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Thread: I Have a Giant List (the 79 moons of Jupiter song), from actual Gilbert & Sullivan

  1. #1
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    I Have a Giant List (the 79 moons of Jupiter song), from actual Gilbert & Sullivan

    I’ve Got a Giant List
    (a.k.a. The 79 Moons of Jupiter, Give or Take)
    Sung with minor adjustments to the tune of Gilbert and Sullivan’s “I’ve Got a Little List” from “The Mikado”


    [Young space scientist in lab coat, waves a long spreadsheet around as he (or she) sings]
    As one day it may happen that to Jupiter we're bound,
    I've got a giant list — I've got a giant list —
    Of every moon and moonlet where we could live underground —
    In caverns we'd exist, yes, in caverns we’d exist —

    The inner satellites our homes, from small A-dra-ste-a,
    Tiny Metis, The-be, and of course Am-al-the-a,
    Titanic Jove fills half the sky, but it we'd never see — ah,
    For in tunnels we'd persist! The sky will not be missed!
    On that I do insist: The sky will not be missed!

    [Chorus of other young space scientists in background]
    He's got the inner sa-tel-lites right there upon his list,
    And the sky will not be missed, the sky will not be missed!

    [Young space scientist]
    Enormous Galilean moons like Europa and I-o
    They cannot be dismissed — I've got them on my list!
    And farther out great Ganymede and cratered Cal-lis-to,
    In tunnels we'd exist, the sky will not be missed!

    Four moons composed of ice and rock, the size of Mercury,
    Four worlds whose massive girth and bulk provide us gravity —
    Though radiation showers them, and none of them have air,
    We’d drill right through their crusts and thus we’d never know despair!
    Ten million colonists… in these tunnels could exist —
    The Baptist and Buddhist… will buried coexist!

    [Chorus]
    He's got the Galilean moons on his gigantic list,
    For he’s a scientist! Yes, he’s a scientist!

    [Young space scientist]
    Next out we spy Ly-si-the-a, Elara, Leda too —
    Mnemonics will assist! I’ve got them in my list!
    Vast Hi-ma-li-a, Dia, Er-sa, Pan-di-a — it’s true:
    Of one group they consist! Each one is on my list!

    Now, yes, I skipped The-mis-to; past Callisto does it sail.
    And Carpo’s farther out and is quite tiny on the scale,
    We’ll colonize them thoroughly like Himalia’s kind —
    Subsurface, we’ll be safe and sound, and not a soul will mind!
    I’ve faith in my predictions because I’m a futurist —
    In caverns, we’ll exist! The sky will not be missed!

    [Chorus]
    The outer prograde satellites are covered in his list —
    Don’t call it ex-tree-mist! The sky will not be missed!

    [Young space scientist]
    [spoken aloud to audience] It gets a little difficult from here on, so pay attention. [resumes singing]

    From Carpo out is quite a lot of asteroidal dross,
    Their orbits have a twist — but all are on my list!
    All but one are retrograde, and seven moons are lost!
    But still I must persist! I’ve placed them on my list!

    Brave Va-le-tu-do crosses orbits prograde, risking doom,
    But not for sev’ral million years, so on it we’ll make room
    For colonists and tourists and daytrippers, I presume —
    For I’m an optimist! Let’s move on with my list!

    Among these outer retrograde worlds, we will find Ait-ne,
    A-nan-ke, Ao-e-de, and of course Au-to-no-e,
    Ar-che, Cal-lir-rho-e, Chal-de-ne and dear Car-me,
    Cyl-le-ne, Ei-re-ne and of course E-ri-no-me,
    Eu-an-the, Eu-ke-la-de, Eu-phe-me, Eu-po-rie,
    Eu-ry-do-me, Har-pa-ly-ke, and then He-ge-mo-ne,
    He-li-ke, Her-mip-pe, and Her-se — it’s so easy!
    I-o-cas-te, I-so-no-e, now take a breath, Ka-le,
    Kal-li-cho-re, Ka-ly-ke, and—silent-m—Mne-me,
    Me-ga-cli-te, Ko-re, Or-tho-sie, Pa-si-thee,
    Pa-si-pha-e, Pra-xi-di-ke, Phi-lo-phro-sy-ne,
    Almost done, now Si-no-pe, and Spon-de, Tay-ge-te,
    Careful now with Thel-xi-no-e, and last is Thy-o-ne — [deep sigh]
    Still seven moonlets have been lost though we well know they’re here,
    And fifteen more have no name yet, just numbers and a year —
    But they’ll not be dismissed! Each one is on my list!

    [Chorus]
    He's got the outer retrogrades on his gigantic list,
    He has not gone amiss! No colony was missed!

    [Young space scientist]
    There’s se-ven-ty-nine sa-tel-lites of Jupiter we know,
    Fine real estate is this! It’s perfect, I insist!
    Yet more moons will be located, and so this song will grow
    To one titanic list! Let’s thank the lyricist!

    The future of humanity ‘round Jupiter will be,
    We’ll settle into every world, this is our destiny!
    And when we’ve filled up every spot, to Saturn we will flee —
    I’ll start another list! For I’m a scientist!

    [Chorus]
    In tunnels all your children’s kids will live their lives in bliss!
    In space we will exist, and the sky will not be missed!


    [fin]
    Do good work. —Virgil Ivan "Gus" Grissom

  2. #2
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    Superb!
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    As we sail the sea of discovery, on heroes’ wings we fly!

  3. #3
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    Quite an achievement getting all of those names to fit.

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