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Swift
2007-Jul-19, 06:02 PM
For some unknow reason, I was thinking about this yesterday on the drive home. Come up with superpowers, either from magic or mutation or technology or whatever, but they are an almost completely useless power.

For example:

Ability to predict the future, but you can only predict the price of a food item 24 hours in the future.

Ability to fly, but no higher than 5 mm over any solid surface.

Ability to read the thoughts of, and control an animal, but only worms (and they are not any smarter, so you only read worm thoughts and they only understand worm concepts).

hhEb09'1
2007-Jul-19, 07:07 PM
I don't think you can beat Invisible Boy of Mystery Men (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0132347/), who's invisible if you are not looking at him. Mr. Furious, maybe, the Waffler

jja
2007-Jul-19, 07:49 PM
IIRC, one example from the Wild Cards series was Nova Boy, who could make the sun go nova. An example of a power that is way too powerful to be useful.

A few off the top of my head...

Office Supplies Lass has the ability to link paperclips into chains with the sheer force of mental agility.

The Grassmaster has control over every blade of grass in a 1 meter radius. By concentrating for an hour, he can make them all point towards him.

Airhead is continuously, helplessly aware of the positions or velocities of every single air molecule in a one centiimeter radius of her skin. An astonishing bore at parties.

The Reconstructor spent his childhood pushing chicken bones around on his plate at dinner until the day that a toaster fell on his head while at Walmart. Given a pile of chicken bones, he can articulate them into variably-complete chicken skeletons at a glance. Once he stops paying attention, they fall apart again.

When Solocity is exposed to direct sunlight, she can absorb it and radiate it instantly back at the sun. She doesn't tan very well.

jja
2007-Jul-19, 07:55 PM
I don't think you can beat Invisible Boy of Mystery Men (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0132347/), who's invisible if you are not looking at him. Mr. Furious, maybe, the Waffler

Invisible Boy did have a use for his power in the movie, based on a loophole in the description, which I won't specify as it's a minor spoiler.

Mr. Furious, at least in the comics (http://www.flamingcarrot.com/MM/index-main.html), could get so mad at crime that he became bulletproof, which is quite useful.

Argos
2007-Jul-19, 08:03 PM
Ability to fly, but no higher than 5 mm over any solid surface.

Hey, that would be cool. :)

Jeff Root
2007-Jul-19, 08:21 PM
I wrote these down several months ago. I should keep them for
my own proprietary use, but...

Blubberella "The Girl of Lard"

Weight: 470 pounds
Has to roll out of bed.
Unable to walk through most doorways.
Eats constantly.

Electroshock "Shock"

Able to make the hair on his head stand on end at will by
charging his head with static electricity.

Snooze

Able to sleep through anything.

Orgasma

Able to orgasm for hours at a time.
(I rather like Orgasma's superpower.)

Touchie-Feelie

Able to feel a person's hair or whiskers growing.

-- Jeff, in Minneapolis

Kelfazin
2007-Jul-19, 08:43 PM
Sport-swag accuity: The ability to sense bobble heads at 150 yards.
Minor appendage flourescense: The ability to make your fingers and toes turn flourenscent pink or yellow.
Empathetic Deja Vu: The ability to know if anyone around you is having deja vu
Neutrino Sensitivity: The ability to feel neutrinos as they pass through you

Swift
2007-Jul-19, 09:02 PM
Neutrino Sensitivity: The ability to feel neutrinos as they pass through you
They at least could tell if Nova Boy was using his power. ;)

aurora
2007-Jul-19, 09:30 PM
http://www.irregularwebcomic.net/cast/supers.html

mr obvious
2007-Jul-21, 02:17 AM
From 'Family Guy': Meg had the power to quickly change the length of her fingernails.
From 'Long Dark Tea-time of the Soul':One patient had the ability to recite continuously stock market prices in real time, shifted back 24 hours (e.g., the prices as they were 24 hours ago).

My contribution:Total X-ray vision. You see through absolutely everything. Of course, since you see through everything, you end up seeing nothing.

Jeff Root
2007-Jul-21, 04:31 AM
I like the X-ray vision idea, but it's been done. Ray Milland,
'X - The Man With the X-Ray Eyes' (1963).

-- Jeff, in Minneapolis

Jeff Root
2007-Jul-21, 06:57 AM
These just in!

The Clam

Able to keep his mouth shut even when he thinks he's just come up
with a brilliantly witty remark.

LumberJack

Able to digest cellulose. Minor fire hazard and greenhouse gas
producer.

Radar Boy

Detects Radar with a tooth filling.
(My friend has actually done this when I was with him.
His filling only detects police radar in the X-band.)

Groovy

Able to identify familiar musical passages on phonograph records by
looking closely at the groove. Most adept at identifiying 1950's and
early 1960's rock on 45 singles.

The Geek

Can identify a computer addict in a lineup with better than 95%
accuracy. Can identify a tech rep in a lineup with better than
98% accuracy.

Starlette

Is mistaken for a movie star by everyone who sees her. Nobody
can think of the name of the actress they mistake her for.

Microwave

World Champion multiple gold medal winner in the Baby Olympics.
Swept the bye-bye waving events. Capable of waving bye-bye
to everyone and everything, without stopping, for longer than
anyone is able to watch.

-- Jeff, in Minneapolis

SkepticJ
2007-Jul-21, 08:27 AM
Ability to fly, but no higher than 5 mm over any solid surface.

That wouldn't really be worthless: you'd never need shoes.

mr obvious
2007-Jul-21, 12:01 PM
I like the X-ray vision idea, but it's been done. Ray Milland,
'X - The Man With the X-Ray Eyes' (1963).

-- Jeff, in Minneapolis

Haven't heard of it, but I'm intrigued. What happened in the story (I'm guessing spoiling a 1963 story isn't particularly problematic)?

Lianachan
2007-Jul-21, 02:37 PM
Many people in films seem to have the pretty useless power to move mud, etc, from one side of their face to the other from shot to shot.

Jeff Root
2007-Jul-21, 02:38 PM
Very basically, his vision kept getting "better" and "better" until he
couldn't stand it anymore. The same kind of story as "The Incredible
Shrinking Man". I expect that the IMDB has a plot summary. Right
at the moment IMDB isn't showing me much because I uninstalled
Flash, and nearly every IMDB page insists on showing some Flash
stuff before it will display the main content.

-- Jeff, in Minneapolis

Dave Mitsky
2007-Jul-22, 10:34 AM
X or X: The Man with the X-Ray Eyes Spoiler Alert









































Dr. Xavier (what a coinkydink!) eventually is able to see "God looking back at him" and in a fit of insanity quotes a well-known biblical passage and then gouges out his eyes, thereby "x-cising" the problem.

Dave MItsky

SkepticJ
2007-Jul-23, 02:44 PM
The ability to teleport anywhere along your line of sight, but it takes twice as long to do so as to walk, climb etc. there.

