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Ilya
2009-Jan-08, 06:49 PM
I know this is probably not MOST absurd, but it certainly takes the cake among the spam in my mailbox today:

"My wife and I are looking for a +1"

My immediate thought -- "a +1 what?"

Ara Pacis
2009-Jan-08, 06:56 PM
We already have a spam thread. ;-)

Maybe they are a poly couple or looking to adopt or want a pet.

Fazor
2009-Jan-08, 08:10 PM
I can't recall the spam headline, but couldn't put it here if I did (not BAUT friendly).

But it was halarious. Some awkward sentance comprised of various keywords that would be found on ... an "adult" site ... but the acts all had various adjectives infront of them that made no sense whatso-ever.

I mean, I have a twisted and dirty mind, and still there was no way to see these descriptions in any kind of comprehendable way. Had me rolling.

ABR.
2009-Jan-08, 08:14 PM
This is as good a place as any for this, I suppose. As an aquatic entomologist, I have to be careful not to include the genus name for alderflies in my email subject lines because of possible spam filtering. What is this genus name, you ask?

Sialis.

Moose
2009-Jan-08, 08:54 PM
My immediate thought -- "a +1 what?"

They're obviously fledgling D&D players. A +1 anything could only help.

Moose
2009-Jan-08, 08:56 PM
What is this genus name, you ask?

[Filtered spamword].

Looks like it got you, ABR.

ABR.
2009-Jan-08, 08:58 PM
They're obviously fledgling D&D players. A +1 anything could only help.

One of my shorter-lived characters once found a +1 Mace of Self Bludgeoning...

Fazor
2009-Jan-08, 08:58 PM
They're obviously fledgling D&D players. A +1 anything could only help.

+1 anything? Ah, you were too basic then. Each person had to have some negative attributes that could be "buffed" at the GM's whim. Trap suseptability. Chance of actually unsheathing your canteen rather than your sword. Tendency to fall off your horse. Etc.

...just kidding; I never played (well, except a handfull of Vampire/White Wolf times). I'da been an evil GM though.

ETA: Ah, I see ABR's on the same page. :)

ABR.
2009-Jan-08, 09:04 PM
ETA: Ah, I see ABR's on the same page. :)[/I]

I had a couple of vindictive GMs. There was this one time when a character's nose was turned upside down. I wasn't told (apparently, I didn't ask the proper questions after getting some curse or another) until it was time to put on the helmet with the pointed nose guard. Sigh.

But none of this has anything to do with spam, does it?

Moose
2009-Jan-08, 09:05 PM
Heh, I once convinced a buddy of mine (complete novice to the game) to swap my "ring of weakness" for something slightly useful. Caveat emptor.

(* Translating that into English for those without the geek gene, my randomly drawn starting item was a cursed ring. Basically unremovable once worn, lowers the character's strength quite a bit. About all you can do with it is scam someone. My buddy agreed to the swap, eagerly assuming that wearing it would make his enemies weak. It didn't. He got me back later. Good times.)

[Edit: But yeah, this isn't spam related, absurd or otherwise.]

Swift
2009-Jan-08, 09:09 PM
I had a couple of vindictive GMs. There was this one time when a character's nose was turned upside down. I wasn't told (apparently, I didn't ask the proper questions after getting some curse or another) until it was time to put on the helmet with the pointed nose guard. Sigh.

But none of this has anything to do with spam, does it?
Well, we could talk about D&D spam.

I can't tell you how many e-mails I get offering spells to make my two-handed sword bigger or to remove unwanted orcs.
:whistle:

Ilya
2009-Jan-08, 09:09 PM
This is as good a place as any for this, I suppose. As an aquatic entomologist,

Do you realize that your avatar eats the subjects you study?

Ilya
2009-Jan-08, 09:11 PM
or to remove unwanted orcs.
:whistle:

Dare I ask from where?

ABR.
2009-Jan-08, 09:19 PM
Do you realize that your avatar eats the subjects you study?

