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Thread: Worthless superpowers

  1. #361
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigDon View Post
    That's not super! I've set myself on fire at least three times that I can remember. Once even sober.
    Sorry to hear that!

    The ability to think up worthless superpowers.
    Trigger warning - this post may contain information that some members disagree with, and is not suitable for a safe space like CQ.

  2. #362
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    The ability to enjoy lite beer like the real thing.
    Information about American English usage here and here. Floating point issues? Please read this before posting.

    How do things fly? This explains it all.

    Actually they can't: "Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible." - Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.



  3. #363
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    ...and not feel like correcting the spelling of "lite." Icky marketing speak.
    Information about American English usage here and here. Floating point issues? Please read this before posting.

    How do things fly? This explains it all.

    Actually they can't: "Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible." - Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.



  4. #364
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    The ability to remember which useless superpowers have already been suggested.

  5. #365
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    Dave, if you need a hundred dollar bill to get a stripper to take off her clothes, you do have issues.

    The ability to get fish to clean themselves.

    Mentally of course.
    Time wasted having fun is not time wasted - Lennon
    (John, not the other one.)

  6. #366
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    The Soap-Melder: has the ability to meld the last sliver of bath soap onto the new bar and thus saves approximately $0.63 in soap each year.

    Nick

  7. #367
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    The ability to see in the daytime.
    Information about American English usage here and here. Floating point issues? Please read this before posting.

    How do things fly? This explains it all.

    Actually they can't: "Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible." - Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.



  8. #368
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    Amoeba: So fat he can absorb falling bombs, but also can't get out of bed

    Sugardaddy: Able to slip into cakes and cookies undetected. but has trouble recrystalizing once wet

    Piper & Mouseman: Can call mice to do their bidding, but only one at a time

    P'shaw: Highly trained in the art of sarcasm

  9. #369
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    The ability to turn a wall calendar's page to the new month via telekinesis.

  10. #370
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    Quote Originally Posted by dwnielsen View Post
    P'shaw: Highly trained in the art of sarcasm
    Yeah, like that's useless.

    Ironman: completely impervious to all forms of written and verbal irony.

  11. #371
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    The ability to turn oneself into a zombie.
    Information about American English usage here and here. Floating point issues? Please read this before posting.

    How do things fly? This explains it all.

    Actually they can't: "Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible." - Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.



  12. #372
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    ... and eat one's own brains. Mmmm.... Tasty.

  13. #373
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    The ability to make your toothbrush glow in a variety of bright colors (without burning your mouth) while brushing.

  14. #374
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    Extreme Hairyness.


    Idea stolen of course from Being Human, but it tickled my funny bone.

  15. #375
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    Weather reporting.....

  16. #376
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    Microwavable Man: Can instantly determine whether more time is needed to warm up your lunch.

  17. #377
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    The ability to make a hurricane turn a soft pretty orange color, and only when it's a Category 4.

  18. #378
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buttercup View Post
    The ability to make a hurricane turn a soft pretty orange color, and only when it's a Category 4.
    Would this mean that the hurricane is a soft, pretty orange color and still a Category 4 storm?


    The ability to leap from tall buildings in a single bound. Once.
    Information about American English usage here and here. Floating point issues? Please read this before posting.

    How do things fly? This explains it all.

    Actually they can't: "Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible." - Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.



  19. #379
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    The ability to levitate paper clips - nothing else - just paper clips and just one at a time ( I guess that would make it the the ability to levitate paper clip...)

  20. #380
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  21. #381
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    Those were Crissy's dark side cookies - normal cookies don't explode...

  22. #382
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    The power to keep normal cookies from exploding.
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

  23. #383
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    Another useless superpower is the ability to get your autobiography distributed by Dollar Tree.

  24. #384
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    How about a real Superpower - that might come in handy... I had Indian last night - very heavy on the garlic - Today I just have to walk into a room, and everyone clears out - fast....

  25. #385
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    Quote Originally Posted by Atraveller View Post
    How about a real Superpower - that might come in handy... I had Indian last night - very heavy on the garlic - Today I just have to walk into a room, and everyone clears out - fast....
    Don't they do that anyway?
    Information about American English usage here and here. Floating point issues? Please read this before posting.

    How do things fly? This explains it all.

    Actually they can't: "Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible." - Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.



  26. #386
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    The arrrbility te keep a parrot on yer shoulder.

    -- R

    .

  27. #387
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jeff Root View Post
    The arrrbility te keep a parrot on yer shoulder.

    -- R

    .
    Klingon pirates simply nail the parrots to their shoulders.
    So many bugs, so little time.

  28. #388
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    The ability to touch your nose to your elbow.


    Actually, this might not be entirely worthless. You could win a bet from that annoying person who says you can't touch your nose to your elbow.


    You could have

    a) very short arms

    b) a very long nose

    c) a detachable elbow or nose


    Excuse me, I have to go and take my meds...

  29. #389
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    Dinosaur Boy - a young child with the ability to name every species of dinosaur ever discovered.

    While sitting in the back seat on a long trip. Over and over.

  30. #390
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    Quote Originally Posted by mike alexander View Post
    Dinosaur Boy - a young child with the ability to name every species of dinosaur ever discovered.

    While sitting in the back seat on a long trip. Over and over.
    I believe his sister is another minor superhero, AreWeThereYet Girl.
    At night the stars put on a show for free (Carole King)

    All moderation in purple - The rules

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