The ability to morph into a goldfish.

DyerWolf
2007-Jul-23, 03:46 PM
For some unknow reason, I was thinking about this yesterday on the drive home. Come up with superpowers, either from magic or mutation or technology or whatever, but they are an almost completely useless power.



The ability to read minds. In my office, all I'd get is dreck.

Noclevername
2007-Jul-23, 03:58 PM
The ability to read your own mind. (Controlling you own mind would be cool; I wouldn't need any more therapy! ;))

The power to extend claws through your skin, but without self-healing. Wolverine would've died of a massive infection years ago.

The power to shapeshift into someone who looks almost exactly like you.

The ability to rearrange your freckles at will.

The power to foresee what you will eat for lunch tomorrow.

Noclevername
2007-Jul-23, 03:58 PM
Incredible double-posting powers! Like mine!

mugaliens
2007-Jul-24, 11:07 PM
Infiniman:

1. Invisable to all EM, reflective and eminative, except when he doesn't want to be.

2. Impervious to all forms of energy and force, including kinetic, EM, tortional, translational, etc.

3. Uber-intelligent - reads the entire Internet before coffee in the morning. Doesn't actually need coffee - merely likes the taste.

4. Uber-efficient - does laundry between waking up and relieving himself in the morning. All stocks reinvested before breakfast. Spends personal time between 0800 and 2359 enjoying self, saving the world.

5. Boring as all get-out. Who needs such a perfect being? Where's the controversy, the strife, the stuff that sells comics, movies, and movie reviews in the news?

Noclevername
2007-Jul-24, 11:09 PM
The ability to generate ionizing radiation... without being immune to it.

Stuart van Onselen
2007-Jul-25, 01:45 PM
The Clam

Able to keep his mouth shut even when he thinks he's just come up
with a brilliantly witty remark.
I wish I had that ability!

As you can plainly see. ;)

Ilya
2007-Jul-25, 02:34 PM
For some unknow reason, I was thinking about this yesterday on the drive home. Come up with superpowers, either from magic or mutation or technology or whatever, but they are an almost completely useless power.

For example:

Ability to predict the future, but you can only predict the price of a food item 24 hours in the future.

Two words -- stock market


Ability to fly, but no higher than 5 mm over any solid surface.

Could be useful IF you can lift significant weight along with yourself

Ilya
2007-Jul-25, 02:47 PM
Neutrino Sensitivity: The ability to feel neutrinos as they pass through you

There are military, especially "Homeland Security", applications.

tdvance
2007-Jul-25, 06:03 PM
There are military, especially "Homeland Security", applications.

assuming you can count them, or at least distinguish between being next to a bomb and being in the solar system.

Todd

Rue
2007-Jul-26, 03:41 AM
The ability to turn yourself inside-out.

Damien Evans
2007-Jul-26, 12:52 PM
The ability to read a book, any book, in 5 minutes

Kelfazin
2007-Jul-26, 03:45 PM
The ability to judge a book by its cover.

The ability to drink a can of Dr. Pepper really fast without having your eyes water

The ability to disturb the path of up to 25 dust motes floating in any given sun beam without being near them

The ability to conjure 4th place science fair ribbons out of thin air.

please
2007-Jul-26, 08:48 PM
Invisible Boy did have a use for his power in the movie, based on a loophole in the description, which I won't specify as it's a minor spoiler.So, is it (spoiler:mirror)? :whistle:

CodeSlinger
2007-Jul-26, 09:20 PM
The ability to factor the multiple of 2 large primes instantly... but unable to express the answer in any way.

ZaphodBeeblebrox
2007-Jul-26, 11:39 PM
The Abiillity to Annoy People ...

Through The Use, of Unorthodox Typiing Parameters ...

So, Worthless?

:p

Kelfazin
2007-Jul-26, 11:52 PM
The Abiillity to Annoy People ...

Through The Use, of Unorthodox Typiing Parameters ...

So, Worthless?

:p

We never knew you were superhero :lol:

tdvance
2007-Jul-27, 02:42 PM
The ability to read a book, any book, in 5 minutes

if you mean "and comprehend and remember it too"--that would be darn useful! I'd start with the dictionairey and elimanate spelling errors. Then a US roadmap and throw away my Garmin. Then, the Uranometra and starhopping becomes trivial. Then, every math and computer science text in the company library and my research becomes much easier and faster.

If you don't mean "and comprehend and remember it too" then I already have that ability, just spend five minutes flipping through it pretending I read it :)

The same is true of the other suggestion of being able to judge a book by its cover--help one focus their reading, and you wouldn't have to "search inside the book" on Amazon.com.

jja
2007-Jul-27, 05:57 PM
So, is it (spoiler:mirror)? :whistle:

Ah! Thank you for imparting the secret of spoilertext.

Spoiler about Invisible Boy in the Mystery Men movie (why his superpower can be useful):
Invisible Boy can become invisible only when people are not looking at him, but machines do not affect his power. As long as no human is looking at him, he can remain invisible to things like electronic sensors. I'm sure you can see the possible applications.

Noclevername
2007-Jul-27, 06:09 PM
The power to slightly elongate ones' earlobes.
The ability to predict the precise moment when popcorn will start popping.
Telepathic control of a fish. Not all of the sea's creatures, just the one. A small one.
The ability to stop any watch you wear.
The power to see through any substance except air.

ZaphodBeeblebrox
2007-Jul-27, 11:53 PM
We never knew you were superhero :lol:
Welll ...

As Five for Fighting Says, in their Song "Superman" ...

"It's not easy, to be-he me!"

:boohoo:

Roy Batty
2007-Jul-28, 04:53 PM
The ability to turn from a multi super powered person into Spock :D

Rue
2007-Jul-29, 09:44 PM
The Abiillity to Annoy People ...

Through The Use, of Unorthodox Typiing Parameters ...

So, Worthless?

:p

iTS dOnE lIkE tHiS!

The ability to defrost a turkey in a clothes dryer.

jja
2007-Jul-30, 03:22 PM
Atom Miser can reduce the temperature of any substance to absolute zero. One atom at a time. Takes one hour and six seconds per atom.

Sincera can make any amount of earwax (under one gram) disappear from a wad of cotton padding at the end of a small stick. She has been using the same Q-tip since 1973.

The Beener can instantly produce a carabiner from thin air whenever no one present would have the slightest need for one. The 'biner produced is always teleported away from someone else who really needs it. As The Beener is an ethical fellow, he chooses not to exercise his power. There is a news clipping taped to his desk about a serious mountain climbing accident that occured on the same date that he last tried it. Also, his superhero name tends to make people think that his powers are based on flatulence...

tdvance
2007-Jul-30, 05:26 PM
I vaguely remember a movie about someone with the power to bring a (freshly, I think) dead person back to life. That seems pretty useful, except there was a catch--someone else the person knew had to die to make up for it, someone not of his choice and he usually wasn't close enough to immediately revive that person either.