Yes, well, I just have this to say about that: nobody wants me posting in the Post Your Dinner thread!

mugaliens
2009-Jan-09, 08:12 PM
They're obviously fledgling D&D players.

Somehow, I don't think so... I believe it's more along the lines of, well, can't really say on this board.

dgavin
2009-Jan-09, 10:01 PM
I think my favorite AD&D item was the +1 Lockpick of Breaking. It was the silliest cursed item ever. Your items would continulay break while this was in your possesion, but only at the most inconvient times, and the +1 was degradation to your dexterity bonus because of that.

If you actualy used the lockpick on a lock though, the lock -always- would break open unless a 1 was rolled on a d20, if that happend, then the lockpick broke and the curse was lifted.

I loved that silly lockpick, even with all the troubles it caused one of my procurement specialists. . .

Chuck
2009-Jan-09, 10:13 PM
One of my favorite spam subject lines is "{$subject}". Perhaps some novice spammer who should have read the instructions for his spamming software before sending out millions of messages.

mugaliens
2009-Jan-10, 05:16 PM
Anything containing the word, "grow."

mike alexander
2009-Jan-10, 08:38 PM
Maybe the sender was trying to say plus fours and hit the wrong number.

Chuck
2009-Jan-10, 09:17 PM
I just got one claiming to be from the U.S. Post Office saying that a package that I mailed on December 25 could not be delivered. The Post Office was closed on Christmas Day so I couldn't have mailed anything that day. Couldn't they at least pick a believable date?

HenrikOlsen
2009-Jan-11, 09:19 AM
I guess that one just automatically inserts a date that's a fixed number of days ago.
When your business model is based on making 1 sale in 150,000 spam mails, the incentive to be intelligent when spamming isn't that high.

Ara Pacis
2009-Jan-11, 01:46 PM
I just got one claiming to be from the U.S. Post Office saying that a package that I mailed on December 25 could not be delivered. The Post Office was closed on Christmas Day so I couldn't have mailed anything that day. Couldn't they at least pick a believable date?

Was it spamming or phishing? Gotta make sure it was in the right food group.

Chuck
2009-Jan-11, 02:46 PM
I didn't bother to open it.

tommac
2009-Jan-11, 03:57 PM
most spammers are dumb ... I mean if you wanted to write good spam you need to make the user believe that it is something they have asked for or it is an email that they are waiting for etc ... the entire email needs to be written like that.

I would think a good way to spam is to get a few live people and send out emails that ask questions from the person and are meant to stir up a question. Then the spam comes in the response to the response after the spamee replies to the email.

The initial spam needs to be innocent. Like ... did you go to high school with jeffrey fisher? wait for the response then reply ... Ah ... I was trying to get in touch with jeff because I was working for this lottery company ... work the spam interactively.

Ara Pacis
2009-Jan-11, 05:29 PM
most spammers are dumb ... I mean if you wanted to write good spam you need to make the user believe that it is something they have asked for or it is an email that they are waiting for etc ... the entire email needs to be written like that.

I would think a good way to spam is to get a few live people and send out emails that ask questions from the person and are meant to stir up a question. Then the spam comes in the response to the response after the spamee replies to the email.

The initial spam needs to be innocent. Like ... did you go to high school with jeffrey fisher? wait for the response then reply ... Ah ... I was trying to get in touch with jeff because I was working for this lottery company ... work the spam interactively.

Perhaps you should consider a life of crime. You seem to have put a lot of thought into it. :D

HenrikOlsen
2009-Jan-11, 05:54 PM
most spammers are dumb ... I mean if you wanted to write good spam you need to make the user believe that it is something they have asked for or it is an email that they are waiting for etc ... the entire email needs to be written like that.

I would think a good way to spam is to get a few live people and send out emails that ask questions from the person and are meant to stir up a question. Then the spam comes in the response to the response after the spamee replies to the email.

