Some Non-trivial Things That Annoy Me.

[closetgeek]

There is no greater inspiration to leave your body to science than to see a funeral home in action.

The Girlfriend's father died last night. He was found at 6:30 in the morning and people were called. By 11 AM, the family that had been notified were in the funeral home being told that "Arrangements need to be made today, and payment in full needs to be a part of that, so if you could just give us a credit card, or sign over an insurance policy to us today, that would be great, yeah."

Three more notifications were made while we were talking about the costs.

It also turns out the cost to move the service to the local church, where he'd been a member for 50+ years would actually increase the price since the transportation fee was really high.

I am so sorry for you and your girlfriend.
I know exactly how you feel. The death business is robbery, as far as I am concerned. After burying my father and being strong-armed into following his final wishes, I came home and made it clear to everyone that I want my body donated. "If you can make a buck on me, great. If not, don't pay a dime, donate."

[SphinxCore]

There is no greater inspiration to leave your body to science than to see a funeral home in action.

The Girlfriend's father died last night. He was found at 6:30 in the morning and people were called. By 11 AM, the family that had been notified were in the funeral home being told that "Arrangements need to be made today, and payment in full needs to be a part of that, so if you could just give us a credit card, or sign over an insurance policy to us today, that would be great, yeah."

Three more notifications were made while we were talking about the costs.

It also turns out the cost to move the service to the local church, where he'd been a member for 50+ years would actually increase the price since the transportation fee was really high.

Condolences on the loss, and bad cess to the funeral home. When my father died back in '99 we were lucky, the funeral home was helpful and didn't tack on high extra charges for everything. The main cost would have been for a plot but because my father said he wanted 'to go home to rest' he was laid to rest for free at the small church he attended while growing up -- the church had reserved spaces for the old families who had attended.

An article I read years ago stated you can judge a funeral home by the toilet paper in the bathrooms: large rolls of cheap industrial grade paper (like you'd find in a roadside rest area) correlated to high prices and extra fees in over 98% of the establishments in the study.

According to the study funeral homes with regular paper in the bathrooms also typically operated at a profit but without causing families who'd just suffered a loss more grief by gouging them for money, customer service was excellent, and there were far fewer problems with details.

[DonM435]

I would like to put in my will something like "If you spend more than X dollars on my burial, I promise that I will come back to haunt all of you."

[Trebuchet]

Sorry to hear it Tog. We've had to do that three times in the past four years -- it just adds difficulty to an already painful situation. One thing we did that worked well was to have a graveside service in the morning for just close family, then go to the church in the afternoon for a memorial. Taking a body to the church or funeral home and putting it on display is an idea whose time should be long gone.

[SphinxCore]

My paternal grandfather died in 1970, and they held a wake at the old homestead where he and my grandmother had both lived (she died in 1965). Cars were parked on both side of the road for a half mile in either direction.

Nowadays I agree viewings should be optional

[Gillianren]

We lucked out when Dad died inasmuch as he was a twenty-year man in the Air Force; he's buried in a national cemetery. However, my mom moved to Portland last year, and I've started wondering about the costs of getting her into the plot next to him. The plot is paid for; transportation from Portland to Riverside is not. I'm planning to be cremated, which will solve any problems along those lines quite neatly.

[Trebuchet]

We lucked out when Dad died inasmuch as he was a twenty-year man in the Air Force; he's buried in a national cemetery. However, my mom moved to Portland last year, and I've started wondering about the costs of getting her into the plot next to him. The plot is paid for; transportation from Portland to Riverside is not. I'm planning to be cremated, which will solve any problems along those lines quite neatly.

If your mother is ok with it, she could be cremated and her ashes placed in the plot. And of course, if she's not ok with it she won't know anyhow. I also prefer cremation and to have no services. But it's really for the survivors, not the deceased, so whatever makes them feel best is ok.

