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Thread: The Asteroid Song (a bit of Gilbert & Sullivan)

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2004

    The Asteroid Song (a bit of Gilbert & Sullivan)

    The Asteroid Song

    [elderly astronomer from late 19th century, wearing pince-nez]
    Astronomers in early years were quick to mind the gap—
    'Tween Jupiter and rusty Mars no planet had been mapped.
    The Law of Bode had long foretold a world must there exist,
    So planet-hunters hunted for a world they thought they'd missed!

    You won't believe, but New Year's Eve of Eighteen Zero One,
    A monk in old Palermo went out skywatching for fun.
    In his telescope, Piazzi hoped to see the stars,
    Instead he found a planet in that empty spot past Mars!


    [elderly astronomer]
    Astronomers across the lands, they called Piazzi tops;
    He named the little world for Ceres, goddess of the crops.
    But a German skywatcher another world had spied,
    'Tween Mars and Jupiter those asteroids had multiplied!

    O! Ceres, Pallas, Juno, Vesta, Astra-e-a, then:
    Hebe, Iris, Flora, Metis, Hygi-e-a's ten,
    Parthen-o-pe, Victoria, Eger-i-a, Irene,
    Eunomia, then Psyche, oh! and now we've reached sixteen!

    [elderly astronomer]
    Discoveries kept coming at an exponential rate,
    No matter where you looked you'd see another world or eight.
    Astronomers did curse them as the vermin of the skies,
    But still those tiny worlds they hunted, numerous as flies!

    O! Thetis, Daphne, Isis, Elsa, Anti-o-pe and Io,
    Circe, Hilda, Doris, Olga, Kalli-o-pe and Klio,
    Katharina, Florentina, Hermi-o-ne and Ty-che,
    Medea, Alice, Eva, Lola, Alexandra, Ni-ke!

    [elderly astronomer]
    They named them from mythology, the Roman, Norse, and Greek,
    From rulers and philosophers and scientists antique,
    They named them for their wives and kids and even for a cat—
    They'll steal names now from anything, and this is where we're at:

    [orchestra builds to a crescendo]

    O! Einstein, Tesla, Curie, Newton, Foucault, Hawking, Bohr,
    Benfranklin, Kleopatra, Ramses, Orwell, Baltimore,
    Ledzeppelin, Jimihendrix, Freddiemercury and Bach,
    ZZ Top, Bradpitt, Gojira, Sokrates, Hitchcock!

    O! Brontosaurus, Caltech, Camelot and Carygrant
    Casablanca, Cincinnati, Davidbowie, Kant,
    Aladdin, Harvard, Haiku, Bettiepage and Jacquescousteau,
    Salsa, Robot, Neverland, Billnye, Pinocchio!

    O! Lancearmstrong (oops!), Enya, TARDIS, Elvis, Proust, Bardot,
    Tolkien, Ianfleming, Kafka, Donald Duck, Bilbo,
    Misterrogers, Mr. Spock, Nietzsche, Monty Python,
    Yokoono, Zappafrank and Stephencolbert, Sauron!

    O! Hong Kong, Beegees, Plato, Hyatt, ASCII, Acapulco,
    NASA, Philplait, Texas, Zero, Oscar Wilde, Potato,
    North Dakota, Fermilab, Douglasadams, Zero,
    Morganfreeman, Kierkegaard, Godiva, Marcopolo!

    Jodiefoster, Katebush, Beatles, Adamwest, Ikeya,
    San Diego, Pandabear, Skywalker, Freud, Australia,

    [chorus continues ad infinitum]

    A few of the thousands of asteroid names not used in this song: Dickens, Bradbury, Beer, Vonnegut, Janeausten, Beethoven, Sinatra, Spielberg, Seanconnery, Goldfinger, Tatooine, Jabberwock, Cheshirecat, James Bond, Asimov, Alaska, Vonnegut, Letterman, Asterix, Bobhope, Bora-Bora, Angkor Wat, Dilithium, Motörhead, Galápagos, Georgeclooney, Indiana, Jubjubbird, Karl Marx, Kubrick, MANIAC, Manhattan, Amsterdam, Merlin, Niagara Falls, Roadrunner, Siberia, Simon-Garfunkel, Tweedledee, Tweedledum, Luxembourg, etc.

    Last edited by Roger E. Moore; 2020-Jan-10 at 01:44 AM.
    Do good work. —Virgil Ivan "Gus" Grissom

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    I love this, but I’m not sure which G&S melody to sing it to in my head. Which one is it based on?
    The greatest journey of all time, for all to see
    Every mission makes our dreams reality
    And our destiny begins with you and me
    Through all space and time, the achievement of mankind
    As we sail the sea of discovery, on heroes’ wings we fly!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Something close to the "Supercalifragilistic" song from "Mary Poppins", actually.
    Do good work. —Virgil Ivan "Gus" Grissom

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    The Great NorthWet
    Please put this on YouTube, or something. It's awesome.
    Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    I was naturally trying to put it to Modern Major General, but it doesn't quiiiiite fit.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    I am working on something set to an actual G&S tune, maybe with all 79 satellites of Jupiter or something equally useful.
    Do good work. —Virgil Ivan "Gus" Grissom

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Falls Church, VA (near Washington, DC)
    That fits rather well with the Supercalifragilisticexpalidocious tune.

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