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The Rat
2001-Oct-30, 09:18 PM
This is copied from the good folks at;

http://www.allegedlyfunny.com/

Quantum Physics Product Warnings
As scientists and concerned citizens, we applaud the recent trend towards legislation which requires the prominent placing of warnings on products that present hazards to the general public. Yet we must also offer the cautionary thought that such warnings, however well-intentioned, merely scratch the surface of what is really necessary in this important area. This is especially true in light of the findings of 20th century physics.
We are therefore proposing that, as responsible scientists, we join together in an intensive push for new laws that will mandate the conspicuous placement of suitably informative warnings on the packaging of every product offered for sale in the United States of America. Our suggested list of warnings appears below.
WARNING: This product warps space and time in its vicinity.
WARNING: This product attracts every other piece if matter in the universe, including the products of other manufacturers, with a force proportional to the product of the masses and inversely proportional to the distance between them.
CAUTION: The mass of this product contains the energy equivalent of 85 million tons of TNT per net ounce of weight.
HANDLE WITH EXTREME CARE: This product contains minute electrically charged particles moving at velocities in excess of five hundred million miles per hour.
CONSUMER NOTICE: Because of the ``uncertainty principle,'' it is impossible for the consumer to find out at the same time both precisely where this product is and how fast it is moving.
ADVISORY: There is an extremely small but nonzero chance that, through a process known as ``tunneling,'' this product may spontaneously disappear from its present location and reappear at any random place in the universe, including your neighbor's domicile. The manufacturer will not be responsible for any damages or inconveniences that may result.
READ THIS BEFORE OPENING PACKAGE: According to certain suggested versions of the Grand Unified Theory, the primary particles constituting this product may decay to nothingness within the next four hundred million years.
THIS IS A 100% MATTER PRODUCT: In the unlikely event that this merchandise should contact antimatter in any form, a catastrophic explosion will result.
PUBLIC NOTICE AS REQUIRED BY LAW: Any use of this product, in any manner whatsoever, will increase the amount of disorder in the universe. Although no liability is implied herein, the consumer is warned that this process will ultimately lead to the heat death of the universe.
NOTE: The most fundamental particles in this product are held together by a ``gluing'' force about which little is currently known and whose adhesive power can therefore not be permanently guaranteed.
ATTENTION: Despite any other listing of product contents found herein, the consumer is advised that, in actuality, this product consists of 99.9999999999% empty space.
NEW GRAND UNIFIED THEORY DISCLAIMER: The manufacturer may technically be entitled to claim that this product is ten-dimensional. However, the consumer is reminded that this confers no legal rights above and beyond those applicable to three-dimensional objects, since the seven new dimensions are ``rolled up'' into such a small ``area'' that they cannot be detected.
PLEASE NOTE: Some quantum physics theories suggest that when the consumer is not directly observing this product, it may cease to exist or will exist only in a vague and undetermined state.
COMPONENT EQUIVALENCY NOTICE: The subatomic particles (electrons, protons, etc.) comprising this product are exactly the same in every measurable respect as those used in the products of other manufacturers, and no claim to the contrary may legitimately be expressed or implied.
HEALTH WARNING: Care should be taken when lifting this product, since its mass, and thus its weight, is dependent on its velocity relative to the user.
IMPORTANT NOTICE TO PURCHASERS: The entire physical universe, including this product, may one day collapse back into an infinitesimally small space. Should another universe subsequently re-emerge, the existence of this product in that universe cannot be guaranteed.

Hat Monster
2001-Oct-30, 10:57 PM
One of the greats. Thanks.

Kaptain K
2001-Oct-31, 01:22 AM
Loved it. Many thanks. /phpBB/images/smiles/icon_lol.gif

DStahl
2001-Oct-31, 06:05 AM
Nice indeed. I gotta send that to my bro-in-law!

MHS
2001-Nov-01, 09:21 PM
ADVISORY: There is an extremely small but nonzero chance that, through a process known as ``tunneling,'' this product may spontaneously disappear from its present location and reappear at any random place in the universe, including your neighbor's domicile. The manufacturer will not be responsible for any damages or inconveniences that may result.


Can someone please explain this to me, because I've never heard of it before. Thanks.

> Michiel <

The Rat
2001-Nov-02, 03:35 AM
On 2001-11-01 16:21, MHS wrote:
Can someone please explain this to me, because I've never heard of it before. Thanks.

> Michiel <


I just did a search on Google for "quantum tunneling" and got 5,420 hits. There's got to be something in there that will explain it better than I can. (Translation; I don't understand it)

GrapesOfWrath
2001-Nov-05, 01:09 AM
Here's one site (http://www.chm.bris.ac.uk/webprojects2000/plewis/Whatis.html).

Objects (in particular, small particles) have wavefunctions that determine their position in space, and that wavefunction can be spread out. If it spreads out past a barrier, the object could "appear" on the other side of that barrier--a sort of "tunnelling" through the barrier. For large objects, and great barriers, the probabilities are very low. Hence, it is humorful.