The initial spam needs to be innocent. Like ... did you go to high school with jeffrey fisher? wait for the response then reply ... Ah ... I was trying to get in touch with jeff because I was working for this lottery company ... work the spam interactively.
Far too much work for the expected return, even if you only spent one second per spam mail you'd earn more from serving at a MacDonald's.

The reason why the spam business model works is because it only takes minutes to send hundreds of thousands spam mails.

Paul Beardsley
2009-Jan-11, 06:11 PM
There's a recruitment agency that sometimes provides me with temporary work, which has been very useful on occasion when I've been between teaching contracts.

The trouble with them is, their name is Wild, and they occasionally send out emails promising "Hot new jobs." I have informed them that these emails tend to get caught by spam filters.

Chuck
2009-Jan-11, 06:15 PM
Perhaps you should consider a life of crime. You seem to have put a lot of thought into it. :D

That reminds me of one I got a work long ago,

"Make money from home. THIS IS NOT ILLEGAL!"

How many honest business people need to reassure potential partners that their business is not against the law? Anyone answering that ad has got to be fatally gullible.

Tucson_Tim
2009-Jan-11, 06:53 PM
The reason why the spam business model works is because it only takes minutes to send hundreds of thousands spam mails.

And it must work! Otherwise they'd stop doing it.

Moose
2009-Jan-11, 08:37 PM
Well, for the do-it yourselfers, spam pays off if you get just a few responses on a million emails sent.

But for the large spamhausen, they don't tell their clients that all they'll get are a rare few positive responses and many, many hostile ones. No, their lists are all 100% vetted to be millions of people all willing to receive "targetted" advertising, and with fees that undercut televised ads, those were the suckers with the deeper pockets they were after.

mugaliens
2009-Jan-12, 12:05 AM
Perhaps you should consider a life of crime. You seem to have put a lot of thought into it. :D

We now have a username, online presence, a motive, an opportunity, and a modus operandi.

Now all we need is a crime and we've got him!

mugaliens
2009-Jan-12, 02:59 AM
Here's an interesting tidbit most people didn't know: "The MessageLabs Intelligence report dated March 2008 estimates that over 20% of all spam on the Internet originates from Storm (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Storm_botnet)."

Source (http://www.messagelabs.co.uk/mlireport/MLI_Report_March_Q1_2008.pdf) (caveat - PDF file)

Bon apetit'!

megrfl
2009-Jan-12, 03:29 AM
I know this is probably not MOST absurd, but it certainly takes the cake among the spam in my mailbox today:

"My wife and I are looking for a +1"

My immediate thought -- "a +1 what?"

The "wife and I" aspect of this cracks me up. They probably innocently needed some A1 for a barbecue.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A1_Steak_Sauce

Swift
2010-May-20, 02:08 PM
I'm not quite sure why, but this phishing e-mail I just got cracks me up. Like the director of the FBI is going to contact me, that they would use a yahoo e-mail account, and that they would ask me to send them "260us dollars". And wasn't the "Federal Ministry of Finance" involved in the TARP bailouts?

The note at the end to help stop cyber crimes is a nice touch.

ROFL


Federal Bureau of Investigation
Counter-terrorism Division and Cyber Crime Division
J. Edgar. Hoover Building Washington DC

Attention,

Records show that you are among one of the individuals and organizations who are yet to receive their overdue payment from overseas which includes those of Lottery/Gambling, Contract and Inheritance. Through our Fraud Monitory Unit we have also noticed that over the past you have been transacting with some imposters and fraudsters who have been impersonating the likes of Prof. Soludo of the Central Bank Of Nigeria, Mr. Patrick Aziza, Anderson, Wallace Fred, none officials of Oceanic Bank, Zenith Banks, Kelvin Young of HSBC, Smith Williams, Daniel Wilson, Ibrahim Sule, Dr. Philip Morgan, Dr. Usman Shamsuddeen and some imposters claiming to be The Federal Bureau of Investigation.

