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banquo's_bumble_puppy
2008-Nov-04, 02:23 PM
I ran into a friend last night whom I've seen twice in the last 20 years. She had been on Facebook briefly and I asked her why she left. Her response was that her husband was the jealous type. Is it me, or is that just plain wrong?

LotusExcelle
2008-Nov-04, 02:33 PM
More like the ultra-controlling type. I'd question the status/quality of their relationship.

BigDon
2008-Nov-04, 02:34 PM
More like the ultra-controlling type. I'd question the status/quality of their relationship.

Hey Lotus, ever have a woman stolen out from under you?

LotusExcelle
2008-Nov-04, 02:37 PM
Not exactly. I could go into detail but basically a woman can't be stolen unless she is unlocked and ready to run. So to speak.

chrissy
2008-Nov-04, 02:38 PM
My ex-husband hated me talking to a guy, he accused me of all kinds of things and it was him who was doing the cheating. :( a so called best friend of mine.

BigDon
2008-Nov-04, 02:39 PM
One, I'm drinking hard, two I'm your friend, Three be epeleptic then have a nay seal move in

LotusExcelle
2008-Nov-04, 02:41 PM
Basically in terms of the OP: It could go either way. Maybe he has a reason to worry. If he does perhaps the guy is worried about her cheating. OR he could simply be controlling for no good reason.

But either way people don't leave relationships just because they meet someone. There has to be a reason - they have to be ready to leave already.

banquo's_bumble_puppy
2008-Nov-04, 02:43 PM
I've never been married so it's hard for me to make a call on this. Does a person basically give up their outside friends/interests for the "safety" of marriage? Is it a question of one partner or the other being insecure in themselves?

LotusExcelle
2008-Nov-04, 02:44 PM
Too many factors/iterations to really pin it down. It could be a myriad of reasons.

Ross PK81
2008-Nov-04, 02:44 PM
Just seems wrong that she can't go on Facebook anymore because her husband thinks she may meet someone else. She's a grown woman and he shouldn't be so controlling.

BigDon
2008-Nov-04, 02:44 PM
So Mr. Ex el , you are an intact male them?

LotusExcelle
2008-Nov-04, 02:45 PM
intact?

BigDon
2008-Nov-04, 02:55 PM
Oh I'm sorry, biology/veteranry term

LotusExcelle
2008-Nov-04, 02:57 PM
Ah. yes.

PraedSt
2008-Nov-04, 03:03 PM
I ran into a friend last night whom I've seen twice in the last 20 years. She had been on Facebook briefly and I asked her why she left. Her response was that her husband was the jealous type. Is it me, or is that just plain wrong?

Depends on whether or not she did it of her own bat, or whether she felt compelled to do so.
The first one isn't that that weird. Most people don't, for example, go on dates with their ex-s if in a serious relationship. Voluntarily. And Facebook is the place to reconnect with ex-s.
If it's the second, yeah that's wrong. Well, maybe not wrong as such, but it probably shows there's something wrong with the relationship.

Lastly, guys are more prone to jealousy than girls. And no, I can't reference a study. :)

Fazor
2008-Nov-04, 03:07 PM
I was kinda thinking along the same lines PraedSt. It depends on who she was talking to (and what kind of conversations), and if he "forced" her to quit using it, or she just decided it wasn't a good idea.

I wouldn't be all that happy if my other half started talking with her ex's all the time; but at the same time she does talk to a lot of her male friends from college and I'd never tell her she's not allowed to.

chrissy
2008-Nov-04, 03:19 PM
It should be a trust thing, my ex was a control freak and hated my independence.

IMO I think your friends husband must have listened to, too many things that might or have happened and is affraid he will lose his wife to some "young stud or an ex", if he doesn't trust her, it might be because he feels inadequet or has a low esteem of himself?
Doesn't he have a facebook account?
She should open one for him and show him how it works and explain that it is a great medium for finding lost friends.

Gillianren
2008-Nov-04, 05:08 PM
Most of the friends I have these days are male. However, Graham knows that I am in love with him, not the guys I play D&D with on Sundays. Then again, I have no interest in reconnecting with any of my exes.

Whirlpool
2008-Nov-05, 12:03 AM
I've never been married so it's hard for me to make a call on this. Does a person basically give up their outside friends/interests for the "safety" of marriage? Is it a question of one partner or the other being insecure in themselves?


No. Friends are there right before you met the person you want to marry.
Its a personal responsibility where you will draw the line AFTER you get married and even when you are still in a relationship.
Besides if there's no reason to be jealous , then there's no need to think your spouse is fooling around....

..even on Facebook...

kleindoofy
2008-Nov-05, 01:40 AM
... a friend ... had been on Facebook ... Is it me, or is that just plain wrong?

No it's not just you. I agree, Facebook is really bad news. Why not just run around naked in Central Park after having priorly informed the press? So many people are fighting for privacy in the world of cyber intrusion, just to see so many go expose themselves to the world (including future employers) on Facebook.