[Gillianren]

Talking to my mother about the future is not happening these days, because I would have to stop myself from ranting about my younger sister. This is non-trivial, and it annoys me, and I'm still not going to get into it just now!

[Buttercup]

Husband's jealousy. I'm home for days on end (work at home too) while he's "out and about" (a.m. coffee with a pal, a college class, running errands). I'm gone for 30 minutes today, and he's "Where've you BEEN???"

Not angry, but as if I'm always gone and it's AGAIN?

[Tog]

Thanks for the kind words, all.

A small service probably wouldn't be an option. he led the singing in the local church and pretty much everyone in the are has known him for 50 years. The viewing will be packed.

On the darker side, the brother-in-law no one likes (except his wife, I assume) is already making grabs for things he thinks no one would mind if he took. So that will be fun.

[Trebuchet]

Thanks for the kind words, all.

A small service probably wouldn't be an option. he led the singing in the local church and pretty much everyone in the are has known him for 50 years. The viewing will be packed.

On the darker side, the brother-in-law no one likes (except his wife, I assume) is already making grabs for things he thinks no one would mind if he took. So that will be fun.

Small service at the graveside, big service at the church. The deceased doesn't have to be there, except in spirit if you believe in that sort of thing.

Division of personal property can be a real problem. We were fortunate enough not to have any issues when our parents died, but there are still some hard feelings my wife remembers from her great-grandmother's passing.

[Solfe]

On the darker side, the brother-in-law no one likes (except his wife, I assume) is already making grabs for things he thinks no one would mind if he took. So that will be fun.

Fill a spray bottle with milk, then apply to the things he takes. After a short time, it smells bad and in the long term, is satisfying.

[Gillianren]

A friend's grandfather died the day after my friend's wedding. (Or two, I think; he went into a coma the day before, and I think they pulled the plug on the Monday.) I'm pretty sure they'd resolved the estate by the happy couple's second anniversary. The deceased had a girlfriend and two children making claims on the estate, and that was pretty much it--the grandchildren's claims were considered part of their parents', and there were only something like three grandchildren anyway.

. . . I should call my older sister at some point and start making plans about Mom, shouldn't I? She's only sixty-nine, and our family tends to be long-lived, but better to have it all hashed out now. This is not going to be fun.

[Noclevername]

My grandmother's estate was the cause of a bitter family feud and legal battle over her house, which led to my aunt not speaking to the rest of the family to this day.

The irony being that the house itself has been long since torn down.

[Gillianren]

Yeah, at least my aunt and ex-step-aunt weren't on speaking terms before my grandparents died. No love lost.

[Noclevername]

I guess, coming from a close family, that I take that closeness for granted. I probably should take the time to appreciate it a little more.

[Gillianren]

My dad's family was extremely close--except that one conflict. (Which has decades and generations of backstory!) My mom's, not so much. I found out on Sunday that her brother still resents that she's older--and as I said, she's sixty-nine. I'm not sure how old he is, but brushing senior citizen if not there.

[Buttercup]

Kristine.

She's the off-again/on-again girlfriend (these people well into adulthood, but still teenagers "upstairs") of a mere acquaintance of husband's.

Kristine's boyfriend, Joe, and his father, trade work favors with my husband.

Husband only met Joe and his dad last year (coincidentally).

That's it.

No actual friendship. No getting together for beers later. No actual socializing. Only exchanging work favors (fix their truck, dad or son helps with fix-up with our home/property).

Somehow Kristine's got it in her head that she can drop by and try to include us in their troubles. Last summer wanted husband to referee a fight she and Joe were having. Three times this woman came over, trying to draw us into their problems.

Hadn't seen her for many months. Figured she and Joe were finished.

Last week husband again traded a work favor with Joe and dad.

Last evening, here comes Kristine to our house again, with a pretext for stopping by.

I don't want this complete stranger (who is vastly overfamiliar towards others) bugging us concerning her personal life, which we have nothing to do with.