The Cyber Crime Division of the FBI gathered information from the Internet Crime Complaint Center (ICCC) formerly known as the Internet Fraud Complaint Center (IFCC) of how some people have lost outrageous sums of money to these imposters. As a result of this we hereby advise you to stop communication with any one not referred to you by us.

We have negotiated with the Federal Ministry of Finance that your payment totaling Two million and three hundred thousand us dollars will be released to you via a custom pin based ATM card with a maximum withdrawal limit of Three thousand us dollars a day which is powered by Visa Card and can be used anywhere in the world were you see a Visa Card Logo on the Automatic Teller Machine (ATM). We have advised that this should be the only way a which you are to receive your payment because it?? more guaranteed, since over Fifteen billion us dollars was lost on fake cheque last year 2009.

We guarantee 100% receipt of your payment, because we have perfected everything in regards to the release of your Two million and three hundred thousand us dollars to be 100% risk free and free from any hitches as its our duty to protect citizens of the United States of America. (This is as a result of the mandate from US Government to make sure all debts owed to citizens of American which includes Inheritance, Contract, Gambling/Lottery etc are been cleared for the betterment of the current economic status of the nation and its citizens as he has always believed Our Time for Change has come because Change can happen).

Below are few list of tracking numbers you can track from FedEx website to confirm people like you who have received their payment successfully.

Name : Donny Peterson: FedEx Tracking Number: 870456747216
Name : Angela L.Johnson: FedEx Tracking Number: 870456750392

To redeem your fund you are hereby advised to contact the ATM Card Center via email for their requirement to proceed and procure your Approval of Payment Warrant and Endorsement of your ATM Release Order on your behalf which will cost you 260us dollars only nothing more and no hidden fees as everything else has been taken cared of by the Federal Government including taxes, custom paper and clearance duty so all you will ever need to pay is 260us dollars only.

Contact Information
Name: Lucas Thompson
Email: llucasthompson@yahoo.cn

Do contact Lucas Thompson of the ATM Card Center via his contact details above and furnish him with your details as listed below:

Your full Name:
Your Address:
Home/Cell Phone:
Occupation:
Age:

On contacting him with your details your files would be updated and he will be sending you the payment information in which you will use in making payment of 260us dollars via Western Union Money Transfer for the procurement of your Approval of Payment Warrant and Endorsement of your ATM Release Order. After which the delivery of your ATM card will be effected to your designated home address without any further delay, extra fee or any authority raising eyebrow.

Upon receipt of payment the delivery officer will ensure that your package is sent within 24 working hours. Because we are so sure of everything we are giving you a 100% money back guarantee if you do not receive your ATM CARD Shippment Confirmation within the next 24hrs after you have made the payment for shipping.

Once again we are so sure of you receiving your payment at no any other cost as we have taking it upon our duty to monitor everything in other to cub cyber crime that is perpetrated by those impostors.

Thanks and hope to read from you soon.


ROBERT S. MUELLER,

DIRECTOR
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE
WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535
TELEPHONE: 206-666-5283
FAX: 206-666-5283

Note: Disregard any email you get from any impostors or offices claiming to be in possession of your ATM card, you are hereby advice only to be in contact with Lucas Thompson of the ATM card center who is the rightful person to deal with in regards to your payment and forward any emails you get from impostors to this office via the above fax number so we could act upon it immediately. Help stop cyber crime.

Strange
2010-May-20, 02:15 PM
Form http://www.theregister.co.uk/2010/05/18/phish_email/


From: HSBC BANK [benno209@gmail.com]

Dear valued customer Incidentally,there is an emergency shortlited varified problem in your account which there is a need to restore Pls send us all the enqiures of your bank account so that the varified problem will be entirely and stupidiously retrieve. Thanks for banking with us

Fazor
2010-May-20, 02:18 PM
I absolutely love the postscript note to "avoid impostors".

