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Thread: Has Kansas really outlawed evolution?

  1. #1
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    Smile Has Kansas really outlawed evolution?


  2. #2
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    Unlike World Wide News, which just reports whatever news people feel like sending it, the Onion actually makes their stuff up.

    Edit: check that, I do mean Weekly World News, Trebuchet.
    Last edited by Lord Jubjub; 2006-Dec-01 at 01:06 AM.

  3. #3
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    "World Wide News"? Do you mean "Weekly World News"? They just make it up too. That's why they're "The world's only reliable newspaper", as it says on their cover. You can absolutely rely on them to have no factual basis at all.
    Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt.

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    I love the Weekly World News. One of the most consistently entertaining reads that redneck trash like myself have.

    Long Live Batboy!

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    I think it's more likely that evolution has outlawed Kansas. (no offence Kansasonians)

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    Re: Has Kansas really outlawed evolution?

    Quote Originally Posted by Josh View Post
    I think it's more likely that evolution has outlawed Kansas. (no offence Kansasonians)
    Kansas...hill, next 441 miles.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maksutov View Post
    Kansas...hill, next 441 miles.
    Slight diversion here...

    Some years back, our two couples were riding a San Francisco cable car late at night. It was the car's last run, there were maybe ten passengers onboard, and the conductor and brakeman were in good moods.

    As we reached the top of a steep street, the conductor had the brakeman stop. He then asked if there was anyone from Kansas on the car. Sure enough, a middle-aged couple raised their hands.

    "Well," said the conductor, "for your benefit, this is what we call a 'hill.' And we're going down it."

    The man from Kansas gazed intently at the steepness of the slope and tentatively asked, "Does the track make any sharp turns on the way down?"

    "I hope not," said the conductor, "'cause we're goin' straight."
    Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by ignorance or stupidity.
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    You know, the very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in common. They donít alter their views to fit the facts. They alter the facts to fit their views.
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  8. #8
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    Never been to Kansas...tho most of what i've seen of Pensylvania is the same way... "if you look out of the left side of the car, you see...well...grass. On the right you have...well, more grass. Don't blink tho, there's a billboard in 205 miles. There's no advertisement on it, but woo-boy is it exciting."

    Hmm..now i forget what this post was about. *scrolls up* ah yes, onion article about kansas and evolution. Guess you're not allowed to evolve in kansas... no three eyed fish, ya hear?! Wonder what they think of erosion... it's not a natural process, god must come down each night and shovel some more dirt into the stream

  9. #9
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    Returning to the Onion article, perhaps Kansas is onto something. That kind of approach would sure sort out bird flu. In fact, they'd soon have a cure for the common cold and malaria. And no trouble from pesticide resistant bugs in their fields either.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Fazor View Post
    Never been to Kansas...tho most of what i've seen of Pensylvania is the same way...
    Huh?? Which part of PA have you seen? Pennsylvania is a tad more vertically interesting than Kansas (which has been scientifically proved to be flatter than a pancake). Not quite as impressive as the Rockies (or so I'd imagine), but still pretty nice to look at. Interstate 80 is particularly scenic in the fall.

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    Quote Originally Posted by pghnative View Post
    Huh?? Which part of PA have you seen? Pennsylvania is a tad more vertically interesting than Kansas (which has been scientifically proved to be flatter than a pancake). Not quite as impressive as the Rockies (or so I'd imagine), but still pretty nice to look at. Interstate 80 is particularly scenic in the fall.
    Well, I lived in Pittsburgh for a while, and that was pretty hilly :-p But when i was young, we drove through north western Pa...couldn't tell ya any specifics. And last year had to go to a wedding and drove from columbus ohio to allentown pa, and that just seemed flat and boring. of course, i zoned out for most of the drive, just consious enough not to go off road or hit the person ahead of me.

    Guess it's not so much flat like kansas, just overall monotonous and boring.

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    There are legends in Kansas about settlers that tried to live in Kansas but had to leave. Between the open skies and the forever-blowing winds, they felt insanity coming on. . .

    . . .as I write this, it suddenly occurs to me that this might not be such a legend. . .

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    When my family moved to Kansas after living in Utah and Arizona we learned we had to redefine words like "hill." When we had lived there about a week we decided to go out to one of the lakes in the area (Lake Afton for those that may live there) and, asking directions from somebody on how to get to the public observatory there, the guy pointed ahead and said "Keep going that way, the driveway is right past the hill there." My dad looked and responded "You mean where the road goes up a little right there?" The guy looked at my dad like he was crazy, my dad looked at the guy like he was crazy, they both decided that they were each right, and my dad drove off.

    Also, the only "sledding" the kids do there is to be dragged behind there other friends bike or their dads car.

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    Well, now the Flint hills and the rest of southeastern Kansas is a bit more hilly. Western Kansas and eastern Colorado are REALLT flat.

    The only place flatter that I've seen is parts of the Arabian desert. A picture would consist of the yellow rectangle underneat a blue rectangle. You can add a white circle in the sky if you wish.

  15. #15
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    Kansas was found to be flatter than a pancake by these guys:

    Link

    Maybe we should pour some syrup over it

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bearded One View Post
    Kansas was found to be flatter than a pancake by these guys:

    Link

    Maybe we should pour some syrup over it
    I don't want to stray from the subject of the post...but, this story could be it's own thread.
    1. I've always heard flatter than a pancake in context of thickness, not flatness.
    2. I understand what they're saying, but the wording is horrible
    - with an overall curvature quite a bit less than the length of the state.
    Huh?
    - the pancake would be much more curvy and stretched than the state.
    I've always pictured curviness opposite of stretched.

  17. #17
    Quote Originally Posted by Fazor View Post
    Never been to Kansas...tho most of what i've seen of Pensylvania is the same way...
    Hey, PA goes from sea level up to about 3000 feet at Mt. Davis.

    ... Though from the sounds of things, you were in the boring part of the state anyway. Things don't get interesting until you get pretty far to the east (take that, Pittsburgh ).

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Swordfish View Post
    Hey, PA goes from sea level up to about 3000 feet at Mt. Davis.

    ... Though from the sounds of things, you were in the boring part of the state anyway. Things don't get interesting until you get pretty far to the east (take that, Pittsburgh ).
    The geography has to be more interesting in the east to compensate for the people.

  19. #19
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    Not all of Kansas is flat. I grew up in Topeka and we did our sledding on Quinton Heights hill. 100 meter drop over 300-400 meter span. The Flint Hills are not called the Flint Mountains, but SE Kansas is far from flat. Western Kansas is flat, but not as flat as west Texas - Levelland,Tx. is not missnamed!

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