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Thread: Worthless superpowers

  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by jja View Post
    Invisible Boy did have a use for his power in the movie, based on a loophole in the description, which I won't specify as it's a minor spoiler.
    So, is it (spoiler:mirror)?

  2. #32
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    The ability to factor the multiple of 2 large primes instantly... but unable to express the answer in any way.

  3. #33
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    Cool

    The Abiillity to Annoy People ...

    Through The Use, of Unorthodox Typiing Parameters ...

    So, Worthless?


  4. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by ZaphodBeeblebrox View Post
    The Abiillity to Annoy People ...

    Through The Use, of Unorthodox Typiing Parameters ...

    So, Worthless?

    We never knew you were superhero

  5. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by Damien Evans View Post
    The ability to read a book, any book, in 5 minutes
    if you mean "and comprehend and remember it too"--that would be darn useful! I'd start with the dictionairey and elimanate spelling errors. Then a US roadmap and throw away my Garmin. Then, the Uranometra and starhopping becomes trivial. Then, every math and computer science text in the company library and my research becomes much easier and faster.

    If you don't mean "and comprehend and remember it too" then I already have that ability, just spend five minutes flipping through it pretending I read it

    The same is true of the other suggestion of being able to judge a book by its cover--help one focus their reading, and you wouldn't have to "search inside the book" on Amazon.com.

  6. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by please View Post
    So, is it (spoiler:mirror)?
    Ah! Thank you for imparting the secret of spoilertext.

    Spoiler about Invisible Boy in the Mystery Men movie (why his superpower can be useful):
    Invisible Boy can become invisible only when people are not looking at him, but machines do not affect his power. As long as no human is looking at him, he can remain invisible to things like electronic sensors. I'm sure you can see the possible applications.

  7. #37
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    The power to slightly elongate ones' earlobes.
    The ability to predict the precise moment when popcorn will start popping.
    Telepathic control of a fish. Not all of the sea's creatures, just the one. A small one.
    The ability to stop any watch you wear.
    The power to see through any substance except air.
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

  8. #38
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    Cool

    Quote Originally Posted by Kelfazin View Post
    We never knew you were superhero
    Welll ...

    As Five for Fighting Says, in their Song "Superman" ...

    "It's not easy, to be-he me!"


  9. #39
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    The ability to turn from a multi super powered person into Spock

  10. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by ZaphodBeeblebrox View Post
    The Abiillity to Annoy People ...

    Through The Use, of Unorthodox Typiing Parameters ...

    So, Worthless?

    iTS dOnE lIkE tHiS!

    The ability to defrost a turkey in a clothes dryer.

  11. #41
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    Atom Miser can reduce the temperature of any substance to absolute zero. One atom at a time. Takes one hour and six seconds per atom.

    Sincera can make any amount of earwax (under one gram) disappear from a wad of cotton padding at the end of a small stick. She has been using the same Q-tip since 1973.

    The Beener can instantly produce a carabiner from thin air whenever no one present would have the slightest need for one. The 'biner produced is always teleported away from someone else who really needs it. As The Beener is an ethical fellow, he chooses not to exercise his power. There is a news clipping taped to his desk about a serious mountain climbing accident that occured on the same date that he last tried it. Also, his superhero name tends to make people think that his powers are based on flatulence...

  12. #42
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    I vaguely remember a movie about someone with the power to bring a (freshly, I think) dead person back to life. That seems pretty useful, except there was a catch--someone else the person knew had to die to make up for it, someone not of his choice and he usually wasn't close enough to immediately revive that person either.

    Well...I guess if the someone else is randomly selected, he could get to know as many murderers in prison as possible to at least influence the odds.

  13. #43
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    The ability to fly for five seconds, but only after eating large amounts of truffles and/or expensive Russian caviar.
    Calm down, have some dip. - George Carlin

  14. #44
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    The Unseen Booklicker can use his psionic abilities to make tiny paper cuts appear on his tongue. To activate his power, he must hop around on one foot while holding his other foot up to his nose.

  15. #45
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    I've a few.

    The Mad Cipher can translate any document into beta-crypt-3, a language completely indecipherabe by anyone, including himself.

    Captain Present, who is able through sheer force of will to send himself back in time, before universal causality sends him back to when he left within milliseconds.

    Zippo Boy can spontaneously ignite the hairs over his body after concentrating the ambient oxygen around him. Unfortunately, he is not flameproof and sustains first-degree burns all over his body. He smells like burnt hair for days.

  16. #46
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    Not exactly worthless, but unconventional:
    Squid Man can cause his entire body or parts or it to become boneless, like a real squid or octopus. Good for getting into tiny spaces, but anything he wants to grab must be within arm's reach as he has no stretching powers.
    The greatest journey of all time, for all to see
    Every mission makes our dreams reality
    And our destiny begins with you and me
    Through all space and time, the achievement of mankind
    As we sail the sea of discovery, on heroes’ wings we fly!

