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Thread: Really trivial stuff that amuses you...

  1. #10861
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    Barbers and hairdressers opened yesterday, after more than a hundred days of closure. My usual place had a long queue outside, of men who manifestly didn't need a haircut. How do normal people decide these things? There wasn't a single one of them whose vision was in any danger of being obscured.
    But down the road a new place has opened. They had an A-board outside with a chalked message on it: FREE HAIRCUTS+TOPLESS SERVICE+FALSE ADVERTISING.

    Grant Hutchison

  2. #10862
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    I, on the other hand, genuinely DO need a haircut. I'm mostly bald, but the fringe is getting bad. I was to get one by my wife's hairdresser last week, but she fell and hurt herself. I may be able to get it done tomorrow.
    Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt.

  3. #10863
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    I'm not sure when my last haircut was. A friend of a friend gave me one several years ago, I think.
    _____________________________________________
    Gillian

    "Now everyone was giving her that kind of look UFOlogists get when they suddenly say, 'Hey, if you shade your eyes you can see it is just a flock of geese after all.'"

    "You can't erase icing."

    "I can't believe it doesn't work! I found it on the internet, man!"

  4. #10864
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    Quote Originally Posted by grant hutchison View Post
    But down the road a new place has opened. They had an A-board outside with a chalked message on it: FREE HAIRCUTS+TOPLESS SERVICE+FALSE ADVERTISING.

    Grant Hutchison
    That's great, because my usual sources of false advertising have been too honest lately.
    At night the stars put on a show for free (Carole King)

    All moderation in purple - The rules

  5. #10865
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    I somehow ran into this (I don’t usually look at imgur), a phlebotomist that makes specialty masks. My favorite is the second one as you scroll down, the Zoidberg mask. I think it would be hilarious to see a health worker in that mask (for those who don’t know, Zoidberg was an alien doctor in Futurama that was a tad incompetent dealing with human physiology).

    https://imgur.com/gallery/N4F9U1F

    "The problem with quotes on the Internet is that it is hard to verify their authenticity." — Abraham Lincoln

    I say there is an invisible elf in my backyard. How do you prove that I am wrong?

    The Leif Ericson Cruiser

  6. #10866
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    Really trivial stuff that amuses you...

    A Zoidberg mask would be both humorous and terrifying at the same time.

    For military aviation buffs, I came across this A-10 mask:

    https://www.thedrive.com/the-war-zon...sk-and-t-shirt

    Here is the inspiration:

    https://g.foolcdn.com/editorial/imag..._39_51-utc.jpg


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    I may have many faults, but being wrong ain't one of them. - Jimmy Hoffa

  7. #10867
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    Quote Originally Posted by Van Rijn View Post
    I somehow ran into this (I don’t usually look at imgur), a phlebotomist that makes specialty masks. My favorite is the second one as you scroll down, the Zoidberg mask. I think it would be hilarious to see a health worker in that mask (for those who don’t know, Zoidberg was an alien doctor in Futurama that was a tad incompetent dealing with human physiology).

    https://imgur.com/gallery/N4F9U1F
    You should have "claw" latex gloves to go with it.
    At night the stars put on a show for free (Carole King)

    All moderation in purple - The rules

  8. #10868
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    I needed a haircut on day one of the pandemic. I bought an electric clippers in early May. For about 2 weeks I had to tell myself, "No, they will not jam and get stuck in your hair. You will not be the only person at the ER with a pair of clippers stuck to your head. Er... no. No one goes to the ER with a pair of clippers stuck to their head. It's never happened. It can't happen..."

    My son saw me looking at them and came in the bathroom. I thought he was going to offer to help. No. Instead, he picked them up and ran them through my hair while making a loud buzzing noise with his mouth. Somehow, that did make it better.

    When Paul was 5, he had a baby sitter. She took the kids out for a walk and coming back into the house, Paul bolted for the bathroom. She had the other two kids tucked under her arms and couldn't follow fast enough. He picked up my beard trimmer and took a neat line out of his hair from front to back. I think she got stuck on the phrase, "What are you doing?" and couldn't recover from there. She was still spluttering when I got home. There really isn't anything to be done after that.

    Or so I though. About 2 weeks and four haircuts later, I told my wife that anything less than a brush cut would not look right. She cried a lot. Paul is 18 now. We don't mention that episode because the crying comes back.

