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Thread: Wedding stories, but not the cheesy ones

  1. #1
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    Wedding stories, but not the cheesy ones

    Another post gave me this idea. Wedding stories. But nothing purely romantic or cheesy. And nothing dismissive/sour. Just those "only on a wedding..." fun stories.

    -We attended a wedding, and when the cake came of course the DJ had to put on some Vangelis. On maximum volume and then some. Must have bought his amp from Spinal Tap. He literally blasted some artwork off the wall with the bass. I was grinning when he put on the music because the grandeur of the score overshadowed the rather plain cake quite a bit and the tiny cake firework looked even smaller contrasted by the wall shaking bass, but when that painting went down I totally lost it.

    -I'm not saying I'm a shrewd negotiator. I am saying that my wife wanted a sweet, classy wedding (I mean that in a good way, she didn't want to show off or anything) and to leave the "boy's stuff" for the bachelor party, yet somehow our wedding procession included a classic rally car -extra headlight pods included- and our opening dance was Right Said Fred.

    -Still our wedding. I was driving my father-in-law's old Triumph car with my mother sitting next to me. Approaching the last crossroads before the town hall, I brake and push right through the brakes. no slowing down whatsoever. When I shout "we've lost the brakes!" my mother replies "it's all OK, no need to be nervous.". I don't think she processed correctly what was going on. I gave myself some very much needed space by steering the car into the oncoming lane and applied the parking brake to save the day. Arrived at the town hall shortly after and acted as if nothing happened.

    -We attended another wedding, a more distant family member. Which meant that we were sat at a more distant table. Our table was at the back of the main room, close to a curtain behind which the dessert buffet was set up. The dessert buffet consisted of 3 tables with all the desserts, and one large table with all the plates. Too many plates, if you ask the table. We couldn't see anything because of the curtain, but at some moment after all the plates had been stacked on the table, one of the legs must have failed and stack after stack of plates started to crash into the ground. Image the sound of a plate falling, but make that more than once per second continuously for two minutes. It was INSANE. We were baffled by how extremely long the shattering continued. As that sound of horror filled the room, we signaled "nothing to see here, party on!" into the main room. Then, for a short moment, everything went silent again behind the curtain. Until we saw the Troops come in, armed with brooms, dustpans and there might have been a shovel involved too. Many more minutes of the sound of shattered plates. The Troops left the scene, and returned shortly after with new stacks of plates from a restaurant below. With a small delay, we could finally attack the dessert buffet. It was excellent.

    Fun fact: all the marriages related to the above are still going strong.
    With sufficient thrust, water towers fly just fine.

  2. #2
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    We once attended the wedding of a co-worker of my wife which, for some reason, was being held in a school. The groom and two of his three attendants all passed out.
    Do NOT lock your knees!
    Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt.

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    I borrowed my fathers car, a 1961 Holden EK Station Wagon, to drive to my wedding in 1975. A few km away from the church the car stalled and despite my best efforts it would not restart. Luckily my uncle passed by and was able to give me a lift to the church. I was able to remove the grease from my hands just in time. Eventually I worked out that the problem which happened intermittently was caused by dirt in the fuel tank blocking the metal gauze fuel filter and a strong blast of compressed air manage to clear it out. That car is sitting in my back shed waiting for me to get it going again.


    The car is like this one but red and in a much worse condition!

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  4. #4
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    My wife's wedding caught fire. The transformer out on the pole blew up.

    The DJ had just started to play a song and a cloud of smoke came out the air vent right over his head, as if on cue. Then the music abruptly stopped. We evacuated for a time, then returned to the room for some music by candle light. We hired a quartet for the church and they were such a great group, we invited them to reception. Lacking power, it was one of the few great calls we made that day. We also had a piano that some of our guests played until the power came back on.

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    My photographer friend went outside to watch the bucket trucks trying to fix things.

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    My wife and I had 350 guests. There were 3 other weddings in the same building. Once my wife and I realized that we were the only room that was going to get power, food, drink and air conditioning on that night, we went over to each wedding's room and invited them to join us. Then we went back and tried to serve cake. I'm not even sure how that worked because there double the number of people we had planned on, due to some of the other wedding's guests joining us.

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    This is our 20th anniversary and my photographer friend tracked down every image he took that night. scanned the negatives and gave them to me. I've been slowly editing them into usable sizes. This is my favorite.