And, yes, the husband's probably a deuche. ;)

Neverfly
2008-Nov-05, 01:45 AM
No it's not just you. I agree, Facebook is really bad news. Why not just run around naked in Central Park after having priorly informed the press? So many people are fighting for privacy in the world of cyber intrusion, just to see so many go expose themselves to the world (including future employers) on Facebook.
Yeah, I never understood what on Earth is so appealing about Facebook, 360, MySpace, Friendster- and here's the really ironic part: People usually have accounts on ALL of them!
What's up with that?
Why do people create accounts on as many meatmarkets as possible? What's the point?


And, yes, the husband's probably a deuche. ;)

Maybe, maybe not.
What actual Information do any of us have to judge this total stranger?
Talk about jumping to conclusions.

Maybe Banquo's friend LIED? Do you know that she didn't just claim he was jealous?
Do we know for sure she wasn't screwin' around and making him jealous?

Such judgments passed so quickly on so little information.
Be proud yall- be proud...

kleindoofy
2008-Nov-05, 01:49 AM
^^^^^

I agree totally about hubby. I just added that for comic relief. :D

closetgeek
2008-Nov-05, 02:52 AM
I use myspace for a more personal way to keep in contact with friends and family, far away. There are privacy settings so pictures of my kids can only be seen by friends on my list. There is about as much personal information available on my myspace page as there is on my profile on this site.

Whirlpool
2008-Nov-05, 03:34 AM
And you can know if his wife is flirting over Facebook by the way she presented her Profile there and her friends are ALL Men .

Then , there is the Reason to get Jealous .


:think:

pzkpfw
2008-Nov-05, 04:21 AM
And, yes, the husband's probably a deuche. ;)

Well, that could be me, and maybe it's "my" wife in the OP. This happened, earlier this year.


I had no issue with her having friends via facebook.

But I could not deal with the type and style of friend and/or conversation.


I don't care that a particular friend is on the other side of the world and no "real" harm could occur, but:

* If he sends via facebook a smiley face with title "Have a nice day" - that is friendly.

* If he sends via facebook a smiley with tongue sticking out and title "love and licks" - that crosses some line I could not deal with.


I can handle guys flirting with her when she goes out. It's normal. She's attractive. I'd try to chat her up too if I met her afresh.

But these facebook "relationships" seem to go beyond that, even though it's all via computer.

(She swears, and I believe she believes it, that it was all just friendly banter. Maybe it was.)


But maybe I'm just a deuche/jerk/jelous control freak.


Sorry,

Big Bad Boo
2008-Nov-05, 04:49 AM
My boyfriend had a bit of a jealousy problem for the first few months of out relationship. When looking through my cell phone (with permission) he asked me "Do you have any female friends?"

He would get jealous when I'd text them, or joke around with them. He'd get angry for petty reasons.

But, because he knew that I chose him, and I have no interest in the dweebs I hang out with. He learned to accept the fact there may other men in my life, but he's my one and only man, and if I was interested in anyone else he'd be the first to know, because I would have dumped him. It wouldn't be fair to continue a relationship if I knew my mind was wandering.

Flirting over social networking sites is crossing the line though. I agree with you.

I guess I'm too honest (and have a zero tolerance policy.)

Whirlpool
2008-Nov-05, 05:23 AM
Flirting over social networking sites is crossing the line though. I agree with you.

I guess I'm too honest (and have a zero tolerance policy.)

Depends on the definition of the word "Flirting".
I have my experience , My BF and I has different definition of that word. So that caused us a little misundertanding.
For him, " flirting " is just joking around and no malicious intent, for me it's different, it's crossing the Line . When we finally discussed about it , we realized that we have different definiiton and understanding of the word. :doh:

So now , when we use that word , we made it clear if who's definition we use for the conversation , so that there will be no misunderstanding anymore .:p

Big Bad Boo
2008-Nov-05, 05:39 AM
Yeah, my beau and I had two different definitions at first. As it turns out, by boyfriend is rather cold towards people (and mean! I disliked him when we first met) so in his opinion, almost any affection was flirting.

So I believe at the beginning of all romantic relationships, one should talk about boundaries and definitions to save a whole lot of hassle and heartbreak. :)

TheHalcyonYear
2008-Nov-05, 06:43 AM
If there's a strong relationship, no man should be threatened. If the relationship is flawed, she will slip through his fingers no matter how tightly he holds on. Just the view of one woman.

PraedSt
2008-Nov-05, 02:28 PM
I think it might be interesting to compare above responses with the sex of the poster.

Guys get jealous ladies!

Think of it as a complement -----------------> (Runs and hides)

:p

Whirlpool
2008-Nov-06, 12:00 AM
Jealousy has a positive and negative effect , Praedst.