    (Yeah, she can cry about that for all I care. She's a nurse in an endoscopy clinic. She does not cry over some of the crummy things that happen at work, so we'll just deal with hard feelings over a bad haircut.)
    Solfe

  9. #10869
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    Quote Originally Posted by Van Rijn View Post
    I somehow ran into this (I don’t usually look at imgur), a phlebotomist that makes specialty masks. My favorite is the second one as you scroll down, the Zoidberg mask. I think it would be hilarious to see a health worker in that mask (for those who don’t know, Zoidberg was an alien doctor in Futurama that was a tad incompetent dealing with human physiology).

    https://imgur.com/gallery/N4F9U1F
    As a phlebotomist, she REALLY needs a Dracula one!

    My state's primary election is coming up in a couple of weeks. Locally the hot contest is between Amanda, Lorna, and Heidi for an open county commissioner seat. They do have surnames, but you wouldn't know it from their advertising. We'll probably vote for Lorna, who lives across the street.
    Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt.

  10. #10870
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    From another thread:
    Quote Originally Posted by Noclevername View Post
    You can't fact someone out of irrational beliefs.
    This reminded me of a psychiatric nurse with a dental phobia I once anaesthetized for a massive amount of work on her neglected teeth. She was so frightened it took about twenty minutes for her to get into the dental chair for the anaesthetic. Meanwhile her husband, who was accompanying her, kept up a constant annoying stream of cajolery: "The sooner you do it, the sooner it'll be over," and, "But you won't know anything about it because you'll be asleep," and so on.
    Eventually she rounded on him, fixed him with a steely glare and said, "Look. The definition of a phobia is an unreasoning fear. STOP TRYING TO REASON WITH ME."
    After that he kept quiet.

    Grant Hutchison

  11. #10871
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    My wife pointed out that some $50 notes, Polymer based, we received today had braille markings on lower edge. This was the first time she, I would never have picked it up, has noticed this. Looking them up it appears that they have been in circulation for just on 12 months. This shows how little we use notes these days.

    Apparently the $5 and $10 notes are easy to pick out for the blind but the larger denominations are less noticeable so this change was introduced. The notes actually increase in size slightly for each denomination. Our first Polymer notes (Commemorative ones) were issued in 1988 and by 1996 all new notes were Polymer. To quote our Reserve Bank "It was the first in the world to be printed on polymer substrate instead of paper."

  12. #10872
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    Upon hearing that my niece, the daughter we never had, might visit on Friday we decided that perhaps we should begin getting the house in order. We've had no company since Christmas.
    So I pushed the "clean" button on Rosie the Roomba. She puttered around for a while, then started making an odd sound. Just as I extricated myself from the recliner and headed in her direction, she emitted a beep and said (paraphrased) "Help! I need my rollers cleaned! Is anyone there? I feel so alone!"

    It turned out she had ingested Susie the Squirrel, a cat toy.

    Susie wasn't all that happy either.
    Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt.

  13. #10873
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trebuchet View Post
    Upon hearing that my niece, the daughter we never had, might visit on Friday we decided that perhaps we should begin getting the house in order. We've had no company since Christmas.
    So I pushed the "clean" button on Rosie the Roomba. She puttered around for a while, then started making an odd sound. Just as I extricated myself from the recliner and headed in her direction, she emitted a beep and said (paraphrased) "Help! I need my rollers cleaned! Is anyone there? I feel so alone!"

    It turned out she had ingested Susie the Squirrel, a cat toy.

    Susie wasn't all that happy either.
    I can't count the number of dog toys our Roomba has eaten, with regrets. Since my sister has the Roomba app on her phone, I usually get a yell from her seconds after I hear the machine bleat out its pathetic distress call.
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

  14. #10874
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    I opened our primary election ballots last evening. There are 36 -- count'em, THIRTY SIX -- candidates for governor. Most, of course, are loons. You have to hunt a bit to find the incumbent.
    Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt.

  15. #10875
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    There's one guy, if I'm reading our voters' guide correctly, who is running for office as a personal grudge against a few people he believes treated him unfairly. He doesn't seem to have an actual platform beyond that, not even "so they might do this to you." Just revenge.
    _____________________________________________
    Gillian

    "Now everyone was giving her that kind of look UFOlogists get when they suddenly say, 'Hey, if you shade your eyes you can see it is just a flock of geese after all.'"