[Hlafordlaes]

Buttercup, your post reminded me of an old song by my favorite American folk singer, John Prine, called Dear Abby. Nice listen to dispel the blues of encounters like the one you describe.

...

[And folks, while on John Prine, who is relatively unknown, this is his greatest hit, Angel from Montgomery. I am not generally a fan of country, but if you explore his stuff, you'll find he is one of the best contemporary songwriters dealing with existential angst. Donald and Lydia, or my all-time fave, Hello In There, are particularly good. And reserved for my funeral, is his funny Please Don't Bury Me.]

(Caution: Lyrics not fully board-compliant, in particular the last one.)

[Buttercup]

Buttercup, your post reminded me of an old song by my favorite American folk singer, John Prine, called Dear Abby. Nice listen to dispel the blues of encounters like the one you describe.

Thanks.

I think that woman might be hoping we can be "couples friends" - go out together, etc. But we're married for years and they're in a rocky dating relationship.

Besides that, Joe has made advances. The last thing I need is an unstable, irate girlfriend viewing me as a threat.

Husband and I have enough on our plate; we don't need strangers making trouble for us. If they can't figure out their relationship, who else can? Not our problem in any respect.

[Noclevername]

Another mix-up at the pharmacy regarding my meds. Their records say that I picked up one of my meds on a date which I did not, and therefore they can't refill the pills that I am now actually out of.

[Gillianren]

Wow, I hope that gets resolved. That's awful.

[Hlafordlaes]

Wow, that is bad.

[Tobin Dax]

My condolences, Tog.

Another mix-up at the pharmacy regarding my meds. Their records say that I picked up one of my meds on a date which I did not, and therefore they can't refill the pills that I am now actually out of.

Yikes. If you can't get the pharmacy to do anything about it, contact your doctor/psychiatrist. Worst case scenario a new script could hopefully be filled immediately.


I spent most of the weekend at a friend's wedding. She's Catholic and he's [East-]Indian, so it was a two-day affair. It was a well-organized pair of ceremonies and post-ceremony gatherings. I had a lot of fun with friends from grad school whom I haven't seen for a while. But I realized just how scattered we've become. They all started two or three years after me, so they were all still in Illinois during my first few years here in Kentucky. The transition wasn't completely obvious since I've only visited a two or three times a year for the last three years, and it kinda hit this past weekend.

(Gillian, whom seems correct to me in that sentence, but please tell me if I'm wrong.)

[Gillianren]

Who/whom is actually my weakest point, but it looks and sounds (when I read it aloud) right to me.

[Trebuchet]

i think "whom" is pretty much a word whose time has gone.

[Hlafordlaes]

Whom is OK as object, equal to 'them' in "haven't seen them" in the text.

'Whom' is almost gone in the vernacular, but it still grinds on my crotchety old ear when I hear "To/for/by who?" on TV shows (place I hear English most.)

The case for case has almost been lost in Modern English. Word order now rules nigh unfettered.

[DonM435]

Another mix-up at the pharmacy regarding my meds. Their records say that I picked up one of my meds on a date which I did not, and therefore they can't refill the pills that I am now actually out of.

The disaster-preparedness people who bother us on a regular basis always say that you should have a week's (or two week's) extra supply of needed medication to take with you. A good question is, How can I accumulate an extra week when the most I can get is 30 days' worth every 30 days (not 29 days)?

(Actually, when I'm on something I forget* to take it often enough that I can build up a reserve. But I'm sure that this is a problem for some people.)

*No, it;s not a memory aid. I think so. I forget.

[Noclevername]

Just got off the phone with the pharmacy again, have hopefully gotten this latest mess straightened out. I now, after jumping through hoops for most of yesterday and this morning, have another 30 days supply. I'll know in a month if it's still screwed up.

Fortunately I still have migraine meds, because right now I need them.

[Gillianren]

A friend of mine lives with and takes care of her grandmother, who has Alzheimer's. She says her grandmother's doctor doesn't listen to her about her grandmother's mental state.