You're talking of the positive , and we know that ..well.. as far as I know..:think:

But when a person is Jealous out of Nothing and No Reason at all , then there is a problem. He may have a problem about himself , IMO.

In a relationship, if there is this kind of problem , it should be clarified with one another so there will be no gray areas , AND it should be founded with Trust and Respect to each other.

Just as I said in the previous post . It depends on HOW the wife Presented herself and how she post comments in Facebook , particulary to her internet male friends. Then for me , you can detect if she's "fooling around" or not .

If the wife says, nope, its only a friendly banter , then in IMO , as for me it will depends on HOW I very well know the person to Weigh if that could be possible basing on the persons personality.

Fledermaus
2008-Nov-06, 12:21 AM
Ladies also get jealous, but I know how to deal with my own insecurities that cause me to feel the green eyed monster but it never becomes a problem or is shown.

Sadly the 11 year marrage I had started with him being a little jealous, but it escalated to absolute possesiveness and suffocating control of my life but not his. The more he restricted my life the more the marrage broke down, eventually I had to leave.

PraedSt
2008-Nov-06, 12:34 AM
Sorry to hear that Bat :(

Fledermaus
2008-Nov-06, 12:44 AM
Don't be sorry, its part of life, sometimes we make bad choices and have to deal with it and find the inner strength to be able to walk away.

All relationships rest on trust and respect, if there is doubt then its like a virus it will eventually corrupt the whole thing until it breaks down.

Big Bad Boo
2008-Nov-06, 01:15 AM
True, ladies do get jealous. At first I thought I wasn't the jealous type, then I saw my guy sit next to my sister and actually get along with her during dinner. (She's been known to -accidentally- steal away guys I was interested or actually dating.)

I'd phrase it as possessive rather than jealous, thinking back.

Fledermaus
2008-Nov-06, 01:41 AM
Jealousy is in both male and females, but it evolves with experiences through life as we grow older.

The way we deal with it is as individual as the person experiencing it, we also learn from our family unit different traits as we grow as children. This is the basis or building blocks to how our characters evolve. You know your sister likes to -accidentally- steal away guys! Your past experience! Therefore the trust is flawed with her but you know how to deal with the green eyed monster you felt.

Whirlpool
2008-Nov-06, 02:52 PM
Hey Boo, you need to look after your BF like a Hawk when he's with your sister.

;)

LotusExcelle
2008-Nov-06, 02:53 PM
An ex of mine was so jealous that even after she cheated on me, left, and was engaged to someone else - *still* didn't want me to see other women.

Whirlpool
2008-Nov-06, 02:58 PM
LOL, that's odd.

LotusExcelle
2008-Nov-06, 02:59 PM
yeah she had issues.

closetgeek
2008-Nov-06, 03:33 PM
I don't think it is that weird. Though I would never voice anything out loud or get involved to manipulate a situation, I still feel a pang of jealousy when it's evident that an ex has moved on. I guess it's the extent to what you feel and express it is what makes it weird.

Whirlpool
2008-Nov-06, 03:40 PM
The Odd thing in there is that, "She" was the one who cheated not LE and the one who left.

I would understand if LE was the one who cheated and then she felt betrayed but still want to hold on and don't want him to date other women.

<shrug>

Delvo
2008-Nov-06, 05:01 PM
Inconsistent, but normal among the cheating types. I couldn't count the number of times I've run into that. Maybe it's just another example of the psychological phenomenon known as "projecting", presuming that everyone else must think as you think and do what you do.

LotusExcelle
2008-Nov-06, 05:04 PM
yeah it was a fairly surreal situation. Anyway she is by far the craziest lady I've come across.

Fazor
2008-Nov-06, 05:46 PM
I don't think it is that weird. Though I would never voice anything out loud or get involved to manipulate a situation, I still feel a pang of jealousy when it's evident that an ex has moved on. I guess it's the extent to what you feel and express it is what makes it weird.

Ditto. Well, not that I have a huge line of ex's. But the most recent one is someone who I sitll care for in a "I wish the world for her" sort of way; yet though I'm happily with my current "lover" and I'm the one that broke it off with the ex, it still was an ... unpleasantly odd ... feeling when I heard she is getting married. Doesn't mean I'd do anything to prevent it, but understand where the feeling comes from.

Nadme
2008-Nov-06, 05:57 PM
Definitely sounds excessive. Very excessive.

Jealousy to a point can be healthy; unfortunately some folks go off the deep-end.

I personally "knew" a married couple (I'm also married) who "jealously guarded" their marriage to the point of shutting everyone out. Ironically (?) he became an Anglican priest and lost 3 positions in a row. By that time $300,000 (donated by 3 different groups of parishoners) was down the drain. They've lost scores of friends (no surprise) and his career is over. The wife has definite issues, but I'm certain he cops out to "jealously guarding" on the basis of only wanting to work 2 hours a week. Game's up.

Anyway, to the person who started this thread, I'd simply wash my hands of it and not contact either her nor spouse.