    "You can't erase icing."

    "I can't believe it doesn't work! I found it on the internet, man!"

  16. #10876
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    About half of the latest local paper is taken up with the county commissioner race between Amanda, Lorna, and Heidi; including many letters to the editor, large ads, and Q&A's from all three spread over multiple pages. All are well-qualified and have similar ideas; I saw absolutely nothing to give me a strong feeling that I should support any one over the others. I expect I'll just vote for Lorna because she lives across the street!
    Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt.

  17. #10877
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    Really trivial stuff that amuses you...

    Over the years, a few small veins have become visible near the surface of my legs.
    One group looks like a well-known religious symbol inside a circle about the size of a dime.

    I briefly considered forming a cult and declaring myself the "chosen one".
    Fortunately, I've seen enough movies to know that things would quickly progress from "scantily-clad women feeding me peeled grapes" to "my becoming a human sacrifice".
    I guess I'll skip that plan.
    Last edited by Extravoice; 2020-Aug-01 at 05:34 PM.
    I may have many faults, but being wrong ain't one of them. - Jimmy Hoffa

  18. #10878
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    In an effort to have a really excellent party, my wife took a job at wedding reception hall. It really wasn't what she expected. A lot of people are having weddings with a serious guest limit and no dancing, which also seems to go hand in hand with no open bar. The place is huge, but the parties are tiny. More tables than guests, so that people that arrive together in one car has their whole party seated at an individual table. A lot of parties are cranked back to just the bride and groom dancing and sometimes the bride and her dad dancing.

    I have heard a lot of critiques of the dancing, because each wedding only has one or two. They way my wife tells it sounds a lot like "Dancing with the Stars", which is hysterical. She gets so pumped up for it. "I wonder what song they'll dance to?!?" or "That was amazing! They must have taken dance classes!" or "The bride looked amazing! Her dress was made for dancing!" (Kitty does dancing color commentary much better than I. It's better when she tells it.)

    The other funny bit is, the wedding receptions are so small, my wife comes home knowing every guests name. Like she planned the party or something.
    Solfe

  19. #10879
    Quote Originally Posted by Extravoice View Post
    Over the years, a few small veins have become visible near the surface of my legs.
    One group looks like a well-known religious symbol inside a circle about the size of a dime.

    I briefly considered forming a cult and declaring myself the "chosen one".
    Fortunately, I've seen enough movies to know that things would quickly progress from "scantily-clad women feeding me peeled grapes" to "my becoming a human sacrifice".
    I guess I'll skip that plan.
    I have the feeling if I was sacrificed I would be sent back with reject stamped on my head.
    From the wilderness into the cosmos.
    You can not be afraid of the wind, Enterprise: Broken Bow.
    https://davidsuniverse.wordpress.com/

  20. #10880
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    I'd had a minor ethical dilemma on Patreon--someone who was giving me a buck a month was someone I had blocked on two different platforms and was someone I was actively trying to get banned from the site I write for. As of this month, I no longer have to worry; he's not giving me money anymore. Possibly because he's realized that, no, I'm not going to write for the site he's trying to get me to write for that he runs.
    _____________________________________________
    Gillian

    "Now everyone was giving her that kind of look UFOlogists get when they suddenly say, 'Hey, if you shade your eyes you can see it is just a flock of geese after all.'"

    "You can't erase icing."

    "I can't believe it doesn't work! I found it on the internet, man!"

  21. #10881
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    Something that just occurred to me...

    You've all heard that every single odd number has an "e" in its English name, right? It's not really too impressive when you think about it, because every odd number has to end in either "one", "three", "five", "seven", "nine", "eleven", "thirteen", "fifteen", "seventeen", or "nineteen", and since all of those words have "e" in them, all odd numbers do.

    But how many even numbers have "e" in them?

    Of all the even numbers, only 10% of them will have a zero in the hundreds place, which means that 90% of them will have the word "hundred" in their name. But even among the other 10%, only 10% of them will have a zero in the hundred thousands place. Which means 90% of them, or 9% of the total, will have "hundred thousand" in their name. So that gives us 99% of all even numbers with an "e".

    And in that remaining 1%...only 10% of them will have a zero in the hundred millions place. So 90% (.9% of the total) will have "hundred million" in the name. Now we're up to 99.9%.