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    Last edited by Solfe; 2021-Jul-03 at 12:07 PM.
    Solfe

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    I found another great image my friend took. He was using a little 35 mm point and shoot for all the images above. We thought he was just messing around, but he actually took hundreds of images that night. Now, he is a professional photographer.

    We hired a professional photographer and a videographer. That was a mistake. They hated each other, the job and pretty much anything else that happened.

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    It actually got to the point where those two were such a disruption that my wife and I, in two different conversations each, told them first to get away from each other and then to just stop trying do their jobs. The image above is just after my wife had her conversation with the photographers and my friend documented her reaction to these two guys.
    Last edited by Solfe; 2021-Jul-03 at 11:22 AM.
    Solfe

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    Here is a photo from my brother-in-law's wedding. My kids cutting loose with a heavy load of cuteness.

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    The name of the song playing? Tiny Dancer. They cleared the dance floor... everyone wanted a picture. We probably have enough images of this moment to recreate the whole thing in 360 degree bullet time.
    Solfe

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    Great stories! Weddings must be so boring when everything goes simply as planned or even worse, when a wedding is as a wedding is "supposed to be".
    With sufficient thrust, water towers fly just fine.

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    Over in the Happy thread, I'll share another moment from my brother-in-law's wedding. It's one of those "it makes me angry... it makes me happy" sort of stories that won't fit here.
    Solfe

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    Quote Originally Posted by Solfe View Post
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    The name of the song playing? Tiny Dancer.
    "Hold me closer, Tony Danza...."
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

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    Weddings bring families together. Whether they want to or not. And the problems are more often within the families rather than between the two families. So on our wedding we had an assigned bouncer and only needed him ince. Which was better than expected.
    With sufficient thrust, water towers fly just fine.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Nicolas View Post
    Weddings bring families together. Whether they want to or not. And the problems are more often within the families rather than between the two families. So on our wedding we had an assigned bouncer and only needed him ince. Which was better than expected.
    Romeo and Juliet. Or the Mafia, whichever.
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

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    We don't live nearly southern enough for that kind of antics. And on top of that, our towns actually are big enough for the both of us. So if we want any action, we have to create it in our own families.

    @Solfe your flower hurling story would have been a perfect fit for this thread!
    With sufficient thrust, water towers fly just fine.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Nicolas View Post
    We don't live nearly southern enough for that kind of antics.
    I don't understand this statement. What do you mean?
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

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    Quote Originally Posted by Noclevername View Post
    I don't understand this statement. What do you mean?
    They're not in Italy.

    My best friend got married years ago, in what I refer to as "putting on a wedding in a barn." The music was a friend of hers and a laptop. The flowers were from people her mom had done computer work for. Ditto the cake, as I recall. Her grandmother had sewn the dress; I had sewn some of the other clothing, and I think the groom's mother sewed the tabards the groom's side were wearing. The ceremony was on the bride's grandmother's farm. I performed the ceremony.

    A few days before the wedding, I was at another friend's apartment. He was on Messenger with a friend of his, and he looked up and asked, "Who's Heather's photographer?" Because his friend had asked. I blinked and said, "Can I use your phone?" The response I got was, "Oh, I should get one of those!" So I connected the bride with the friend-of-a-friend, which was lucky for all of us. The photographer even did the makeup for those of us who wore it, because no one in the wedding party was capable of much more than lipstick on their own.

    The flower girl was the young daughter of a friend of theirs. We'd rehearsed her job several times sans flowers--we would all come across the bridge to the spot where the ceremony would be. She knew that part. But she decided, in the moment, that her job was not scattering flowers in the bride's path; her job was dumping flowers in the stream. To the point that she literally kicked any that landed on the bridge until they went into the water. (These were flower petals the florist had given us from flowers that were past their prime, etc.) She was determined to do this with her whole basket until one of her parents got her to stop and keep walking to the place we'll call the altar.
    _____________________________________________
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    "Now everyone was giving her that kind of look UFOlogists get when they suddenly say, 'Hey, if you shade your eyes you can see it is just a flock of geese after all.'"

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    The ring-bearer at our wedding was our dog, Spot. She did fine.

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    Our wedding was outdoors at the lodge of a local state park. One aspect of that is that the grounds are open to the general public, so in addition to our 50 guests, there were some park visitors who watched. In the reception line after there were two older ladies who stopped and congratulated us; my wife and I were both "who are they?".

