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Thread: Science Valentine's Jokes (Groaners)

  1. #1
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    Science Valentine's Jokes (Groaners)

    Another holiday is approaching here in the US. Valentine's Days, you either hate it or love it, and most certainly should make jokes about it.

    I'll go first.

    Chaos Theory

    An electron is out a courting an atom and keeps flying around the atom to get it's attention. Exasperated from all the attention, the atom asks, "Why do you persist in running these circles around me?" In reply the electron replies, "I'm strangely attracted to you."


    Ouch, that one hurt. Next?

  2. #2
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    I bet you got a charge out of telling that joke. It certainly made me excited. #-o
    At night the stars put on a show for free (Carole King)

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  3. #3
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    Are you positive?

    I'll get me coat.........

  4. #4
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    I don't want to put a spin on this thread, but I always enjoy a good pun.

  5. #5
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    Atom 1: I lost an electron!
    Atom 2: Are you sure?
    Atom 1: I'm positive!

  6. #6
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    From a top 10 list of physics Valentine's Day lines.

    "I'd like to diagonalize your inertia tensor."
    "I often say that when you can measure what you are speaking about, and express it in numbers, you know something about it; but when you cannot measure it, when you cannot express it in numbers, your knowledge is of a meagre and unsatisfactory kind." - William Thompson, 1st Baron Lord Kelvin

    "If it was so, it might be, and if it were so, it would be, but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic!" - Tweedledee

    This isn't right. This isn't even wrong. - Wolfgang Pauli

  7. #7
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    Roses reflect a light frequency at one end of the visible
    electromagnetic spectrum,

    Violets reflect a light frequency at the other end of the visible
    electromagnetic spectrum,

    Sugar is C12H22O11,

    And you release the endorphins in my brain.
    Many many more can be found at Science jokes. Some of them are even good 8)

  8. #8
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    A male polar bear and a female brown bear are sitting at a bar.
    Polar Bear: Sorry babe, I just don't think the chemistry is right.

    A small piece of sodium which lived in a test tube fell in love with the
    Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame. I melt whenever I see you . . .", the sodium pined. "It's just a phase you're going through", replied the Bunsen burner.

    There once was a girl named Irene
    Who lived on distilled kerosene
    But she started absorbin'
    A new hydrocarbon
    And since then has never benzene
    At night the stars put on a show for free (Carole King)

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  9. #9
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    What kind of orbit does a kiss have?

    Elliptical!

    (Sorry, sorry . . .)

  10. #10
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    Physics

    Be my Valentine, even if it's only Faraday My theorem is : you'd be great as my Valentine I'm attracted, don't repel me.

  11. #11
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    An Engineer's Valentine
    by Matthew Dalton
    I was alone and all was dark
    Beneath me and above
    My life was full of volts and amps
    But not the spark of love

    But now that you are here with me
    My heart is overjoyed
    You've turned the square of my heart
    Into a sinusoid

    You load things from my memory
    Onto my system bus
    My life was once assembly code
    It's now like C++

    I love the way you solder things
    My circuits you can fix
    The voltage 'cross your diode is
    much more than just point six

    With your op-amps and resistors
    You have built my integrator
    I cannot survive without you
    You're my function generator

    You've changed my world, increased my gain
    And made my math discreet
    So now I'll end my poem here
    Control, Alt, and Delete

  12. #12
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    Lets assume these electrons get romantically involved. If we follow the ups and downs of the relationship (I dare not mention top and bottom in this context [-X ), we will find that they are not a very charming couple. In fact, after a while, some rather strange things start happening.

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by jfribrg
    Lets assume these electrons get romantically involved. If we follow the ups and downs of the relationship (I dare not mention top and bottom in this context [-X ), we will find that they are not a very charming couple. In fact, after a while, some rather strange things start happening.
    Just in passing, only in particle physics (and maybe in art history) could "naked charm" and "bare bottom" be topics of serious scientific discussion.
    "I often say that when you can measure what you are speaking about, and express it in numbers, you know something about it; but when you cannot measure it, when you cannot express it in numbers, your knowledge is of a meagre and unsatisfactory kind." - William Thompson, 1st Baron Lord Kelvin

    "If it was so, it might be, and if it were so, it would be, but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic!" - Tweedledee

    This isn't right. This isn't even wrong. - Wolfgang Pauli

  14. #14
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    [will smith voice]

    "Girl, if you're into reactions, why don't you let me be your CATALYSATOR! You know what I mean! com'here you!"

    "It's not like I need a pH meter to see you're SWEET!"

    "Girl, you just defined my boiling point! HOT"

    "Oh I see you've got aaaaall the basic elements! Now why don't you let me discover them. I'm a Mendeljev you know, a MENDELJEV!"

    [/will smith voice]

    ops: 8-[
    With sufficient thrust, water towers fly just fine.

  15. #15
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    Not a joke, but something that just popped into my head. Give me a day and I'll get 'em all in there.

    A Periodic Love

    Liquid argon froze my heart
    Leaving nothing but a lump of cold dark carbon
    Upon a leaden block

    Rekindle my fire oh breath of oxygen
    That it may dispose silver and gold
    Intertwined in copper tinted hair

    Now to soar, hydrogen and helium my companions
    I write in bright neon your name
    To those on the siliconate ground

    Then whispered on the mercurial wind
    A name ironed in my heart
    I blaze in manganese splendor for you

    ** Edited for basic english

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eta C
    Quote Originally Posted by jfribrg
    Lets assume these electrons get romantically involved. If we follow the ups and downs of the relationship (I dare not mention top and bottom in this context [-X ), we will find that they are not a very charming couple. In fact, after a while, some rather strange things start happening.
    Just in passing, only in particle physics (and maybe in art history) could "naked charm" and "bare bottom" be topics of serious scientific discussion.
    Isn't that strange? But heck, I'm down with that.
    At night the stars put on a show for free (Carole King)

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