Well...I guess if the someone else is randomly selected, he could get to know as many murderers in prison as possible to at least influence the odds.

SkepticJ
2007-Jul-31, 05:25 PM
The ability to fly for five seconds, but only after eating large amounts of truffles and/or expensive Russian caviar.

jja
2007-Aug-09, 07:42 AM
The Unseen Booklicker can use his psionic abilities to make tiny paper cuts appear on his tongue. To activate his power, he must hop around on one foot while holding his other foot up to his nose.

Mister Earl
2007-Sep-20, 09:26 PM
I've a few.

The Mad Cipher can translate any document into beta-crypt-3, a language completely indecipherabe by anyone, including himself.

Captain Present, who is able through sheer force of will to send himself back in time, before universal causality sends him back to when he left within milliseconds.

Zippo Boy can spontaneously ignite the hairs over his body after concentrating the ambient oxygen around him. Unfortunately, he is not flameproof and sustains first-degree burns all over his body. He smells like burnt hair for days.

KaiYeves
2007-Sep-21, 01:18 AM
Not exactly worthless, but unconventional:
Squid Man can cause his entire body or parts or it to become boneless, like a real squid or octopus. Good for getting into tiny spaces, but anything he wants to grab must be within arm's reach as he has no stretching powers.

jja
2007-Sep-21, 05:04 AM
By spitting onto a silver coin which is destroyed in the process, The Expectorator can make any nearby person experience the taste of biting into a green, stale potato chip.

After inhaling helium from a radioactive balloon at her daughter's birthday party, Squeaker now sounds like that all the time.

Root Ravager, with intense concentration, can make a turnip rot 3% more quickly than a control turnip sealed into a leaden box filled with nitrogen.

By eating one of those little plastic hangers that come with a pair of dress socks, Hoser can cause her sock drawer to organize itself. Any sock left unmatched at the end of the process bursts into flame.

Moundman can transform 30% of his body weight into lard by watching TV for months and months while eating junk food. Wait, this isn't a superpower.

Mellow
2007-Sep-21, 08:16 AM
Hex! - The man with 16 fingers

ASEI
2007-Sep-21, 11:33 AM
Inspection Monitor Man - can produce all the checklists needed to be in compliance with the QA inspection (hey, it's actually kind of hard to track down), but can't actually convince his coworkers to follow them due to it being impossible to be working and have everything lined up in neat little rows at the same time.

KaiYeves
2007-Sep-21, 10:23 PM
Empathy Girl always knows what her little brother is doing. But nobody else.

tdvance
2007-Sep-22, 06:12 PM
In "Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency" by Douglas Adams, Dirk had the ability to solve any problem through automatic writing--he just wrote down the solution. The only problem was that it was written in a language that looked like random scribbling, and finding out what language it was and translating it was an intractable problem.

Todd

KaiYeves
2007-Sep-22, 11:36 PM
The Chickenator can cause one person in the world to do the chicken dance for five minutes, but he has to be holding a sample of their DNA.

Nick Theodorakis
2007-Oct-05, 02:58 PM
The Deheisenator: Can determine the exact postition and momentum of any particle at the same time. Sadly, he knew his kitty was dead in the box and this gives him the proper amount of angst that a modern superhero needs in his backstory.

Nick

mike alexander
2007-Oct-05, 07:47 PM
Wisher
Born with the ability to make one wish come true, Billy McGilly discovered his astounding power at age four, and became sick from all the chocolate ice cream.

Conundra
Jessica Sarah Parker, in her alter-ego Conundra, can solve any problem, as long as the solution has no practical application.

Barmitzvah
Leonard Steinberg can materialize expensive fountain pens by will alone.

Mullet
Can predict exactly how many beers will be drunk at the Talledega 500.

KaiYeves
2007-Oct-06, 12:13 AM
Hairdresser! He can change his hairstyle just by thinking about it. Useful, maybe, but it has no value in crime fighting, as he can't effect anyone else's hair.

Grand_Lunar
2007-Oct-06, 01:31 PM
How about these abilities:

The ability to identify any episode and plot of any series of "Star Trek" with 5 seconds of footage!

The ability to to preform an oil change without getting a white shirt dirty (sound like anyone you know, or heard of?)

The ability to attract cats and have them rub against you!

The...ability...to change...into...William Shatner!

KaiYeves
2007-Oct-06, 04:23 PM
The...ability...to change...into...William Shatner!
The ability to perfectly mimic anybody's voice after hearing less than a minute audio sample.
The ability to appear older than you really are by decades. Ex: Ten years older, twenty years older...

Noclevername
2007-Oct-07, 06:27 PM
The ability to identify any episode and plot of any series of "Star Trek" with 5 seconds of footage!

...I'm a superhero!

Swift
2007-Oct-08, 02:51 PM
I sometimes call my wife Non-Sequitur Girl, with the ability to turn any conversation in a completely new direction. In her crime-fighting alter ego she uses it to confuse criminals.

KaiYeves
2007-Oct-08, 05:12 PM
The ability to bombard your enemy's mind with images of Ice Cream until he finally stops fighting you and runs off to get some.

mike alexander
2007-Oct-09, 04:41 AM
The ability to vulcanize rubber with the power of your mind.

Noclevername
2007-Oct-10, 05:01 PM
The power to turn gold into lead, and diamonds into lumps of coal.

KaiYeves
2007-Oct-10, 09:01 PM
Only having enough psychic ability to know what shapes are on the cards. None left for crime-fighting.

mike alexander
2007-Oct-11, 03:08 PM
The ability to know when the answer is "None of the above".

Damien Evans
2007-Oct-11, 03:17 PM
the ability to eat your own head

mike alexander
2007-Oct-11, 07:10 PM
Mike Alexanderhas the ability to remember television commercials he saw almost fifty years ago with uncanny accuracy.

And remember, "If it doesn't say Amana, it's not a Radarange."

KaiYeves
2007-Oct-12, 12:47 AM
The ability to only speak fluent English and binary code.

Grand_Lunar
2007-Oct-13, 01:59 PM
The ability to quote every riff from MST3K.

The ability to understand every obscure reference in MST3K.

The ability to know what MST3K is!

KaiYeves
2007-Oct-14, 02:00 AM
On Earth, my skin recieves far less UV rays than I was exposed in the Vegan colony where I was born, making it impossible for me to be sunburned by Sol.

Grand_Lunar
2007-Oct-14, 09:58 PM
The ability to use my ears as a shroud!

KaiYeves
2007-Oct-14, 10:30 PM
I think a story where some heroes with gadgets and minimal powers like hypnotic suggestion or vantriloquism defeat a villian with stronger powers by clever thinking would be a good read.