    Being good environmentalists, our guests threw bird seed, not rice. My wife had an off-the-shoulder dress, and it was about 90F / 32C the day we got married. Bird seed sticks very well to sweaty shoulders; she almost looked like she was breaded.

    Our ceremony was around noon and we had a luncheon after. So everything was done by about 5 p.m. We and most of our out-of-town guests stayed at the lodge. So we invited many of our out-of-town guests to our room that evening, ordered in a bunch of pizzas, and had a second party, where we opened presents. It was even more fun than the wedding.

    Our cake was a Sachertorte from a local German bakery (untraditionally with white icing for a wedding, and done as a layer cake). We actually decided on the cake before we even got engaged, while driving to the wedding of a friend of mine. The tradition, at least in the US, is to save the top layer for your first anniversary, but we knew it would be horrible by then. So two days after our wedding, we had the few still-in-town friends over to our apartment and ate the top layer. For our first anniversary we got another Sachertorte. Unfortunately, that bakery went out of business years ago.

    And speaking of that friend's wedding, it was the wedding of my friend Liane. She actually wanted me to be her man-of-honor, but her mom went nuts over that untraditional idea. It was still a fun wedding, with a Klezmer band, and the traditional 'chair' dance. I had the honor of having the back left corner of the bride's chair. I have to tell you it is a lot of work, dancing around with a chair (and a bride) on your shoulders. One characteristic of a wooden chair and a bride in a silk dress is that there is a very low coefficient of friction, and I spent a lot of time with my hand on the bride's lower back, making sure she didn't slide off.
    At night the stars put on a show for free (Carole King)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Swift View Post
    Being good environmentalists, our guests threw bird seed, not rice. My wife had an off-the-shoulder dress, and it was about 90F / 32C the day we got married. Bird seed sticks very well to sweaty shoulders; she almost looked like she was breaded.
    We decided to hand out little candies and disposable cameras instead of rice. One of the kids at the wedding threw the candies and hit me right in the face. I joked with my wife that we were lucky he didn't get his hands on a camera.
    Solfe

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    I was on call for emergencies the night before our wedding, as quite a junior anaesthetist. I'd called in the senior registrar for support with a major trauma that came in around midnight. At 05:00 we finally got things under control, with the patient stable and the plastic surgeons settling in for another few hours of fairly tedious work that was going to be undemanding from an anaesthetist's perspective.
    We sat down together to fill out the paperwork retrospectively, and after we had that sorted out, the SR said to me, "You must be getting married pretty soon now. When is it, again?"
    I looked at my watch: "Eight hours."
    For some reason she got really angry with me and sent me home.

    A few hours later, I drove over to my wife's home town (where we were to be married) with my mother and father. When we rang the doorbell of my wife's parental home, an hour before the wedding, my wife-elect answered the door wearing jeans and a T-shirt and carrying a mug of coffee. My mother and father looked completely stricken--this didn't seem to be how they expected things to be progressing.

    The remaining four wedding guests arrived over the next half hour, my wife got changed into her wedding dress, then we walked directly across the road to the church, got married, and walked back to my wife's parental home half an hour later. Job done, with a minimum of fuss.

    Grant Hutchison
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    Quote Originally Posted by Noclevername View Post
    "Hold me closer, Tony Danza...."
    I hear that, too!
    Solfe

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    Quote Originally Posted by Solfe View Post
    I hear that, too!
    That's one of the more common Mondegreens.
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

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    Quote Originally Posted by Swift View Post
    The tradition, at least in the US, is to save the top layer for your first anniversary
    Wedding "traditions" are like locusts. None of them have actually been around for very long regardless of what the word "tradition" claims, but the number of them is countless anyway because of the immense rate at which new ones keep getting produced, and they consume & destroy whatever is in their path.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Swift View Post
    And speaking of that friend's wedding, it was the wedding of my friend Liane. She actually wanted me to be her man-of-honor, but her mom went nuts over that untraditional idea.
    One of the members of the bride's wedding party when my best friend got married was a male friend. I think she regrets it not because he was male but because he's the only one in her side to whom she's no longer speaking.
    _____________________________________________
    Gillian

    "Now everyone was giving her that kind of look UFOlogists get when they suddenly say, 'Hey, if you shade your eyes you can see it is just a flock of geese after all.'"

    "You can't erase icing."

    "I can't believe it doesn't work! I found it on the internet, man!"