    But we can keep going - hundred billion, hundred trillion, hundred quadrillion, etc. Each one adds another 90% of the remaining balance, and there's no end. The percentage of even numbers with "hundred" (and thus an "e") in the English name is 99.99999~%.

    And we all know that .99999~ is equal to 1, which means (drumroll, please) 100% of all even numbers have an "e" in their English name!

    ("Two," "four," and "six" are apparently just figments of our collective imaginations)
    Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn

  22. #10882
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    Since E is the most common letter in English, I don't find that very shocking. LINK
    At night the stars put on a show for free (Carole King)

    All moderation in purple - The rules

  23. #10883
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    Quote Originally Posted by Swift View Post
    Since E is the most common letter in English, I don't find that very shocking. LINK
    That's not the shocking part.
    Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn

  24. #10884
    Listening to how the twitter hack happened. Fist thing don't pin your god mode password in an message service.
    If you doing the hack and some places require a drivers license don't use your own, or don't register the account that you people to transfer the money into, with your own credit card.
    Last edited by The Backroad Astronomer; 2020-Aug-06 at 07:52 PM.
    From the wilderness into the cosmos.
    You can not be afraid of the wind, Enterprise: Broken Bow.
    https://davidsuniverse.wordpress.com/

  25. #10885
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    People who responded to "send bitcoin to this bitcoin wallet and I'll send double back" almost deserved to lose it.

    In 1557, Thomas Tusser wrote:
    “A foole and his bitcoin be soone at debate: which after with sorow repents him too late.”
    Measure once, cut twice. Practice makes perfect.

  26. #10886
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    Have you ever encounter a situation where you should be mad, but it gets so weird that all you can do is laugh?

    I order a couple spa filters from Amazon. These things use Roman numerals for sizing. I ordered 6 type VI (6) filters. I received 6 type IV (4) filters. I thought it was the dyslexia kicking in, but no, I really received the wrong part by mistake. I reached out to the seller and they said "Sorry about that. You can keep them but we'll only refund you 30% of what you paid."

    When I said, "No," they replied, "You can give them to your friends."

    What? Give spa filters to my friends?

    It's ludicrous because I know Amazon's going to take care of me. I offered to send them back, it's not like I want them. I'm very curious as to where this conversation is going next. I haven't escalated to the point where Amazon should do anything.

    Back in March I order a computer part that got shipped out of China as the first inkling of the pandemic hit the States. That slowed the shipment down a bit. Then it ended up in a shipping center which suffered a fire. They were triaging packages to see if there was any way to get them to the destination or write them off. My package spent a couple of months begin moved around the center. Finally, at the end of July, it arrived in perfect condition except for a slightly smokey, seaweed-like smell. I wrote the seller and the shipper a nice note. That was more effort that an $8 part was worth. They totally went the extra mile if not for my package, but for everything else that was on that boat or in that center.
    Solfe

  27. #10887
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    Yesterday, I received two emails from an online technology store that I occasionally do business with. The first was a return material authorization, and the second was notification that the returned goods were received.

    I thought it was odd that they came in rapid succession. Even more odd was that I haven’t returned anything to them, or even purchased anything in several years. Also, the return was for some seriously obsolete computer memory.

    I contacted the company, just in case this was some elaborate scam. After a few minutes, the rep said “Ignore it, we’ve had a glitch.”

    Upon reflection, I suspect that I actually *did* return the memory to them about 8 or more years ago.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    I may have many faults, but being wrong ain't one of them. - Jimmy Hoffa

  28. #10888
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    I periodically get appointment reminders from an oral surgeon I last saw in 2013!
    Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt.

  29. #10889
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trebuchet View Post
    I periodically get appointment reminders from an oral surgeon I last saw in 2013!
    Maybe the surgeon feels it is really important to get whatever you skipped out on seven years ago taken care of
    A: "Things that are equal to the same are equal to each other"
    B: "The two sides of this triangle are things that are equal to the same"
    C: "If A and B are true, Z must be true"
    D: "If A and B and C are true, Z must be true"
    E: "If A and B and C and D are true, Z must be true"

    Therefore, Z: "The two sides of this triangle are equal to each other"

  30. #10890
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    Think she'd like to put the tooth back in perhaps? I believe I have it somewhere; it had a gold crown which is worth a few dollars!
    Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt.

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