens... But... that means....
Oh no! I'm probably being mind-controlled by subliminal messages from alien whales, sent out through the internet! Is this what our new masters will look like?!

Noclevername
2007-Jun-29, 04:24 PM
Oh no! I'm probably being mind-controlled by subliminal messages from alien whales, sent out through the internet!


Quick, better get the tinfoil!

Tucson_Tim
2007-Jun-29, 04:25 PM
Haha, this reminded me of something I photoshopped a while ago: A LANDWAHLE!! (Landwhale is not actually painted, just drawn on the computer)

http://www.b3tards.com/u/85960046aeb5a68ec67d/landwhale.jpg

I made this long before I started to suspect that whales are aliens... But... that means....
Oh no! I'm probably being mind-controlled by subliminal messages from alien whales, sent out through the internet! Is this what our new masters will look like?!

That looks like the Jurassic PushMePullYou.

Swift
2007-Jun-29, 04:47 PM
Must be a girl landwhale (its pink).

Tucson_Tim
2007-Jun-29, 04:49 PM
Must be a girl landwhale (its pink).

They must always be on the alert for the landsharks. :)

Noclevername
2007-Jun-29, 04:55 PM
They must always be on the alert for the landsharks. :)

Knock Knock Knock

"Candygram!"

Tucson_Tim
2007-Jun-29, 05:16 PM
Knock Knock Knock

"Candygram!"


"Jehovah's Witness!"

Occam's Shaving Cream
2007-Jun-29, 07:01 PM
Must be a girl landwhale (its pink).

Or is it a humancoloured man-whale hybrid, sent to destroy all non-manwhalian life forms!? The dreaded Homo Cetorum ('Man of the whales') ?!

Noclevername
2007-Jun-29, 07:21 PM
Or is it a humancoloured man-whale hybrid, sent to destroy all non-manwhalian life forms!? The dreaded Homo Cetorum ('Man of the whales') ?!


Is he any relation to ManBearPig?

PS: "manwhalian" is my new favorite word of the day.

Occam's Shaving Cream
2007-Jun-29, 07:35 PM
Is he any relation to ManBearPig?



No, it's just Manwhales, I'm serial.

EXCELSIOR!

;)

The Backroad Astronomer
2007-Jun-29, 10:09 PM
"Jehovah's Witness!"
I would rather have the landshark.

Occam's Shaving Cream
2007-Jun-30, 12:50 AM
Every body talks about the people that dolphins save from downing by pushing to shore. The truth is, the 50% they push out to sea are never heard from again.....

You're right. They want us to think that dolphins are friendly.

But in reality sea mammals attack Navy ships in the Bermuda Triangle! Sperm whales literally eat giant squid for breakfast; They can take down a ship with ease.

How about this: SETI = Search for ExtraTerrestrial Intelligence.

Ceti(Latin) = 'of a whale' or 'owned by a whale.' Hmmmm........
This can mean only one thing: Aliens use 'SETI' to plan their attack on Earth!

Get into your bunkers while you still have time!

Gillianren
2007-Jun-30, 05:39 AM
Get into your bunkers while you still have time!

For preference in somewhere like Kansas or central Russia, a very long way from the ocean!

Maksutov
2007-Jun-30, 06:08 AM
When the bat-rat-spider (http://www.badmovies.org/multimedia/moviesl/angryred1.mpg) shows up, I'm outta here!

(Warning: 2MB MPEG file)

Noclevername
2007-Jul-03, 04:40 PM
I, for one, welcome our new cetacean overlords.

Occam's Shaving Cream
2007-Jul-03, 07:07 PM
I, for one, welcome our new cetacean overlords.

Ha, I was expecting this exact quote. This proves that Simpsons fans are ALREADY BRAINWASHED!

Noclevername
2007-Jul-04, 03:49 PM
Ha, I was expecting this exact quote. This proves that Simpsons fans are ALREADY BRAINWASHED!

Don't have a sea cow, man.

Occam's Shaving Cream
2007-Jul-04, 08:19 PM
http://www.b3tards.com/u/85960046aeb5a68ec67d/body_snatchers.jpg

BertL
2007-Jul-05, 12:35 AM
I know what film that's from!

Maksutov
2007-Jul-05, 02:12 AM
Invasion of the Cetacean Snatchers, Phase II.

In this film it's the cetaceans who do the snatching.

Ever wonder why a group of whales is referred to as a pod?

Occam's Shaving Cream
2007-Jul-06, 08:04 PM
I know what film that's from!



Ever wonder why a group of whales is referred to as a pod?


Here is my theory: Leonard Nimoy was in Invasion of the Body Snatchers ^^^ (the 1978 version), and also appeared as Spock in Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home where he was friendly with whales...
The latter film is from 1986.

Conclusion: Aliens took over Spock and made him a WHALE SLAVE! This would also explain his frequent appearances on The Simpsons and Futurama!!! And Picard is one of them too!

Gillianren
2007-Jul-06, 09:26 PM
Ever wonder why a group of whales is referred to as a pod?

Actually, yes; still, it's no weirder than a murder of crows or parliament of owls.