Hydro
2007-Oct-15, 05:32 PM
I think the ability to average 40 post a day in the first month after registration is amazing. ;)

KaiYeves
2007-Oct-15, 09:38 PM
Mostly, it's in these games.

Sarawak
2007-Oct-18, 03:26 PM
ability to curdle milk

toejam
2007-Oct-18, 07:35 PM
I knew it. You do not sleep or work or play or eat Oh Kai? Are all Vegans like you? With that sunscreen skin you better watch your Vit D intake. But maybe on Vega only Vitamins V, E,G,& A are needed? I really need the worthless superpower of that knowledge. :)

KaiYeves
2007-Oct-19, 12:42 AM
I knew it. You do not sleep or work or play or eat Oh Kai? Are all Vegans like you? With that sunscreen skin you better watch your Vit D intake. But maybe on Vega only Vitamins V, E,G,& A are needed? I really need the worthless superpower of that knowledge.
No, I have a cover to maintain and only go on BAUT after I return from school. I do my homework quickly. I have my own vitamins that I take before eating Earth food so that it doesn't harm me and gets broken down into the nutrients that I need.

toejam
2007-Oct-19, 01:20 PM
The power to turn food into sand with the blink of your eye.

KaiYeves
2007-Oct-19, 09:05 PM
The power to turn food into sand with the blink of your eye.
I can blink up to four times in one second, provided that I focus. Is that a super enough power to win the Randi Prize?

Grand_Lunar
2007-Oct-20, 03:41 PM
The ability to touch your ear with your elbow.

this should be good

A hoax believer with the ability to NOT use ad hom attacks when commenting on YouTube!

Noclevername
2007-Oct-20, 11:56 PM
A hoax believer with the ability to NOT use ad hom attacks when commenting on YouTube!

No, the powers have to be worthless.

Captain Kidd
2007-Oct-21, 12:58 AM
I sometimes call my wife Non-Sequitur Girl, with the ability to turn any conversation in a completely new direction. In her crime-fighting alter ego she uses it to confuse criminals.Mine has that power too, coupled with the uncanny use of pronouns during this time to send it from superpower to an art form. This can lead to immense confusion as the conversation will continue on for a paragraph or two with each side talking about something completely unrelated. Then minutes are wasted trying to untangle the conversation to figure out just who meant what about which topic.

Put her and her sister together and I just leave. They know exactly what they're talking about even though nary a noun has been uttered for an hour and the topics change rapidly, I swear in mid-sentence even. I'm half convinced it's just a ruse to make me and the brother-in-law go insane and they don't have any more clue of what they're saying than we do.

KaiYeves
2007-Oct-21, 01:53 AM
The power to cause a person to do the macerena uncomtrollably when they read your posts.

Grand_Lunar
2007-Oct-21, 08:51 PM
No, the powers have to be worthless.

Oh, quite right.


The ability to see colors...in a grayscale image.

The ability to decompress a JPEG image...with your mind!

The ability to find a school of fish...but only when they are below 300 meters.

KaiYeves
2007-Oct-21, 11:20 PM
The power to look at the ocean and see if there are any shipwrecks under the water. You can't see if they have gold, just if they're there.

Nick Theodorakis
2007-Oct-22, 02:56 AM
The power to look at the ocean and see if there are any shipwrecks under the water. You can't see if they have gold, just if they're there.

I'm not so sure that would be "worthless." I'd bet you could make some good money by hiring yourself out to salvagers and other people interested in finding shipwrecks.

Nick

KaiYeves
2007-Oct-23, 09:53 PM
I'm not so sure that would be "worthless." I'd bet you could make some good money by hiring yourself out to salvagers and other people interested in finding shipwrecks.
As a diver and archeologist, I'd like it, but I meant it was a useless power in combat.
Power to change your hair color for five minutes.

Noclevername
2007-Oct-24, 01:46 AM
The power to hear every mosquito within ten miles as if it were right there.

KaiYeves
2007-Oct-24, 08:22 PM
The power to know exactly how many days, hours, minutes and seconds it is until a mission blasts off, without consulting any sources.

ASEI
2007-Oct-25, 11:22 AM
Being able to resolve features of galaxies billions of lightyears away with your naked eye. It might not be useless, but it's definitely going to be more trouble than it's worth as far as living goes, I'll leave it to you to figure out why.

Noclevername
2007-Oct-25, 05:42 PM
The power to constantly blare loud music that you can't control and can't turn off. (Bonus points-- and sympathy-- if it's only country music. :()

KaiYeves
2007-Oct-26, 12:39 AM
Being able to resolve features of galaxies billions of lightyears away with your naked eye. It might not be useless, but it's definitely going to be more trouble than it's worth as far as living goes, I'll leave it to you to figure out why.
In my BA comics, this is one of his most-used powers.
"Ears like Arecibo
Eyes like Hubble
This guy's set
To stamp out trouble."

Noclevername
2007-Oct-26, 02:08 PM
In my BA comics, this is one of his most-used powers.
"Ears like Arecibo
Eyes like Hubble
This guy's set
To stamp out trouble."

It's great, if it comes with an off-switch.

mike alexander
2007-Oct-26, 04:18 PM
Lingo Man:The ability to turn a phrase

Limbo Man: The ability to move under a bar in a nonexistent place

Bar Man: The ability to walk into anything

Wander Woman: Can shop aimlessly in a mall from opening to closing without actually buying anything

Rouge: Permanently borrows facial makeup, leaving other's faces blah.

Sidekick: The uncanny ability to get the superhero he hangs around with in trouble

Auntie Planck: She always knows exactly where she is and how fast she's going

Noclevername
2007-Oct-26, 05:07 PM
Wander Woman: Can shop aimlessly in a mall from opening to closing without actually buying anything

That seems to be a fairly common superpower in the real world.

KaiYeves
2007-Oct-26, 10:13 PM
It's great, if it comes with an off-switch.
Yeah, it's a voluntary power, but he uses a very minor version of it all the time to keep from having to wear glasses.

Noclevername
2007-Oct-27, 01:21 AM
The power to make phone booths explode by changing clothes in them.
(bonus points if you know where that one's from)

KaiYeves
2007-Oct-27, 01:30 AM
The power to make phone booths explode by changing clothes in them.
(bonus points if you know where that one's from)
In the MythBusters superhero special, they tried to see how fast they could change clothes in a phone booth, but they didn't blow one up. So, no idea.
The power to look at an archival photo and know where it was taken and when. My local newspaper has a weekly contest where they bring out a nostalgic photo and offer a free T-Shirt to the first person who calls in with that information.

Grand_Lunar
2007-Oct-27, 01:01 PM
The power to make others laugh at your own jokes!

The power to shave by only using your hands!

The power to see distant objects up close...but only when they're over 100 km away!

