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View Full Version : Going to be a daddy again!



SeanF
2009-Nov-20, 05:32 PM
A little boy this time (http://fieldsofsd.blogspot.com/search/label/Adoption). :D

We'll be signing the formal acceptance paperwork next week. Estimated travel time is 3-6 months, so it'll be spring before we go get him. Still, feeling very excited right now!

Also a little nervous. He'll be four years old (or nearly so) by the time we bring him home. That's going to be just a little different than our last, who was just over a year.

Fazor
2009-Nov-20, 05:35 PM
Well congratulations! So you're starting a little older, but that just means he's already at the fun age where you can start teaching him sports and science and such.

LaurelHS
2009-Nov-20, 05:36 PM
Congratulations, SeanF. :)

Swift
2009-Nov-20, 05:37 PM
Congrats Sean. How old is your daughter now?

SeanF
2009-Nov-20, 05:42 PM
Thanks, guys! :)


How old is your daughter now?
She'll be six in January, he'll be four in March. That seems to be about perfect (in fact, my sister is two years older than I am).

She's very excited about getting her little brother - I suspect the several months wait is going to be hard on her.

Gillianren
2009-Nov-20, 06:28 PM
My sister's two years older than I am, and I've always thought it to be a good distance. My younger sister's four years younger, and that seemed too long.

Congratulations. Just remember that he'd be different to raise anyway, because he's a boy. I won't say easier or harder, having raised neither myself, but different.

mugaliens
2009-Nov-20, 09:52 PM
Awesome!

Larry Jacks
2009-Nov-20, 10:45 PM
My granddaughter was a week shy of her second birthday when her little brother was born. She was pretty rough on the boy until he learned to fight back. One day when he was about 15 months old, I found him pinning his sister's head to the floor by two fistfulls of her hair. It was hard to pry him loose. He was so mad, he actually growled. Ever since then, whenever she was rough to him, he got even. They're 5 and 3 now. She doesn't pick on him so often, at least not physically. Sibling rivalry can be tough but perhaps it won't be so bad starting at ages 6 and 4.

Buttercup
2009-Nov-20, 11:53 PM
Congratulations! :)

gethen
2009-Nov-23, 04:53 AM
Congratulations, Sean! I wonder--is language a problem with a 4 year old or does he speak English?

SeanF
2009-Nov-23, 05:45 AM
I wonder--is language a problem with a 4 year old or does he speak English?
Yeah, we're wondering about that, too. I don't know how much English they expose them to in the orphanages.

redshifter
2009-Nov-23, 06:39 AM
Congrats! My wife and I are also in the process of adopting kids out of the foster care system. We just had our home inspection. Next up is getting the paperwork completed and get our foster parent license. Then we're in the 'searching for a child' phase.

jokergirl
2009-Nov-23, 09:52 AM
Ooh, congratulations!

How hard is it to adopt kids where you live? I've always been curious about the process. Does the child get selected for you, do you have "meet and greets", and how is the background check done? What other factors are considered?

And I fully expect photos when the little one's here :D

;)

Gillianren
2009-Nov-23, 05:57 PM
Congrats! My wife and I are also in the process of adopting kids out of the foster care system. We just had our home inspection. Next up is getting the paperwork completed and get our foster parent license. Then we're in the 'searching for a child' phase.

Good luck, and good luck for the child who will end up out of the system.

peter eldergill
2009-Nov-25, 03:38 PM
Excellent! I'm very happy for you. I'm enjoying new fatherhood myself and infants are adorable (well...most o the time :) )

Pete

A.DIM
2009-Nov-25, 04:02 PM
Congratulations SeanF!

Although, I must say I've mixed feelings on adopting children from other countires when there are plenty of orphans in America.

I say this because a friend of mine is in the adoption business.
She brings in kids from China, Honduras, Guatemala.
Why? They cost much less.
Made in America is too expensive I guess.

Good luck!

SolusLupus
2009-Nov-25, 04:13 PM
Congratulations SeanF!

Although, I must say I've mixed feelings on adopting children from other countires when there are plenty of orphans in America.

I say this because a friend of mine is in the adoption business.
She brings in kids from China, Honduras, Guatemala.
Why? They cost much less.
Made in America is too expensive I guess.

Good luck!

Does it matter? A child in need is a child in need. It doesn't matter which country they're from.

A.DIM
2009-Nov-25, 04:23 PM
Does it matter? A child in need is a child in need. It doesn't matter which country they're from.

I agree, but if there are children in need here in America why go to the other side of the world to get one?

There's probably one somewhere in South Dakota ...