Pi Man
2002-Jun-30, 12:53 AM
One cannot predict the location of a particle in a point in the future with much certainty, only the chance that it will be there. There is always a small chance that a particle(or any object for that matter) will soon be at any place, even seemingly impossible locations. Thus THIS PRODUCT has an extremely low chance of suddenly disappearing and popping up anywhere else in the universe. However, the greater the mass, the smaller the chance.

Ilya
2002-Jun-30, 02:05 AM
IIRC, if a soda can is standing vertically and no force other than downward 1 g gravity acts on it, the mean time before it will tip on its side due to quantum tunneling is 10<sup>65</sup> years.

Note: that assumes the can's center of mass is in its gometric center. That is, it can be full or empty, but not half-empty.

David Hall
2002-Jun-30, 12:30 PM
Thanks for bringing up this old thread! I've been looking for something to replace my signature with. /phpBB/images/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

It looks like the original link above has disappeared, but I've found another site with the same info, and more besides. Enjoy!

http://www.dctech.com/physics/humor.php

_________________
<font size="-1">PLEASE NOTE: Some quantum physics theories suggest that when the consumer is not directly observing this product, it may cease to exist or will exist only in a vague and undetermined state. </font>

<font size="-1">(trying to get this thing to work right)</font>


<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: David Hall on 2002-06-30 08:43 ]</font>

ljbrs
2002-Jun-30, 01:48 PM
IMPORTANT NOTICE TO PURCHASERS: The entire physical universe, including this product, may one day collapse back into an infinitesimally small space. Should another universe subsequently re-emerge, the existence of this product in that universe cannot be guaranteed.

Since 1998, the UNIVERSE has been observed (through the use of Type 1a supernovae, as first-rate standard candles, and by redshift observations) to be ACCELERATING in its EXPANSION. Therefore, this earlier (pre-1998) scenario is less likely to be held today by many cosmologists.

GREAT FUN!!!

ljbrs /phpBB/images/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif /phpBB/images/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif /phpBB/images/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif /phpBB/images/smiles/icon_rolleyes.gif

_________________
*Nothing is more damaging to a new truth than an old error.* Goethe

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: ljbrs on 2002-06-30 09:49 ]</font>

xriso
2002-Jun-30, 06:08 PM
On 2002-06-30 09:48, ljbrs wrote:


IMPORTANT NOTICE TO PURCHASERS: The entire physical universe, including this product, may one day collapse back into an infinitesimally small space. Should another universe subsequently re-emerge, the existence of this product in that universe cannot be guaranteed.

Since 1998, the UNIVERSE has been observed (through the use of Type 1a supernovae, as first-rate standard candles, and by redshift observations) to be ACCELERATING in its EXPANSION. Therefore, this earlier (pre-1998) scenario is less likely to be held today by many cosmologists.


Hmm... So, perhaps we should change that one.

IMPORTANT NOTICE TO PURCHASERS: The entire physical universe, including this product, will eventually be expanding so quickly that the product will be unable to maintain structural integrity and fly apart, becoming a cloud of atoms, which will eventually fly apart into a cloud of sub-atomic particles. This has been taken into consideration when calculating the "Best Before" date.

Conrad
2002-Jul-01, 10:54 AM
Hmm.
If one of my possessions suddenly disappeared and was subsequently discovered in my neighbours house, I would call that "thieving" rather than "tunnelling", although that might be the method used.

Pi Man
2002-Jul-09, 05:48 PM
On 2002-07-01 06:54, Conrad wrote:
Hmm.
If one of my possessions suddenly disappeared and was subsequently discovered in my neighbours house, I would call that "thieving" rather than "tunnelling", although that might be the method used.


If tunnelling was used, you would however have to call the Men In Black to go check your neighbor out, and make sure they aren't aliens, and if they are, that they aren't breaking any protocalls.

_________________
****infinity
Pi=Epsilon (4/(4n+1)-4/(4n+3))
*****n=0

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Pi Man on 2002-07-09 17:43 ]</font>

Nenya
2002-Jul-11, 09:21 AM
On 2002-06-30 08:30, David Hall wrote:
Thanks for bringing up this old thread! I've been looking for something to replace my signature with. /phpBB/images/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

It looks like the original link above has disappeared, but I've found another site with the same info, and more besides. Enjoy!

http://www.dctech.com/physics/humor.php


Love these product warnings. /phpBB/images/smiles/icon_smile.gif I'd seen them before but forgotten about them. David, that link is going on Piper Anonymous the next time I update. /phpBB/images/smiles/icon_smile.gif

My sister just compiled, for a school project, a list of the more mundane strange product warnings and advice. (Like the infamous "Not to be used for the other use!" or "Patrons are invited to take advantage of the chamber maid" etc.) Our favourite is from a first-aid list at a kids' camp: "In case of flood, proceed up hill. In case of flash flood, proceed up hill quickly."