NEOWatcher
2010-May-20, 04:52 PM
Like the director of the FBI is going to contact me, that they would use a yahoo e-mail account, and that they would ask me to send them "260us dollars".
I'm quite sure that the FBI has already gotten a lot more than 260 of my tax dollars.


Form http://www.theregister.co.uk/2010/05/18/phish_email/
I can't even comprehend what that one is trying to say.

BigDon
2010-May-20, 05:50 PM
I can't recall the spam headline, but couldn't put it here if I did (not BAUT friendly).

But it was halarious. Some awkward sentance comprised of various keywords that would be found on ... an "adult" site ... but the acts all had various adjectives infront of them that made no sense whatso-ever.

I mean, I have a twisted and dirty mind, and still there was no way to see these descriptions in any kind of comprehendable way. Had me rolling.

The ones put together by babbling translation devices are funny, in a sexual psychopathic sort of way.

I did see one for "amature celebrities and mature lolitas" once, I kid thee not.

Fazor
2010-May-20, 05:54 PM
I had one yesterday that must have just randomly picked the words from a dictionary. Something like "I drop find luggage pineapple" . . . I guess the spammers figure if they can't get you to open a dirty-sounding e-mail, maybe they can confuse you enough so that curiosity takes over and you open the message. And I very much suggest that you avoid opening a message that you know (or suspect) is spam, because sometimes that's all it takes. At least, if you're lazy like me and use one of the more popular and less secure e-mail services.

DonM435
2010-May-20, 07:05 PM
I like it when the spammer is impersonating a spokesman for a bank, yet can't put a sentence together or spell half the words.

TrAI
2010-May-20, 10:06 PM
The ones put together by babbling translation devices are funny, in a sexual psychopathic sort of way.

I did see one for "amature celebrities and mature lolitas" once, I kid thee not.

It creates flawless detect.

If I was to guess, "Amature(amateur?) celebrities" are people that is widely known, but not professional porn stars. While I should think "Mature Lolitas" are just girls that look young, petite and/or are in a setting that is supposed to evoke a young and innocent feel in the imagery. A significant part of the stuff on the net might qualify.


I had one yesterday that must have just randomly picked the words from a dictionary. Something like "I drop find luggage pineapple" . . . I guess the spammers figure if they can't get you to open a dirty-sounding e-mail, maybe they can confuse you enough so that curiosity takes over and you open the message. And I very much suggest that you avoid opening a message that you know (or suspect) is spam, because sometimes that's all it takes. At least, if you're lazy like me and use one of the more popular and less secure e-mail services.

I think the idea is that modern spam filters often apply different scores to the elements a mail contain, if the average score is too high, it is flagged as spam. Most words might have a low spam rating, but words related to porn, sex, drugs and things like links and especially hot linked images might have a high value. Your ordinary mails will tend to have few words with a high score, but spam mails used to have a large number of these. So to get past these filters, the spammers started to use this sort of randomly generated sentence, after all, it is fairly easy to generate on the fly, and though it is fairly obvious to a human that it is non-sense, this detection is hard to implement for a spam filter.

Another trick used is to use special characters or formating that is not actually visible in a HTML view, or replace certain letters with characters that look similar, it could be a variation on leetspeak, or if you are really going for style a mix of different alphabets.

Can you see the difference between "Spamword" and "Ѕρаmwοrd"?

:( Drop luggage, find pineapple :).

HenrikOlsen
2010-May-21, 01:02 AM
Can you see the difference between "Spamword" and "Ѕρаmwοrd"?
The rho is visually different, but the Dze, the cyrillic a and the omicron are all rendered exactly like their latin counterparts.

TrAI
2010-May-21, 02:10 AM
The ones put together by babbling translation devices are funny, in a sexual psychopathic sort of way.

I did see one for "amature celebrities and mature lolitas" once, I kid thee not.


The rho is visually different, but the Dze, the cyrillic a and the omicron are all rendered exactly like their latin counterparts.

Yes, to people the strings look almost the same, but to a spam filter they would look very different. :)