SolusLupus
2009-Nov-25, 04:36 PM
For some folks, they just can't get one. The bureaucracy in the adoption agencies are not the easiest to navigate, I hear, and even if you do, it's very easy to be found wanting.

Getting pregnant is easy. Adopting is almost impossible. And even then, there's a huge prejudice for "natural mothers" over "adopting mothers". There are cases where they will give the adopted child back to the natural mother, just for the child to end up dead from lack of care. These are extremes, but sort of show just how the system isn't quite as simple as you make it out to be. It's not like it's just a matter of cash.

Musashi
2009-Nov-25, 04:50 PM
Congrats Sean!

Gillianren
2009-Nov-25, 06:05 PM
I agree, but if there are children in need here in America why go to the other side of the world to get one?

Have you compared conditions for a child in the system in the US to a child in the system in other countries, countries from which people adopt children? No, the system isn't great in the US, but it's pretty dire in other countries. What we should be admiring is that he's not insisting on adopting an infant. My daughter found a great home easily, because she was an infant when I gave her up. Had she ended up in the system when she was two because I'd kept her but couldn't take care of her, she might still be in the system to this day, ten years later.

SeanF
2009-Nov-26, 05:40 AM
Congratulations SeanF!
Thanks!


Although, I must say I've mixed feelings on adopting children from other countires when there are plenty of orphans in America.

I say this because a friend of mine is in the adoption business.
She brings in kids from China, Honduras, Guatemala.
Why? They cost much less.
Made in America is too expensive I guess.
There's no reason an American child deserves to be adopted more than a Chinese child does, is there? I don't see why financial burden should be any less valid a reason for making a choice than proximity or nationality.

Besides, just like my daughter, once we bring him home he'll be just as much an American as anybody else. :)


Good luck!
Again, thanks.

HenrikOlsen
2009-Nov-26, 07:20 AM
Besides, just like my daughter, once we bring him home he'll be just as much an American as anybody else. :) .
Except for the technicality of not being able to be elected President.

Jens
2009-Nov-26, 11:40 AM
She's very excited about getting her little brother - I suspect the several months wait is going to be hard on her.

For sure. Just a cute story: our first daughter was 2 when the second was born. At first, she was really excited, but after about two weeks with the new baby, she started losing the excitement and asked my wife, "can we take the baby back to the hospital?"

Fiery Phoenix
2009-Nov-26, 12:59 PM
For sure. Just a cute story: our first daughter was 2 when the second was born. At first, she was really excited, but after about two weeks with the new baby, she started losing the excitement and asked my wife, "can we take the baby back to the hospital?"

:lol:

I would love to have a cute little daughter. One of my strongest desires. But oh well, I'm only 19.

Jens
2009-Nov-26, 02:33 PM
:lol:
I would love to have a cute little daughter. One of my strongest desires. But oh well, I'm only 19.

Then I wouldn't worry much. I didn't have a cute little daughter when I was 19 either. :)

Fiery Phoenix
2009-Nov-26, 03:08 PM
Then I wouldn't worry much. I didn't have a cute little daughter when I was 19 either. :)

Oh I know. Just saying.

SolusLupus
2009-Nov-26, 03:57 PM
Except for the technicality of not being able to be elected President.

Until that's contested, I think. I'm not sure how much that would hold up as globalization becomes more and more prevalent.

SeanF
2009-Nov-26, 05:36 PM
Until that's contested, I think. I'm not sure how much that would hold up as globalization becomes more and more prevalent.
It'll hold up until there's a constitutional amendment ratified. Both my daughter and my new son are pretty explicitly legally prohibited from holding the office of President or Vice-President.

Gillianren
2009-Nov-26, 06:43 PM
It'll hold up until there's a constitutional amendment ratified. Both my daughter and my new son are pretty explicitly legally prohibited from holding the office of President or Vice-President.

As were the two people from my class in high school who were voted "Most likely to become President and involve us in World War III," so that's some consolation.

SolusLupus
2009-Nov-26, 06:47 PM
I was voted "Most Likely to End up in Jail."

My record is clean as a whistle. :)

Gillianren
2009-Nov-26, 07:23 PM
I was "most likely to skip the reunion." Well spotted, that.

redshifter
2009-Nov-28, 09:43 PM
Ooh, congratulations!

How hard is it to adopt kids where you live? I've always been curious about the process. Does the child get selected for you, do you have "meet and greets", and how is the background check done? What other factors are considered?

