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Thread: Worthless superpowers

  1. #721
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    Ability to crawl under a rock & stay there.

  2. #722
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    The ability to talk out of sync.

  3. #723
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    The ability to make your fingernails invisible.

    The ability to metabolize gold.

    The ability to make animals yawn.

  4. #724
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    Ability to bop field mice on the head.

  5. #725
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    The ability to eat with your butt.

  6. #726
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    I was getting some groceries out of my car, and one of the neighbors kids was looking at me--and said "You're scaring me."

    I didn't say a word--I didn't even know he was standing there at first. Heck I get that at work.

    'Must be because I live home alone---and play my Vincent Price movies nice and loud....not really

  7. #727
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    The ability to blow soap bubbles out your nostrils to amuse children at birthday parties.

  8. #728
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    The ability to do an uncanny impression of Rem Shamran, who died in 11,536 BC.
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

  9. #729
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    The ability to turn into bacteria but not the other way back.

  10. #730
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    The power to grow asparagus on one's own bathroom.

  11. #731
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little rabbit Fru-Fru View Post
    The power to grow asparagus on one's own bathroom.
    "On"????

    Quote Originally Posted by publiusr View Post
    I was getting some groceries out of my car, and one of the
    neighbors kids was looking at me--and said "You're scaring me."

    I didn't say a word--I didn't even know he was standing there
    at first. Heck I get that at work.

    'Must be because I live home alone---and play my Vincent Price
    movies nice and loud....not really
    So you really have no idea why he said that? I'd want to know,
    if it was me!

    If he said "You're scaring me", not "You scare me", then I think
    it must have been something you were doing at that moment,
    and not something that is true most of the time, like wearing
    a paper bag over your head whenever you go out to get the
    mail in your underwear.

    -- Jeff, in Minneapolis

  12. #732
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    Quote Originally Posted by Noclevername View Post
    The power to make phone booths explode by changing clothes in them.
    (bonus points if you know where that one's from)
    I can't believe that in all these years nobody guessed this!

    "Speed of lightning, roar of thunder, fighting all who rob or plunder..."
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

  13. #733
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    The power to turn yourself into fine powder but not the other way back.

  14. #734
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    The ability to travel back in time, but only to just a few seconds after the Big Bang, and it's one-way.

  15. #735
    The ability to offend people without meaning to offend.
    The ability to plan something the same some other people are planning stuff.
    From the wilderness into the cosmos.
    You can not be afraid of the wind, Enterprise: Broken Bow.
    https://davidsuniverse.wordpress.com/

  16. #736
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    The ability to feel hungry on demand.
    The ability to snore at a perfect 110Hz pitch.

  17. #737
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    The Valley of the Sun
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    The ability to get good seats at Steven Seagal movies.

  18. #738
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    The ability to know exactly what you want but can't have.

  19. #739
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    The ability to summon anchovies out of thin air.

  20. #740
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    The ability to let it rain just after you watered the plants.

  21. #741
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nicolas View Post
    The ability to let it rain just after you watered the plants.
    Unless you mean a localized rain that falls only on the plants you just watered, that could be useful. "We have a drought situation. Please go water your plants so we can get some precipitation."
    Quando Omni Flunkus Moritati

  22. #742
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    Sep 2004
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    So, basically, you'd make me a RAAS provider. Rain As A Service.

    I meant my own backyard, yes. Those days where you just spent half an hour watering the garden, go inside, take of your shoes, and then hear "drip drip dripdripdripwhoooooooooooosh".

  23. 2018-Jul-04, 04:30 PM

  24. #743
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    The ability to time travel... At the rate of 60 seconds per minute.

  25. #744
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    The ability to identify alien spacecraft wreckage on sight.

  26. #745
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    Apr 2007
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    The power to teleport into the intergalactic void... one way.
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

  27. #746
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    Lunar Cassandra can clearly see evidence that the Moon landing was a hoax, but can never convince anyone that it's true.
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

  28. #747
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    The ability to become invisible while sitting on a crowded bus.

  29. #748
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    An uncanny Steve Urkel impersonation.

  30. #749
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    The ability to smell like alcohol while at job interviews.

  31. #750
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    Feb 2005
    Posts
    11,551
    I once tried to search about why smart people can still be poor
    https://www.technologyreview.com/s/6...s-just-chance/

    But there was one by inc that I wanted. It kept locking up.

    There was a paralegal course being offered by my local community college that I wanted to take--and it was retracted at the last moment. Therefore I have the power of poverty attraction.

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