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Thread: Worthless superpowers

  1. #121
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    The ability to salad her seize! ur......



    ....okay, I'll go away now....I didn't sleep well last night.

  2. #122
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    The ability to unscramble an egg!

    The ability to tell what animal an egg came from!

    The ability to increase an egg's size by 1 centimeter!

  3. #123
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    The ability to magically disprove the existence of magic.
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

  4. #124
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    The power to make electric lights give off green light.
    The greatest journey of all time, for all to see
    Every mission makes our dreams reality
    And our destiny begins with you and me
    Through all space and time, the achievement of mankind
    As we sail the sea of discovery, on heroes’ wings we fly!

  5. #125
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    Quote Originally Posted by KaiYeves View Post
    The power to make electric lights give off green light.
    (could be useful at stoplights.)

    The ability to convert only half your body into antimatter... But what would you do for an encore?
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

  6. #126
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    (could be useful at stoplights.)
    Right then, purple light. Great for me, but heck for the people whose favorite color isn't purple.
    The greatest journey of all time, for all to see
    Every mission makes our dreams reality
    And our destiny begins with you and me
    Through all space and time, the achievement of mankind
    As we sail the sea of discovery, on heroes’ wings we fly!

  7. #127
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    The power to teleport a thousand light years in any direction... only to discover that it only works once.
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

  8. #128
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    The power to teleport down to the Titanic. Without a mini-sub to protect you from the pressure.
    The greatest journey of all time, for all to see
    Every mission makes our dreams reality
    And our destiny begins with you and me
    Through all space and time, the achievement of mankind
    As we sail the sea of discovery, on heroes’ wings we fly!

  9. #129
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    The power to transfer lint from one pocket to another.
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

  10. #130
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    Millenium Man - the power to post the 1000th message on BAUT!! Yay!!!

  11. #131
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    The power to make the Sun go Supernova by sneezing.
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

  12. #132
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    The power to call somebody on their sat 'phone the minute a good song comes on the radio.
    The greatest journey of all time, for all to see
    Every mission makes our dreams reality
    And our destiny begins with you and me
    Through all space and time, the achievement of mankind
    As we sail the sea of discovery, on heroes’ wings we fly!

  13. #133
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    The power to know what was yesterday's winning lottery number.
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

  14. #134
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    The power to see through cotton

  15. #135
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    The power to convert coarse sand into fine sand.
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

  16. #136
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    When you get angry, you turn into a green, muscular giant... who's half as strong as normal.
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

  17. #137
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    The power to turn invisible- but at the same time, you go blind.
    The greatest journey of all time, for all to see
    Every mission makes our dreams reality
    And our destiny begins with you and me
    Through all space and time, the achievement of mankind
    As we sail the sea of discovery, on heroes’ wings we fly!

  18. #138
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    Quote Originally Posted by KaiYeves View Post
    The power to turn invisible- but at the same time, you go blind.
    Still potentially useful. In fact there was a character in the Wild Cards series who did just that.
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

  19. #139
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    The power to read the minds of only people with purple eyes.
    The greatest journey of all time, for all to see
    Every mission makes our dreams reality
    And our destiny begins with you and me
    Through all space and time, the achievement of mankind
    As we sail the sea of discovery, on heroes’ wings we fly!

  20. #140
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    The power to shake exactly two pills out of a bottle.
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

  21. #141
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    The power to sing in perfect key, but only when in intense pain.
    The greatest journey of all time, for all to see
    Every mission makes our dreams reality
    And our destiny begins with you and me
    Through all space and time, the achievement of mankind
    As we sail the sea of discovery, on heroes’ wings we fly!

  22. #142
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    Professor Redundant, a.k.a., the Underachiever, a.k.a. the Plagiarist. Brilliant scientist and thinker with zero originality. A quick perusal of the Nobel prizes given for physics will reveal a smattering of the ideas and theoretical models which he has developed weeks, days or in some cases seconds after they have been published by someone else, hence the Professor's frequently uttered catchphrase, "Curse you, Feynman!". Doomed to watch his fellow scientists lauded for achievements just as rightfully his, he has at least eked out a living as a Quality Control specialist.

    Echo Girl, daughter of a well-known, oil tycoon, has the uncanny ability to vocalize lyrics or melodies, but only those already recorded. For a while, she was popular as a cover artist, but now lives off her trust fund.

    Cliché Lad, youthful ward of Professor Redundant, speaks only aphoristically, utilizing overused catch phrases of various celebrities, TV, film, and comic book characters. Embarrassingly, Cliché Lad's conversational contributions rarely pertain to the situation at hand.

    Together, they form the Scooped Friends. Often the second or third superhero team to arrive at the site of disaster, they haven't had much of a chance to show their worth. Over the years, the Scooped Friends have developed non-super abilities pertaining to patent violation and intellectual property rights litigation. The Scooped Friends are presently holding auditions for a fourth team member. Although an equal opportunity employer, the Scooped Friends will give special consideration to applicants with the ability to time-travel.

  23. #143
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    Quote Originally Posted by Noclevername View Post
    (could be useful at stoplights.)

    The ability to convert only half your body into antimatter...
    For a certain type of individual, largely found in Middle East, this can be VERY useful. Would probably get a lot more than 72 virgins.

  24. #144
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ilya View Post
    For a certain type of individual, largely found in Middle East, this can be VERY useful.
    (bold mine)

    Not true, people who willingly die trying to take out a percieved "enemy" (or the enemies' friends, relatives, countrymen or livestock) are as old as recorded history and probably many times older than that, and found worldwide.
    Last edited by Noclevername; 2007-Dec-03 at 07:46 PM.
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

  25. #145
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    Bond Man - Can quote any of James Bond's clever repartee.

    Incisor - Can regrow any of his lost teeth.

    Falsus Lupus - Can suggest "Lupus" at any differential diagnosis.

    Urinous - Can quickly heat any baby pool.

    PIP - Can watch two TV shows at once but only audio for one.

    Footos - Can peg any lead singer with a mint from row BBB or closer.

  26. #146
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    Professor Redundant, a.k.a., the Underachiever, a.k.a. the Plagiarist.
    So, is he a villian?
    Cliché Lad, youthful ward of Professor Redundant, speaks only aphoristically, utilizing overused catch phrases of various celebrities, TV, film, and comic book characters. Embarrassingly, Cliché Lad's conversational contributions rarely pertain to the situation at hand.
    I made a story with a character who does that.
    CARL: I must warn you, though, Seth has an addiction.
    ALEX: To what?
    CARL: Cliches.
    SETH: I pitty the fool!
    The greatest journey of all time, for all to see
    Every mission makes our dreams reality
    And our destiny begins with you and me
    Through all space and time, the achievement of mankind
    As we sail the sea of discovery, on heroes’ wings we fly!

  27. #147
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    The power to turn diet soda into regular soda.
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

  28. #148
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    The ability to foretell the future up to 90 minutes ahead of present time, but only in a movie theater showing a first-run Hollywood movie I've never seen before. 99% accuracy down to lines of dialog. For some reason, I think the power is pretty common.

  29. #149
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    I spent years developing my super power: I have a Masters Degree in History, and thus am able to predict the past with uncanny accuracy!

  30. #150
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    Gibberish man.

    Can talk B******S to anybody.

    Amazing how many have this power..LOL

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