KaiYeves
2007-Oct-27, 01:20 PM
The power to look at a food and know if it's healthy or not.

Grand_Lunar
2007-Oct-28, 01:08 AM
That actually might be useful.



The ability to make food un-moldly...and yet still not be edible!

ASEI
2007-Oct-28, 06:12 AM
You know, one of the things I'm noticing is that there are probably useful ways to use any enhancement in ability, no matter how trivial seeming or ridiculous.

KaiYeves
2007-Oct-28, 12:40 PM
Most of mine have been "nice to have in everyday life, but useless when fighting evil".
Ability to locate anyone with red hair within a three mile radius.

Noclevername
2007-Oct-29, 12:42 AM
The power to see in the dark, but only when the lights are on.

The power to walk right through air.

The power to breathe under a sea of ketchup.

The power to translate a dead language that was never written down.

Noclevername
2007-Oct-29, 12:44 AM
It also interests me how many comic characters have powers that are techno-specific; like, what if you developed the power to communicate with computers when you lived in the Stone Age?

ggremlin
2007-Oct-29, 04:27 AM
In the first book of the Xanth series, "A Spell for Camaleoen" by Piers Anothey. All humans were required to demonstration in public their magical ability or be banished.

An exception was made for a boy who could change the color of his liquid waste product stream.

KaiYeves
2007-Oct-30, 12:24 AM
The power to write like a great author, but your teacher will always think you plagarised and give you detention.

Swift
2007-Oct-30, 12:24 PM
FED MAN - Able to raise interest rates 1/4 of a percent!

KaiYeves
2007-Oct-30, 06:44 PM
Remote viewing... but only of your coat closet at home.

Noclevername
2007-Oct-30, 06:50 PM
The ability to displace the molecules of your underwear 3 feet to the left.

Grand_Lunar
2007-Nov-02, 11:49 PM
The ability to confuse hamdingers and spam!

The ability to consume large amounts of tabasco sauce!

The ability to inflate tires to 35 psi with your finger!

chrissy
2007-Nov-03, 12:15 AM
i thought men would like the ability to understand women!
have the ability to turn back time and rectify your mistakes.
the ability to turn invisible and listen to private conversations
read someones mind to see if they are telling the truth
the ability to know the guilty from the innocent.
the ability to go into a burning building and save someone without being burned to a crisp.

Noclevername
2007-Nov-03, 03:06 AM
i thought men would like the ability to understand women!
have the ability to turn back time and rectify your mistakes.
the ability to turn invisible and listen to private conversations
read someones mind to see if they are telling the truth
the ability to know the guilty from the innocent.
the ability to go into a burning building and save someone without being burned to a crisp.

...None of them are worthless.

Grand_Lunar
2007-Nov-03, 12:38 PM
The ability to lower the humidity in a room to 60%

The ability to predict the destination of trains!

The ability to make oatmeal into concrete!

The ability to turn Pez into chalk!

The ability to tell how many electron volts are flowing through appliances!

Noclevername
2007-Nov-03, 08:30 PM
The ability to cause the little wiggly things you see in your eyes when you stare into the Sun to form words and shapes only you can see.

EDIT: They're apparently just called Floaters (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Floaters).

chrissy
2007-Nov-03, 10:29 PM
...None of them are worthless.

knowing what women want would be worthless because we change our minds all the time you wouldnt keep up

Noclevername
2007-Nov-03, 10:32 PM
knowing what women want would be worthless because we change our minds all the time you wouldnt keep up

Heck, we've already got that now. ;)

chrissy
2007-Nov-03, 10:35 PM
Heck, we've already got that now. ;)

thought you just let us get on with it

Grand_Lunar
2007-Nov-04, 05:30 PM
Back on the ranch...


The ability to manipulate salad dressing!

The ability to make sense of word salad!

The ability to turn Ceaser salad into ordinary salad!

KaiYeves
2007-Nov-04, 09:20 PM
Ability to look at a jet airliner and know what airline it is from without seeing any markings.

Noclevername
2007-Nov-05, 06:03 PM
The ability to turn Ceaser salad into ordinary salad!

The ability to seize 'er salad!

jamestox
2007-Nov-13, 04:30 AM
The ability to salad her seize! ur......



....okay, I'll go away now....I didn't sleep well last night.

Grand_Lunar
2007-Nov-13, 11:30 AM
The ability to unscramble an egg!

The ability to tell what animal an egg came from!

The ability to increase an egg's size by 1 centimeter!

Noclevername
2007-Nov-13, 11:38 PM
The ability to magically disprove the existence of magic.

KaiYeves
2007-Nov-15, 12:54 AM
The power to make electric lights give off green light.

Noclevername
2007-Nov-15, 01:52 AM
The power to make electric lights give off green light.

(could be useful at stoplights.)

The ability to convert only half your body into antimatter... But what would you do for an encore?

KaiYeves
2007-Nov-15, 02:04 AM
(could be useful at stoplights.)
Right then, purple light. Great for me, but heck for the people whose favorite color isn't purple.

Noclevername
2007-Nov-15, 04:47 AM
The power to teleport a thousand light years in any direction... only to discover that it only works once.

KaiYeves
2007-Nov-15, 08:16 PM
The power to teleport down to the Titanic. Without a mini-sub to protect you from the pressure.

Noclevername
2007-Nov-15, 11:18 PM
The power to transfer lint from one pocket to another.

jamestox
2007-Nov-18, 10:47 PM
Millenium Man - the power to post the 1000th message on BAUT!! Yay!!!

Noclevername
2007-Nov-18, 11:07 PM
The power to make the Sun go Supernova by sneezing.

KaiYeves
2007-Nov-18, 11:11 PM
The power to call somebody on their sat 'phone the minute a good song comes on the radio.

Noclevername
2007-Nov-19, 01:05 AM
The power to know what was yesterday's winning lottery number.

Mellow
2007-Nov-19, 09:52 AM
The power to see through cotton

Noclevername
2007-Nov-19, 04:38 PM
The power to convert coarse sand into fine sand.

Noclevername
2007-Nov-19, 07:14 PM
When you get angry, you turn into a green, muscular giant... who's half as strong as normal.

KaiYeves
2007-Nov-20, 11:50 PM
The power to turn invisible- but at the same time, you go blind.

Noclevername
2007-Nov-21, 12:03 AM
The power to turn invisible- but at the same time, you go blind.

Still potentially useful. In fact there was a character in the Wild Cards series who did just that.

KaiYeves
2007-Nov-21, 03:02 PM
The power to read the minds of only people with purple eyes.

Noclevername
2007-Nov-21, 09:13 PM
The power to shake exactly two pills out of a bottle.

KaiYeves
2007-Nov-23, 04:07 PM
The power to sing in perfect key, but only when in intense pain.