And I fully expect photos when the little one's here :D

;)


Apologies for not responding sooner! The process for foster/adoption isn't necessarily hard, but it is long and involves a lot of tasks. We were originally going to start out as foster parents, but we decided that we weren't ready to have kids in and out of our house every few months or so, nor did we think we could handle getting emotionally attached and then have them move on. So, instead we are working with a private agency (Amara) to adopt out of the foster care system. There is some risk here, as some of the children have a certain degree of 'legal risk', meaning you could have kids in your home that you intend to adopt, but the birth parent(s) finally get their act together and have them brought home. Some kids are 'legally free' meaning that their birth parents have had their parental rights terminated.

As far as cost, we've put out under 5k for the whole process and associated fees, which we felt we could handle. My sister and brother in law adopted 2 kids from Russia and put out over 50k to do so. We just didn't feel we could handle that kind of expense.

So far, here is the process we've followed:

Mar '09 - We went through the PRIDE training which is the state required training for getting a foster license. PRIDE training was 4 consecutive saturdays for us

Since then, we've had our background checks, fingerprints, etc. We've also had our individual interviews with our adoption specialist. She's put all the info we gave her into a home study. A home study is a document that describes us, our families, backgrounds, etc. It also incorporates feedback from 4 references we provided. The refs were freinds that have known us for quite a while. It's a pretty involved document and took quite a while for our specialist to put together.

Other things we've done:
1) Monthly support group meetings which usually consist of a hour or so presentation about various topics such as talking to kids about sex, CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate), etc.

2) Trans-racial adoption training

3) Open adoption training

Now, our home study is almost complete. We had our home inspection last week which went well.

The next phase is for our home study to get finalized. Then, we get our foster parent license. When that happens, we start the 'searching for a child' phase. Hopefully, that will start mid-Jan. The search phase can last quite a while, depending on any stipulations you may have regarding what type of child(ren) you're interested in.

My wife and I are interested in a sibling pair, 0-5 yrs. old. We might be willing to take up to 3 depending on the children and their circumstances.

I can't believe how much I've learned about parenting over the last year. I've raised a child and felt like I was a pretty good dad, but man, my knowledge has greatly increased.

Taking the foster care training really opened my eyes to why foster kids have so many problems in their lives. It's really sad.

mike alexander
2009-Nov-29, 02:17 AM
My most sincere wish that all goes well, Sean.

Children are our most important product.

SeanF
2009-Dec-22, 09:11 PM
Got a call from our local adoption agency this afternoon that the [bureaucrat voice]Official Acceptance Letter[/bureaucrat voice] is on its way to us via UPS. They say we should receive it by the end of the day tomorrow (Wednesday), and they need it signed and shipped back to them so they get it by noon on the 28th (Monday).

This is with Friday being Christmas and blizzard conditions with 12-18 inches of snow expected over the next three days.

No problem.

Swift
2009-Dec-22, 09:30 PM
At least you're not heading to the airport for the flight to go pick him up in the middle of a blizzard. Happy letter signing.

SeanF
2009-Dec-22, 09:32 PM
At least you're not heading to the airport for the flight to go pick him up in the middle of a blizzard. Happy letter signing.
Good point! :lol:

Fazor
2009-Dec-22, 09:34 PM
Could be worse; they could have demanded that the letter be hand-delivered to them . . . after being signed in the blood the rare South African spotted yeti.

. . . though you may want to double check the fine print after you receive the letter . . .

Gillianren
2009-Dec-22, 09:59 PM
Fingers crossed for you.

clint
2009-Dec-24, 02:35 AM
Congratulations, Sean! I wonder--is language a problem with a 4 year old or does he speak English?


Yeah, we're wondering about that, too. I don't know how much English they expose them to in the orphanages.


A friend of mine adopted a boy from Siberia at the age of 3.
The first year was difficult, but he sounds like a native speaker now (age 6).

danscope
2009-Dec-24, 03:51 AM
Congratulations, Clint ! Babies are wonderful . We have a 6 month old
grandaughter to play with on Christmas day.
All the best for you and your baby.

Dan

Click Ticker
2009-Dec-24, 02:33 PM
A friend of mine adopted a boy from Siberia at the age of 3.

I didn't think they let people that young adopt. :)

SeanF
2010-Feb-02, 10:04 PM
We just got our travel notice. We fly out of here on February 24th (that's only three weeks away! :eek: ) and arrive in Chengdu on the 25th for a couple of days of tourism. On the 28th we go to Chongqing, and that's when we'll get the little guy. We don't come back home until March 12th.

Pretty amazing coincidence - February 28th was the day we got our little girl, five years ago. It's like having two kids with the same birthday!

Anyhoo, the next month or two is going to be very hectic...