  17. #47
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    By spitting onto a silver coin which is destroyed in the process, The Expectorator can make any nearby person experience the taste of biting into a green, stale potato chip.

    After inhaling helium from a radioactive balloon at her daughter's birthday party, Squeaker now sounds like that all the time.

    Root Ravager, with intense concentration, can make a turnip rot 3% more quickly than a control turnip sealed into a leaden box filled with nitrogen.

    By eating one of those little plastic hangers that come with a pair of dress socks, Hoser can cause her sock drawer to organize itself. Any sock left unmatched at the end of the process bursts into flame.

    Moundman can transform 30% of his body weight into lard by watching TV for months and months while eating junk food. Wait, this isn't a superpower.

  18. #48
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    Hex! - The man with 16 fingers

  19. #49
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    Inspection Monitor Man - can produce all the checklists needed to be in compliance with the QA inspection (hey, it's actually kind of hard to track down), but can't actually convince his coworkers to follow them due to it being impossible to be working and have everything lined up in neat little rows at the same time.

  20. #50
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    Empathy Girl always knows what her little brother is doing. But nobody else.
    The greatest journey of all time, for all to see
    Every mission makes our dreams reality
    And our destiny begins with you and me
    Through all space and time, the achievement of mankind
    As we sail the sea of discovery, on heroes’ wings we fly!

  21. #51
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    In "Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency" by Douglas Adams, Dirk had the ability to solve any problem through automatic writing--he just wrote down the solution. The only problem was that it was written in a language that looked like random scribbling, and finding out what language it was and translating it was an intractable problem.

    Todd

  22. #52
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    The Chickenator can cause one person in the world to do the chicken dance for five minutes, but he has to be holding a sample of their DNA.
    The greatest journey of all time, for all to see
    Every mission makes our dreams reality
    And our destiny begins with you and me
    Through all space and time, the achievement of mankind
    As we sail the sea of discovery, on heroes’ wings we fly!

  23. #53
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    The Deheisenator: Can determine the exact postition and momentum of any particle at the same time. Sadly, he knew his kitty was dead in the box and this gives him the proper amount of angst that a modern superhero needs in his backstory.

    Nick

  24. #54
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    Wisher
    Born with the ability to make one wish come true, Billy McGilly discovered his astounding power at age four, and became sick from all the chocolate ice cream.

    Conundra
    Jessica Sarah Parker, in her alter-ego Conundra, can solve any problem, as long as the solution has no practical application.

    Barmitzvah
    Leonard Steinberg can materialize expensive fountain pens by will alone.

    Mullet
    Can predict exactly how many beers will be drunk at the Talledega 500.

  25. #55
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    Hairdresser! He can change his hairstyle just by thinking about it. Useful, maybe, but it has no value in crime fighting, as he can't effect anyone else's hair.
    The greatest journey of all time, for all to see
    Every mission makes our dreams reality
    And our destiny begins with you and me
    Through all space and time, the achievement of mankind
    As we sail the sea of discovery, on heroes’ wings we fly!

  26. #56
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    How about these abilities:

    The ability to identify any episode and plot of any series of "Star Trek" with 5 seconds of footage!

    The ability to to preform an oil change without getting a white shirt dirty (sound like anyone you know, or heard of?)

    The ability to attract cats and have them rub against you!

    The...ability...to change...into...William Shatner!

  27. #57
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    The...ability...to change...into...William Shatner!
    The ability to perfectly mimic anybody's voice after hearing less than a minute audio sample.
    The ability to appear older than you really are by decades. Ex: Ten years older, twenty years older...
    The greatest journey of all time, for all to see
    Every mission makes our dreams reality
    And our destiny begins with you and me
    Through all space and time, the achievement of mankind
    As we sail the sea of discovery, on heroes’ wings we fly!

  28. #58
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    Quote Originally Posted by Grand_Lunar View Post
    The ability to identify any episode and plot of any series of "Star Trek" with 5 seconds of footage!
    ...I'm a superhero!
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

  29. #59
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    I sometimes call my wife Non-Sequitur Girl, with the ability to turn any conversation in a completely new direction. In her crime-fighting alter ego she uses it to confuse criminals.
    At night the stars put on a show for free (Carole King)

    All moderation in purple - The rules

  30. #60
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    The ability to bombard your enemy's mind with images of Ice Cream until he finally stops fighting you and runs off to get some.
    The greatest journey of all time, for all to see
    Every mission makes our dreams reality
    And our destiny begins with you and me
    Through all space and time, the achievement of mankind
    As we sail the sea of discovery, on heroes’ wings we fly!

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