ABR.
2007-Nov-24, 12:43 AM
Professor Redundant, a.k.a., the Underachiever, a.k.a. the Plagiarist. Brilliant scientist and thinker with zero originality. A quick perusal of the Nobel prizes given for physics will reveal a smattering of the ideas and theoretical models which he has developed weeks, days or in some cases seconds after they have been published by someone else, hence the Professor's frequently uttered catchphrase, "Curse you, Feynman!". Doomed to watch his fellow scientists lauded for achievements just as rightfully his, he has at least eked out a living as a Quality Control specialist.

Echo Girl, daughter of a well-known, oil tycoon, has the uncanny ability to vocalize lyrics or melodies, but only those already recorded. For a while, she was popular as a cover artist, but now lives off her trust fund.

Cliché Lad, youthful ward of Professor Redundant, speaks only aphoristically, utilizing overused catch phrases of various celebrities, TV, film, and comic book characters. Embarrassingly, Cliché Lad's conversational contributions rarely pertain to the situation at hand.

Together, they form the Scooped Friends. Often the second or third superhero team to arrive at the site of disaster, they haven't had much of a chance to show their worth. Over the years, the Scooped Friends have developed non-super abilities pertaining to patent violation and intellectual property rights litigation. The Scooped Friends are presently holding auditions for a fourth team member. Although an equal opportunity employer, the Scooped Friends will give special consideration to applicants with the ability to time-travel.

Ilya
2007-Nov-24, 02:35 AM
(could be useful at stoplights.)

The ability to convert only half your body into antimatter...

For a certain type of individual, largely found in Middle East, this can be VERY useful. Would probably get a lot more than 72 virgins.

Noclevername
2007-Nov-24, 04:30 AM
For a certain type of individual, largely found in Middle East, this can be VERY useful.
(bold mine)

Not true, people who willingly die trying to take out a percieved "enemy" (or the enemies' friends, relatives, countrymen or livestock) are as old as recorded history and probably many times older than that, and found worldwide.

94z07
2007-Nov-24, 04:48 AM
Bond Man - Can quote any of James Bond's clever repartee.

Incisor - Can regrow any of his lost teeth.

Falsus Lupus - Can suggest "Lupus" at any differential diagnosis.

Urinous - Can quickly heat any baby pool.

PIP - Can watch two TV shows at once but only audio for one.

Footos - Can peg any lead singer with a mint from row BBB or closer.

KaiYeves
2007-Nov-24, 11:41 PM
Professor Redundant, a.k.a., the Underachiever, a.k.a. the Plagiarist.
So, is he a villian?

Cliché Lad, youthful ward of Professor Redundant, speaks only aphoristically, utilizing overused catch phrases of various celebrities, TV, film, and comic book characters. Embarrassingly, Cliché Lad's conversational contributions rarely pertain to the situation at hand.
I made a story with a character who does that.
CARL: I must warn you, though, Seth has an addiction.
ALEX: To what?
CARL: Cliches.
SETH: I pitty the fool!

Noclevername
2007-Nov-25, 01:15 PM
The power to turn diet soda into regular soda.

ggremlin
2007-Nov-28, 10:04 PM
The ability to foretell the future up to 90 minutes ahead of present time, but only in a movie theater showing a first-run Hollywood movie I've never seen before. 99% accuracy down to lines of dialog. For some reason, I think the power is pretty common.:)

DLHall
2007-Nov-29, 04:26 AM
I spent years developing my super power: I have a Masters Degree in History, and thus am able to predict the past with uncanny accuracy!

Sean Clayden
2007-Nov-30, 11:12 AM
Gibberish man.

Can talk B******S to anybody.

Amazing how many have this power..LOL

KaiYeves
2008-Mar-28, 09:55 PM
The power to create a personal force bubble around yourself... that attracts bullets towards your body.

Nadme
2008-Apr-02, 01:45 PM
The ability to rearrange your freckles at will.

The power to shake exactly two pills out of a bottle.

:lol:

The ability to flatten out a penny by thought-waves same as a passing train could do.

KaiYeves
2008-Apr-02, 11:39 PM
The ability to melt into a puddle and not be able to re-form.

EndeavorRX7
2008-Apr-03, 06:18 AM
The ability to make your shadow dance, but only at night. (I can do this one....or so I claim)

Swift
2008-Apr-03, 02:23 PM
The ability to bring any thread back to life. ;)

Nadme
2008-Apr-03, 03:22 PM
The ability to create cowlicks that fall flat.

KaiYeves
2008-Apr-04, 12:05 AM
The power to turn into any animal... and never turn back to a human.

FriedPhoton
2008-Apr-04, 02:29 AM
The ability to turn yourself inside-out.

I can't explain why, and this is really very odd, but your avatar image is disturbing. Logically, I look at it and think it's cool, but there is just something about it that bugs me. It's the damnedest thing... I can't even begin to explain it. I hope someone else can back me up on this.

FriedPhoton
2008-Apr-04, 02:37 AM
Hex! - The man with 16 fingers

The fun part of this is one of the fingers would have to be number 0, in which case he would confuse people when ordering numbers of things with his fingers.

"How many do you want?"
"None", he replied and held up one finger.
"So you want one?"
"No, if I wanted one I would have done this", he says while showing two fingers.
"You're a strange buzzard", exclaims the waiter.
Offended, he tried to hold up his middle finger, realized he had none, and stormed out in frustration.

EndeavorRX7
2008-Apr-04, 06:14 AM
the ability to tie your shoes but only while taking a shower

Sean Clayden
2008-Apr-07, 11:09 AM
the ability for not nowing whats going on !

Nadme
2008-Apr-09, 08:24 PM
The ability to change a typewriter ribbon in 0000000000000.1 seconds.

ggremlin
2008-Apr-10, 02:27 AM
The ability to kill millions with the sound of my voice; I'm no Blackbolt:); "Hello Terminix?"

ABR.
2008-Apr-10, 03:04 AM
The ability to kill millions with the sound of my voice; I'm no Blackbolt:); "Hello Terminix?"

The ability to remember all the worthless superpowers from this thread!

Congrats, ggremlin, on your devilish post count.

ggremlin
2008-Apr-10, 05:12 PM
Thanks for allowing the demonstration of another worthless power.

The ability to rise out of heck by my bootstraps. 666 -> 667 :lol:

mike alexander
2008-Apr-10, 11:18 PM
The ability to detect a grammatical mistake three threads away.

Wait. Gillianren can already do that.

Maksutov
2008-Apr-10, 11:26 PM
The USSR after 1991.

mike alexander
2008-Apr-10, 11:33 PM
Rimshot.

mugaliens
2008-Apr-11, 03:39 AM
The ability to detect a grammatical mistake three threads away.

Wait. Gillianren can already do that.