  23. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Delvo View Post
    Wedding "traditions" are like locusts. None of them have actually been around for very long regardless of what the word "tradition" claims, but the number of them is countless anyway because of the immense rate at which new ones keep getting produced, and they consume & destroy whatever is in their path.
    They're pernicious, for sure. When we got married, a friend of my wife was convinced the whole thing was illegal because we'd dispensed with trappings like a ringbearer, bridesmaid(s) or someone "giving away" the bride. So I asked her if she also thought flower girls and confetti were a legal requirement, and she said, "Don't be stupid."

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    In most countries I'm aware of you can marry (for the state, not the church) without any ceremony whatsoever, just as paperwork. Overhere you need the major or representative, two witnesses, and two people over 18 willing to marry each other. Done, perfectly legal.

    But if everyone would do it like that, this thread would be rather boring.
    With sufficient thrust, water towers fly just fine.

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    Here in the US we have the state of Nevada; home of the famous Las Vegas quickie wedding chapels. People go there to elope, divorce, and/or annul with minimal government oversight. Dramatic tales abound.
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

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    Quote Originally Posted by Noclevername View Post
    Here in the US we have the state of Nevada; home of the famous Las Vegas quickie wedding chapels. People go there to elope, divorce, and/or annul with minimal government oversight. Dramatic tales abound.
    And you can have Elvis officiate!
    Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Trebuchet View Post
    And you can have Elvis officiate!
    DISCLAIMER: Actually one of Elvis' Little Helpers. Like a mall Santa.
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

  28. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by Delvo View Post
    Wedding "traditions" are like locusts. None of them have actually been around for very long regardless of what the word "tradition" claims, but the number of them is countless anyway because of the immense rate at which new ones keep getting produced, and they consume & destroy whatever is in their path.
    Some are more recent, some are not.

    I had a sociology course in college. The professor was a rather interesting fellow and sometimes used non-traditional teaching methods. The school I went to was rather multi-cultural / multi-national, and we spent more than a few class sessions just comparing our cultural differences, including one class where we talked about wedding traditions.

    And no, I don't recall particulars after 40 years <shrug>.


    Quote Originally Posted by grant hutchison View Post
    They're pernicious, for sure. When we got married, a friend of my wife was convinced the whole thing was illegal because we'd dispensed with trappings like a ringbearer, bridesmaid(s) or someone "giving away" the bride. So I asked her if she also thought flower girls and confetti were a legal requirement, and she said, "Don't be stupid."

    In some ways our wedding was very traditional (we had a chuppah, best man and maid of honor, breaking the glass, etc.) and some ways was not (no bachelor/bachelorette parties, just had friends over for a cook-out the night before).

    Grant Hutchison
    I'm a very firm believer in do what makes you and your spouse-to-be happy and nuts to anyone else (with the added considerations of the pros and cons of annoying your parents and in-laws).
    At night the stars put on a show for free (Carole King)

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  29. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by Swift View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by grant hutchison View Post
    They're pernicious, for sure. When we got married, a friend of my wife was convinced the whole thing was illegal because we'd dispensed with trappings like a ringbearer, bridesmaid(s) or someone "giving away" the bride. So I asked her if she also thought flower girls and confetti were a legal requirement, and she said, "Don't be stupid."

    In some ways our wedding was very traditional (we had a chuppah, best man and maid of honor, breaking the glass, etc.) and some ways was not (no bachelor/bachelorette parties, just had friends over for a cook-out the night before).

    Grant Hutchison
    I'm a very firm believer in do what makes you and your spouse-to-be happy and nuts to anyone else (with the added considerations of the pros and cons of annoying your parents and in-laws).
    I don't know where that bolded text came from. Is it yours?
    I had to look up "chuppah". My younger nephew got married under something similar, which we'd call a gazebo, in the grounds of a hotel. The hotel had chosen to decorate it with huge blue butterflies fashioned out of printed plastic. Unfortunate, because he has a mild case of lepidopterophobia, and spent most of his time staring at the butterflies, such that he claims to have "missed his own wedding".

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    Quote Originally Posted by grant hutchison View Post
    I don't know where that bolded text came from. Is it yours?
    I had to look up "chuppah". My younger nephew got married under something similar, which we'd call a gazebo, in the grounds of a hotel. The hotel had chosen to decorate it with huge blue butterflies fashioned out of printed plastic. Unfortunate, because he has a mild case of lepidopterophobia, and spent most of his time staring at the butterflies, such that he claims to have "missed his own wedding".

    Grant Hutchison
    Glad you replied, I was wondering about that!
    Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt.

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