Mike, I'm sorry, but that's a bit underhanded... But to her credit, her literary skills are extraordinary! Best on the board. But her skills are by no means "worthless." I think they're terrific. Kudos to her! Yeah, on occasion it's gotten my ire up, but that's my fault. Not hers.

Back to the thread...

Pencil twirling (http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=tVBTZwI7m8E).

Or Charlie (<object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/sLYbWn-D5DE&hl=en"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/sLYbWn-D5DE&hl=en" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object>). The first is funny. He's funny, too. Especially with the cell phones "without the big chunky thing."

He had problems with a small bottle then said, "we move on to a light fixture" before he was cut off. Was he talking about twirling a nightlight? A table lamp? A torchierre?

A streetlight?

Then there's the "anesthetic approach (http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=QL-2FxBXQw8)," set to ?appropriate? western music? Reminds me of a story about a roommate of mine who attended veterinary school at Perdue...

Ok, back to the master (http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=pVLl107XSnc).

If you're going to learn a worthless superpower, you might as well master it, have some good video to back it up, along with some kicking music, so that that if you die as a result, at least they'll mourn your death with 10,000 followers, not just because of your skill, but because of your ability to combine your worthless superpower with the skills of descent photocamera and music skills, along with the distinct skill of keeping it short enough to greatly entertain without not boring everyone to death!

Nadme
2008-Apr-11, 01:58 PM
The ability to make your shadow dance, but only at night.

:lol: Clever!


(Sean Clayden) the ability for not nowing whats going on !

Lots of people already have that ability. :rolleyes: ;)

The ability to talk sense into Jake...whoops, no that's not it.

The ability to roll uncooked spaghetti strands.

Sean Clayden
2008-Apr-11, 02:11 PM
Inability man rules..........or does he ????

Noclevername
2008-Apr-14, 04:40 AM
The power to alter 1 pixel on a TV screen.

Nadme
2008-Jun-07, 09:02 PM
The power to make dandelion seeds travel straight up only.

KaiYeves
2008-Jun-08, 05:31 PM
The ability to sneeze in any color you want.

mugaliens
2008-Jun-08, 10:04 PM
The power to mow mighty fields of non-existent undersea kelp at a mere thought.

Andrew Barton
2008-Jun-11, 03:38 AM
The power to create a personal force bubble around yourself... that attracts bullets towards your body.

Very useful to a bodyguard with a bullet-proof vest! You attract the bullets that would otherwise hit the body you're guarding.

EndeavorRX7
2008-Jun-11, 07:43 AM
The ability to make your toenails shrink

Nadme
2008-Jun-11, 03:08 PM
:lol: Some really good ones (last 4 posts).

The power to rearrange half-erased hopscotch markings on sidewalks long after the children are home from the park.

DukePaul
2008-Jun-12, 10:21 PM
The supreme ability to move matter with the power of my hyper-evolved brain, but only to and from Iceland.

Nadme
2008-Jun-12, 10:58 PM
The ability to turn red items green before color-blind people.

ravens_cry
2008-Jun-12, 11:49 PM
The ability to turn Coke into Pepsi.

mfumbesi
2008-Jun-13, 12:05 PM
The ability to read the thoughts of Mosquitoes.

Nadme
2008-Jun-13, 12:39 PM
The ability to read the thoughts of Mosquitoes.

Lol! :p

The power to subtract 1 dimple from golfballs.

ravens_cry
2008-Jun-14, 03:51 AM
The ability to toast bread with the power of ones mind, but only one side. Any attempts to toast the other side after, fail.

EndeavorRX7
2008-Jun-14, 10:29 AM
The ability to type 500 words in less than 1 minute, but only when the computer is turned off.

Nadme
2008-Jun-14, 12:20 PM
The power to instantly distinguish fly specks from pepper flakes!

DukePaul
2008-Jun-14, 03:12 PM
The ability to fly like a bird but only if you dress up in a stupid bird costume and make bird imitations.

drainbread
2008-Jun-14, 03:31 PM
Divisor

A villian who can devide by zero.

Nadme
2008-Jun-14, 05:32 PM
The ability to become invisible only in thick soupy fogs.

Maksutov
2008-Jun-15, 11:55 PM
Being able to leap one-story basements in ten or more bounds.

mugaliens
2008-Jun-16, 12:45 AM
The ability to teleport one's self, but only into solid rock or the center of the sun.

KaiYeves
2008-Jun-16, 01:39 AM
The ability to know the googolth digit of Pi... but nobody will believe you.

Maksutov
2008-Jun-16, 04:16 AM
Being able to be faster than a speeding bullet which has impacted its target.

Andrew Barton
2008-Jun-16, 11:02 PM
Slower than a speeding express train
But faster if the train's going slow
I'm Captain Indecisive!
Or am I?

- excerpt from the works of Les Barker, www.mrsackroyd.com

Nadme
2008-Jun-18, 04:07 PM
The power to telepathically transport dead fleas to Siberia.

DukePaul
2008-Jun-18, 09:56 PM
To have all superpowers, all enhancements and all the really cool stuff but the Supreme SuperPerson Union will not let you work because of back owed union dues you can not pay.

EndeavorRX7
2008-Jun-19, 06:13 AM
the ability to enjoy diet coke, but only when under weight.

Sarawak
2010-Jun-12, 10:53 PM
The ability to sense when it is Tuesday.

swampyankee
2010-Jun-13, 12:59 AM
The ability to hear when dogs whistle.

Sarawak
2010-Jun-13, 01:37 AM
The ability to whistle so that dogs can't hear it.

swampyankee
2010-Jun-13, 02:53 PM
The ability to talk to cats. They wouldn't listen anyway.

dwnielsen
2010-Jun-13, 10:52 PM
The ability to bring money to politicians.

swampyankee
2010-Jun-14, 12:28 AM
The ability to bring money to politicians.

That's not a useless superpower! Just ask tiny Tony at BP!

Sarawak
2010-Jun-14, 04:07 AM
The ability to see through glass.

swampyankee
2010-Jun-14, 01:59 PM
The ability to walk on water, but only when it's significantly below 0oC.

mike alexander
2010-Jun-14, 10:03 PM
The ability to collapse a souffle' by merely walking into the kitchen.

swampyankee
2010-Jun-15, 12:52 AM
The ability to tell when a politician is lying.

Noclevername
2010-Jun-28, 05:35 PM
The ability to tell when a politician is lying.

That's easy, his mouth is open.

jfribrg
2010-Jun-30, 03:33 PM
The ability to predict with absolute certainty an imminent extinction event without having any abilities to prevent it.

dwnielsen
2010-Jun-30, 03:43 PM
The power of self-deprecation.

loktky
2010-Jun-30, 04:00 PM
The ability to sleep through important meetings.

swampyankee
2010-Jun-30, 09:00 PM
The ability to enjoy Pauly Shore movies.

Jeff Root
2010-Jun-30, 10:36 PM
The ability to post to a thread so that posts by Maksutov are no
longer on the last page of the thread.

-- Jeff, in Minneapolis

FarmMarsNow
2010-Jul-01, 12:35 PM
Yes-ray vision allows me to agree with everything my political party says.

dwnielsen
2010-Jul-01, 09:30 PM
The ability to invent worthless superpowers. bubumching

swampyankee
2010-Jul-02, 01:30 AM
The ability to create new onomatopoeic words.

Swift
2010-Jul-02, 03:04 AM
The ability to speak in fluent gibberish.

Jeff Root
2010-Jul-02, 04:05 AM
I had an extended conversation in gibberish with someone once,
not so very long ago, while we were doing a relatively mindless
volunteer task putting together packets of handouts for a convention.
Come to think of it, that may have been the 1982 World Science Fiction
Convention in Chicago, Chicon IV, so I suppose it wasn't really all that
unusual or remarkable... But I thought it was nice that another
person would do something so silly with me that I initiated, and
none of the other volunteers (all of them in my group from the
Twin Cities) complained.

I was impressed by how easy it was without having superpowers or
being raised on some other planet.

-- Jeff, in Minneapolis

FarmMarsNow
2010-Jul-02, 01:07 PM
Ultra boring powers -- ability to bore through objects just by talking to them. I never speak around ATM machines or bank vaults, because I don't want to get into trouble. I might bore them.

Spoons
2010-Jul-02, 01:15 PM
The ability of retrospective premonitions.

Swift
2010-Jul-02, 02:49 PM
The ability of retrospective premonitions.
I knew you were going to post that.

Noclevername
2010-Jul-02, 03:01 PM
The ability to see every possible future except the one that actually happens-- all at once.

Noclevername
2010-Jul-02, 03:02 PM
The power of neutrally charged thinking.

loktky
2010-Jul-02, 09:27 PM
The power of attracting fists to your face.

FarmMarsNow
2010-Jul-03, 12:05 AM
The power to convert coffee into burning acidic farts.

Noclevername
2010-Jul-03, 12:22 AM
The power to make shadow puppets even in the absence of light.

TJMac
2010-Jul-03, 01:33 PM
It always seemed to me that the power to become invisible is highly overrated.

You have to be naked for it to work effectively, and then....? You can still be heard moving about, or breathing, or your stomach rumbling.

At best you can eavesdrop on someone? :think:

swampyankee
2010-Jul-03, 01:40 PM
It always seemed to me that the power to become invisible is highly overrated.

You have to be naked for it to work effectively, and then....? You can still be heard moving about, or breathing, or your stomach rumbling.

At best you can eavesdrop on someone? :think:

...and you'd be blind, because to see your eyeballs would have to be visible. This may be noticed.

Well, then, how about the power to become invisible, but only in total darkness?

Buttercup
2010-Jul-03, 01:49 PM
The power to convert coffee into burning acidic farts.

Lol!! :D

The power to straighten one's eyelashes.

TJMac
2010-Jul-03, 02:57 PM
...and you'd be blind, because to see your eyeballs would have to be visible. This may be noticed.

Well, then, how about the power to become invisible, but only in total darkness?

And upon giving it more thought, you would have to be completely and remarkably clean for it to work. As in, "Hang on, I need to wash my hair so I can get COMPLETELY invisible."

I think the total darkness addendum makes more sense.

Buttercup
2010-Jul-03, 02:59 PM
The power to crack one's knuckles at night without awakening anyone else.

DukePaul
2010-Jul-04, 09:14 PM
I became aware of my strange ability early in my teens. Turning dark matter into Lite dark matter. I am the reason the total mass equations of the universe are so far off. I am sorry but I was kind of a wild kid. It was harmless fun but I had no idea what I was doing to all of the cosmology theories so I will now stop.

swampyankee
2010-Jul-05, 02:22 AM
The ability to think up humorous sigs.

Spoons
2010-Jul-05, 02:47 AM
The ability to jump small pets in a single bound.

Comes in very handy.

swampyankee
2010-Jul-05, 03:15 AM
The ability to spook horses when close behind them.

Spoons
2010-Jul-05, 03:33 AM
The ability to roll the 'r' in the word 'shoehorn'.

Sarawak
2010-Jul-05, 04:03 AM
The ability to tell apart ostrich and emu feathers.

Buttercup
2010-Jul-06, 09:06 PM
The ability to make snot glow in the dark. Yours, or your theater mate's. :sick:

DukePaul
2010-Jul-06, 10:21 PM
The ability to walk backwards while moving forward in time.

Buttercup
2010-Jul-06, 10:24 PM
The ability to bake pizzas upside down (the pizzas being upside down) without cheese/toppings falling off during. And only between the hours of 12 Midnight to 1:30 a.m.

Noclevername
2010-Jul-07, 12:19 AM
The ability to translate your native language into Early Neanderthal.

swampyankee
2010-Jul-07, 01:58 AM
The ability to translate your native language into Early Neanderthal.

Drat! I can only translate into Late Neandertal, but I can never get the voiced glottal fricative quite right. Luckily, the other LN speaker is deaf.

Spoons
2010-Jul-07, 07:17 AM
The ability to speak in cursive.

parallaxicality
2010-Jul-07, 08:24 AM
I don't know if it's been mentioned already but the most useless superpower I think would be actual X-ray vision; as in, the ability to only see X-rays.

DukePaul
2010-Jul-07, 10:32 AM
I am the polar opposite to the invisible person in that no one can take their eyes off of me. It is quite annoying especially when using public toilets.

tnjrp
2010-Jul-07, 10:49 AM
While annoying and stressfull, that would be extremely usefull power in some situations... :shifty:

Howabout the Truly-quantumly-tunneling Man who quantum tunnels through solid objects to a random distance at a random time?

Or the Late Man, who got his name from being able to extrasensorily detect all crimes in progress within a 50 kilometer radius but never the nature, the seriousness, the exact location or the perpetrators of the crime -- and thus always ended up being, well, late to the scene?

Buttercup
2010-Jul-07, 10:53 AM
The ability to recite, word-for-word, cover-to-cover, all "Tiger Beat" magazines you ever read as a kid.

Swift
2010-Jul-07, 12:59 PM
The ability to win any game of solitaire.

Swift
2010-Jul-07, 01:03 PM
The ability to recite, word-for-word, cover-to-cover, all "Tiger Beat" magazines you ever read as a kid.
I have that ability. Here, in it's entirety, are the contents of every Tiger Beat magazine I've ever read:

swampyankee
2010-Jul-07, 01:49 PM
The ability to recite, word-for-word, cover-to-cover, all "Tiger Beat" magazines you ever read as a kid.

I have that superpower! Of course, I never read Tiger Beat (really, I swear to God). It took time away from comic books and Tom Swift novels.